Anonymous wrote:WHO CARES when the daycare closes? Regardless of the timings, OP and her DH should seek to minimize hours in group care. DH and I did a split schedule when our kids were young, so that we only needed 25-30 hours of nanny care a week (luckily we found someone who only wanted to work that much so they could tend to their own family). We are so happy we did that, even though it meant logging in at night.

Thanks for coming out.

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Anonymous wrote:I don't think OP has come back to respond/answer any questions.
OP (if you are still reading) what kind of daycare is this that pick up has to be so early? The best solution is to find a daycare that is open long enough hours to accommodate your ( plural-meaning both you and your husband) work schedule.

OP here. I didn't come back and respond because of all the dumb comments I saw telling me that I need to give up on my career, how dare I send my baby to daycare etc. The issue at hand is not daycare hours, rather that neither of us want the baby to be at daycare for 9+ hours.

No one said that ("how dare you send your baby to daycare.")

So it IS possible for your baby to stay at daycare longer, you just don't want that? And you think your Dh's co-workers and boss should accommodate what you want?

Get over yourself. Seriously. The world does not revolve around you and your baby.

What a world we live in where a new dad apparently can't even ask if it's possible to move a standing meeting without being judged. I feel very lucky to be in a job that puts families first - whether it's flexibility for kids, elder care, or other family. And, we still manage to get a lot of work done.

He’s ALREADY leaving almost EVERY DAY at 330 pm. I think this is just the final straw of what he can pull off.

Which is fine but that means he needs to flip his schedule on days he cannot do pickup so he can drop off.

Not all jobs can be that flexible where you switch around meeting times, arrive and leave at different times, etc.
Maybe yours is, maybe OP’s is…but apparently OP’s husband feels that his is not.

lol sure he “feels” it is not. Do you think moms enjoy having to scrape out the flexibility we need? no we do not. unless he is in surgery or teaching or something, he can flex his schedule once a week.

Why? Potentially screw over his career and advancement prospects so baby can spend just one less hour in daycare a week?
It’s just one hour a week.

Totally, eff that selfish needy baby. Maybe look into sending him off to one of those boarding schools for unloved children sooner rather than later. That way no one has to miss any of their BS (sorry definitely super important life saving) meetings.

It’s just one more hour.

The point is the ATTITUDE and the PRIORITIES. Duh.

His priority is to keep his job.

I hope OP has a robust emergency fund and is aggressively saving. If her husband is so low on the totem pole and/or completely disposable or easily replaceable that he would lose his job for, GASP, requesting to change the time or miss a weekly meeting, he’s not going to have his job for much longer anyway.

Or, what is more likely, is that he could easily change the meeting (and possibly listen to some whiny colleagues p!ss and moan for a week or two before they GTF over it) but he simply doesn’t WANT to, and he is using the job as an excuse.

Maybe it is inappropriate at his particular job to ask for the change because of the culture there. He’s in a better position to know that than any of us.

OP, what is your priority? Is it having your kid picked up early? If so, then you do it. As others have pointed out, marriage and child rearing is rarely actually 50-50 at all times. Sometimes one parent does “more” than the other and it all works out. If your priority is breaking your husband of the notion that his job is not as big a priority as he thinks it is, then that’s a bigger conversation and you have to decide if you want to go there.

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Anonymous wrote:Which one of you has the more flexible job?

They're equally flexible, which is to say that we both have a good amount of control over our calendars with a few exceptions. He just thinks that childcare pickup is not a reasonable reason to ask to move a regular meeting.

He needs to do drop off on that day.

This.
Come up with a plan. Mark your dropoff/pickups as private meetings on your calendar. With DH come up with an exercise spreadsheet (its important long term). Make sure he does 50% night feedings and well check up appointments. If you don't set the tone now, you will be one of the whiney complainers on DCUM who has an inept husband who can't do anything, so you end up quitting and regretting.

Spread sheets to make sure neither parent does a single minute more of childcare than the other parent? If two people distrust and resent each other that much, why in the world are they creating a family together?

Anonymous wrote:Are there no cell phones where he works? Is he not allowed to own a phone? You make the call in transit or when you get home

This is not hard.

DP
I would get fired for this because it would be a direct violation of our safety protocols. Don't take calls while driving. It's totally unprofessional and dangerous.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Which one of you has the more flexible job?

They're equally flexible, which is to say that we both have a good amount of control over our calendars with a few exceptions. He just thinks that childcare pickup is not a reasonable reason to ask to move a regular meeting.

He needs to do drop off on that day.

This.
Come up with a plan. Mark your dropoff/pickups as private meetings on your calendar. With DH come up with an exercise spreadsheet (its important long term). Make sure he does 50% night feedings and well check up appointments. If you don't set the tone now, you will be one of the whiney complainers on DCUM who has an inept husband who can't do anything, so you end up quitting and regretting.

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Anonymous wrote:I don't think OP has come back to respond/answer any questions.
OP (if you are still reading) what kind of daycare is this that pick up has to be so early? The best solution is to find a daycare that is open long enough hours to accommodate your ( plural-meaning both you and your husband) work schedule.

OP here. I didn't come back and respond because of all the dumb comments I saw telling me that I need to give up on my career, how dare I send my baby to daycare etc. The issue at hand is not daycare hours, rather that neither of us want the baby to be at daycare for 9+ hours.

No one said that ("how dare you send your baby to daycare.")

So it IS possible for your baby to stay at daycare longer, you just don't want that? And you think your Dh's co-workers and boss should accommodate what you want?

Get over yourself. Seriously. The world does not revolve around you and your baby.

What a world we live in where a new dad apparently can't even ask if it's possible to move a standing meeting without being judged. I feel very lucky to be in a job that puts families first - whether it's flexibility for kids, elder care, or other family. And, we still manage to get a lot of work done.

He’s ALREADY leaving almost EVERY DAY at 330 pm. I think this is just the final straw of what he can pull off.

Which is fine but that means he needs to flip his schedule on days he cannot do pickup so he can drop off.

Not all jobs can be that flexible where you switch around meeting times, arrive and leave at different times, etc.
Maybe yours is, maybe OP’s is…but apparently OP’s husband feels that his is not.

lol sure he “feels” it is not. Do you think moms enjoy having to scrape out the flexibility we need? no we do not. unless he is in surgery or teaching or something, he can flex his schedule once a week.

Why? Potentially screw over his career and advancement prospects so baby can spend just one less hour in daycare a week?
It’s just one hour a week.

Totally, eff that selfish needy baby. Maybe look into sending him off to one of those boarding schools for unloved children sooner rather than later. That way no one has to miss any of their BS (sorry definitely super important life saving) meetings.

It’s just one more hour.

The point is the ATTITUDE and the PRIORITIES. Duh.

His priority is to keep his job.

Are there no cell phones where he works? Is he not allowed to own a phone? You make the call in transit or when you get home

This is not hard.

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Anonymous wrote:I don't think OP has come back to respond/answer any questions.
OP (if you are still reading) what kind of daycare is this that pick up has to be so early? The best solution is to find a daycare that is open long enough hours to accommodate your ( plural-meaning both you and your husband) work schedule.

OP here. I didn't come back and respond because of all the dumb comments I saw telling me that I need to give up on my career, how dare I send my baby to daycare etc. The issue at hand is not daycare hours, rather that neither of us want the baby to be at daycare for 9+ hours.

No one said that ("how dare you send your baby to daycare.")

So it IS possible for your baby to stay at daycare longer, you just don't want that? And you think your Dh's co-workers and boss should accommodate what you want?

Get over yourself. Seriously. The world does not revolve around you and your baby.

What a world we live in where a new dad apparently can't even ask if it's possible to move a standing meeting without being judged. I feel very lucky to be in a job that puts families first - whether it's flexibility for kids, elder care, or other family. And, we still manage to get a lot of work done.

He’s ALREADY leaving almost EVERY DAY at 330 pm. I think this is just the final straw of what he can pull off.

Which is fine but that means he needs to flip his schedule on days he cannot do pickup so he can drop off.

Not all jobs can be that flexible where you switch around meeting times, arrive and leave at different times, etc.
Maybe yours is, maybe OP’s is…but apparently OP’s husband feels that his is not.

lol sure he “feels” it is not. Do you think moms enjoy having to scrape out the flexibility we need? no we do not. unless he is in surgery or teaching or something, he can flex his schedule once a week.

Why? Potentially screw over his career and advancement prospects so baby can spend just one less hour in daycare a week?
It’s just one hour a week.

Totally, eff that selfish needy baby. Maybe look into sending him off to one of those boarding schools for unloved children sooner rather than later. That way no one has to miss any of their BS (sorry definitely super important life saving) meetings.

It’s just one more hour.

The point is the ATTITUDE and the PRIORITIES. Duh.

Maybe op’s dh prioritizes keeping his job so he can put a roof over his baby’s head and food in her belly. Duh.

Any chance your husband can move his schedule to do drop off on the day he has to stay later? In an hour later and out an hour later?

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:I don't think OP has come back to respond/answer any questions.
OP (if you are still reading) what kind of daycare is this that pick up has to be so early? The best solution is to find a daycare that is open long enough hours to accommodate your ( plural-meaning both you and your husband) work schedule.

OP here. I didn't come back and respond because of all the dumb comments I saw telling me that I need to give up on my career, how dare I send my baby to daycare etc. The issue at hand is not daycare hours, rather that neither of us want the baby to be at daycare for 9+ hours.

No one said that ("how dare you send your baby to daycare.")

So it IS possible for your baby to stay at daycare longer, you just don't want that? And you think your Dh's co-workers and boss should accommodate what you want?

Get over yourself. Seriously. The world does not revolve around you and your baby.

What a world we live in where a new dad apparently can't even ask if it's possible to move a standing meeting without being judged. I feel very lucky to be in a job that puts families first - whether it's flexibility for kids, elder care, or other family. And, we still manage to get a lot of work done.

He’s ALREADY leaving almost EVERY DAY at 330 pm. I think this is just the final straw of what he can pull off.

Which is fine but that means he needs to flip his schedule on days he cannot do pickup so he can drop off.

Not all jobs can be that flexible where you switch around meeting times, arrive and leave at different times, etc.
Maybe yours is, maybe OP’s is…but apparently OP’s husband feels that his is not.

lol sure he “feels” it is not. Do you think moms enjoy having to scrape out the flexibility we need? no we do not. unless he is in surgery or teaching or something, he can flex his schedule once a week.

Why? Potentially screw over his career and advancement prospects so baby can spend just one less hour in daycare a week?
It’s just one hour a week.

Totally, eff that selfish needy baby. Maybe look into sending him off to one of those boarding schools for unloved children sooner rather than later. That way no one has to miss any of their BS (sorry definitely super important life saving) meetings.

It’s just one more hour.

The point is the ATTITUDE and the PRIORITIES. Duh.

I remember when DD started daycare DH remarked on how evolved it was that so many dads were dropping off in the morning. I rolled my eyes because doing drop off is often less disruptive to to a job than pickup. Of course the men all do the drop offs lol.

FWIW OP, the calculus may change when your LO starts daycare. Before DD was born we were concerned about daycares that were closed by 5:30pm. Could we pick her up in time? After she started daycare we always made it by 4:30pm to get her home, fed and to bed on time. Not because we were super concerned about hours in daycare but because of her particular schedule. We were privileged to be able to do that.

If both you and DH want your LO to be picked up at a certain time your DH needs to do his share on the days he can't do pickup by doing drop off that day. That being said, it is good he is doing pickup on the other days. If I had a choice I'd definitely pick drop off.

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Anonymous wrote:I don't think OP has come back to respond/answer any questions.
OP (if you are still reading) what kind of daycare is this that pick up has to be so early? The best solution is to find a daycare that is open long enough hours to accommodate your ( plural-meaning both you and your husband) work schedule.

OP here. I didn't come back and respond because of all the dumb comments I saw telling me that I need to give up on my career, how dare I send my baby to daycare etc. The issue at hand is not daycare hours, rather that neither of us want the baby to be at daycare for 9+ hours.

No one said that ("how dare you send your baby to daycare.")

So it IS possible for your baby to stay at daycare longer, you just don't want that? And you think your Dh's co-workers and boss should accommodate what you want?

Get over yourself. Seriously. The world does not revolve around you and your baby.

What a world we live in where a new dad apparently can't even ask if it's possible to move a standing meeting without being judged. I feel very lucky to be in a job that puts families first - whether it's flexibility for kids, elder care, or other family. And, we still manage to get a lot of work done.

He’s ALREADY leaving almost EVERY DAY at 330 pm. I think this is just the final straw of what he can pull off.

Which is fine but that means he needs to flip his schedule on days he cannot do pickup so he can drop off.

Not all jobs can be that flexible where you switch around meeting times, arrive and leave at different times, etc.
Maybe yours is, maybe OP’s is…but apparently OP’s husband feels that his is not.

lol sure he “feels” it is not. Do you think moms enjoy having to scrape out the flexibility we need? no we do not. unless he is in surgery or teaching or something, he can flex his schedule once a week.

Why? Potentially screw over his career and advancement prospects so baby can spend just one less hour in daycare a week?
It’s just one hour a week.

Totally, eff that selfish needy baby. Maybe look into sending him off to one of those boarding schools for unloved children sooner rather than later. That way no one has to miss any of their BS (sorry definitely super important life saving) meetings.

It’s just one more hour.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think OP has come back to respond/answer any questions.
OP (if you are still reading) what kind of daycare is this that pick up has to be so early? The best solution is to find a daycare that is open long enough hours to accommodate your ( plural-meaning both you and your husband) work schedule.

OP here. I didn't come back and respond because of all the dumb comments I saw telling me that I need to give up on my career, how dare I send my baby to daycare etc. The issue at hand is not daycare hours, rather that neither of us want the baby to be at daycare for 9+ hours.

No one said that ("how dare you send your baby to daycare.")

So it IS possible for your baby to stay at daycare longer, you just don't want that? And you think your Dh's co-workers and boss should accommodate what you want?

Get over yourself. Seriously. The world does not revolve around you and your baby.

What a world we live in where a new dad apparently can't even ask if it's possible to move a standing meeting without being judged. I feel very lucky to be in a job that puts families first - whether it's flexibility for kids, elder care, or other family. And, we still manage to get a lot of work done.

He’s ALREADY leaving almost EVERY DAY at 330 pm. I think this is just the final straw of what he can pull off.

Which is fine but that means he needs to flip his schedule on days he cannot do pickup so he can drop off.

Not all jobs can be that flexible where you switch around meeting times, arrive and leave at different times, etc.
Maybe yours is, maybe OP’s is…but apparently OP’s husband feels that his is not.

lol sure he “feels” it is not. Do you think moms enjoy having to scrape out the flexibility we need? no we do not. unless he is in surgery or teaching or something, he can flex his schedule once a week.

Why? Potentially screw over his career and advancement prospects so baby can spend just one less hour in daycare a week?
It’s just one hour a week.

Totally, eff that selfish needy baby. Maybe look into sending him off to one of those boarding schools for unloved children sooner rather than later. That way no one has to miss any of their BS (sorry definitely super important life saving) meetings.

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Anonymous wrote:I probably missed this, but why do you have to rearrange meetings for drop off? Why can't you just drop off early? Our daycare opened at 7:00.

Essentially Op has massive daycare guilt and wants to keep it to a minimum time. We did the samej thing, but both our careers are mommy tracked so she needs to go in eyes wide open

Yes, God forbid they only make a combined 250K when if they put their baby in daycare from open to close they could be making 400K.

It’s not “open to close.” It’s one hour per week. Four days a week he leaves at 3:30 and one day a week he leaves at 4:30.
All of this drama and 11 pages of posts about a baby being in daycare for 46 hours per week instead of 45.