Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:These are 10 year olds, not toddlers. 9 is late for a school night, but it’s not THAT late. This sort of seems like a regular play date, and not a huge imposition to me. My kid had sports until 9:30 once or twice a week at that age. I wouldn’t assume the mom picked this specific day just to try to get some free child care - maybe she doesn’t realize 9 is super late for you? And you said it was fine, so how is she to know you’re all upset about it?! Is your 10yo your oldest and you have little ones to put to bed earlier? My kids are around 10 now (some older, some younger) and they sometimes hang out at friends houses, or we have friends here, till 9. I’d say 3/5 week nights I am feeding other kids dinner and/or my kids are getting fed elsewhere. But this is all within the neighborhood and usually spur of the moment.

I think you need to get to know the mom better to have a better understanding of if you’re being taken advantage of. And if you actually have something else to do that day, by all means suggest a different date! Sibling has sports at 7 and your DH isn’t around? Sorry, try for another day!

This! You don’t need to assume she’s trying to take advantage of you. She could be disorganized (for whatever reason) or could be in a job where she has no control over last minute schedule changes.

If it doesn’t work for you then reschedule.

I mean, whether she is trying to take advantage or not, she is putting extra burdens on OP. She invited her daughter over to OP’s house (OP did not reach out to extend the invite). She knew this would mean OP would have to do the carpool line, which is an extra ask. She knew she works late on that day yet suggested it as a convenient day for her daughter to come. And she knew that the grandma lives far away from OP and that she’s not willing for the grandma to come pick up. All of this is taking advantage of OP, who is essentially a stranger to her. All you people saying 9pm mom used her words are wrong. She withheld details and manipulated the situation. She is 100 percent not in a bind. She has a local grandma who could cover for her and she is librarian. I can’t think of a single library where a 10 year old girl could not sit and read or do homework quietly if mom needed her to come along. She’s a taker, plain and simple.

Anonymous wrote:Is this on a Friday or a school night? If a Friday, unless you have dinner plans or something, just have the mother come get her after work - let the kids eat dinner and watch a movie. If it's a weeknight, say you need to reschedule because you can't make anything past X time work on a weekday and you're not available to drive her to her grandmother's house.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:These are 10 year olds, not toddlers. 9 is late for a school night, but it’s not THAT late. This sort of seems like a regular play date, and not a huge imposition to me. My kid had sports until 9:30 once or twice a week at that age. I wouldn’t assume the mom picked this specific day just to try to get some free child care - maybe she doesn’t realize 9 is super late for you? And you said it was fine, so how is she to know you’re all upset about it?! Is your 10yo your oldest and you have little ones to put to bed earlier? My kids are around 10 now (some older, some younger) and they sometimes hang out at friends houses, or we have friends here, till 9. I’d say 3/5 week nights I am feeding other kids dinner and/or my kids are getting fed elsewhere. But this is all within the neighborhood and usually spur of the moment.

I think you need to get to know the mom better to have a better understanding of if you’re being taken advantage of. And if you actually have something else to do that day, by all means suggest a different date! Sibling has sports at 7 and your DH isn’t around? Sorry, try for another day!

This! You don’t need to assume she’s trying to take advantage of you. She could be disorganized (for whatever reason) or could be in a job where she has no control over last minute schedule changes.

If it doesn’t work for you then reschedule.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find it incredible that people on here are siding with the mom. She intentionally did not covet facts to OP when discussing the play date of the 9pm time.

For all you people, let’s arrange a 1st play date with a child and family who you don’t know. Then when the kid is there tell you that she either needs to stay till 9pm or you need to drive far away and drop her off at grandmom.

Who in their right mind does this s’hit?

PP directly before you - a lot of people prefer to be jerks and then criticize other people for not "using their words" and telling them they're being jerks. Those are the people defending 9pm playdate mom.

You realize people have more than 1 child and often don’t get home until late after sports practice/games.

If you plan a playdate there is no expectation someone is just sitting at home waiting for it to be over.

If late pickup is not an option and u can’t drop of “use your words”.

I have three kids and, yes, if I'm scheduling a playdate for one of them, you're damn right I expect a caregiver to be around at a reasonable hour for drop-off, if the kid is young enough to need one.

Moreover, if I need childcare help from a friend, I state it up front. "Larla would love to come over tomorrow, but Larlo has a late soccer game and DH is out of town. Is 9pm pick up too late - happy to reschedule if so."

Stop picking on the OP for not "using her words" when the 9pm playdate mom isn't using hers.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have younger kids and am not to the hanging out with friends stage yet but is this really an issue for people? This sort of thing happened alllllllll the time growing up. I grew up in a middle lower class town so a lot of friends parents worked nights or weekends and my mom stayed at home and she was super willing to make our house the hang out place (she also yes has a heart of gold and pulled out 6 course meals every night). I had friends over all the time whose parents picked them up after work. I’m scared about what this says about parenting these days if someone asking this one time is this big of an issue.

People are very stingy with their help. I was the house that all the kids came to and when I had a medical emergency and not one of the parents would help. My husband needed to be at the hospital with me and we couldn't find anyone to take our elementary aged kids. If anyone does ever help they will either complain about it to everyone else for a year or expect you to take their kid 10 times even though their kid has lived at your house for a year.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone wants a village but no one wants to BE the village.

Everyone wants a village that consists of fellow UMC people who they'd enjoy socializing with. This mom who works until 9 PM (!!!) is obviously of a lower social status so no one wants her in their village.

Human nature can be awful. We don't help the people who need the help. We develop some instinct to run away less they become dependent upon us.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find it incredible that people on here are siding with the mom. She intentionally did not covet facts to OP when discussing the play date of the 9pm time.

For all you people, let’s arrange a 1st play date with a child and family who you don’t know. Then when the kid is there tell you that she either needs to stay till 9pm or you need to drive far away and drop her off at grandmom.

Who in their right mind does this s’hit?

PP directly before you - a lot of people prefer to be jerks and then criticize other people for not "using their words" and telling them they're being jerks. Those are the people defending 9pm playdate mom.

You realize people have more than 1 child and often don’t get home until late after sports practice/games.

If you plan a playdate there is no expectation someone is just sitting at home waiting for it to be over.

If late pickup is not an option and u can’t drop of “use your words”.

I have three kids and, yes, if I'm scheduling a playdate for one of them, you're damn right I expect a caregiver to be around at a reasonable hour for drop-off, if the kid is young enough to need one.

Moreover, if I need childcare help from a friend, I state it up front. "Larla would love to come over tomorrow, but Larlo has a late soccer game and DH is out of town. Is 9pm pick up too late - happy to reschedule if so."

Stop picking on the OP for not "using her words" when the 9pm playdate mom isn't using hers.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone wants a village but no one wants to BE the village.

Everyone wants a village that consists of fellow UMC people who they'd enjoy socializing with. This mom who works until 9 PM (!!!) is obviously of a lower social status so no one wants her in their village.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have younger kids and am not to the hanging out with friends stage yet but is this really an issue for people? This sort of thing happened alllllllll the time growing up. I grew up in a middle lower class town so a lot of friends parents worked nights or weekends and my mom stayed at home and she was super willing to make our house the hang out place (she also yes has a heart of gold and pulled out 6 course meals every night). I had friends over all the time whose parents picked them up after work. I’m scared about what this says about parenting these days if someone asking this one time is this big of an issue.

This is so true - I grew up in a neighborhood where the moms routinely covered for each other like this, and it’s one of the things I miss most now - the sense of community.

Anonymous wrote:I have younger kids and am not to the hanging out with friends stage yet but is this really an issue for people? This sort of thing happened alllllllll the time growing up. I grew up in a middle lower class town so a lot of friends parents worked nights or weekends and my mom stayed at home and she was super willing to make our house the hang out place (she also yes has a heart of gold and pulled out 6 course meals every night). I had friends over all the time whose parents picked them up after work. I’m scared about what this says about parenting these days if someone asking this one time is this big of an issue.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find it incredible that people on here are siding with the mom. She intentionally did not covet facts to OP when discussing the play date of the 9pm time.

For all you people, let’s arrange a 1st play date with a child and family who you don’t know. Then when the kid is there tell you that she either needs to stay till 9pm or you need to drive far away and drop her off at grandmom.

Who in their right mind does this s’hit?

PP directly before you - a lot of people prefer to be jerks and then criticize other people for not "using their words" and telling them they're being jerks. Those are the people defending 9pm playdate mom.

You realize people have more than 1 child and often don’t get home until late after sports practice/games.

If you plan a playdate there is no expectation someone is just sitting at home waiting for it to be over.

If late pickup is not an option and u can’t drop of “use your words”.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:These are 10 year olds, not toddlers. 9 is late for a school night, but it’s not THAT late. This sort of seems like a regular play date, and not a huge imposition to me. My kid had sports until 9:30 once or twice a week at that age. I wouldn’t assume the mom picked this specific day just to try to get some free child care - maybe she doesn’t realize 9 is super late for you? And you said it was fine, so how is she to know you’re all upset about it?! Is your 10yo your oldest and you have little ones to put to bed earlier? My kids are around 10 now (some older, some younger) and they sometimes hang out at friends houses, or we have friends here, till 9. I’d say 3/5 week nights I am feeding other kids dinner and/or my kids are getting fed elsewhere. But this is all within the neighborhood and usually spur of the moment.

I think you need to get to know the mom better to have a better understanding of if you’re being taken advantage of. And if you actually have something else to do that day, by all means suggest a different date! Sibling has sports at 7 and your DH isn’t around? Sorry, try for another day!

This! You don’t need to assume she’s trying to take advantage of you. She could be disorganized (for whatever reason) or could be in a job where she has no control over last minute schedule changes.

If it doesn’t work for you then reschedule.

Her inability to stay organized or her inflexible job are not OPs problem. The woman should hire reliable help. Having the kid over until 9pm is not a play date, it's free babysitting. Not divulging facts at the outset is manipulative.