Last weekend I took DS9 to a morning birthday party and stopped at Starbucks on the way to get coffee, and it didn't even occur to me to offer him something. I was about to drop him off at a party where he'd be pumped full of soda, pizza, and cake! He didn't need a milkshake and he would have had no interest in a milk or plain iced tea.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband and I only get drip or unsweetened iced coffees with milk. I’m happy to order my kids those…but they are disinterested. They prefer $6 iced matchas with oat milk and so forth.

So no, I don’t order them a drink every time I get a coffee.

And they’re ok! Your kids will be ok too! It’s rather alarming to see so many parents willing to buy their children awful beverages just so they don’t feel “sad.”

Agreed. I mean, I very rarely go to starbucks or similar so I've never actually been in this situation. But if I were to be the kind of person who grabbed a black coffee or a tea while out running errands, then no I would not always buy my kids what amounts to a milkshake or super rich hot chocolate. These things are desserts. If they want a small refresher or plain iced tea, I would get them that.

There are lots and lots and lots of times that I grab them fast food and don't partake myself. We don't all need to ingest the same treats every time one person wants one.

And to follow up as an example. Last night my teenager got McDonald's after a sports event that happened right over dinner time. I did not offer it (as a meal or as a small treat) to my younger son who had the opportunity to have dinner at home, even though we did all ride home from the game together.

Ok and? did your child ask and you said "no Larlo, only Larlo Sr gets McDonald's, you had an opportunity to eat at home." To me, that's weird. I would've offered and who knows, maybe the child would've declined.

It's not about whether you buy your kids a desert drink. it's about if you are going to a place and getting something, how do you NOT get others in your presence something? You can of course offer whatever YOU think is appropriate - be it milk, cake pop, iced tea, whatever - but purposefully and deliberately NOT to offer others something just seems off. If I am at a restaurant and getting a cocktail/wine - my kids still drink water but chances are they are getting a small desert.

Wow some of you are stingy. I am 38 and if I went to Starbucks with my parents they would likely still try to treat me. I would never take my kid there and not get him something also.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband and I only get drip or unsweetened iced coffees with milk. I’m happy to order my kids those…but they are disinterested. They prefer $6 iced matchas with oat milk and so forth.

So no, I don’t order them a drink every time I get a coffee.

And they’re ok! Your kids will be ok too! It’s rather alarming to see so many parents willing to buy their children awful beverages just so they don’t feel “sad.”

Agreed. I mean, I very rarely go to starbucks or similar so I've never actually been in this situation. But if I were to be the kind of person who grabbed a black coffee or a tea while out running errands, then no I would not always buy my kids what amounts to a milkshake or super rich hot chocolate. These things are desserts. If they want a small refresher or plain iced tea, I would get them that.

There are lots and lots and lots of times that I grab them fast food and don't partake myself. We don't all need to ingest the same treats every time one person wants one.

And to follow up as an example. Last night my teenager got McDonald's after a sports event that happened right over dinner time. I did not offer it (as a meal or as a small treat) to my younger son who had the opportunity to have dinner at home, even though we did all ride home from the game together.

Anonymous wrote:My husband and I only get drip or unsweetened iced coffees with milk. I’m happy to order my kids those…but they are disinterested. They prefer $6 iced matchas with oat milk and so forth.

So no, I don’t order them a drink every time I get a coffee.

And they’re ok! Your kids will be ok too! It’s rather alarming to see so many parents willing to buy their children awful beverages just so they don’t feel “sad.”

Agreed. I mean, I very rarely go to starbucks or similar so I've never actually been in this situation. But if I were to be the kind of person who grabbed a black coffee or a tea while out running errands, then no I would not always buy my kids what amounts to a milkshake or super rich hot chocolate. These things are desserts. If they want a small refresher or plain iced tea, I would get them that.

There are lots and lots and lots of times that I grab them fast food and don't partake myself. We don't all need to ingest the same treats every time one person wants one.

My husband and I only get drip or unsweetened iced coffees with milk. I’m happy to order my kids those…but they are disinterested. They prefer $6 iced matchas with oat milk and so forth.

So no, I don’t order them a drink every time I get a coffee.

And they’re ok! Your kids will be ok too! It’s rather alarming to see so many parents willing to buy their children awful beverages just so they don’t feel “sad.”

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you have food or drink (whatever it is) and your family or guests are there, you should offer to share. This is why I often save my treats to eat after they are asleep. I would just skip SB if my kids are present but I don’t want to buy for them.

Coffee isn’t a treat. It’s for adults like alcohol. I made it abundant clear since my kids were toddlers: no caffeinated drinks until you’re done growing. That’s how I grew up and I don’t see any problem with it. So no, I’m not buying you any sugary garbage just because I’m getting my coffee.

If I'm driving alcohol in front of my kids like a restaurant or winery, they do get to order a nonalcoholic drink, not just drink the free water.

Oops that was supposed to be "drinking alcohol" not driving, ha.

But also wanted to add that the PP is very odd for saying alcohol isn't a treat. Of course it is, for adults. Unless you're an alcoholic.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you have food or drink (whatever it is) and your family or guests are there, you should offer to share. This is why I often save my treats to eat after they are asleep. I would just skip SB if my kids are present but I don’t want to buy for them.

Coffee isn’t a treat. It’s for adults like alcohol. I made it abundant clear since my kids were toddlers: no caffeinated drinks until you’re done growing. That’s how I grew up and I don’t see any problem with it. So no, I’m not buying you any sugary garbage just because I’m getting my coffee.

Right. Totally agree. Now, if I stop for a coffee and my kid wanted an herbal tea or a white milk, sure. But I’m not buying them processed garbage because I stopped for a black coffee.

Using your logic decaf coffee with milk should be an option.

Sure that would be fine. But if
Given the choice of decaf coffee, herbal tea, milk, or some combination of those- they would pass

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you have food or drink (whatever it is) and your family or guests are there, you should offer to share. This is why I often save my treats to eat after they are asleep. I would just skip SB if my kids are present but I don’t want to buy for them.

Coffee isn’t a treat. It’s for adults like alcohol. I made it abundant clear since my kids were toddlers: no caffeinated drinks until you’re done growing. That’s how I grew up and I don’t see any problem with it. So no, I’m not buying you any sugary garbage just because I’m getting my coffee.

If I'm driving alcohol in front of my kids like a restaurant or winery, they do get to order a nonalcoholic drink, not just drink the free water.

I think it's rude. If you're out with people, you don't unilaterally decide to get coffee and disregard the other people's opinions (and teenagers definitely fit this category). I get it that you're still a mom, but you'll be getting that same treatment from them later in life.

Really, following your logic, you should take the 5 minutes at home to make your own coffee and not waste $4 at Starbucks on burned coffee in a logo paper cup. But I don't think that Starbucks coffee is strictly a necessity for you. And if it's a treat, you should in some ways recognize it with your kids. You can give them options: treat now or later, only get items under X price or with X amount of sugar, but you should treat them as beings with agency, rather than obedient automatons. It doesn't make them spoiled. I think on the contrary.

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s weird if you’re dragging them into a Starbucks to treat yourself and making them stand in line and then telling them to lump it if they are hungry or thirsty. And yes, it’s a treat even if it’s black coffee because you can make that easily and cheaper at home.

This!

If you are popping in out of necessity to get caffeine to power through a long day of errands or kid-related events, I don’t think kids need something. However if it’s a long day for you, I’d ask if it’s also a long day for them. If I’m getting a latte and my kids are getting Gatorade and snacks after their game, I’d consider that even. OP clearly said that they got Starbucks but that the kids were about to get something better / different at the farmer’s market. It’s all in context with the day overall.
My kids are being trained by school and other parents that every activity is rewarded with a treat or snack. I don’t think that is a good habit. My 3rd grader’s baseball team didn’t do snacks this season and it was fine. Literally 0 children noticed or complained.

I think it’s ok to teach kids before they are running around with friends or off to college that they don’t need to eat / snack / get a treat every time the opportunity is presented. This goes for frappacinos as well as free pizza at college events and sponsored happy hours as an intern / new hire. Do you actually need that drink/food/alcohol or are you taking it because it’s free to you?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ouch. You treat yourself but not your kids because you do not want to spend that much? Then don’t get yourself one. Pretty sad to be honest with you.

+1 our kids are younger but the only exception for me would be if I really just needed caffeine on a long drive

Another plus 1. My kids are in college (and one just graduated and has a job) but I'd still never do that. I don't even do that to friends--I offer a coffee or whatever, although most either get their own or we take turns.

But not buying for your kids? That just seems rude and selfish.

Anonymous wrote:Ouch. You treat yourself but not your kids because you do not want to spend that much? Then don’t get yourself one. Pretty sad to be honest with you.

+1 our kids are younger but the only exception for me would be if I really just needed caffeine on a long drive