Anonymous
Post 08/15/2023 22:53     Subject: Is there any way to convince a young man to step it up because he will never do better?
Heck people who have experience of marriage, tend to divorce at higher rate with 2nd and 3rd marriage.
Anonymous
Post 08/15/2023 22:52     Subject: Is there any way to convince a young man to step it up because he will never do better?
People who date around and have failed relationships until late 30's, still end up making had decisions and breaking up, divorcing or ending up single so there is no perfect formula here.
Anonymous
Post 08/15/2023 22:52     Subject: Re:Is there any way to convince a young man to step it up because he will never do better?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Neither you or his GF should pressure him into marriage if he is not ready. It's ok. She might be amazing, but if he is not ready for marriage it doesn't matter


NP here. The advice "wait until you're ready" is a truism that may make sense for most things in life. But once-in-a-lifetime opportunities, you have to make yourself ready. If you don't, that window might pass and you will regret it your entire life. I think that's what OP is getting at. OP's DS may not be ready, but he will regret it for the rest of his life (assuming OP is Nostradamus)



He’s a man. He can meet someone at forty and still have a family. He has plenty of time. There are tons of great women out there. He will meet someone else great when he is ready, if he ever is ready.
Anonymous
Post 08/15/2023 22:46     Subject: Is there any way to convince a young man to step it up because he will never do better?
Anonymous wrote:Girlfriend's mom here. Your son doesn't deserve my daughter. Let it go for her sake.


She confided in OP so obviously she loves him.
Anonymous
Post 08/15/2023 22:05     Subject: Re:Is there any way to convince a young man to step it up because he will never do better?
My parents would have been creeped out if I brought home a 35 year old man when I was 23. Mostly because they were 42 and 43 years old at that time, and, since both have always looked several years younger than their age, would have looked like contemporaries of my boyfriend.
Anonymous
Post 08/15/2023 21:54     Subject: Re:Is there any way to convince a young man to step it up because he will never do better?
Anonymous wrote:
Maybe she is too perfect and he feels like he won’t be able to keep up with her? Perhaps he can’t handle the pressure. I do think it is incredibly disingenuous of all these posters who have micro-managed every bit of their child’s lives since birth to top 20 college(if the boasting on this board is to be believed) to pretend they don’t give advice to their adult children. We have all been giving loads of unsolicited advice for years and years- it’s our job and we do it well.


Please speak for yourself.
Anonymous
Post 08/15/2023 21:54     Subject: Is there any way to convince a young man to step it up because he will never do better?
My ILs didn't know that I was dating their son when I met them at our law school graduation. I had given a speech at the commencement and met them in the course of mingling at the reception. His dad told him, "That's the kind of girl you should be dating." That seemed to work.
Anonymous
Post 08/15/2023 21:33     Subject: Is there any way to convince a young man to step it up because he will never do better?
Stay out of it!

Let him mature at his own rate.
Anonymous
Post 08/15/2023 20:45     Subject: Re:Is there any way to convince a young man to step it up because he will never do better?

Maybe she is too perfect and he feels like he won’t be able to keep up with her? Perhaps he can’t handle the pressure. I do think it is incredibly disingenuous of all these posters who have micro-managed every bit of their child’s lives since birth to top 20 college(if the boasting on this board is to be believed) to pretend they don’t give advice to their adult children. We have all been giving loads of unsolicited advice for years and years- it’s our job and we do it well.
Anonymous
Post 08/15/2023 20:39     Subject: Is there any way to convince a young man to step it up because he will never do better?
Anonymous wrote:24 year old men are not looking to get married. Eleven pages of old bittys saying otherwise not withstanding.



*biddies
Anonymous
Post 08/15/2023 20:05     Subject: Re:Is there any way to convince a young man to step it up because he will never do better?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Neither you or his GF should pressure him into marriage if he is not ready. It's ok. She might be amazing, but if he is not ready for marriage it doesn't matter


OP here. I want to be clear that milestones did not necessarily or only mean a prompt proposal and wedding. But yes, that is one milestone he needs to be mindful as their friends get married.


Why? he should get married because GF wants to or because everyone else is doing it? I stand by what I said. He should not be pressured into this "milestone"


They've been together for over five years. Relationships need to grow and evolve. They see their close friends hitting relationship milestones: proposals, some weddings, buying homes together, moving to new cities to support each other's careers, whatever it may be. She is getting restless and if she dumps my DS she will have a flock of suitors. And sorry to say he will never do better and regret this for a very long time.


You can't possibly know that. You need to stay out of this and let your son figure out who he wants to marry. Just because she's your ideal dil doesn't make her his ideal wife


Oh, bull. Adults can make this accurately make this assessment quite easily.


No they can't my mil is a lot op she preferred an ex to me. Ex was great on paper and likely has a great life and partner but she was not who DH wanted or needed.
She couldn't let it go not when they broke up not when he met and got engaged/ married to me. She has ruined her relationship with her son because of it
Anonymous
Post 08/15/2023 20:02     Subject: Re:Is there any way to convince a young man to step it up because he will never do better?
Many of the men I know who married without dating around have these mid life crises where they meet some young person and the. Leave their family. I’m not sure what your sons situation is, but hopefully he’s dated a couple of people before settling down.
Anonymous
Post 08/15/2023 19:59     Subject: Is there any way to convince a young man to step it up because he will never do better?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My rule is you are allowed to say what you want to tell him but only once. It is your duty as a parent to let him know your thoughts. But once you have done that, stay out of it.


This^. Simple solution.



If he asks. I highly doubt either of you would be welcoming of your mom's inquiring even once

And if she chooses to speak know that not may negatively impact her relationship with her son forever
Anonymous
Post 08/15/2023 19:57     Subject: Is there any way to convince a young man to step it up because he will never do better?
24 year old men are not looking to get married. Eleven pages of old bittys saying otherwise not withstanding.
Anonymous
Post 08/15/2023 19:07     Subject: Is there any way to convince a young man to step it up because he will never do better?
Girlfriend's mom here. Your son doesn't deserve my daughter. Let it go for her sake.