Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just today my best friend told me she wished she stopped at two. I mean two things can be true at the same time. Holding two truths in your mind and seeing the nuance is intelligence

I feel sorry for her third kid. That kind of attitude eventually comes out. Poor #3.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a parent of two, I consider a third because I think having more kids diffuses competition and self centeredness among overly coddles two children families.

My husband is one of two and his sister, although nice, is one of the most vain and self centered (and spoiled) people I’ve met. I 100% believe this outcome is a result of my in laws providing too much intense attention and coddling.

In general people I know from bigger families are close with their siblings and learned early how to exist amongst other people.

Hmm, how many people from big families do you know? I know some large families like you describe. I also know large families where one or more of the siblings is as bad or worse than you describe your SIL. I know large families with intense "golden child", "scapegoat", and "overlooked middle" problems. I know large families where the siblings are intensely competitive, either altogether or in small groups (two sisters out of four kids who are intensely competitive, for instance). Again, I also know large families who are happy and get along great, but there's definitely no guarantee that having more kids will result in that dynamic.

I also know plenty of families with 1 or 2 kids that are healthy and happy with great dynamics, and others that are highly dysfunctional.

My takeaway is that number of kids will not result in the "correct" family dynamic. I think it comes down to parenting, personalities, and also probably a lot of external factors like stress, support from extended family, etc.

Most large families are full of drama, especially as the kids grow. It is intense competition for attention, affection and resources of the parents and the fact that you are forced to live with many people you did not choose and that you may not like at all.

Just look at the Family forum, sibling relationships are more often fraught than not. Large families only serve the needs and wants of the parents.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a parent of two, I consider a third because I think having more kids diffuses competition and self centeredness among overly coddles two children families.

My husband is one of two and his sister, although nice, is one of the most vain and self centered (and spoiled) people I’ve met. I 100% believe this outcome is a result of my in laws providing too much intense attention and coddling.

In general people I know from bigger families are close with their siblings and learned early how to exist amongst other people.

Hmm, how many people from big families do you know? I know some large families like you describe. I also know large families where one or more of the siblings is as bad or worse than you describe your SIL. I know large families with intense "golden child", "scapegoat", and "overlooked middle" problems. I know large families where the siblings are intensely competitive, either altogether or in small groups (two sisters out of four kids who are intensely competitive, for instance). Again, I also know large families who are happy and get along great, but there's definitely no guarantee that having more kids will result in that dynamic.

I also know plenty of families with 1 or 2 kids that are healthy and happy with great dynamics, and others that are highly dysfunctional.

My takeaway is that number of kids will not result in the "correct" family dynamic. I think it comes down to parenting, personalities, and also probably a lot of external factors like stress, support from extended family, etc.

Most large families are full of drama, especially as the kids grow. It is intense competition for attention, affection and resources of the parents and the fact that you are forced to live with many people you did not choose and that you may not like at all.

Just look at the Family forum, sibling relationships are more often fraught than not. Large families only serve the needs and wants of the parents.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a parent of two, I consider a third because I think having more kids diffuses competition and self centeredness among overly coddles two children families.

My husband is one of two and his sister, although nice, is one of the most vain and self centered (and spoiled) people I’ve met. I 100% believe this outcome is a result of my in laws providing too much intense attention and coddling.

In general people I know from bigger families are close with their siblings and learned early how to exist amongst other people.

As someone who comes from a family of four, more children don't diffuse competition. You just give up and resign to the fact that your parents are not going to be able to meet many of your emotional needs. You are forced to grow up and become independent quickly, often leaping past developmental stages.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a parent of two, I consider a third because I think having more kids diffuses competition and self centeredness among overly coddles two children families.

My husband is one of two and his sister, although nice, is one of the most vain and self centered (and spoiled) people I’ve met. I 100% believe this outcome is a result of my in laws providing too much intense attention and coddling.

In general people I know from bigger families are close with their siblings and learned early how to exist amongst other people.

As someone who comes from a family of four, more children don't diffuse competition. You just give up and resign to the fact that your parents are not going to be able to meet many of your emotional needs. You are forced to grow up and become independent quickly, often leaping past developmental stages.

I’m sorry PP, that sucks. I’m also 1 of 4 kids, and my parents did a lot of stuff wrong (ha), but they did raise us to celebrate and enjoy our siblings. There was no competition between us, and I believe that is because our parents made sure to never compare us - we were celebrated as individuals with our own strengths and weaknesses.

I don’t know how they did it, but they did meet my emotional needs and I had a “normal” childhood in terms of development and independence. It probably helped A LOT that was mom was a SAHM.

Anonymous wrote:Does having 1 parent stay home with the kids make having 3 easier? Or does it not change anything?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a parent of two, I consider a third because I think having more kids diffuses competition and self centeredness among overly coddles two children families.

My husband is one of two and his sister, although nice, is one of the most vain and self centered (and spoiled) people I’ve met. I 100% believe this outcome is a result of my in laws providing too much intense attention and coddling.

In general people I know from bigger families are close with their siblings and learned early how to exist amongst other people.

As someone who comes from a family of four, more children don't diffuse competition. You just give up and resign to the fact that your parents are not going to be able to meet many of your emotional needs. You are forced to grow up and become independent quickly, often leaping past developmental stages.

I’m sorry PP, that sucks. I’m also 1 of 4 kids, and my parents did a lot of stuff wrong (ha), but they did raise us to celebrate and enjoy our siblings. There was no competition between us, and I believe that is because our parents made sure to never compare us - we were celebrated as individuals with our own strengths and weaknesses.

I don’t know how they did it, but they did meet my emotional needs and I had a “normal” childhood in terms of development and independence. It probably helped A LOT that was mom was a SAHM.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a parent of two, I consider a third because I think having more kids diffuses competition and self centeredness among overly coddles two children families.

My husband is one of two and his sister, although nice, is one of the most vain and self centered (and spoiled) people I’ve met. I 100% believe this outcome is a result of my in laws providing too much intense attention and coddling.

In general people I know from bigger families are close with their siblings and learned early how to exist amongst other people.

As someone who comes from a family of four, more children don't diffuse competition. You just give up and resign to the fact that your parents are not going to be able to meet many of your emotional needs. You are forced to grow up and become independent quickly, often leaping past developmental stages.

Anonymous wrote:As a parent of two, I consider a third because I think having more kids diffuses competition and self centeredness among overly coddles two children families.

My husband is one of two and his sister, although nice, is one of the most vain and self centered (and spoiled) people I’ve met. I 100% believe this outcome is a result of my in laws providing too much intense attention and coddling.

In general people I know from bigger families are close with their siblings and learned early how to exist amongst other people.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a parent of two, I consider a third because I think having more kids diffuses competition and self centeredness among overly coddles two children families.

My husband is one of two and his sister, although nice, is one of the most vain and self centered (and spoiled) people I’ve met. I 100% believe this outcome is a result of my in laws providing too much intense attention and coddling.

In general people I know from bigger families are close with their siblings and learned early how to exist amongst other people.

As someone who comes from a family of four, more children don't diffuse competition. You just give up and resign to the fact that your parents are not going to be able to meet many of your emotional needs. You are forced to grow up and become independent quickly, often leaping past developmental stages.

m

Sorry your childhood was like that, but I also don’t think this is a universal. I’m one of five, and I don’t think any of my siblings would describe our childhood like that. I agree with some posters who’ve suggested that a parent who isn’t good with a larger number of kids often is also not great with fewer children.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a parent of two, I consider a third because I think having more kids diffuses competition and self centeredness among overly coddles two children families.

My husband is one of two and his sister, although nice, is one of the most vain and self centered (and spoiled) people I’ve met. I 100% believe this outcome is a result of my in laws providing too much intense attention and coddling.

In general people I know from bigger families are close with their siblings and learned early how to exist amongst other people.

As someone who comes from a family of four, more children don't diffuse competition. You just give up and resign to the fact that your parents are not going to be able to meet many of your emotional needs. You are forced to grow up and become independent quickly, often leaping past developmental stages.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a parent of two, I consider a third because I think having more kids diffuses competition and self centeredness among overly coddles two children families.

My husband is one of two and his sister, although nice, is one of the most vain and self centered (and spoiled) people I’ve met. I 100% believe this outcome is a result of my in laws providing too much intense attention and coddling.

In general people I know from bigger families are close with their siblings and learned early how to exist amongst other people.

Hmm, how many people from big families do you know? I know some large families like you describe. I also know large families where one or more of the siblings is as bad or worse than you describe your SIL. I know large families with intense "golden child", "scapegoat", and "overlooked middle" problems. I know large families where the siblings are intensely competitive, either altogether or in small groups (two sisters out of four kids who are intensely competitive, for instance). Again, I also know large families who are happy and get along great, but there's definitely no guarantee that having more kids will result in that dynamic.

I also know plenty of families with 1 or 2 kids that are healthy and happy with great dynamics, and others that are highly dysfunctional.

My takeaway is that number of kids will not result in the "correct" family dynamic. I think it comes down to parenting, personalities, and also probably a lot of external factors like stress, support from extended family, etc.

Anonymous wrote:As a parent of two, I consider a third because I think having more kids diffuses competition and self centeredness among overly coddles two children families.

My husband is one of two and his sister, although nice, is one of the most vain and self centered (and spoiled) people I’ve met. I 100% believe this outcome is a result of my in laws providing too much intense attention and coddling.

In general people I know from bigger families are close with their siblings and learned early how to exist amongst other people.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a parent of two, I consider a third because I think having more kids diffuses competition and self centeredness among overly coddles two children families.

My husband is one of two and his sister, although nice, is one of the most vain and self centered (and spoiled) people I’ve met. I 100% believe this outcome is a result of my in laws providing too much intense attention and coddling.

In general people I know from bigger families are close with their siblings and learned early how to exist amongst other people.

Hmm, how many people from big families do you know? I know some large families like you describe. I also know large families where one or more of the siblings is as bad or worse than you describe your SIL. I know large families with intense "golden child", "scapegoat", and "overlooked middle" problems. I know large families where the siblings are intensely competitive, either altogether or in small groups (two sisters out of four kids who are intensely competitive, for instance). Again, I also know large families who are happy and get along great, but there's definitely no guarantee that having more kids will result in that dynamic.

I also know plenty of families with 1 or 2 kids that are healthy and happy with great dynamics, and others that are highly dysfunctional.

My takeaway is that number of kids will not result in the "correct" family dynamic. I think it comes down to parenting, personalities, and also probably a lot of external factors like stress, support from extended family, etc.