Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The last time we visited one of them for their child’s first birthday, they gave us chores to do at their house. Pressure wash the outside, put together things. When they came home, they complained about the work

My parents used to ask how they could help and might suggest themselves that the outside of the house looks a little dirty with a little impatience as if implying some small condemnation. I might have remarked that we are short on cash to clean the outside but was planning on hiring someone before the winter but say that would be great if they are up for it. They agree to wash all four sides. Then they might do two sides and then I ask them why they decided not to do the other two sides and then they give me some reason like they couldn't get to it or it didn't need it and that comes out to them as complaining. I let it go and say well I'm not sure I'm going to get to the other sides till the fall and they remark that it would be better if done in the spring. Then they remark I'm ungrateful because it wasn't this perfectly happy experience where they receive complete validation for being an amazing grandparent. The stay will be pleasant otherwise but they will harbor some resentment that they weren't seen as amazing at all times.

Is this the dynamic that goes on with your kids? I often feel set up to provide an "experience" for my parents to have a loving time with the family as if they are going to Disney. They are seeking validation more than the desire to help.

Uh yea if your parents pressure wash two sides of your house the correct response is “thank you” not “when are you doing the rest.” JFC.

But...two sides of their house look different than the other two sides. It looks worse than if you didn't do it at all.

Sorry hit submit too soon. This just happened to us with someone we hired. There was a dirty spot from some dripping under a vent on our white house. They pressure washed just under the vent and now there is a clean "stripe" down the middle of our house.

Someone you hired. Hired. Hired. Hired.

Is this real, this poster?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This sounds like an entitlement problem. It’s hard to hear but you are not entitled to a relationship with your grandchildren. It’s a privilege not a right.

You can’t invite yourself. You have to let go of expectations that you will get as much time as you want. If you are being made to feel like you are a burden, then you are being a burden.

Back off, enjoy FaceTime and live your own life.

You are so wrong.

Anonymous wrote:My experiences as a daughter and as a mom is that you get what you give. My parents were not great parents and I have a lot of issues with them, but I do try to be polite and respectful towards them if only to model that behavior for my own child and to make our visits more pleasant. I am stingy with visits though, because they can be real pills and stress me out a lot, and I have to give myself breaks between visits or the resentment will build up and I will really struggle to stay polite.

As a parent, I am trying to do better than my parents. I don't hit my kids, for starters. I think that's really awful behavior and I think the fact that my parents hit us has been really terrible for our mental health and for our relationship with them. I know they'd justify it by saying it was more normalized back then, but I know plenty of Boomers who didn't hit their kids. At the end of the day it's a choice.

I also talk to my kids respectfully, am interested in their lives, and apologize to them when I screw up. These are things my parents didn't do when I was a kid. They were very authoritarian and spoke to me with a lot of condescension or frequently sarcasm -- like I was dumb and they were smart and they resented having to explain things to me. They didn't seem interested in my life, my thoughts, my dreams for myself. And they never apologized. Not even when they were clearly in the wrong, like if they lost their temper over something that turned out to be a misunderstanding, even when it became clear they misunderstood, they wouldn't apologize, they'd just scold us for not clarifying things for them sooner.

I think the reason I have a really positive relationship with my kids but not a great one with my parents is a lot of this behavior. It's just hard to have a mutually respectful and warm relationship with people who used to hit you in anger, criticize you all the time, talk down to you, dismiss you, and were never accountable to you for any of their own behavior.

I do still try to be polite though. And I maintain a relationship with them. But I know often they feel I don't welcome them enough, or visit enough, or even that I am not respectful enough of their station in life. I do my best.

Perhaps some of this will be helpful for you, OP.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I think you are gaslighting us. You sound emotionally stunted and entitled.

I have a crazy aunt who is a narcissist and intensely demanding and unlikable. She however is convinced that she is a delight, an absolute delight that everyone loves yet no one can stand to be with her. She would quickly tell you how I am a big meanie that got mad at her for simply wanting to make my daughter a birthday cake. How awful, a birthday cake! She will omit that had harassed our family for months after being told no multiple times. My kids do not want to do anything with her. She’s crazy! We tried polite no thank you responses and not inviting her and this only enraged her. We tried grey rock, this enraged her more. She started calling and texting the kids demanding they do something with her. She told them to tell their meanie parents to let her see them. She scared them. She demanded that my daughter spend her birthday with her..not her friends, not us but her. This was it , we blocked her on all devices and went no contact. To ths day, she rages about us cutting her off over a birthday cake.

You may not be that bad but you certainly try to paint a picture that you are a delight when you don’t come off that way so it sounds suspicious.

My advice is to let go of feeling entitled to their children. Be pleasant when you get together, spend quality and not quantity time with them. Stop getting mad that you aren’t invited as frequently as you want.

NP- Ah, here it is. The millennial brigade assuming the worst in you, OP. I was wondering what was taking so long.

No, please do not assume this. Give these parents a break. Their kids are awful. Who calls their father a moron?

We are all sick of it. And it is very, very sad.

You’re “all sick of it?” Too damn bad.

And if it’s all THREE of OP’s kids, the problem is OP. Simple.

And what about you? You are pretty awful, too. Was it your parents? Hmm?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I think you are gaslighting us. You sound emotionally stunted and entitled.

I have a crazy aunt who is a narcissist and intensely demanding and unlikable. She however is convinced that she is a delight, an absolute delight that everyone loves yet no one can stand to be with her. She would quickly tell you how I am a big meanie that got mad at her for simply wanting to make my daughter a birthday cake. How awful, a birthday cake! She will omit that had harassed our family for months after being told no multiple times. My kids do not want to do anything with her. She’s crazy! We tried polite no thank you responses and not inviting her and this only enraged her. We tried grey rock, this enraged her more. She started calling and texting the kids demanding they do something with her. She told them to tell their meanie parents to let her see them. She scared them. She demanded that my daughter spend her birthday with her..not her friends, not us but her. This was it , we blocked her on all devices and went no contact. To ths day, she rages about us cutting her off over a birthday cake.

You may not be that bad but you certainly try to paint a picture that you are a delight when you don’t come off that way so it sounds suspicious.

My advice is to let go of feeling entitled to their children. Be pleasant when you get together, spend quality and not quantity time with them. Stop getting mad that you aren’t invited as frequently as you want.

NP- Ah, here it is. The millennial brigade assuming the worst in you, OP. I was wondering what was taking so long.

No, please do not assume this. Give these parents a break. Their kids are awful. Who calls their father a moron?

We are all sick of it. And it is very, very sad.

You’re “all sick of it?” Too damn bad.

And if it’s all THREE of OP’s kids, the problem is OP. Simple.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I think you are gaslighting us. You sound emotionally stunted and entitled.

I have a crazy aunt who is a narcissist and intensely demanding and unlikable. She however is convinced that she is a delight, an absolute delight that everyone loves yet no one can stand to be with her. She would quickly tell you how I am a big meanie that got mad at her for simply wanting to make my daughter a birthday cake. How awful, a birthday cake! She will omit that had harassed our family for months after being told no multiple times. My kids do not want to do anything with her. She’s crazy! We tried polite no thank you responses and not inviting her and this only enraged her. We tried grey rock, this enraged her more. She started calling and texting the kids demanding they do something with her. She told them to tell their meanie parents to let her see them. She scared them. She demanded that my daughter spend her birthday with her..not her friends, not us but her. This was it , we blocked her on all devices and went no contact. To ths day, she rages about us cutting her off over a birthday cake.

You may not be that bad but you certainly try to paint a picture that you are a delight when you don’t come off that way so it sounds suspicious.

My advice is to let go of feeling entitled to their children. Be pleasant when you get together, spend quality and not quantity time with them. Stop getting mad that you aren’t invited as frequently as you want.

NP- Ah, here it is. The millennial brigade assuming the worst in you, OP. I was wondering what was taking so long.

No, please do not assume this. Give these parents a break. Their kids are awful. Who calls their father a moron?

We are all sick of it. And it is very, very sad.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I think you are gaslighting us. You sound emotionally stunted and entitled.

I have a crazy aunt who is a narcissist and intensely demanding and unlikable. She however is convinced that she is a delight, an absolute delight that everyone loves yet no one can stand to be with her. She would quickly tell you how I am a big meanie that got mad at her for simply wanting to make my daughter a birthday cake. How awful, a birthday cake! She will omit that had harassed our family for months after being told no multiple times. My kids do not want to do anything with her. She’s crazy! We tried polite no thank you responses and not inviting her and this only enraged her. We tried grey rock, this enraged her more. She started calling and texting the kids demanding they do something with her. She told them to tell their meanie parents to let her see them. She scared them. She demanded that my daughter spend her birthday with her..not her friends, not us but her. This was it , we blocked her on all devices and went no contact. To ths day, she rages about us cutting her off over a birthday cake.

You may not be that bad but you certainly try to paint a picture that you are a delight when you don’t come off that way so it sounds suspicious.

My advice is to let go of feeling entitled to their children. Be pleasant when you get together, spend quality and not quantity time with them. Stop getting mad that you aren’t invited as frequently as you want.

“Feeling entitled to their children?!?” This is their grandchildren and of course they want a relationship with them.

yes they can WANT one, but they are not ENTITLED to one

FFS unless they are addicts or openly abusive, yes they are entitled. What is wrong with you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like their parents did something wrong.

maybe they did. if they did, they were too nice and accommodating and didn't teach them to respect their parents. in any case, it's not really helpful at this point.

sometimes kids have great parents and just grow up to be dicks.

I often see this point made on here but my personal observation is that it's not true. People who have good relationships with their kids when they are kids and teens tend to have good relationships with them as adults. I don't know anyone who just randomly turned out to be a jerk to their parents after their parents were very good to them. I have one friend who I thought was kind of entitled towards her parents but I found out last year they used to literally whip her with a belt. So now I get it.

Most of us got spanked. I deserved far more of them than I got. That's not a justification.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The last time we visited one of them for their child’s first birthday, they gave us chores to do at their house. Pressure wash the outside, put together things. When they came home, they complained about the work

My parents used to ask how they could help and might suggest themselves that the outside of the house looks a little dirty with a little impatience as if implying some small condemnation. I might have remarked that we are short on cash to clean the outside but was planning on hiring someone before the winter but say that would be great if they are up for it. They agree to wash all four sides. Then they might do two sides and then I ask them why they decided not to do the other two sides and then they give me some reason like they couldn't get to it or it didn't need it and that comes out to them as complaining. I let it go and say well I'm not sure I'm going to get to the other sides till the fall and they remark that it would be better if done in the spring. Then they remark I'm ungrateful because it wasn't this perfectly happy experience where they receive complete validation for being an amazing grandparent. The stay will be pleasant otherwise but they will harbor some resentment that they weren't seen as amazing at all times.

Is this the dynamic that goes on with your kids? I often feel set up to provide an "experience" for my parents to have a loving time with the family as if they are going to Disney. They are seeking validation more than the desire to help.

Uh yea if your parents pressure wash two sides of your house the correct response is “thank you” not “when are you doing the rest.” JFC.

But...two sides of their house look different than the other two sides. It looks worse than if you didn't do it at all.

Sorry hit submit too soon. This just happened to us with someone we hired. There was a dirty spot from some dripping under a vent on our white house. They pressure washed just under the vent and now there is a clean "stripe" down the middle of our house.

Anonymous wrote:This sounds like an entitlement problem. It’s hard to hear but you are not entitled to a relationship with your grandchildren. It’s a privilege not a right.

You can’t invite yourself. You have to let go of expectations that you will get as much time as you want. If you are being made to feel like you are a burden, then you are being a burden.

Back off, enjoy FaceTime and live your own life.

Anonymous wrote:The entitlement is astonishing. This is all about you and what you want, not what your children need or are asking for. And when they do ask for help with specific things, like the power washing, that's a problem too. I know my FIL will take on a task (asked or not) at our house and leave it worse than when he started (big hole in the wall hanging pictures, blew my son's bike tire trying to inflate it when it wasn't needed). So yeah, we say something.

Anonymous wrote:NP. I'm really confused by this thread.

OP has 3 disrespectful ACs, and she comes on here to blast millennials.

Maybe, just maybe, consider the possibility of over spoiling your kids or otherwise doing a poor parenting job instead of blasting a whole generation?

Anonymous wrote:OP I think you are gaslighting us. You sound emotionally stunted and entitled.

I have a crazy aunt who is a narcissist and intensely demanding and unlikable. She however is convinced that she is a delight, an absolute delight that everyone loves yet no one can stand to be with her. She would quickly tell you how I am a big meanie that got mad at her for simply wanting to make my daughter a birthday cake. How awful, a birthday cake! She will omit that had harassed our family for months after being told no multiple times. My kids do not want to do anything with her. She’s crazy! We tried polite no thank you responses and not inviting her and this only enraged her. We tried grey rock, this enraged her more. She started calling and texting the kids demanding they do something with her. She told them to tell their meanie parents to let her see them. She scared them. She demanded that my daughter spend her birthday with her..not her friends, not us but her. This was it , we blocked her on all devices and went no contact. To ths day, she rages about us cutting her off over a birthday cake.

You may not be that bad but you certainly try to paint a picture that you are a delight when you don’t come off that way so it sounds suspicious.

My advice is to let go of feeling entitled to their children. Be pleasant when you get together, spend quality and not quantity time with them. Stop getting mad that you aren’t invited as frequently as you want.