Anonymous wrote:I'm weirded out by the ones for funerals. If you can't afford a funeral, then you need to cremate and do the cheapest thing possible. The person is dead - they won't care about what flower arrangement was there.

No. Some cultures do not believe in burning bodies in preparation of the after life. Your post shows you are insensitive and likely poor. You really cannot afford to be snobby.

People who are truly privileged understand this concept and have no issue with donating to those less fortunate.

I've never seen Jeff Bezos ex-wife or any other major philanthropist look down on poor people for not having basic necessities.

Anonymous wrote:I'm weirded out by the ones for funerals. If you can't afford a funeral, then you need to cremate and do the cheapest thing possible. The person is dead - they won't care about what flower arrangement was there.

We cremated my mother in 2015. It's still cost nearly $10,000.

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Anonymous wrote:Having to beg for money from strangers for medical care or burials is the bread and butter of r/ABoringDystopia

The reality is that, even in those perfect Scandinavian countries, no one individual is getting millions of dollars worth of medical care for “free.” They just let people die instead.

Much better to ration health care by the ability to pay

+1. Don't even get me started on million dollar + NICU babies who go on to have a lifetime of medical issues that we (taxpayers) also pay for through Medicaid.

Yeah, who cares about babies anyway? Let the useless eaters die.

Yeah, who cares if they have any quality of life at all as long as we keep them alive to make their parents happy!!!

https://encyclopedia.ushmm.org/content/en/article/euthanasia-program

Its not "euthanasia" to NOT spend 7 figures to keep alive a baby that is the size of a human hand alive and will likely go on to experience a whole host of issues. THIS (among other things) is why health insurance is unaffordable in this country. Because we are routinely keeping 750 gram micropreemies alive.

https://www.oviahealth.com/guide/101068/micro-preemie/#:~:text=Micro%20preemies%20also%20face%20the,conditions%20like%20ADD%20and%20ADHD.

+1,000

Now a days micro preemies can live completely normal lives. How is paying for them any different, than paying for a baby born with a heart defect who needs long NICU stays and multiple surgeries? Or a baby who gets a rare cancer, and insurance spends tons of money helping them fight it or prolonging their life?

I had a micro preemie born at 800g , and is 10 years old with zero delays or issues. I also never asked other for money to help, nor did I need it. My child had a 3 month NICU stay that was expensive, but that is my right and I see it no differently then keeping any other person alive with a serious medical crisis who needs months long hospital stays or medical care. Why is an adults life more worth spending money on than a baby’s?

But isn’t it better to donate directly to the family? Go fund me takes a percentage of the $.

Often even if you have insurance (home, life) it takes a while to pay out and it’s nice not to have to worry about cash flow in the wake of a tragedy. Expenses often go up too because you want to get takeout instead of cooking, etc. And people want to indicate their sympathy! But I do think that if you’re confident you won’t be out of pocket long term it’s polite to indicate that (though obviously in the wake of a shock you may not think of it).

A big go fund me was circulated in our big and generous community when a family’s home had a fire. I couldn’t understand why an affluent family with a nice home that was fully insured would need so much money to rebuild…particularly since only a small area of the house was impacted. Turns out I was right! I overheard someone with direct knowledge chatting with someone at the gym confirming the house was fully insured and would be taken care of but they opted to use the GFM money to renovate other parts of the home.

That’s the last time I donated to a GFM.

Anonymous wrote:I'm weirded out by the ones for funerals. If you can't afford a funeral, then you need to cremate and do the cheapest thing possible. The person is dead - they won't care about what flower arrangement was there.

You've clearly never had this happen. And funerals aren't for the dead, they're for the living.

We’ve given to many for friends and strangers. Not everyone has a financial safety net during times of crisis. The donations are usually small because we also have a modest income. Im self employed and understand what it means to be out of work due to injury or illness.

GoFund me is tacky. I never donate.

I posted before but when a friend of mine died, I knew for a fact his funeral expenses were paid for by his partner, yet his estranged family set up a GFM and raised thousands of dollars that they kept. I will never give to one again. I have contributed directly to a kid's 529 after a parent's death, and will do that again if needed.

It was Covid that woke me up to this and now I think about gfm differently. I felt this overwhelming need to help people and be civic minded when the pandemic hit and I gave to a number of gfms and community assistance funds as part of that. I later learned that several of the people and groups I donated to were not really that needy -- they basically used Covid as an excuse to claim they were hurting financially (claiming they'd been furloughed when they were actually still being paid not to work or claiming their business needed extra funds to stay solvent when their landlord had given them a break on rent while things were closed for instance). In one case I learned a mutual aid fund I gave money to wound up with such a surplus of funds that they held a series of private events for themselves with the money. During the pre-vaccine days of the pandemic when the rest of us were staying home because we were told it was morally wrong to gather. Thinking about how money I'd donated was being used to buy alcohol for a super-spreader event while my family and I stayed home and played board games alone for the 40th time that year actually made me mad.

That experience made me cynical. What I learned is that some people are very comfortable asking others for help even when their need is low or moderate. And some people don't consider the sacrifice others might be making to give that help -- a family that gives $100 to a mutual aid fund might be giving up something tangible to help someone with greater need. If that person's need is not actually greater it feels manipulative to me.

I no longer give money to ad hoc causes anymore. I think it's too easily manipulated and too many people abuse it. I give money to longstanding charities with good records on channelling money to the right places. Generally charities that help families in need of help after a tragic event will income qualify the families. They also often offer in-kind assistance like an apartment near the children's hospital for families who can't afford a hotel to stay or care packages of essentials for families whose homes have burned down. I think this is a better use of my money than giving money to a gfm that may turn out to be for an upper middle class family who will use it to buy new iPads for their kids because the old ones seemed dated.

Everyone I know donated to a friend when her spouse died unexpectedly. The money was meant to help with college funds/other costs for the 3 kids. About a year or so later, a friend in finance told our larger friend group that the deceased was loaded and left behind significant assets. They moved to a fancier house, kids go to fancy schools, etc.

Everyone gave between $100 and $1k because we thought the widow would struggle financially…we had no clue he had left them so well equipped.

Anonymous wrote:You are terrible people. You may need help one day

That's true but many people with GFMs don't need help-- they just want money. I want money too! But I don't have a GFM because I think it's tacky to ask other people to give you money unless you are destitute.

You are terrible people. You may need help one day

Anonymous wrote:I'm weirded out by the ones for funerals. If you can't afford a funeral, then you need to cremate and do the cheapest thing possible. The person is dead - they won't care about what flower arrangement was there.

You would be surprised how many people want to give something at the death of a special person. My dad died unexpectedly and my mom absolutely refused to allow a Gofundme, but people contacted me (the child) repeatedly to ask how they could send the widow some money. Some of this might be cultural too.