Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is one of those situations where you parent yourself and remind yourself all feelings are valid, all behaviors are not. Despite the snark on here I’m sure every poster can understand it is hard to hear about a new woman - it’s a reminder your mom is gone, that time moves forward, that your dad is a human separate from “dad/husband” and lots of other knee jerk feelings bc it pokes at your pain

However while you’re human and have emotion driven vs logic driven feelings (that’s the nature of feelings) things like refusing to meet the woman which punishes your dad unfairly and will damage your relationship and is a bid at controlling your dad and even things like putting “companion” in snark quotes like she’s not a real person and companion isn’t a real and important role are behaviors you need to stomp out, just like you’d expect your own child to stop impulse behaviors. Get therapy to do that if needed

Not all feelings are valid, pp. We need to stop with that fiction.

Anonymous wrote:I am the other woman. The woman who connected with a man whose wife had been passed away for six years. I have no children. He had two grown adult daughters. We truly loved each other. We were together every day. We ate together. We spent time hanging out together. I did so many things for him; cooking, cleaning, going to doctors appointments and so on. Everything I did was done out of love for him. After 15 years together he passed away. His family tried to erase the last 15 years of his life at the visitation and the funeral. It honestly was like they buried their mother again on the day of their father’s funeral. Yes, the children were happy that they went on with their lives and they never had to do anything for their father. But they were very rude and so disrespectful to me. I still miss my loving, faithful friend and I always will. I will never forgive these adult children of his.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly we were all happy after a few years that dad wanted companionship. Women keep men alive and healthier.

BUT: have a conversation about estates because my dad wanted wife #2 to become our mother 2.0/give her the family home etc (even though were in our 30s/40s) so we had to point out that mum's plans for the estate wasn't for it to go to some random woman. Luckily he seemed to understand that finally.

You are right that bringing up estate issues with a parent is an important topic to bring up. However, you must also understand that your parent still has agency (unless declared incompetent) and they still have the right to make their own choices.

Here's where you are wrong. You call your father's wife "some random woman" which is very disrespectful to her and your father. Would you like it if your spouse's family called you "some random" person? What about your mother - would it have been right if she had been referred to as "some random woman" when she married your father?

Most laws, religions and decent people show basic respect for a person's spouse. Whether it's their first or not. Why don't you do the same in this case. I do think you are very wrong in your attitude which comes across loud and clear in your post. You obviously don't like your father's wife and it comes across as "stepmother/SM" bigotry.

It was your father's mistake to think you should treat SM like a mother. SM may not have even known about his 2.0 request or disagreed and he did it anyway.

It is easy to set up a will/trust to leave assets so there is no mistake about who gets what. But as for the "family" home, that may be a different case. If your father and his wife are living in this house then they may be there for decades, depending on life expectancy. Do you really expect that if they live there for decades and your father passes, you would expect SM to pack up and get out of the home she's known for decades, because it's your "family" home?

Yet you seem to think it's perfectly fine for her to spend decades of her life caring for your father, keeping him "healthier and happy," being his companion & nurse, yet when she's an old widow it's perfectly fine to toss her out on her a$$ because, well you know, she's nothing but a stepmother.

Coming in at the twilight years of a lonely old man’s life to steal his and his late wife’s net worth compiled over decades from their kids and grandkids does make you a random. Not blood and never will be.

Your comment shows how truly ignorant, and misogynistic, you are. Most women who are currently in their 60s and 70s have worked for a good portion of their life, if not all of it. Many of them have their own social security, their own savings, their own retirement accounts and probably own their own properties. They are also educated enough to know about estate planning and setting up trusts. They are just as interested in protecting their assets as they are in any potential spouse/partner.

And "blood" doesn't mean people are honest or caring. There are countless stories of heartless adult children who discard their parents and only keep in touch to inquire about inheritance.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly we were all happy after a few years that dad wanted companionship. Women keep men alive and healthier.

BUT: have a conversation about estates because my dad wanted wife #2 to become our mother 2.0/give her the family home etc (even though were in our 30s/40s) so we had to point out that mum's plans for the estate wasn't for it to go to some random woman. Luckily he seemed to understand that finally.

You are right that bringing up estate issues with a parent is an important topic to bring up. However, you must also understand that your parent still has agency (unless declared incompetent) and they still have the right to make their own choices.

Here's where you are wrong. You call your father's wife "some random woman" which is very disrespectful to her and your father. Would you like it if your spouse's family called you "some random" person? What about your mother - would it have been right if she had been referred to as "some random woman" when she married your father?

Most laws, religions and decent people show basic respect for a person's spouse. Whether it's their first or not. Why don't you do the same in this case. I do think you are very wrong in your attitude which comes across loud and clear in your post. You obviously don't like your father's wife and it comes across as "stepmother/SM" bigotry.

It was your father's mistake to think you should treat SM like a mother. SM may not have even known about his 2.0 request or disagreed and he did it anyway.

It is easy to set up a will/trust to leave assets so there is no mistake about who gets what. But as for the "family" home, that may be a different case. If your father and his wife are living in this house then they may be there for decades, depending on life expectancy. Do you really expect that if they live there for decades and your father passes, you would expect SM to pack up and get out of the home she's known for decades, because it's your "family" home?

Yet you seem to think it's perfectly fine for her to spend decades of her life caring for your father, keeping him "healthier and happy," being his companion & nurse, yet when she's an old widow it's perfectly fine to toss her out on her a$$ because, well you know, she's nothing but a stepmother.

Coming in at the twilight years of a lonely old man’s life to steal his and his late wife’s net worth compiled over decades from their kids and grandkids does make you a random. Not blood and never will be.