Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Person of color here. Yes, it is relentless and exhausting. It's just part of life. Also agree with op than many on this board have the luxury of telling you you are the problem.

By "person of color" you probably mean not African American and not white, so yes, many people will assume you or your immediate ancestors came from another country. It's ok to acknowledge that some people groups have been here longer than others.

Anonymous wrote:Just let me vent.
I live in NW DC. Most of our neighbors are white and we are one of a few Asian families. Most of the time we are happy here. But sometimes we encounter casual racists. They are not malicious, but ignorant at best.
A few days ago, my child helped a guy who lives nearby to pick up the things he dropped. He said "Xiexie" to my child and went away. I know it means "thank you" in Chinese, but we are NOT Chinese. My child only speaks English and doesn't know a single Chinese word. I wasn't very happy, but tried to forget about it.
Today I took an elevator in a nearby shop. It smelled awful as if someone spilled something nasty on the floor. A few minutes later, a white woman and her partner got in. And as they noticed the smell, I saw them exchange this look. I could feel that they thought it was me smelling nasty. Perhaps it wasn't a completely racist thing. But I can't help thinking that they might have looked elsewhere if I were white.
I don't know what I should have done. Perhaps I should have said something in both occasions. Or not. Perhaps we should move to Hawaii or somewhere else with major Asian population. Anyway, thank you for letting me vent.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP your pain is valid and understandable. I am sorry these incidents happened to you. But we are all imperfect humans and we will all make mistakes. I don't mean to diminish your justifiable concern and hurt, especially because when people hurt our kids, I know how intensely protective we feel.

I just want to suggest that trying to see the best intentions from people in these types of situations will help you feel happier in general. Instead of assuming the people in the elevator thought the smell was from you, try to assume they are just processing what their senses are telling them as they seek more information about what they are experiencing. I'm not great at speaking off the cuff myself, but adding something in this context like, "I know! I smelled it as soon as I got on here too, but can't figure out what it is." This could be helpful in several ways. One, it makes a brief human connection between all of you. Two, if they were thinking the worst, you have proved them wrong.

Actually, OPs “pain” is neither valid nor understandable. Mild annoyance or amusement, OK. But finding “pain” in these two extremely weak examples is not smart.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The "xiexie" is a microaggression arising out of ignorance. The elevator thing has everything to do with the smell and not race.

Definitely not enough to move to Hawaii, unless you are fond of surfing anyway.

What if it was a Latin American boy and the man said gracias? But the boy is Brazilian Latin American and they say obrigado, not gracias. Is this also a microaggression or an honest mistake?

Why are you assuming the kid is anything other than an English speaking American? That's the microagression part: othering someone based on your perception of their race. The impact of microaggressions are the constant reminders that you're not viewed as American enough whether the intent is malicious or benign.

I can't imagine y'all are this dense in the subject so I know the ignorance is intentional.

Because Latinos will start speaking Spanish to other Latinos out in public. And Latinos typically speak Spanish when they are together. There’s no shame having another primary language and most people enjoy sharing their culture from where they come from.

It’s people like you who spin it in a negative way that ruin it. And for all the idiots who tried to make LatinX happen, that was Americans trampling all over the Spanish language. No one who comes from a Spanish speaking country uses the term LatinX

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The "xiexie" is a microaggression arising out of ignorance. The elevator thing has everything to do with the smell and not race.

Definitely not enough to move to Hawaii, unless you are fond of surfing anyway.

What if it was a Latin American boy and the man said gracias? But the boy is Brazilian Latin American and they say obrigado, not gracias. Is this also a microaggression or an honest mistake?

Why are you assuming the kid is anything other than an English speaking American? That's the microagression part: othering someone based on your perception of their race. The impact of microaggressions are the constant reminders that you're not viewed as American enough whether the intent is malicious or benign.

I can't imagine y'all are this dense in the subject so I know the ignorance is intentional.

Anonymous wrote:Whites will be a minority 2045 and all this will be over. Perfect!

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Anonymous wrote:To assume an Asian person speaks or understands an Asian language just based on the way they look is a manifestation of the underlying bias that the person is “other” than American. That is the microaggression. And to have this happen over and over in different contexts sends you the signal that you are “other”- and that seems exhausting. I’m sorry OP.

To have your hackles up and mistrust all white people is it's own form of racism.

I don’t see how this incident translates into “mistrusting all whites people.” I’m the PP and I’m white, by the way. Listen, we all have biases- everyone. Asian people have biases, we all do. And most of us have good intentions. That’s why it’s called unconscious bias. We don’t do it to hurt anyone intentionally. Assuming a non white person speaks a language other than English is an unconscious bias. Yes, it’s a way the brain automatically sorts people into groups. But let’s strive to be more intentional and bring those unconscious biases to the surface so we don’t unintentionally hurt other people. When a hyphenated American - which we all are, except indigenous folks- whose family may have been here for generations, is spoken to in a language they don’t understand but are assumed to understand because they don’t “look American (ie white)- that is hurtful. Let’s just try to be kind to people. It involves digging a little deeper into ourselves and listening to what other people find hurtful, even if you can’t understand why it’s hurtful.

The person in the OP's example was trying to be kind but ended up with the OP being devastated enough to accuse the man of racism. How are we supposed to be kind when any minor utterance has people curling up in anxiety and complaining about you on social media? Clearly a lot of people in the DC area are assuming white people's brains are just churning racist thoughts 99% of the day, unable to control their urge to blurt out racism at the sight of a POC.

I’m sorry you can’t understand how assuming an American (who is not Chinese by the way) speaks Chinese because they look Asian can make that person feel like an outsider. Try to do better.

An outsider? Oh no! What ever shall we do?!
This is the problem. Not every feeling someone has needs to be validated and the other persons behavior corrected. Everyone is so frickin’ fragile these days.

You mean fragile like you who can’t stand being told to be more considerate

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am Asian (100% Japanese) & while I can relate - I personally would not have a problem w/the latter but maybe would w/the first situation.

For what it’s worth, I live in SoCal + there is a large Asian population here so you may like it here better than Hawaii.

It is just as expensive though but bonus is that it never rains here.

DP.. I'm originally from SoCal, Korean American. I had the exact same thing happen to me, but in Japanese. I think I was in San Diego and another case in Santa Barbara. Granted this was decades ago, but there were still enough Koreans, Chinese, Vietnamese people in Socal for people to not make assumptions about what type of Asian the person is.

IMO, it's ignorance and stereotyping. There are a lot of Chinese people, a lot more than Koreans, in the DC area. So, a person assumes you are Chinese rather than any other Asian heritage. Even so, there are also enough American born Asians in this area to not assume that the person knows how to speak Chinese. That's the other assumption and/or stereotype -- that even if you are Chinese American, a child would know what xiexie means.

No one says to a white person "danke shon", as if they think all white people know what thank you means in German.

It is annoying. It's a bit like the "but where are you *really*" from shtick. I get that, too. Maybe by our grand kids' ages this won't be an issue.

As an aside, dam! I miss CA weather.

Do you think the vast majority of white people know any words in an Asian language? Much like few even know German words, or how to spell them correctly, ahem. Nobody is perfect. Mistakes will be made.

No, they don't, hence the ignorance of assuming that an Asian person must be Chinese.

It's 2023 (almost 2024), and the DC area is very diverse. Ignorant to make assumptions about someone's heritage in this area in 2023.

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To assume an Asian person speaks or understands an Asian language just based on the way they look is a manifestation of the underlying bias that the person is “other” than American. That is the microaggression. And to have this happen over and over in different contexts sends you the signal that you are “other”- and that seems exhausting. I’m sorry OP.

To have your hackles up and mistrust all white people is it's own form of racism.

I don’t see how this incident translates into “mistrusting all whites people.” I’m the PP and I’m white, by the way. Listen, we all have biases- everyone. Asian people have biases, we all do. And most of us have good intentions. That’s why it’s called unconscious bias. We don’t do it to hurt anyone intentionally. Assuming a non white person speaks a language other than English is an unconscious bias. Yes, it’s a way the brain automatically sorts people into groups. But let’s strive to be more intentional and bring those unconscious biases to the surface so we don’t unintentionally hurt other people. When a hyphenated American - which we all are, except indigenous folks- whose family may have been here for generations, is spoken to in a language they don’t understand but are assumed to understand because they don’t “look American (ie white)- that is hurtful. Let’s just try to be kind to people. It involves digging a little deeper into ourselves and listening to what other people find hurtful, even if you can’t understand why it’s hurtful.

The person in the OP's example was trying to be kind but ended up with the OP being devastated enough to accuse the man of racism. How are we supposed to be kind when any minor utterance has people curling up in anxiety and complaining about you on social media? Clearly a lot of people in the DC area are assuming white people's brains are just churning racist thoughts 99% of the day, unable to control their urge to blurt out racism at the sight of a POC.

I’m sorry you can’t understand how assuming an American (who is not Chinese by the way) speaks Chinese because they look Asian can make that person feel like an outsider. Try to do better.

An outsider? Oh no! What ever shall we do?!
This is the problem. Not every feeling someone has needs to be validated and the other persons behavior corrected. Everyone is so frickin’ fragile these days.

Anonymous wrote:I've experienced things that some might consider "micro aggressions" but I don't get wound up about it. Sometimes a person is just trying to connect and doesn't have the cultural literacy or exposure, so they make a gaff.

My anger is reserved for people with bad intent or aims. There's plenty of more pressing things to worry about.

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Anonymous wrote:OP maybe you shouldn't live around white people if their minor mistakes bother you so much. I'm also not sure what to make of your "mind reading" incident with the smell in the elevator. Do you have major anxiety or boredom maybe?

Agree - people move to a country where they were a tiny minority (like just above 1%), even into the 1990s and then when someone notices that they look different from the majority population, they are aghast. Did you or your parents understand what they were doing when they moved to the U.S.?

How about being appreciative that the population of the US has been so welcoming to people from around the world and recognize that people have to learn how to navigate a multi-racial, multi-ethnic society, because there has NEVER in all of world history been a society like ours. Give people a break unless they are being hostile to you.

These same people know how hostile and unwelcome they are to foreigners in their home countries yet expect the red carpet treatment in the US. Mostly they get the red carpet treatment, but sometimes they don't. Why should anyone else get worked up about this?

? expecting to be treated like an American, because the kid is American born, is now considered "red carpet treatment"?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP maybe you shouldn't live around white people if their minor mistakes bother you so much. I'm also not sure what to make of your "mind reading" incident with the smell in the elevator. Do you have major anxiety or boredom maybe?

Agree - people move to a country where they were a tiny minority (like just above 1%), even into the 1990s and then when someone notices that they look different from the majority population, they are aghast. Did you or your parents understand what they were doing when they moved to the U.S.?

How about being appreciative that the population of the US has been so welcoming to people from around the world and recognize that people have to learn how to navigate a multi-racial, multi-ethnic society, because there has NEVER in all of world history been a society like ours. Give people a break unless they are being hostile to you.

These same people know how hostile and unwelcome they are to foreigners in their home countries yet expect the red carpet treatment in the US. Mostly they get the red carpet treatment, but sometimes they don't. Why should anyone else get worked up about this?