Anonymous wrote:My kids rarely have friends over, and I'm partly to blame because I find it really disruptive when company is over. I allow them, but the rule is they have to clean the house very well before having people over and it's enough of a hurdle, they don't do it so often.

I've never thought of it as lack of reciprocation, though. I couldn't care less if other parents invite my kids over-- it's just as convenient for them to go out somewhere-- mall, park, Georgetown, whatever. So if other parents want to allow their kids to have friends over, I've no problem with that. But I don't think of them as doing me any favor.

Of course they're doing you a favor. Paying for thing, giving your kids a social interaction, giving you time at home w/o your kids there to get things done. If it's so convenient for the kids to go out elsewhere, then take the initiative to set that up if you don't want them at your house.

I wonder if some of this is the kids deciding where to go? I remember when I was that age the fav sleepover house was one where we got free rule of the house, the kitchen was stocked with junk food and snacks we could help ourselves to and the parents were very lax about us keeping quiet late into the night. Kid was an only child and I think the mom just enjoyed the activity. We knew we could go to other houses but parents would get grumpy with us staying up late/being loud etc.

Even now I have younger kids and the kids decide what neighborhood house they want to hang out. They move between houses but the most popular houses have “fun backyards”. So it’s not that they aren’t invited elsewhere, it’s just that the kids have a preference and the parent agrees to have them over

I host kids every week including sleepovers. I never host parents for a lot of the reasons cited here - cluttered, old house, poor layout for entertaining, elderly parent. People in our community seem to only reciprocate for parties and diners that include adults though.

We constantly encourage our son to invite friends over, and we have room to host, but kids rarely seem to want to come here. I am not sure why. He goes to friends' houses. Two of his friends have parents who live in buildings with gyms, so they like to go there for that reason. I am not sure about the rest. He has known these kids since elementary, and we have always been nice to them and offer food, video games etc. Yet they prefer not to come here.

My kids rarely have friends over, and I'm partly to blame because I find it really disruptive when company is over. I allow them, but the rule is they have to clean the house very well before having people over and it's enough of a hurdle, they don't do it so often.

I've never thought of it as lack of reciprocation, though. I couldn't care less if other parents invite my kids over-- it's just as convenient for them to go out somewhere-- mall, park, Georgetown, whatever. So if other parents want to allow their kids to have friends over, I've no problem with that. But I don't think of them as doing me any favor.

Some people never learned how to be a host for even informal events. And by some, I mean most. They did not grow up in households that hosted parties and family dinners. They did not learn to cook, or cook for numbers. And, now, as adults, the idea of hosting a dinner with friends is very stressful.

To some extent, people who like to entertain and are comfortable doing so tend to be friends. Those who are uncomfortable entertaining tend to be excluded because they don’t reciprocate.

We made it a specific point not to care if we were ever invited back as long as people had a decent time at our home. Pretty much everyone has 1 appetizer or desert they can make, or pick up from a store. We decided long ago that even if we wanted to make a great dinner and serve it with the silver and good china - casual wear and kids were the way to go. Keep things comfortable. Don’t even think about whether you are getting a reciprocal invite.

It’s fun to see that your kids learned by osmosis really.

I am the main host of my younger DD's friends typically; her friends' parents are much busier at work or work from home (so need home to be quiet), have younger siblings or less tolerence for the chaos multi kids hangout

I don't feel taken advantage of, because the parents do show appreciation in other ways besides hosting themselves - sending snacks with the kids, taking my DD along on family outing, or even just a nice text. I randomly ran into one family at a restaurant and they sent me a drink!

Very very put. (Though I’m not sure about the poverty bit. Sometimes, I find that the people who have the least, can be the ones who give the most. At least, that’s been true in the culture I come from.)

Funny, we also just hosted a family who said they cannot host because their house is so cluttered.

My husband and I are like ok so you had 3 options:

1) declutter the house
2) host with a cluttered house
3) not host

And of course, they choose the worst option!