Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have the right to say no, so just do it. But this one overnight is really not the major ask you are making it out to be.

True, if it were just a single overnight, it would be no big deal. Yet, you and so many others fail to see that The Overnight encompasses all snubbing, dissing, ignored opportunities that embody the IL's relationship with OP and her DH. If an overnight has no emotional baggage, it's simple. Add all the emotional baggage to it and it becomes something very different.

I'm sure OP would have been receptive to a playdate at a playground and McDonald's for lunch afterwards. If you're interested in building a relationship, you don't do it by dumping your kids on people who are essentially strangers to them.

OP here. This is it.

I do not really like my SIL. It's also clear she doesn't like me, because she has not responded to a single text of mine trying to get the kids together for playdates. She was never there for me when I had childcare or healthcare emergencies. She and her kids took precedence all those years with my MIL/FIL and had plenty of sleepovers with MIL, a heck of alot more "breaks" and overnights away from her kids than DH and I ever have. DH and I have not had a single night away from our son, ever.

I gave up at some point. Because I realized there was no point in putting an effort into a relationship with someone who does not reciprocate my attempts. She was not interested in getting to know me, so all I know of her is what I hear from my DH who does not speak highly of her or his BIL.

When we do hear from her, it's an ask. She wanted my DH to take her and her kids out on our fishing boat. She pestered him over and over again until he said he would not take them out unless they bought their own lifejackets, which she refused. She expected to borrow our kids lifejacket, which would be too small for her kid. Our son is underweight at a 3T/4T at 4 years old. Her 4 y/o daughter wears an Xsmall.

Her and her BIL do not seem to care about safety, my SIL's kid fell straight to the bottom of a pool at a family event because they don't seem to enforce water safety or require them to wear lifejackets around pools despite them not knowing how to swaim. My SIL was closeby and my BIL just shrugged it off and said "oh, she's fine." Never put their kids in swimming lessons or preschool. Basically just shoved them on my MIL 9-5. They don't enforce carseats for their kids because it will "damage the leather" in their stupid $100K+ SUV.

And so no, when these asks come up it's just like ... why? She was never interested in developing a relationship with my son or I. Our relationship was holiday cards and seeing her kids at holidays or after birthday invites. I'm not giving up 18 hours of time to study or spend with my family 1-1 so that she and BIL can go party.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you have a lot of resentment to your husband’s family. You also feel superior to them, which probably comes through in your interactions.

Sounds like she is superior, actually. [/not OP]

Superior in being a jerk.

Anonymous wrote:You have an only child. I think it would be nice for her to have cousins with whom she has sleepovers every once in a while.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

This is not my problem, right? SIL is very chuffed with my DH that we won't take her kids for an entire night. We don't have a strong relationship with them. DH hasn't talked to her in several weeks, we only really see them at holidays and birthdays.

So this was buried at the very end of your post, OP. I read this as, you and DH have already TOLD your SIL you won't take the kids. Is that a correct read? If so, why the concern on your part now? If your DH has already told her clearly that you and he are saying no, there's not a question to answer here other than "This is not my problem, right?" to which my answer is, nope, it's not.

You're going to get a big contingent of "But familyyyy! Cousins! Cousins should be OhSoClose! Take them!" posts here. I don't fall into that camp. You don't need to twist yourself into knots waffling over whether this is or was a problem. Your DH (not you! DH) says, "Sorry, that doesn't work for us" and then sticks to it without explaining. Over-explaining is NOT your friend. If you're not comfortable because you barely know the kids, that is perfectly legit -- and all the "Oh but cousins should be besties!" posts in the world shouldn't change that. Maybe after all this, you can offer to do more with them and their kids all together, and get to know the kids--you say you'd like to. But you are not at all obliged here. DH handles all this, though, not you. I'd just say "That doesn't work for us" and if asked why, I'd only add, "Here's a number for a sitter we use, and she might know other overnight sitters, or maybe BIL's mom is available." and then change the topic.

Op here. You read that correctly. DH has told her no, she’s displeased with him.

And? So? Sometimes family members are displeased with each other for no justifiable reason. Yes, and? Is she going to burn your house down, or bury you alive? Probably not, eh? Maybe move on with your day.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you have a lot of resentment to your husband’s family. You also feel superior to them, which probably comes through in your interactions.

Sounds like she is superior, actually. [/not OP]

Superior in being a jerk.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you have a lot of resentment to your husband’s family. You also feel superior to them, which probably comes through in your interactions.

Sounds like she is superior, actually. [/not OP]

Anonymous wrote:I really don’t think this is a weird or abnormal ask at ALL. I think you sound crazy and dramatic.

It’s one night, it’s not like she’s asking you to start doing daily after school care or something. If it doesn’t work for you, you tell her that and move on but candidly I don’t know a single person who would say no to this ask for a sibling / a spouse’s sibling, unless there was an actual schedule conflict - and even then, most people would really try to figure out a way to make it work. You are absolutely the strange one in this situation

Anonymous wrote:OP, you have a lot of resentment to your husband’s family. You also feel superior to them, which probably comes through in your interactions.