Anonymous wrote:Wow this resonates for me! It feels like shit that people without guidance or role models can often end up making all of the wrong decisions out of pure class ignorance. It sucks because everyone thinks there is something wrong with you.

I don't get it. If you were really working class/middle class, why did you major in English? Pretty much all the non-wealthy students at my Ivy majored in STEM or went to law school or finance.

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Anonymous wrote:I grew up pretty lower middle class in a rural southern town. I escaped by getting into an Ivy League and getting tons of aid.

And then promptly squandered that opportunity by making all the wrong career choices (I never interned while in college, just went home and helped out my folks), didn’t understand the potential salary ranges for various careers nor the importance of prestige and clout for your work history (I looked for interesting work in towns I thought would be interesting to live in)

That’s how I ended up in DC, working for a gov contractor on DoD projects — post 9/11 working on defense seemed cool, jobs seemed stable, and I had never lived in a bigger East coast city. I especially appreciated the stability of the job after going through the dot.com crash.

But I could have done so much more with my elite college education, I just squandered it on jobs that fit my lifestyle (clock out at 5) and stability. No idea that you real people could make $400k or $500k — my parents house TODAY is only worth $100k, so this sounds like made up numbers only people like Gates make. As an old person I realize how dumb I was. Anyone relate?

Sorry but how did you not know to do internships? I was also a first-gen college student at an Ivy from a rural, low-income background. I realized that getting internships was crucial even as an underclassmen because so many of the students around me at my Ivy were very aggressively searching for internships. I knew that sophomore and junior summers were CRUCIAL in getting internships + a job offer post-grad, even as my parents had no idea how to navigate the white-collar professional world.

Then again, I graduated in 2012, so different times. But still, the internship search + corporate recruiting was a big part of the campus culture, so I knew I had to figure it out.

Well first off, this was the 90s. Money was not talked about as readily as it is today, and the necessity of internships rather than just a nice to have was not clear. I actually wasn’t gunning for a corporate job; I didn’t care about being rich just comfortable. Unfortunately with housing, college costs, etc, a $130k job is not comfortable in most cities. I mean houses on Howard County are $900k. I would love to move some where cheaper but pay drops usually in step with COL, and college costs are high no matter how cheap your house is. Maybe if I had a friend who knew the ropes they may have set me down, but I hung out with other kids on scholarship by nature of the social scene on campus.


Also internships didn’t pay as much (there was a whole ruckus about how unpaid internships were elitist in the 2000s). How did you afford paying for housing and board in the internship city? Most of my classmates either went home to their home cities and interned there — I went home and worked at local factory to earn tuition money. An internship would have been at BEST net zero or more likely cost money.

OP, I'm in the same boat - I went to an Ivy in the 90's and in a certain sense, squandered my opportunity. I really appreciate what a previous poster said, though, about each generation doing better than the previous one. By that measure, I am doing just fine. I certainly know much more about how to guide my own children. Anyway, would you and the others who have been responded be interested in some sort of Ivy Underachievers meetup or support group? I have to figure out how to make a burner email address for this. I really do think that we could all support each other! And share advice for the next generation...

Not OP but my reactions were, "Yes! I would love that!" followed by "...but what if I'm the underachiever of THAT group too? Damn it."

NP here. I would love to start an Ivy Underachievers Support Group (LOL) as well. I wonder if anyone here would be responsive to a burner email.

+2

I would also be interested in joining. FYI I am a current college student and I've posted on this forum before ("Is $80k in debt worth it for Ivy Undergrad?").

NP here, I remember reading your thread. Let me tell it to you straight: you are a self-centered, navel-gazing brat and you need to stop it with the pathetic self-indulgence. No decent employer wants to hire someone like you.

Wow this resonates for me! It feels like shit that people without guidance or role models can often end up making all of the wrong decisions out of pure class ignorance. It sucks because everyone thinks there is something wrong with you.

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Anonymous wrote:Honestly, this reminds me of Rory Gilmore on Gilmore Girls. She so desperately wanted to go to an Ivy and never really amounted to anything. I think some people want the prestige of the college, but don't think about how to use that to propel them into a high earning career. Most of the people that are from wealthier backgrounds that end up at these schools seem to understand that.

It might also just be the function of actually BELIEVING they were special. The MC people like me who also went to Ivies all did STEM or wound up going to law school, UNLESS they were incredibly talented artists (think, published authors by major companies in college). But no one was like oh journalism, yeah, I'll be the one who turns the world on its head with my writing!

It's all about understanding reality, and also accepting that yes, other people will have a leg up on you, but you have a leg up on so many other people. But you're not entitled to some special fancy cool job that pays well and is super fun. Those don't exist, unless someone else like your parents is paying your way. And if that's the case you're really a glorified volunteer on a vanity project, so I wouldn't feel too bad by comparison to those people.

+100

Ding ding ding. For middle class students, the (comparatively) meritocratic world of STEM/law/medicine is MUCH better than finance or consulting. Even if you're at an Ivy.

/
NP here. This seems so obvious, why don't the "narcissistic blowhards" (as another PP described them) here understand this?

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Anonymous wrote:Honestly, this reminds me of Rory Gilmore on Gilmore Girls. She so desperately wanted to go to an Ivy and never really amounted to anything. I think some people want the prestige of the college, but don't think about how to use that to propel them into a high earning career. Most of the people that are from wealthier backgrounds that end up at these schools seem to understand that.

I sort of agree.

I am the PP who grew up in suburbia and did fine at an Ivy but did not excel, there or in life.

My parents were the first in their families to go to college and they pushed me to do well (I went to public high school) and none of us really thought about what it would take to succeed after I got into a good college. They had no clue. I had no clue. I went to an Ivy that is notorious for not being supportive (esp. in the 80s/90s) and I basically just floated through, getting mored depressed as graduation was coming.

As for the PP who said all you need is hard work and hustle, I push back on this. I waitressed and nannied, and had other jobs through college. I got good grades, I did ECs. I wasn't a slacker with a trust fund just coasting on the Ivy name.

I just didn't understand newtowkring, or parlaying the hand I had into something bigger.

Grad school and law school seemed out of reach for me. I didn't have a passion or a plan and my parents did not have the $ for grad school, so taking on that much debt for something I wasn't sure about seemed irresponsible.

As a mother I tell my kids it is way more important to attend a school where you grow into the best you, have mentors, access to professors, and feel like a part of the school community than it is to have a brand name.

Columbia I'm guessing? That's where that other girl was suicidally depressed. It lacks any sense of community.

You guessed right.

Columbia seems like an awful school. Don’t know why anyone would send their kids there.

Umm... Because it's an Ivy. Duh.

I mean this was back in the 90s. There was no Internet, or really any way of figuring out what schools were really like, unless you knew someone who went there. I didn't even visit schools. I don't think it occurred to my parents. I met with my guidance counselor, she looked at my grades and scores and said here's a list of schools to apply to. Columbia was my reach and I got in. I was grateful.

Well, if you couldn't be successful at Columbia, you probably wouldn't have been successful from a state school since there is WAY less hand-holding there.

+100

Quit the navel gazing.

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Anonymous wrote:Honestly, this reminds me of Rory Gilmore on Gilmore Girls. She so desperately wanted to go to an Ivy and never really amounted to anything. I think some people want the prestige of the college, but don't think about how to use that to propel them into a high earning career. Most of the people that are from wealthier backgrounds that end up at these schools seem to understand that.

I sort of agree.

I am the PP who grew up in suburbia and did fine at an Ivy but did not excel, there or in life.

My parents were the first in their families to go to college and they pushed me to do well (I went to public high school) and none of us really thought about what it would take to succeed after I got into a good college. They had no clue. I had no clue. I went to an Ivy that is notorious for not being supportive (esp. in the 80s/90s) and I basically just floated through, getting mored depressed as graduation was coming.

As for the PP who said all you need is hard work and hustle, I push back on this. I waitressed and nannied, and had other jobs through college. I got good grades, I did ECs. I wasn't a slacker with a trust fund just coasting on the Ivy name.

I just didn't understand newtowkring, or parlaying the hand I had into something bigger.

Grad school and law school seemed out of reach for me. I didn't have a passion or a plan and my parents did not have the $ for grad school, so taking on that much debt for something I wasn't sure about seemed irresponsible.

As a mother I tell my kids it is way more important to attend a school where you grow into the best you, have mentors, access to professors, and feel like a part of the school community than it is to have a brand name.

Columbia I'm guessing? That's where that other girl was suicidally depressed. It lacks any sense of community.

You guessed right.

Columbia seems like an awful school. Don’t know why anyone would send their kids there.

Umm... Because it's an Ivy. Duh.

I mean this was back in the 90s. There was no Internet, or really any way of figuring out what schools were really like, unless you knew someone who went there. I didn't even visit schools. I don't think it occurred to my parents. I met with my guidance counselor, she looked at my grades and scores and said here's a list of schools to apply to. Columbia was my reach and I got in. I was grateful.

Well, if you couldn't be successful at Columbia, you probably wouldn't have been successful from a state school since there is WAY less hand-holding there.

There is an actual medical doctor who plays for New York Jets.

https://www.nfl.com/players/laurent-duvernay-tardif/

And Ryan Fitzpatrick who also played for Jets just retired after 17 seasons went to Harvard.

It is not a waste to do something different

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Anonymous wrote:Honestly, this reminds me of Rory Gilmore on Gilmore Girls. She so desperately wanted to go to an Ivy and never really amounted to anything. I think some people want the prestige of the college, but don't think about how to use that to propel them into a high earning career. Most of the people that are from wealthier backgrounds that end up at these schools seem to understand that.

I sort of agree.

I am the PP who grew up in suburbia and did fine at an Ivy but did not excel, there or in life.

My parents were the first in their families to go to college and they pushed me to do well (I went to public high school) and none of us really thought about what it would take to succeed after I got into a good college. They had no clue. I had no clue. I went to an Ivy that is notorious for not being supportive (esp. in the 80s/90s) and I basically just floated through, getting mored depressed as graduation was coming.

As for the PP who said all you need is hard work and hustle, I push back on this. I waitressed and nannied, and had other jobs through college. I got good grades, I did ECs. I wasn't a slacker with a trust fund just coasting on the Ivy name.

I just didn't understand newtowkring, or parlaying the hand I had into something bigger.

Grad school and law school seemed out of reach for me. I didn't have a passion or a plan and my parents did not have the $ for grad school, so taking on that much debt for something I wasn't sure about seemed irresponsible.

As a mother I tell my kids it is way more important to attend a school where you grow into the best you, have mentors, access to professors, and feel like a part of the school community than it is to have a brand name.

Columbia I'm guessing? That's where that other girl was suicidally depressed. It lacks any sense of community.

You guessed right.

Columbia seems like an awful school. Don’t know why anyone would send their kids there.

Umm... Because it's an Ivy. Duh.

I mean this was back in the 90s. There was no Internet, or really any way of figuring out what schools were really like, unless you knew someone who went there. I didn't even visit schools. I don't think it occurred to my parents. I met with my guidance counselor, she looked at my grades and scores and said here's a list of schools to apply to. Columbia was my reach and I got in. I was grateful.

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Anonymous wrote:Honestly, this reminds me of Rory Gilmore on Gilmore Girls. She so desperately wanted to go to an Ivy and never really amounted to anything. I think some people want the prestige of the college, but don't think about how to use that to propel them into a high earning career. Most of the people that are from wealthier backgrounds that end up at these schools seem to understand that.

I sort of agree.

I am the PP who grew up in suburbia and did fine at an Ivy but did not excel, there or in life.

My parents were the first in their families to go to college and they pushed me to do well (I went to public high school) and none of us really thought about what it would take to succeed after I got into a good college. They had no clue. I had no clue. I went to an Ivy that is notorious for not being supportive (esp. in the 80s/90s) and I basically just floated through, getting mored depressed as graduation was coming.

As for the PP who said all you need is hard work and hustle, I push back on this. I waitressed and nannied, and had other jobs through college. I got good grades, I did ECs. I wasn't a slacker with a trust fund just coasting on the Ivy name.

I just didn't understand newtowkring, or parlaying the hand I had into something bigger.

Grad school and law school seemed out of reach for me. I didn't have a passion or a plan and my parents did not have the $ for grad school, so taking on that much debt for something I wasn't sure about seemed irresponsible.

As a mother I tell my kids it is way more important to attend a school where you grow into the best you, have mentors, access to professors, and feel like a part of the school community than it is to have a brand name.

Columbia I'm guessing? That's where that other girl was suicidally depressed. It lacks any sense of community.

You guessed right.

Columbia seems like an awful school. Don’t know why anyone would send their kids there.

Umm... Because it's an Ivy. Duh.

Why are my comments being deleted? Ivy League brats feel entitled to a nice college experience or a good job and are shocked to find that that's not the case. Is Jeff deleting my comments to appeal to their ego or something?

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Anonymous wrote:I think you’re having a midlife crisis. This will pass soon enough.

The fact is that an Ivy League education is not the basis of all success, which you are now realizing too late. You have a good life. Be happy.

I KNOW THIS IS MIDLIFE CRISIS. doesn’t make me feel any better, and in fact know it’s too late to change course more or less.

3 kids, which are my joy, but worried I’m making them obsess about income and career from my own failings.

Where did you fail exactly? It sounds like you've done well for yourself, frankly.

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Anonymous wrote:Honestly, this reminds me of Rory Gilmore on Gilmore Girls. She so desperately wanted to go to an Ivy and never really amounted to anything. I think some people want the prestige of the college, but don't think about how to use that to propel them into a high earning career. Most of the people that are from wealthier backgrounds that end up at these schools seem to understand that.

I sort of agree.

I am the PP who grew up in suburbia and did fine at an Ivy but did not excel, there or in life.

My parents were the first in their families to go to college and they pushed me to do well (I went to public high school) and none of us really thought about what it would take to succeed after I got into a good college. They had no clue. I had no clue. I went to an Ivy that is notorious for not being supportive (esp. in the 80s/90s) and I basically just floated through, getting mored depressed as graduation was coming.

As for the PP who said all you need is hard work and hustle, I push back on this. I waitressed and nannied, and had other jobs through college. I got good grades, I did ECs. I wasn't a slacker with a trust fund just coasting on the Ivy name.

I just didn't understand newtowkring, or parlaying the hand I had into something bigger.

Grad school and law school seemed out of reach for me. I didn't have a passion or a plan and my parents did not have the $ for grad school, so taking on that much debt for something I wasn't sure about seemed irresponsible.

As a mother I tell my kids it is way more important to attend a school where you grow into the best you, have mentors, access to professors, and feel like a part of the school community than it is to have a brand name.

Columbia I'm guessing? That's where that other girl was suicidally depressed. It lacks any sense of community.

You guessed right.

Columbia seems like an awful school. Don’t know why anyone would send their kids there.

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, this reminds me of Rory Gilmore on Gilmore Girls. She so desperately wanted to go to an Ivy and never really amounted to anything. I think some people want the prestige of the college, but don't think about how to use that to propel them into a high earning career. Most of the people that are from wealthier backgrounds that end up at these schools seem to understand that.

I sort of agree.

I am the PP who grew up in suburbia and did fine at an Ivy but did not excel, there or in life.

My parents were the first in their families to go to college and they pushed me to do well (I went to public high school) and none of us really thought about what it would take to succeed after I got into a good college. They had no clue. I had no clue. I went to an Ivy that is notorious for not being supportive (esp. in the 80s/90s) and I basically just floated through, getting mored depressed as graduation was coming.

As for the PP who said all you need is hard work and hustle, I push back on this. I waitressed and nannied, and had other jobs through college. I got good grades, I did ECs. I wasn't a slacker with a trust fund just coasting on the Ivy name.

I just didn't understand newtowkring, or parlaying the hand I had into something bigger.

Grad school and law school seemed out of reach for me. I didn't have a passion or a plan and my parents did not have the $ for grad school, so taking on that much debt for something I wasn't sure about seemed irresponsible.

As a mother I tell my kids it is way more important to attend a school where you grow into the best you, have mentors, access to professors, and feel like a part of the school community than it is to have a brand name.

Columbia I'm guessing? That's where that other girl was suicidally depressed. It lacks any sense of community.

You guessed right.

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Anonymous wrote:Stop whining about your parents. You are an adult. You made choices. Unless you were seriously abused, stop stop stop stop stop blaming your parents for your life choices. It’s insane. I’m so sick of people doing this. You have hard YEARS to find mentorship. To change careers. You went to an IVY LEAGUE college. What more do you want? What could they have done more than they did? Stop looking around at everyone else’ paper. I felt empathy when this thread started. Now I think you need some jolt of reality.

News flash: education is only one aspect toward success. Ivy League degrees do not predict future wealth. Your ego is your problem. You think you deserve more than you have acquired. You don’t. Just get the hell over yourselves.

I’m so sick of nasty people like you. When you know better, you do better. Life comes at people fast. Have compassion.

Sometimes compassion involves being honest rather than nurturing the black hole that is regret in those that need not be regretful.

I don't think anybody is encouraging the OP to wallow in self pity. Many of us are simply saying "yeah, we get it - we didn't live up to our potential either for a variety of reasons, but your income and resume aren't the totality of your life." Which is a nicer way of getting to the same place.

I totally get that, but when I tried that tactic, OP dug in further with why they’re not as successful as they’d like to be and that’s what annoyed me and I just was blunt. I think sometimes people are asking because they want pity but what they really need is a dose of reality.

Simply stating “I went to a highly ranked school so I could have made more money” is just an inaccurate statement made by someone who doesn’t realize the true meaning of success or the number of qualities and skills it takes to move up. The lack of that larger picture is likely what made a person less financially successful. Lack of taking personal responsibility does not help either (my wife doesn’t work and my parents weren’t clued in).

Also, trade offs are what life is about. The misplaced regretful idea that one didn’t live up to their potential. The reality of prioritizing your career is part of what makes potential thrive. You didn’t squander anything. You don’t know what gifts there were to receive. Looking at someone else assuming you could achieve what they did, based on similarities without fully comparing all aspects of what made them successful. Assuming a highly ranked school makes potential when it’s really a combination of many things, including luck. Your potential didn’t include the desire to make those trade offs. They had it. You did not. You can’t squander something you did not possess.

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, this reminds me of Rory Gilmore on Gilmore Girls. She so desperately wanted to go to an Ivy and never really amounted to anything. I think some people want the prestige of the college, but don't think about how to use that to propel them into a high earning career. Most of the people that are from wealthier backgrounds that end up at these schools seem to understand that.

Then there are those of us who had absolutely no idea what we were getting into. I was contacted by schools after taking the PSAT. I was accepted by Dartmouth, Harvard and Yale, among other schools. I didn’t visit them before deciding which offer to accept. I knew that these were “good schools”, but I didn’t really know anyone that I could talk with who had attended a predominantly white school or even a school out of state . I didn’t really have a sense of the “prestige “ attached to schools like this, or, as you’ve said, how to use that to propel myself to a higher earning career. Actually, I thought I was in a “high enough” earning career — compared with what I was used to.

The benchmarks that many people here are using for things like “high earning” and “prestige “ didn’t even register with me because they weren’t a part of my world in any way. I think people more familiar with wealth and power and privileges know what they’re aiming for, and often know how to access those things. I just wanted an environment where my “nerdy” academic interests could be supported and even encouraged, and a “good” job that was an interesting career and not a slog just to pay the bills.

Fortunately I got much more.