The ole one and done. You go to random places you don’t know people to avoid being seen and avoid conversations so you can get in and get out quickly.

Omg. You are nuts. I am woman and women like you are why men think women are crazy.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What bothers you about this exactly? Is he not spending enough time with you? Your family?

This wouldn’t bother me, because I am similar to your husband in that sometimes I like to go to random places to decompress.

Just seemed out of the blue is all. He’s not hiding it. He doesn’t even really drink beer at home. We never buy it. He will drink a beer in social settings once in a while.

He stops because he randomly wants one beer when he's had a hard day and wants to decompress alone before getting home. I don't do this, but I can certainly understand wanting to grab a quick drink quietly by myself after a hard day.

I live alone and sometimes will stop at a bar on the way home. It is nice to be somewhere that isn't my office or my condo, and have someone else make me a drink. I can imagine the urge would be stronger with a spouse and kids at home. LOL

This. I'm a woman and married, and I've often thought it would be nice to have someone mix me a fancy cocktail and sip it while I scroll my phone before going home to do the second shift. I have never done this, but think I might be nicer in the evenings if I did... And I wouldn't care if my husband did it. Why shouldn't he have some down time to relax, too? I don't see why this is a big deal.

Do you ever get the feeling your spouse is commenting on the same DCUM thread you are?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is a 3rd place? I think I missed all that

Not your home, not your office, but somewhere you frequent.

The British and Irish have pubs, Germans Bierhalls, Dutch have cafes, French, Spanish, Italians, Greeks have bistros, tavernas, etc.


Americans have church.

Fewer and fewer Americans have church. But I think part of the point of a third place is that it brings you into contact with people outside your ordinary realm, anyway.

The suspicion and control evident in some of the posts here go a long way toward explaining why so many marriages struggle and why so many Americans have trouble connecting with anyone outside their own little bubbles. I bet a lot of you track your partners’ movements through their phones, too. What a way to live.

My wife and I totally track each other, I am the PP about the third place that you quoted. I completely agree - some of these posters are unhinged.

We don’t track each other out of suspicion though, we do it for logistics, convenience, and safety. I travel a decent amount for work and clearly could cheat if I wanted to (i dont have any interest). I also have pretty good tradecraft and can trick my surveillance if I need to (I put my tracked phone in my parents car as they ran errands around the holidays and I went Christmas shopping and had my work phone with me).

My wife and I trust each other 100% - and the trust provides us both with a lot less stress and a lot more freedom.

I do things like getting a beer by myself somewhat frequently. I also *gasp* go to dinner/lunch/bars with female colleagues from time to time. She does the same with male colleagues.

I’ll be honest though, the thing I was most afraid of getting caught doing was sneaking a fancy ice cream sandwich one day without buying her one. I wasn’t going to see her for an hour or more and I did it on an impulse running errands. We both eat very healthy and she would be pissed if she found out I didn’t share the indiscretion with her. That’s about as unfaithful as we get. It did give me such a rush though. Maybe it was the sugar?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My spouse keeps coming home with a coffee from Dunkin or Panera I think they are meeting Ashley Madison or Grindr dates.

Sometimes it’s a whole bag (or bags!) of produce and “groceries.” Like, how naive do you think I am?!?!

What about when they "pick up your dry cleaning" without even asking? Total sign of a guilty conscience, right?

And who "goes to the dentist" TWICE a year? Seriously??!

I mean really. The man works at various hospitals around town, which means he drives around a lot. He probably stops for gas at least twice as often as he needs to because he's having an affair and it's just another excuse for a 10 minute quickie.

Are we sure he actually works at hospitals? Or is he hospital-hopping because he has a thing for people in comas?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My spouse keeps coming home with a coffee from Dunkin or Panera I think they are meeting Ashley Madison or Grindr dates.

Sometimes it’s a whole bag (or bags!) of produce and “groceries.” Like, how naive do you think I am?!?!

What about when they "pick up your dry cleaning" without even asking? Total sign of a guilty conscience, right?

And who "goes to the dentist" TWICE a year? Seriously??!

I mean really. The man works at various hospitals around town, which means he drives around a lot. He probably stops for gas at least twice as often as he needs to because he's having an affair and it's just another excuse for a 10 minute quickie.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:yes - same as grabbing a coffee and decompressing at a bench at the park.

The big difference is the danger of alcholism.

Coffee addiction isn't explicitly hamrful to others.

Yes. Alcoholism from one light beer.

That's how things start.

The Temperence Union has entered the chat.

😂

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don't you all ever do this?

Remember most DCUMers are not adventure seekers. They are rule followers and worry warts.

Most people on here would be scared to go into a bar full of *gasp* blue collar people.

Though, if you ever walk into a bar full of cops drinking, quietly turn around and walk out. Those places are trouble.

I'm from a blue collar family, and spent a lot of time in dives. But why do you say that about cop bars?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:yes - same as grabbing a coffee and decompressing at a bench at the park.

The big difference is the danger of alcholism.

Coffee addiction isn't explicitly hamrful to others.

Yes. Alcoholism from one light beer.

That's how things start.

The Temperence Union has entered the chat.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What bothers you about this exactly? Is he not spending enough time with you? Your family?

This wouldn’t bother me, because I am similar to your husband in that sometimes I like to go to random places to decompress.

Just seemed out of the blue is all. He’s not hiding it. He doesn’t even really drink beer at home. We never buy it. He will drink a beer in social settings once in a while.

He stops because he randomly wants one beer when he's had a hard day and wants to decompress alone before getting home. I don't do this, but I can certainly understand wanting to grab a quick drink quietly by myself after a hard day.

I live alone and sometimes will stop at a bar on the way home. It is nice to be somewhere that isn't my office or my condo, and have someone else make me a drink. I can imagine the urge would be stronger with a spouse and kids at home. LOL

This. I'm a woman and married, and I've often thought it would be nice to have someone mix me a fancy cocktail and sip it while I scroll my phone before going home to do the second shift. I have never done this, but think I might be nicer in the evenings if I did... And I wouldn't care if my husband did it. Why shouldn't he have some down time to relax, too? I don't see why this is a big deal.

I can't believe how uptight DCUM is. It's a drink to relax at a bar after work. Nothing more. Tale as old as time.

Anonymous wrote:It would bug me OP. Is he avoiding dinner + childcare duties?

He's mentally preparing for the inevitable just-walked-in-the-front-door nagging about dinner + childcare duties.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My spouse keeps coming home with a coffee from Dunkin or Panera I think they are meeting Ashley Madison or Grindr dates.

Sometimes it’s a whole bag (or bags!) of produce and “groceries.” Like, how naive do you think I am?!?!

What about when they "pick up your dry cleaning" without even asking? Total sign of a guilty conscience, right?

And who "goes to the dentist" TWICE a year? Seriously??!

These comments are kinda funny - I'm from Chicago and all the dads stop at the dive bar on the way home....totally normal there.

It would bug me OP. Is he avoiding dinner + childcare duties?