Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DW and I have a pretty good lifestyle setup, yet our house always seems a mess, we don’t have time for our own hobbies, and are exhausted 24/7. We know some families who seem to make parenting and life effortless — please tell us what we are doing wrong!


Work: Dual Fed (we prioritized work life balance), both GS15, both 3 days TRO requirements. DW - TWTh, DH - MWF. Typically 40 hour week jobs, some deadlines make for longer weeks but nothing to complain about.

3 kids. One going into 9th, one going into 6th, one going into 2nd. So 3 school drop offs/pickups (oldest are in 2 diff parochial schools, there wasn’t a k-12 that worked), youngest is in walkable neighborhood public so in a couple years will walk themselves to school and back.

Activities: no travel sports. Usually 1 rec sport per kid per season or school based sport. Weekly musical lessons twice week for all kids (different times). Oldest does some clubs at school so few weekends late nights for that. Adults try to go to gym 1-2 times a week if can.

Family fun. We never hire a babysitter so, no date nights. Weekends are usually kids with friends or have friends over, and then rest of family will go to museums or hike or pool etc. typical stuff. Usually mornings sat is a big laundry and extra cleaning day. Sunday morning is church and Sunday school.

Typical day: I wake up at 7am and drive two oldest to their schools — done by 830 and head to work or WFH. Whomever is WFH that day pops out at 4 to bring them home, and then continues to work till 530 when they start dinner. Other parent drops off elementary kid and gets to work by 9, then returns home around 6.

At dinner time we make 3 types of dinner: vegetarian, omni, and picky. Two vegetarians so think sautéed tofu, omni may have broiled chicken, and picky has pasta. Everyone shares ina roasted vegetable, salad, maybe potatoes and rice. Usually simple fast meals started by WFH parent, so dinner done by 630.

One parent may duck out with a kid to rec practice or music etc depending on time schedule — will have dinner either before or after. Maybe help homework or read with youngest for those home.

Everyone heads to bed around 930, then adults clean dishes and tidy the house, and usually deep clean one project or another. May head to gym some nights.

We have a cleaner come every two weeks for deep clean of kitchen and bathrooms.

Hard to find time for other cleaning projects, household projects, or yard work.

Spouse thinks most people just have more energy and efficiency than we do; I think most people order more takeout meals, probably have family help or regular driving nanny, or are just as frazzled as us!?

So those of you parenting with ease what can we do? I know simplyfing meals would help, but vegetarians are militant, and doctor says to accommodate picky eater for now.

You’re kidding, right?

What’s kidding? Vegetarian won’t eat meat (one is my spouse) and the pediatrician was adamant about the most important thing was kid eating not what they were eating and not make food a battle because it will have unhealthy future issues like eating disorders.

So I struggle to make a “picky” meal which is enough calories and in the way will be eaten, then vegetables for the rest of us, then a protein for the two sets of eaters.

I would make one meal a night. A few nights a week it can be vegetarian and a few nights a week it can have meat. Anyone who doesn't like or can't eat that night's option can fix themselves a simple alternative -- cereal, a PB&J sandwich, frozen ravioli and jarred sauce, a frozen burrito, a frozen pizza, frozen chicken nuggets, hummus with veggies or pita to dip, maybe leftovers from another night. Also, add in one or two take-out nights a week -- pick the nights you are particularly busy with activities -- some take out won't kill anyone! And come up with more simple and stream-lined dinner meals overall. Even my SAHM friends of three busy kids are doing take out, and super simple non-fussy dinners.

3 meals is crazy. Build the options into the meals. Eg, pasta with meatballs and tomato sauce, with salad and fruit. Vegetarians skip the meatballs and supplement with nuts or yogurt or hard boiled egg if they need protein. Picky eater skips the sauce and likewise supplements. Etc. the meat eaters eat the leftover meatballs for lunch or supplement whatever the next nights dinner is, if that dinner is vegetarian.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DW and I have a pretty good lifestyle setup, yet our house always seems a mess, we don’t have time for our own hobbies, and are exhausted 24/7. We know some families who seem to make parenting and life effortless — please tell us what we are doing wrong!


Work: Dual Fed (we prioritized work life balance), both GS15, both 3 days TRO requirements. DW - TWTh, DH - MWF. Typically 40 hour week jobs, some deadlines make for longer weeks but nothing to complain about.

3 kids. One going into 9th, one going into 6th, one going into 2nd. So 3 school drop offs/pickups (oldest are in 2 diff parochial schools, there wasn’t a k-12 that worked), youngest is in walkable neighborhood public so in a couple years will walk themselves to school and back.

Activities: no travel sports. Usually 1 rec sport per kid per season or school based sport. Weekly musical lessons twice week for all kids (different times). Oldest does some clubs at school so few weekends late nights for that. Adults try to go to gym 1-2 times a week if can.

Family fun. We never hire a babysitter so, no date nights. Weekends are usually kids with friends or have friends over, and then rest of family will go to museums or hike or pool etc. typical stuff. Usually mornings sat is a big laundry and extra cleaning day. Sunday morning is church and Sunday school.

Typical day: I wake up at 7am and drive two oldest to their schools — done by 830 and head to work or WFH. Whomever is WFH that day pops out at 4 to bring them home, and then continues to work till 530 when they start dinner. Other parent drops off elementary kid and gets to work by 9, then returns home around 6.

At dinner time we make 3 types of dinner: vegetarian, omni, and picky. Two vegetarians so think sautéed tofu, omni may have broiled chicken, and picky has pasta. Everyone shares ina roasted vegetable, salad, maybe potatoes and rice. Usually simple fast meals started by WFH parent, so dinner done by 630.

One parent may duck out with a kid to rec practice or music etc depending on time schedule — will have dinner either before or after. Maybe help homework or read with youngest for those home.

Everyone heads to bed around 930, then adults clean dishes and tidy the house, and usually deep clean one project or another. May head to gym some nights.

We have a cleaner come every two weeks for deep clean of kitchen and bathrooms.

Hard to find time for other cleaning projects, household projects, or yard work.

Spouse thinks most people just have more energy and efficiency than we do; I think most people order more takeout meals, probably have family help or regular driving nanny, or are just as frazzled as us!?

So those of you parenting with ease what can we do? I know simplyfing meals would help, but vegetarians are militant, and doctor says to accommodate picky eater for now.

You’re kidding, right?

What’s kidding? Vegetarian won’t eat meat (one is my spouse) and the pediatrician was adamant about the most important thing was kid eating not what they were eating and not make food a battle because it will have unhealthy future issues like eating disorders.

So I struggle to make a “picky” meal which is enough calories and in the way will be eaten, then vegetables for the rest of us, then a protein for the two sets of eaters.

I would make one meal a night. A few nights a week it can be vegetarian and a few nights a week it can have meat. Anyone who doesn't like or can't eat that night's option can fix themselves a simple alternative -- cereal, a PB&J sandwich, frozen ravioli and jarred sauce, a frozen burrito, a frozen pizza, frozen chicken nuggets, hummus with veggies or pita to dip, maybe leftovers from another night. Also, add in one or two take-out nights a week -- pick the nights you are particularly busy with activities -- some take out won't kill anyone! And come up with more simple and stream-lined dinner meals overall. Even my SAHM friends of three busy kids are doing take out, and super simple non-fussy dinners.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DW and I have a pretty good lifestyle setup, yet our house always seems a mess, we don’t have time for our own hobbies, and are exhausted 24/7. We know some families who seem to make parenting and life effortless — please tell us what we are doing wrong!


Work: Dual Fed (we prioritized work life balance), both GS15, both 3 days TRO requirements. DW - TWTh, DH - MWF. Typically 40 hour week jobs, some deadlines make for longer weeks but nothing to complain about.

3 kids. One going into 9th, one going into 6th, one going into 2nd. So 3 school drop offs/pickups (oldest are in 2 diff parochial schools, there wasn’t a k-12 that worked), youngest is in walkable neighborhood public so in a couple years will walk themselves to school and back.

Activities: no travel sports. Usually 1 rec sport per kid per season or school based sport. Weekly musical lessons twice week for all kids (different times). Oldest does some clubs at school so few weekends late nights for that. Adults try to go to gym 1-2 times a week if can.

Family fun. We never hire a babysitter so, no date nights. Weekends are usually kids with friends or have friends over, and then rest of family will go to museums or hike or pool etc. typical stuff. Usually mornings sat is a big laundry and extra cleaning day. Sunday morning is church and Sunday school.

Typical day: I wake up at 7am and drive two oldest to their schools — done by 830 and head to work or WFH. Whomever is WFH that day pops out at 4 to bring them home, and then continues to work till 530 when they start dinner. Other parent drops off elementary kid and gets to work by 9, then returns home around 6.

At dinner time we make 3 types of dinner: vegetarian, omni, and picky. Two vegetarians so think sautéed tofu, omni may have broiled chicken, and picky has pasta. Everyone shares ina roasted vegetable, salad, maybe potatoes and rice. Usually simple fast meals started by WFH parent, so dinner done by 630.

One parent may duck out with a kid to rec practice or music etc depending on time schedule — will have dinner either before or after. Maybe help homework or read with youngest for those home.

Everyone heads to bed around 930, then adults clean dishes and tidy the house, and usually deep clean one project or another. May head to gym some nights.

We have a cleaner come every two weeks for deep clean of kitchen and bathrooms.

Hard to find time for other cleaning projects, household projects, or yard work.

Spouse thinks most people just have more energy and efficiency than we do; I think most people order more takeout meals, probably have family help or regular driving nanny, or are just as frazzled as us!?

So those of you parenting with ease what can we do? I know simplyfing meals would help, but vegetarians are militant, and doctor says to accommodate picky eater for now.

You’re kidding, right?

What’s kidding? Vegetarian won’t eat meat (one is my spouse) and the pediatrician was adamant about the most important thing was kid eating not what they were eating and not make food a battle because it will have unhealthy future issues like eating disorders.

So I struggle to make a “picky” meal which is enough calories and in the way will be eaten, then vegetables for the rest of us, then a protein for the two sets of eaters.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Question for OP -- what are all these "cleaning projects" and "deep cleanings"? Like OP, I have a cleaner come every two weeks. In between I periodically run the roomba, sweep, and declutter, and I obviously do the dishes and wipe down the kitchen and eating area each night, but I that's really it. My house is clean!

We need to re chalk bathrooms, power wash decks, sort kids clothes that are out grown, tool shed needs clean out and org, want to build a bike shed from a kit, donate outgrown toys now thst done having babies. Do people take days off to do this? Hire a handyman for simple home maintenance ?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DW and I have a pretty good lifestyle setup, yet our house always seems a mess, we don’t have time for our own hobbies, and are exhausted 24/7. We know some families who seem to make parenting and life effortless — please tell us what we are doing wrong!


Work: Dual Fed (we prioritized work life balance), both GS15, both 3 days TRO requirements. DW - TWTh, DH - MWF. Typically 40 hour week jobs, some deadlines make for longer weeks but nothing to complain about.

3 kids. One going into 9th, one going into 6th, one going into 2nd. So 3 school drop offs/pickups (oldest are in 2 diff parochial schools, there wasn’t a k-12 that worked), youngest is in walkable neighborhood public so in a couple years will walk themselves to school and back.

Activities: no travel sports. Usually 1 rec sport per kid per season or school based sport. Weekly musical lessons twice week for all kids (different times). Oldest does some clubs at school so few weekends late nights for that. Adults try to go to gym 1-2 times a week if can.

Family fun. We never hire a babysitter so, no date nights. Weekends are usually kids with friends or have friends over, and then rest of family will go to museums or hike or pool etc. typical stuff. Usually mornings sat is a big laundry and extra cleaning day. Sunday morning is church and Sunday school.

Typical day: I wake up at 7am and drive two oldest to their schools — done by 830 and head to work or WFH. Whomever is WFH that day pops out at 4 to bring them home, and then continues to work till 530 when they start dinner. Other parent drops off elementary kid and gets to work by 9, then returns home around 6.

At dinner time we make 3 types of dinner: vegetarian, omni, and picky. Two vegetarians so think sautéed tofu, omni may have broiled chicken, and picky has pasta. Everyone shares ina roasted vegetable, salad, maybe potatoes and rice. Usually simple fast meals started by WFH parent, so dinner done by 630.

One parent may duck out with a kid to rec practice or music etc depending on time schedule — will have dinner either before or after. Maybe help homework or read with youngest for those home.

Everyone heads to bed around 930, then adults clean dishes and tidy the house, and usually deep clean one project or another. May head to gym some nights.

We have a cleaner come every two weeks for deep clean of kitchen and bathrooms.

Hard to find time for other cleaning projects, household projects, or yard work.

Spouse thinks most people just have more energy and efficiency than we do; I think most people order more takeout meals, probably have family help or regular driving nanny, or are just as frazzled as us!?

So those of you parenting with ease what can we do? I know simplyfing meals would help, but vegetarians are militant, and doctor says to accommodate picky eater for now.

You’re kidding, right?

Anonymous wrote:Question for OP -- what are all these "cleaning projects" and "deep cleanings"? Like OP, I have a cleaner come every two weeks. In between I periodically run the roomba, sweep, and declutter, and I obviously do the dishes and wipe down the kitchen and eating area each night, but I that's really it. My house is clean!

Anonymous wrote:DW and I have a pretty good lifestyle setup, yet our house always seems a mess, we don’t have time for our own hobbies, and are exhausted 24/7. We know some families who seem to make parenting and life effortless — please tell us what we are doing wrong!


Work: Dual Fed (we prioritized work life balance), both GS15, both 3 days TRO requirements. DW - TWTh, DH - MWF. Typically 40 hour week jobs, some deadlines make for longer weeks but nothing to complain about.

3 kids. One going into 9th, one going into 6th, one going into 2nd. So 3 school drop offs/pickups (oldest are in 2 diff parochial schools, there wasn’t a k-12 that worked), youngest is in walkable neighborhood public so in a couple years will walk themselves to school and back.

Activities: no travel sports. Usually 1 rec sport per kid per season or school based sport. Weekly musical lessons twice week for all kids (different times). Oldest does some clubs at school so few weekends late nights for that. Adults try to go to gym 1-2 times a week if can.

Family fun. We never hire a babysitter so, no date nights. Weekends are usually kids with friends or have friends over, and then rest of family will go to museums or hike or pool etc. typical stuff. Usually mornings sat is a big laundry and extra cleaning day. Sunday morning is church and Sunday school.

Typical day: I wake up at 7am and drive two oldest to their schools — done by 830 and head to work or WFH. Whomever is WFH that day pops out at 4 to bring them home, and then continues to work till 530 when they start dinner. Other parent drops off elementary kid and gets to work by 9, then returns home around 6.

At dinner time we make 3 types of dinner: vegetarian, omni, and picky. Two vegetarians so think sautéed tofu, omni may have broiled chicken, and picky has pasta. Everyone shares ina roasted vegetable, salad, maybe potatoes and rice. Usually simple fast meals started by WFH parent, so dinner done by 630.

One parent may duck out with a kid to rec practice or music etc depending on time schedule — will have dinner either before or after. Maybe help homework or read with youngest for those home.

Everyone heads to bed around 930, then adults clean dishes and tidy the house, and usually deep clean one project or another. May head to gym some nights.

We have a cleaner come every two weeks for deep clean of kitchen and bathrooms.

Hard to find time for other cleaning projects, household projects, or yard work.

Spouse thinks most people just have more energy and efficiency than we do; I think most people order more takeout meals, probably have family help or regular driving nanny, or are just as frazzled as us!?

So those of you parenting with ease what can we do? I know simplyfing meals would help, but vegetarians are militant, and doctor says to accommodate picky eater for now.

Anonymous wrote:Question for OP -- what are all these "cleaning projects" and "deep cleanings"? Like OP, I have a cleaner come every two weeks. In between I periodically run the roomba, sweep, and declutter, and I obviously do the dishes and wipe down the kitchen and eating area each night, but that's really it. My house is clean!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We're a not tired couple with a clean and organized house...

-my job is 100% WFH and very solitary and flexible. I can complete a household or parenting chore or errand or two during the day and take DD to after school activities; I just need to deliver my deliverables, no one cares which hours in the day I work or how long it takes me; I'm so expert at this point that I can usually complete my work during ES hours...

-DH's job is more intense and inflexible, but he has a very short commute and no travel; he's able to be home for morning quality time and dinner and bedtime, but he does need to log back on a lot of evenings

- older DD (entering 4th grade) is in public ES; takes bus every morning and some afternoons (bus stop is two houses away)
-younger DD is in preschool; we drop off and pick up, but we picked a school that is only a 5 min drive away

- biweekly cleaning lady
- housekeeper who comes 8 hours a week (two afternoons) and does laundry, meal prep, house tidying or organization
-weekly grocery delivery (instacart)

-I have a tried-and-true rotation of simple weeknight dinners that usually everyone eats; if not, the backup option is very basic...cereal, PB&J sandwich, etc...

-older DD does a lot of activities, that's what makes her happy. I'm able to handle that because of the flexibility of my job, carpools, and the fact that my younger DD is 4 and doesn't do any weekday activities yet bc she gets all the enrichment she needs at her full-day preschool (FWIW, we didn't plan the big age gap, but I actually think it's helped to lighten my burden, at least at this particular stage)

-once my kids go to bed, I do a quick kitchen clean up, but my evening time is "me time".. exercising, reading, watching TV with DH

Really the key to it all is my job!

So key points:

1) essentially part time flex job 100% WFH
2) cleaning lady and house keeper, about 15 hrs of hired labor a week seems like
3) only one kid in activities
4) public school bus (how are the upper schools in your neighborhood?)
5) two kids

How did you get such a great flex job? How does it pay? Sounds like DH works about 40 hrs with commute — his pay?

Having that much household labor, must be $300/week?

If you are zoned for good high schools you are golden.

DH works substantially more than 40 hours a week; he makes $300k plus 75k - 100k in bonus.
I make $150k and my job also provides our excellent health insurance. So, I'm not making the big bucks, but my salary makes a big difference in terms of the house we could buy, travel, and college savings. My job is very niche, I made choices to specialize; I also turned down opportunities to make more in favor of the flexibility.

We pay cleaning lady $225 a visit (so twice a month) and we pay housekeeper $250 a week. Money so well spent!

My younger DD is also in a few activities, but only on the weekend, when DH is available to help out.

Our public schools are excellent through HS. We have ZERO interest in sending our kids to private school, and we would never have purchased a home in a district without public schools we were happy with. My DH's company is in a neighboring suburb, not downtown (we are outside a major city, but not DC).

I should clarify...we are tired at the end of the day, but in a good way...the way parents and fully functioning adults should be. It's not like I have down time during the day...I go from working, to dealing with older DD's activities, to picking up younger DD, to getting dinner on the table, to bedtime. But we're not run down, exhausted, just trying to slog and get through the day. Those things are not overwhelming given our overall set up, I have time when my kids go to sleep for me time, I don't need to log back on, I can spend quality time with them in the afternoon.

But you will eventually have two kids in after school activities and it’s not realistic for the OP to only have one of their three children in after school activities…so not applicable and your four year old sounds like she’s in FT daycare if you do not have a nanny. You can call it preschool, but it sounds like she’s in school all day (8-5) and that’s daycare.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We're a not tired couple with a clean and organized house...

-my job is 100% WFH and very solitary and flexible. I can complete a household or parenting chore or errand or two during the day and take DD to after school activities; I just need to deliver my deliverables, no one cares which hours in the day I work or how long it takes me; I'm so expert at this point that I can usually complete my work during ES hours...

-DH's job is more intense and inflexible, but he has a very short commute and no travel; he's able to be home for morning quality time and dinner and bedtime, but he does need to log back on a lot of evenings

- older DD (entering 4th grade) is in public ES; takes bus every morning and some afternoons (bus stop is two houses away)
-younger DD is in preschool; we drop off and pick up, but we picked a school that is only a 5 min drive away

- biweekly cleaning lady
- housekeeper who comes 8 hours a week (two afternoons) and does laundry, meal prep, house tidying or organization
-weekly grocery delivery (instacart)

-I have a tried-and-true rotation of simple weeknight dinners that usually everyone eats; if not, the backup option is very basic...cereal, PB&J sandwich, etc...

-older DD does a lot of activities, that's what makes her happy. I'm able to handle that because of the flexibility of my job, carpools, and the fact that my younger DD is 4 and doesn't do any weekday activities yet bc she gets all the enrichment she needs at her full-day preschool (FWIW, we didn't plan the big age gap, but I actually think it's helped to lighten my burden, at least at this particular stage)

-once my kids go to bed, I do a quick kitchen clean up, but my evening time is "me time".. exercising, reading, watching TV with DH

Really the key to it all is my job!

So key points:

1) essentially part time flex job 100% WFH
2) cleaning lady and house keeper, about 15 hrs of hired labor a week seems like
3) only one kid in activities
4) public school bus (how are the upper schools in your neighborhood?)
5) two kids

How did you get such a great flex job? How does it pay? Sounds like DH works about 40 hrs with commute — his pay?

Having that much household labor, must be $300/week?

If you are zoned for good high schools you are golden.

DH works substantially more than 40 hours a week; he makes $300k plus 75k - 100k in bonus.
I make $150k and my job also provides our excellent health insurance. So, I'm not making the big bucks, but my salary makes a big difference in terms of the house we could buy, travel, and college savings. My job is very niche, I made choices to specialize; I also turned down opportunities to make more in favor of the flexibility.

We pay cleaning lady $225 a visit (so twice a month) and we pay housekeeper $250 a week. Money so well spent!

My younger DD is also in a few activities, but only on the weekend, when DH is available to help out.

Our public schools are excellent through HS. We have ZERO interest in sending our kids to private school, and we would never have purchased a home in a district without public schools we were happy with. My DH's company is in a neighboring suburb, not downtown (we are outside a major city, but not DC).

I should clarify...we are tired at the end of the day, but in a good way...the way parents and fully functioning adults should be. It's not like I have down time during the day...I go from working, to dealing with older DD's activities, to picking up younger DD, to getting dinner on the table, to bedtime. But we're not run down, exhausted, just trying to slog and get through the day. Those things are not overwhelming given our overall set up, I have time when my kids go to sleep for me time, I don't need to log back on, I can spend quality time with them in the afternoon.