Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think men having affairs spring for high-end hotels for their dalliances. I would say expect more a Fairfield than Fairmont for that TBH

This is NOT true. I used to work at the Ritz Carlton.

My thoughts exactly. It’s all about the illusion and fantasy for both parties. Especially is the woman is really attractive. He needs to put her on a pedestal in order to cheat. It’s worth it in his mind because she’s so —- (fill in the superlative).

A fancy hotel feeds the ego. The Red Roof Inn says I’m a bad dirty guy who is into bad dirty women. If he’s not self loathing low budget won’t do. He and she must have the best.

But personally I’d let it go. Stick your head back in the sand for now. You have little kids to raise and that’s a tough to do alone when the kids are babies. They need your time and attention focus on them.

Yup. You go high-end when you're punching above your weight as a married man. You need to flash the cash to make the AP think she is just so HAWT that the man throws away his marital vows and diverts money that could be used to support HER and the kids. This works particularly well when the hottie is significantly younger or from a lower social class and used to jokers scraping nickels and points together to stay at a Marriott and eat at Olive Garden. You bring someone like that to the Fairmont and throw around the cash, and you'll be rewarded as only she can do.

Not when you are punching below your weight like a lot of narcissists like to do (aka affairing down). And that is very common. She will think an afternoon at Marriott and a once in a blue moon lunch or dinner at Bonefish Grill are fantastic. She’s just so thrilled to be blowing a man out of her league and hoping he might be the exit out of her lonely suburban existence.

The even cheaper ones just use her house and don’t have to pay for any hotel.

So wait, narcissist men affair/hookup below their league? And who exactly affair/hooks up above their league?

Men who affair up married the plain wife at an early age before they became successful. Now they’re successful and more confident and want to shoot for the upgrade. Especially if they’re in the Middle Aged “you only live once so shoot your shot” mindset

And those that affair down aren’t looking to leave the wife. They are often just going for variety sex after 20 years with the same person.

Trump and Bezos are examples of men going after women they think are hotter and traded up, not in terms of success but looks. Arnold affaired down, married up.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think men having affairs spring for high-end hotels for their dalliances. I would say expect more a Fairfield than Fairmont for that TBH

This is NOT true. I used to work at the Ritz Carlton.

My thoughts exactly. It’s all about the illusion and fantasy for both parties. Especially is the woman is really attractive. He needs to put her on a pedestal in order to cheat. It’s worth it in his mind because she’s so —- (fill in the superlative).

A fancy hotel feeds the ego. The Red Roof Inn says I’m a bad dirty guy who is into bad dirty women. If he’s not self loathing low budget won’t do. He and she must have the best.

But personally I’d let it go. Stick your head back in the sand for now. You have little kids to raise and that’s a tough to do alone when the kids are babies. They need your time and attention focus on them.

Yup. You go high-end when you're punching above your weight as a married man. You need to flash the cash to make the AP think she is just so HAWT that the man throws away his marital vows and diverts money that could be used to support HER and the kids. This works particularly well when the hottie is significantly younger or from a lower social class and used to jokers scraping nickels and points together to stay at a Marriott and eat at Olive Garden. You bring someone like that to the Fairmont and throw around the cash, and you'll be rewarded as only she can do.

Not when you are punching below your weight like a lot of narcissists like to do (aka affairing down). And that is very common. She will think an afternoon at Marriott and a once in a blue moon lunch or dinner at Bonefish Grill are fantastic. She’s just so thrilled to be blowing a man out of her league and hoping he might be the exit out of her lonely suburban existence.

The even cheaper ones just use her house and don’t have to pay for any hotel.

So wait, narcissist men affair/hookup below their league? And who exactly affair/hooks up above their league?

Men who affair up married the plain wife at an early age before they became successful. Now they’re successful and more confident and want to shoot for the upgrade. Especially if they’re in the Middle Aged “you only live once so shoot your shot” mindset

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think men having affairs spring for high-end hotels for their dalliances. I would say expect more a Fairfield than Fairmont for that TBH

This is NOT true. I used to work at the Ritz Carlton.

My thoughts exactly. It’s all about the illusion and fantasy for both parties. Especially is the woman is really attractive. He needs to put her on a pedestal in order to cheat. It’s worth it in his mind because she’s so —- (fill in the superlative).

A fancy hotel feeds the ego. The Red Roof Inn says I’m a bad dirty guy who is into bad dirty women. If he’s not self loathing low budget won’t do. He and she must have the best.

But personally I’d let it go. Stick your head back in the sand for now. You have little kids to raise and that’s a tough to do alone when the kids are babies. They need your time and attention focus on them.

Yup. You go high-end when you're punching above your weight as a married man. You need to flash the cash to make the AP think she is just so HAWT that the man throws away his marital vows and diverts money that could be used to support HER and the kids. This works particularly well when the hottie is significantly younger or from a lower social class and used to jokers scraping nickels and points together to stay at a Marriott and eat at Olive Garden. You bring someone like that to the Fairmont and throw around the cash, and you'll be rewarded as only she can do.

Not when you are punching below your weight like a lot of narcissists like to do (aka affairing down). And that is very common. She will think an afternoon at Marriott and a once in a blue moon lunch or dinner at Bonefish Grill are fantastic. She’s just so thrilled to be blowing a man out of her league and hoping he might be the exit out of her lonely suburban existence.

Hey - I love an afternoon at a Marriott and lunch at the Bonefish! Let's not throw the baby out with the bathwater.

Or a bone in the fish of a Mary thot.

For those asking why her DH might take the hotel notepad if he was with the AP -- he travels for work. I doubt he has to book a room for a one hour fling in their city. That's not what I would be thinking anyway.

It's possible that his AP was staying at the Fairmont, and instead of staying at his own hotel for his conference (or whatever it was, where a coworker might see him/them), he stayed with AP the whole time. How would OP know? She wouldn't. And yeah, he would very likely do some work in the hotel room and end up taking the notepad home with him.

To me, it's suspicious that after OP saw the notepad on his desk, it disappeared. I'm assuming DH saw OP looking at it -- and then hid it? Yeah, very odd.

Still, this is not enough to confront. I would not mention the notepad again, but these little things (no sex, short fuse, no date nights) might add up some day. I hope not.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think men having affairs spring for high-end hotels for their dalliances. I would say expect more a Fairfield than Fairmont for that TBH

Wildly disagree. IME if he’s got a decent income they will go with a nice hotel (assuming it’s someone he’s into v a one night or paid companion)

You assume he's the one paying for the hotel. Perhaps she's some exec or someone else paying for the hotel and he's the catch to her and she likes the classier joints.

In that case makes sense he's also relying on her for free notepads.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think men having affairs spring for high-end hotels for their dalliances. I would say expect more a Fairfield than Fairmont for that TBH

Wildly disagree. IME if he’s got a decent income they will go with a nice hotel (assuming it’s someone he’s into v a one night or paid companion)

You assume he's the one paying for the hotel. Perhaps she's some exec or someone else paying for the hotel and he's the catch to her and she likes the classier joints.

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think men having affairs spring for high-end hotels for their dalliances. I would say expect more a Fairfield than Fairmont for that TBH

Wildly disagree. IME if he’s got a decent income they will go with a nice hotel (assuming it’s someone he’s into v a one night or paid companion)

I mean— people post things on here all the time that scream “affair.” A random notepad just doesn’t. It seems more likely he picked it up in the office. I’d file it away in your brain and be on the lookout for anything else that’s suspicious but I wouldn’t lose sleep over it because it’s most likely nothing.

If he goes to conferences the hotels often put notepads on the tables for taking business notes. They are promotional items for advertising the hotel.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First, Fairmont is not that high end of a hotel. Depending on the location, it is very average. If your husband travels a lot for work, he could very easily have gone there whether to spend the night or for a meeting.

Second, you either trust your husband or you don’t. I recently found a strange woman’s underwear in the laundry. I asked DH about it. He just looked confused about the question. I showed him and he shrugged. Then he asked our teen who looked equally puzzled. Then our other son said he found it on the side of the bed at a hotel and put it in the laundry bag thinking it was mine (mom’s). Mystery solved.

Omg. U buy that? Ha!

Seriously! When have you ever stayed in a hotel where a random pair of woman’s underwear was out on the dude if the bed ???? I’m 53 and travel extensively and never have had someone else’s clothing out —much less underwear on the side of the bed. I freak out if a pube is in the tub or toilet on check in. I’ve yet to find underwear, and the kid found it in the middle of a stay??? Very fishy

Pp here. My 11yo dropped something on the side of the bed. I can’t remember what it was. This happened a few months ago. Maybe it was a book or his retainer case. The underwear was supposedly also on the side of the bed.

I don’t think Dh is cheating and my tween son is not having sex.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is zero chance he grabbed a notepad from the hotel he has hot sex with his mistress. They would be way too busy and tired.

Right?? What is he taking notes about?

Yeah, that tracks. He's not going to race out of the room, and think, oh wait, I have an unrelated-to-the-illicit-sex-I-just-had thought! and grab a note pad.

I think it’s more like he had had a late night with a hookup, work up late, had to take a work call and didn’t have anything else to write on with him. Threw the notepad in his bag/pocket.

lol my idiot husband would do this. I mean I dont think he'd have a hook up- I have no basis for that but if he did, he would also do something like this.

Anonymous wrote:I would ask in a light way about it. Note his response. DO NOT indicate suspicion or anger. If he is cheating you need to act like you have no idea for as long as you can to get your ducks in a row.

I hope it’s nothing OP.

yes "like.. ooh, where is that notepad from the fairmont? fancy hotel, can I have it?" and if it was my husband he'd laugh and be like oh yeah.. i got it blah blah client meeting etc... but we are class conscious ppl who worked our way up from nothing and routinely comment on stuff being bougie or fancy or upscale as an inside joke. if he's like- huh? go Nancy drew.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think men having affairs spring for high-end hotels for their dalliances. I would say expect more a Fairfield than Fairmont for that TBH

This is NOT true. I used to work at the Ritz Carlton.

My thoughts exactly. It’s all about the illusion and fantasy for both parties. Especially is the woman is really attractive. He needs to put her on a pedestal in order to cheat. It’s worth it in his mind because she’s so —- (fill in the superlative).

A fancy hotel feeds the ego. The Red Roof Inn says I’m a bad dirty guy who is into bad dirty women. If he’s not self loathing low budget won’t do. He and she must have the best.

But personally I’d let it go. Stick your head back in the sand for now. You have little kids to raise and that’s a tough to do alone when the kids are babies. They need your time and attention focus on them.

Yup. You go high-end when you're punching above your weight as a married man. You need to flash the cash to make the AP think she is just so HAWT that the man throws away his marital vows and diverts money that could be used to support HER and the kids. This works particularly well when the hottie is significantly younger or from a lower social class and used to jokers scraping nickels and points together to stay at a Marriott and eat at Olive Garden. You bring someone like that to the Fairmont and throw around the cash, and you'll be rewarded as only she can do.

Not when you are punching below your weight like a lot of narcissists like to do (aka affairing down). And that is very common. She will think an afternoon at Marriott and a once in a blue moon lunch or dinner at Bonefish Grill are fantastic. She’s just so thrilled to be blowing a man out of her league and hoping he might be the exit out of her lonely suburban existence.

The even cheaper ones just use her house and don’t have to pay for any hotel.

So wait, narcissist men affair/hookup below their league? And who exactly affair/hooks up above their league?

Yes. The less attractive women fawn harder and pay more compliments to feed his ego and need for validation.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think men having affairs spring for high-end hotels for their dalliances. I would say expect more a Fairfield than Fairmont for that TBH

This is NOT true. I used to work at the Ritz Carlton.

My thoughts exactly. It’s all about the illusion and fantasy for both parties. Especially is the woman is really attractive. He needs to put her on a pedestal in order to cheat. It’s worth it in his mind because she’s so —- (fill in the superlative).

A fancy hotel feeds the ego. The Red Roof Inn says I’m a bad dirty guy who is into bad dirty women. If he’s not self loathing low budget won’t do. He and she must have the best.

But personally I’d let it go. Stick your head back in the sand for now. You have little kids to raise and that’s a tough to do alone when the kids are babies. They need your time and attention focus on them.

Yup. You go high-end when you're punching above your weight as a married man. You need to flash the cash to make the AP think she is just so HAWT that the man throws away his marital vows and diverts money that could be used to support HER and the kids. This works particularly well when the hottie is significantly younger or from a lower social class and used to jokers scraping nickels and points together to stay at a Marriott and eat at Olive Garden. You bring someone like that to the Fairmont and throw around the cash, and you'll be rewarded as only she can do.

Not when you are punching below your weight like a lot of narcissists like to do (aka affairing down). And that is very common. She will think an afternoon at Marriott and a once in a blue moon lunch or dinner at Bonefish Grill are fantastic. She’s just so thrilled to be blowing a man out of her league and hoping he might be the exit out of her lonely suburban existence.

Hey - I love an afternoon at a Marriott and lunch at the Bonefish! Let's not throw the baby out with the bathwater.

Simpleton

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I’ve looked everywhere for this notepad and can’t find it. It’s gone.

I’m not gonna ask him about it without it so just taking a mental note I guess. Thanks for those responded.

For those asking, I would normally ask him as soon as I saw it but he was on a call so I was in and out. I came back to look it for it when he was finished so I could casually bring it up but it was gone.

I think a random notepad isn’t weird. What is weird is that OP’s DH saw her notice it, didn’t say anything, and now the notepad is gone.