Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I didn’t have an affair.

But after the kids, my wife let it be known she was not interested in sex but wanted to stay married. I make a lot of money and she implied I could spend some to get a bj every now and again. (Zero interest in that)

But I slept around when traveling from 35-45 and at some point my libido matched my wife’s again. The last 10 years have been nice.

My situation was similar. Honestly, especially for men, the crazy libido years last until mid-40s then for many men, your sex drive comes down to a "normal" level where you aren't sex obsessed and you can deal with having a drive mismatch of one a week or less. I think many couples would do themselves well to stay married and sane by outsourcing if necessary and see where you are by age 45-50. You could probably live out the rest of your lives happily if you don't get caught.

You have no idea how many women are married to low libido men. My DH has a low sex drive and his drinking doesn’t help it. I’m 40 and would like to have sex multiple times a week if possible.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m in a dead bedroom situation and am dying! Any good or positive affair stories?
I’ve got enough of the negative, it’s deterred me for years. I’m hanging on by a thread.

Have some class and just get out of the marriage.

Anonymous wrote:You don’t get to unilaterally destroy someone else’s family in the name of “the truth”.

There is nuance to life and love and truth. There is no one truth. Cheating is wrong, but good people don’t try to take down as many people as possible with them once they learn they are doomed. If any of you were faced with the actual truth every day of your lives, you would have a mental breakdown.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Except it is. Two wrongs don’t make a right. That’s like saying “you must exert control and hurt other people because you were hurt.” Black and white thinking has no place in real relationships. If you were screwing my DH, please don’t tell me.

Except it's NOT WRONG for someone to tell the truth - and in this case, it's absolutely the compassionate, honorable thing to do. You clearly lack integrity and a moral compass, but fortunately, many people don't.

Would you look a 6 year old in the face and tell her that the truth is more important than her family staying intact? Is that compassionate? “But sweetheart, don’t you see? My husband doesn’t want me so now I will destroy your mothers family as revenge. It’s for the best, darling.”

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Except it is. Two wrongs don’t make a right. That’s like saying “you must exert control and hurt other people because you were hurt.” Black and white thinking has no place in real relationships. If you were screwing my DH, please don’t tell me.

Except it's NOT WRONG for someone to tell the truth - and in this case, it's absolutely the compassionate, honorable thing to do. You clearly lack integrity and a moral compass, but fortunately, many people don't.

Would you look a 6 year old in the face and tell her that the truth is more important than her family staying intact? Is that compassionate? “But sweetheart, don’t you see? My husband doesn’t want me so now I will destroy your mothers family as revenge. It’s for the best, darling.”

How compassionate is having sex with another married mother’s husband? Is that compassion for your spouse and kids, much less hers? Why do only you matter in this scenario?

Once you cheat, nobody needs to protect you and lie for you. What are you going to tell YOUR AP’s 6-year old? Or the 13 year old that intercepted your nasty cooter photos on dad’s phone?

Anonymous wrote:You don’t get to unilaterally destroy someone else’s family in the name of “the truth”.

There is nuance to life and love and truth. There is no one truth. Cheating is wrong, but good people don’t try to take down as many people as possible with them once they learn they are doomed. If any of you were faced with the actual truth every day of your lives, you would have a mental breakdown.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Except it is. Two wrongs don’t make a right. That’s like saying “you must exert control and hurt other people because you were hurt.” Black and white thinking has no place in real relationships. If you were screwing my DH, please don’t tell me.

Except it's NOT WRONG for someone to tell the truth - and in this case, it's absolutely the compassionate, honorable thing to do. You clearly lack integrity and a moral compass, but fortunately, many people don't.

Would you look a 6 year old in the face and tell her that the truth is more important than her family staying intact? Is that compassionate? “But sweetheart, don’t you see? My husband doesn’t want me so now I will destroy your mothers family as revenge. It’s for the best, darling.”

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Except it is. Two wrongs don’t make a right. That’s like saying “you must exert control and hurt other people because you were hurt.” Black and white thinking has no place in real relationships. If you were screwing my DH, please don’t tell me.

Except it's NOT WRONG for someone to tell the truth - and in this case, it's absolutely the compassionate, honorable thing to do. You clearly lack integrity and a moral compass, but fortunately, many people don't.

Would you look a 6 year old in the face and tell her that the truth is more important than her family staying intact? Is that compassionate? “But sweetheart, don’t you see? My husband doesn’t want me so now I will destroy your mothers family as revenge. It’s for the best, darling.”

It's not relaying the message that the destroys the marriage. It's the content of the message. "Don't shoot the messenger" is a common refrain because people try to pull this logical fallacy all the time to shift blame. Do you teach your kids "Don't do things that you don't want other people to know about?" or do you teach them "Do whatever the hell you want, and then if someone finds out, threaten/manipulate/blackmail them so they don't squeal"? If it's the latter, then you're in the mob.

The majority of couples stay together after infidelity is discovered anyway. The only relationships that usually die when affairs are exposed are affairs themselves.

It's super anti-women to imply that men can cheat all they want, and if women don't sacrifice their own well-being in order to protect the cheater from the natural consequences of his choices, then it's "revenge." It's not revenge; it's just not being a door mat/human shield.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Except it is. Two wrongs don’t make a right. That’s like saying “you must exert control and hurt other people because you were hurt.” Black and white thinking has no place in real relationships. If you were screwing my DH, please don’t tell me.

Except it's NOT WRONG for someone to tell the truth - and in this case, it's absolutely the compassionate, honorable thing to do. You clearly lack integrity and a moral compass, but fortunately, many people don't.

Would you look a 6 year old in the face and tell her that the truth is more important than her family staying intact? Is that compassionate? “But sweetheart, don’t you see? My husband doesn’t want me so now I will destroy your mothers family as revenge. It’s for the best, darling.”

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Except it is. Two wrongs don’t make a right. That’s like saying “you must exert control and hurt other people because you were hurt.” Black and white thinking has no place in real relationships. If you were screwing my DH, please don’t tell me.

Except it's NOT WRONG for someone to tell the truth - and in this case, it's absolutely the compassionate, honorable thing to do. You clearly lack integrity and a moral compass, but fortunately, many people don't.

Would you look a 6 year old in the face and tell her that the truth is more important than her family staying intact? Is that compassionate? “But sweetheart, don’t you see? My husband doesn’t want me so now I will destroy your mothers family as revenge. It’s for the best, darling.”

Anonymous wrote:

Except it is. Two wrongs don’t make a right. That’s like saying “you must exert control and hurt other people because you were hurt.” Black and white thinking has no place in real relationships. If you were screwing my DH, please don’t tell me.

Except it's NOT WRONG for someone to tell the truth - and in this case, it's absolutely the compassionate, honorable thing to do. You clearly lack integrity and a moral compass, but fortunately, many people don't.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hi OP, yes. I had an affair for 7 and a half years. Not discovered by his wife nor my husband. AP and I are still friends, and we're each still with our spouses. I am now faithful to my husband. Affair got us both through rough times. So glad I didn't divorce. Good luck!

It could still come out. You were one person in a two person affair. Friend accidentally discovered her DH ONS, one thing lead to another and she also uncovered long affair he had with a “friend”. He doesn’t know she knows and she is planning to inform AP husband with proof but is giving it time. I’m trying to talk her out of it since it won’t improve her own situation and there are others involved she would hurt. At least all the kids are grown but now I have anxiety over this! Also I’m not sure you considering yourself faithful now really counts.

People are individuals. It always amuses me when people try to shame a betrayed spouse into keeping their secrets. I mean, if you didn't want your spouse to know you are a cheater, I guess you shouldn't cheat. But, to then shame and belittle a person that was a victim of this from sharing this almost decade long affair as if she's the bad person in this scenario is just absurd. She will do what she needs to do for closure. And a person that was banging her husband for 7 years really doesn't matter to her, just like she didn't matter to the ap.

I’m not trying to shame her. I try to be a sounding board mainly. I see that it has destroyed her and she may elect to bring this upon another person. Will the revenge really be sweet or will she feel worse when it’s done. I’m concerned about her.

DP. I will say it feels really, really good to get that off your chest. No more feeling like a victim. Done and dusted.

Absolutely not. It's disgusting to tell the other spouse. There's a very good chance he wouldn't want to know. I wouldn't want some btch getting in my business if my DH stepped out. If it was over and he's not running away with her, you just seem completely psychotic. It's not "doing the right thing", it's bringing everyone else down with you. Just stay out of it.

This is some weird "blame the messenger" energy. The people who are disgusting and getting into other people's business are the ones pretending they're being monogamous to their partners when they're not. Being told the truth so you can reclaim your autonomy is a necessary step to begin righting all the wrongs the cheaters foisted onto their betrayed partners. Don't distract from the real issues by claiming that telling the truth is bad thing here.

Except it is. Two wrongs don’t make a right. That’s like saying “you must exert control and hurt other people because you were hurt.” Black and white thinking has no place in real relationships. If you were screwing my DH, please don’t tell me.

There is only one wrong: the cheating/adultery.

Truth is not a wrong. Communicating info so someone knows to protect their health is a “good”.

It’s pathetic when cheaters try to equate ratting on them as an offense and on the same level of equivalency as screwing and lying for years behind their spouses’ backs.

Except it is. Two wrongs don’t make a right. That’s like saying “you must exert control and hurt other people because you were hurt.” Black and white thinking has no place in real relationships. If you were screwing my DH, please don’t tell me.

Absolutely not. It's disgusting to tell the other spouse. There's a very good chance he wouldn't want to know. I wouldn't want some btch getting in my business if my DH stepped out. If it was over and he's not running away with her, you just seem completely psychotic. It's not "doing the right thing", it's bringing everyone else down with you. Just stay out of it.
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Okay, cheater - go away now. The adults are having a discussion.