No advice OP, just sympathy. Mine don't spend $500 each per kid but I would wager to say that between two grandparents, me/DH and a bunch of aunts/uncles, my kids probably end up with well over $700 each worth of stuff on Christmas. It's ridiculous. I have asked for YEARS for them to buy experience gifts and they refused for years. I will say that my MIL does listen to the gift suggestions that I give her and has started with gift cards, classes, etc. But my mother is still a problem and the kids are all over 10 now so old enough to appreciate that kind of gift. She asks me what they want, I tell her, she gets about 75% of it (she either forgets the other 25% of things I say or it isn't fun enough for her) and then tells me she hasn't spent enough yet so I either make things up or she buys random stuff they don't want/need because she has to reach her "limit" per kid. Its absolutely crazy--just lower the limit.

My kids are now aged out of most toys (they still love Legos) but now they want "collectibles" which they feel need to be displayed. So instead of dealing with toy storage, I am now dealing with finding enough space for them to display all of this crap. Honestly, I think the toys were easier. But off I got o IKEA this weekend to prepare for the onslaught of "collectibles" this holiday season.

It seems like you don't get how gifts work!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No one ever has to buy your child a gift. Repeat that to yourself. When you tell them what to buy and what not to buy it is incredibly rude. Say thank you and then deal with the stuff. I think all you young parents who are mad at grandmas for buying stuff are entitled and come off as really rude. No one owes your child gifts. They especially don’t owe your child a specific gift that you have approved in advance. Wth. Say thank you and then deal with the stuff. And then grow up!

Great, we are in agreement! And once a gift is given the recipient is allowed to do as they please. So if the gift is a duplicate of things in the toy closet or not in line with the kids’ interests or otherwise doesn’t fit in our small house, it will go to Goodwill. I get that many Boomers live in exurban McMansions and think everyone should have a 3 car garage and endless closets to store all this stuff. But my family prioritized a smaller home near amenities because we did not choose to waste our free time with owning/storing lots of material stuff. So if you want to continue the gift giving charade, that is all well and good, but you can’t complain parents like me are entitled when we immediately donate the gifts our kids never even asked for in the first place. The entitled ones are the grandparents who think it’s their god given right to spoil the grandkids as they wish.

I'm the PP who said this (I didn't say the other snarky stuff). I think it's great you prioritize other stuff and wouldn't think you are awful for re-gifting/donating just as soon as the grandparents walk out the door. If they COMPLAIN that you donate the stuff, that's another story... what you do with the stuff once it ends up in your house is your own business.

What I was reacting to is the idea that you can dictate what/if people give your children gifts. You can't, and shouldn't. And you are in charge of whether your kids are spoiled, not your parents. You can teach them not to EXPECT gifts - each one is a lovely surprise, followed up by a handwritten thank you note, and then given away to a needy child if you so choose. If your kids are picking up on your angry attitude toward your parents then you are communicating that:

people owe them gifts and they can dictate what people give them (or should be able to) and they can get mad if they don't get the right stuff/the right amount of stuff.

THIS is what's going to make them insufferable and spoiled, btw, not the grandparents giving them stuff.

I am not a grandparent, btw, and I have small children. And I still think the original rant seems entitled and ungrateful.

I think you’re reading a lot into my post about what I would share with my children (FWIW, I would never vent to them about this, what I say on an anonymous message board is different than what I say in my home).

Sure there are ungrateful, micromanaging parents out there who try to control gifts because it doesn’t go with their aesthetic or whatever. But there are also absolutely manipulative grandparents who use gifts to throw shade at your parenting or to push boundaries. I’m talking comments about how they commuted a long distance to have a large enough house to buy lots of things for their kids. Or telling your kids “Grandma bought you the all these toys because she loves you most.” That sure brings up some awkward situations with in-laws. Or who buy things like those giant ride on cars when you’re living in a 2 bedroom apartment in a dense area and have nowhere to store or ride them. It creates marital stress b/c the spouse wants you to reign it in. So respectfully, you are fortunate if you have not experienced this. But I don’t think it’s fair to call parents ungrateful as a blanket rule for wanting reasonable limitations on how gifts are handled.

OK. I feel you. I am sure there are manipulative grandparents out there who are absolutely doing this stuff w/o thinking, or even thinking... "how can MY present be the best/most exciting?" And that's annoying. And the stress with the spouse, all that, I get it. Not fun. And if all you do is rant on an anonymous board about this, and it helps you blow off steam, then I say great.

But I stand by my idea that EVEN in situations like this, your goal as a parent ought to be to model gracious present-getting. Your phrase "reasonable limitations on how gifts are handled", however, sounds very very close to "dictating what presents you give me" and that's not okay. It is your job as the parent to set whatever expectations you want around gifts you give your kids. But it is never your job to set expectations for what gifts OTHER people give your kids. Even when they're manipulative. Say thank you, donate, and move on.

Your oldest kid is old enough to know that some gifts -- like a ride-on car -- are inappropriate for apartment living, OP. This really is an opportunity for you to teach your child how to handle inappropriate gifts with grace. If you yourself don't know, use this thread to learn.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No one ever has to buy your child a gift. Repeat that to yourself. When you tell them what to buy and what not to buy it is incredibly rude. Say thank you and then deal with the stuff. I think all you young parents who are mad at grandmas for buying stuff are entitled and come off as really rude. No one owes your child gifts. They especially don’t owe your child a specific gift that you have approved in advance. Wth. Say thank you and then deal with the stuff. And then grow up!

Great, we are in agreement! And once a gift is given the recipient is allowed to do as they please. So if the gift is a duplicate of things in the toy closet or not in line with the kids’ interests or otherwise doesn’t fit in our small house, it will go to Goodwill. I get that many Boomers live in exurban McMansions and think everyone should have a 3 car garage and endless closets to store all this stuff. But my family prioritized a smaller home near amenities because we did not choose to waste our free time with owning/storing lots of material stuff. So if you want to continue the gift giving charade, that is all well and good, but you can’t complain parents like me are entitled when we immediately donate the gifts our kids never even asked for in the first place. The entitled ones are the grandparents who think it’s their god given right to spoil the grandkids as they wish.

I'm the PP who said this (I didn't say the other snarky stuff). I think it's great you prioritize other stuff and wouldn't think you are awful for re-gifting/donating just as soon as the grandparents walk out the door. If they COMPLAIN that you donate the stuff, that's another story... what you do with the stuff once it ends up in your house is your own business.

What I was reacting to is the idea that you can dictate what/if people give your children gifts. You can't, and shouldn't. And you are in charge of whether your kids are spoiled, not your parents. You can teach them not to EXPECT gifts - each one is a lovely surprise, followed up by a handwritten thank you note, and then given away to a needy child if you so choose. If your kids are picking up on your angry attitude toward your parents then you are communicating that:

people owe them gifts and they can dictate what people give them (or should be able to) and they can get mad if they don't get the right stuff/the right amount of stuff.

THIS is what's going to make them insufferable and spoiled, btw, not the grandparents giving them stuff.

I am not a grandparent, btw, and I have small children. And I still think the original rant seems entitled and ungrateful.

I think you’re reading a lot into my post about what I would share with my children (FWIW, I would never vent to them about this, what I say on an anonymous message board is different than what I say in my home).

Sure there are ungrateful, micromanaging parents out there who try to control gifts because it doesn’t go with their aesthetic or whatever. But there are also absolutely manipulative grandparents who use gifts to throw shade at your parenting or to push boundaries. I’m talking comments about how they commuted a long distance to have a large enough house to buy lots of things for their kids. Or telling your kids “Grandma bought you the all these toys because she loves you most.” That sure brings up some awkward situations with in-laws. Or who buy things like those giant ride on cars when you’re living in a 2 bedroom apartment in a dense area and have nowhere to store or ride them. It creates marital stress b/c the spouse wants you to reign it in. So respectfully, you are fortunate if you have not experienced this. But I don’t think it’s fair to call parents ungrateful as a blanket rule for wanting reasonable limitations on how gifts are handled.

OK. I feel you. I am sure there are manipulative grandparents out there who are absolutely doing this stuff w/o thinking, or even thinking... "how can MY present be the best/most exciting?" And that's annoying. And the stress with the spouse, all that, I get it. Not fun. And if all you do is rant on an anonymous board about this, and it helps you blow off steam, then I say great.

But I stand by my idea that EVEN in situations like this, your goal as a parent ought to be to model gracious present-getting. Your phrase "reasonable limitations on how gifts are handled", however, sounds very very close to "dictating what presents you give me" and that's not okay. It is your job as the parent to set whatever expectations you want around gifts you give your kids. But it is never your job to set expectations for what gifts OTHER people give your kids. Even when they're manipulative. Say thank you, donate, and move on.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No one ever has to buy your child a gift. Repeat that to yourself. When you tell them what to buy and what not to buy it is incredibly rude. Say thank you and then deal with the stuff. I think all you young parents who are mad at grandmas for buying stuff are entitled and come off as really rude. No one owes your child gifts. They especially don’t owe your child a specific gift that you have approved in advance. Wth. Say thank you and then deal with the stuff. And then grow up!

Great, we are in agreement! And once a gift is given the recipient is allowed to do as they please. So if the gift is a duplicate of things in the toy closet or not in line with the kids’ interests or otherwise doesn’t fit in our small house, it will go to Goodwill. I get that many Boomers live in exurban McMansions and think everyone should have a 3 car garage and endless closets to store all this stuff. But my family prioritized a smaller home near amenities because we did not choose to waste our free time with owning/storing lots of material stuff. So if you want to continue the gift giving charade, that is all well and good, but you can’t complain parents like me are entitled when we immediately donate the gifts our kids never even asked for in the first place. The entitled ones are the grandparents who think it’s their god given right to spoil the grandkids as they wish.

I'm the PP who said this (I didn't say the other snarky stuff). I think it's great you prioritize other stuff and wouldn't think you are awful for re-gifting/donating just as soon as the grandparents walk out the door. If they COMPLAIN that you donate the stuff, that's another story... what you do with the stuff once it ends up in your house is your own business.

What I was reacting to is the idea that you can dictate what/if people give your children gifts. You can't, and shouldn't. And you are in charge of whether your kids are spoiled, not your parents. You can teach them not to EXPECT gifts - each one is a lovely surprise, followed up by a handwritten thank you note, and then given away to a needy child if you so choose. If your kids are picking up on your angry attitude toward your parents then you are communicating that:

people owe them gifts and they can dictate what people give them (or should be able to) and they can get mad if they don't get the right stuff/the right amount of stuff.

THIS is what's going to make them insufferable and spoiled, btw, not the grandparents giving them stuff.

I am not a grandparent, btw, and I have small children. And I still think the original rant seems entitled and ungrateful.

I think you’re reading a lot into my post about what I would share with my children (FWIW, I would never vent to them about this, what I say on an anonymous message board is different than what I say in my home).

Sure there are ungrateful, micromanaging parents out there who try to control gifts because it doesn’t go with their aesthetic or whatever. But there are also absolutely manipulative grandparents who use gifts to throw shade at your parenting or to push boundaries. I’m talking comments about how they commuted a long distance to have a large enough house to buy lots of things for their kids. Or telling your kids “Grandma bought you the all these toys because she loves you most.” That sure brings up some awkward situations with in-laws. Or who buy things like those giant ride on cars when you’re living in a 2 bedroom apartment in a dense area and have nowhere to store or ride them. It creates marital stress b/c the spouse wants you to reign it in. So respectfully, you are fortunate if you have not experienced this. But I don’t think it’s fair to call parents ungrateful as a blanket rule for wanting reasonable limitations on how gifts are handled.

It's not that I think I should get to dictate what my parents or in laws buy for my kids. What annoys me is when my parents and in laws ASK ME what my kids want and I give them suggestions and/or even specific items the kids have asked for that are in a very reasonable price range (not $$$ items) and then the grandparents totally ignore my suggestions and buy some random junk that either the kids don't like/never play with/isn't age appropriate and/or they already have it. So why did you ask what to get if you were just going to still go out and buy whatever you want??

I don't think it's very thoughtful or generous of the gift givers at that point because a) they're not thinking about what the kids actually want and would enjoy receiving and b) they're giving us things that we will in turn just regift, donate, or trash.

I'd rather the grandparents not buy anything at all than waste their money buying junk that the kids aren't even excited to receive. The only positive I see in all this is that the kids have learned to be gracious and kind and say thank you even about gifts they don't like and it has taught me to just accept the things I can't control (IE grandparents)

Anonymous wrote:Oh my gosh I can just imagine how many families wish they were “drowning in toys”

Then maybe the grandparents who want to drop $500+ per kid per holiday on grandchildren who are already comfortably MC/UMC and not in need of more gifts could redirect their gift giving to families in need. I would actually find it weird if the families already “drowning in toys” continued to encourage the excess consumerism. Cut out the middle man (the parents donating toys) and just give directly to toys for tots if you’ve got that much money to burn. I agree there is much better use of resources than some families ending up with way more than their kids could ever use or need.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No one ever has to buy your child a gift. Repeat that to yourself. When you tell them what to buy and what not to buy it is incredibly rude. Say thank you and then deal with the stuff. I think all you young parents who are mad at grandmas for buying stuff are entitled and come off as really rude. No one owes your child gifts. They especially don’t owe your child a specific gift that you have approved in advance. Wth. Say thank you and then deal with the stuff. And then grow up!

Great, we are in agreement! And once a gift is given the recipient is allowed to do as they please. So if the gift is a duplicate of things in the toy closet or not in line with the kids’ interests or otherwise doesn’t fit in our small house, it will go to Goodwill. I get that many Boomers live in exurban McMansions and think everyone should have a 3 car garage and endless closets to store all this stuff. But my family prioritized a smaller home near amenities because we did not choose to waste our free time with owning/storing lots of material stuff. So if you want to continue the gift giving charade, that is all well and good, but you can’t complain parents like me are entitled when we immediately donate the gifts our kids never even asked for in the first place. The entitled ones are the grandparents who think it’s their god given right to spoil the grandkids as they wish.

I'm the PP who said this (I didn't say the other snarky stuff). I think it's great you prioritize other stuff and wouldn't think you are awful for re-gifting/donating just as soon as the grandparents walk out the door. If they COMPLAIN that you donate the stuff, that's another story... what you do with the stuff once it ends up in your house is your own business.

What I was reacting to is the idea that you can dictate what/if people give your children gifts. You can't, and shouldn't. And you are in charge of whether your kids are spoiled, not your parents. You can teach them not to EXPECT gifts - each one is a lovely surprise, followed up by a handwritten thank you note, and then given away to a needy child if you so choose. If your kids are picking up on your angry attitude toward your parents then you are communicating that:

people owe them gifts and they can dictate what people give them (or should be able to) and they can get mad if they don't get the right stuff/the right amount of stuff.

THIS is what's going to make them insufferable and spoiled, btw, not the grandparents giving them stuff.

I am not a grandparent, btw, and I have small children. And I still think the original rant seems entitled and ungrateful.

Ok, but if we the parent offer the grandparent a gift suggestion (in the right price range, of course!), and truthfully tell that grandparent that their grandchild would LOVE the suggested gift, has been talking about it non-stop for months, etc., and then grandparent ignores that suggestion and instead buys lots of little toys/clothes they select with very little thought about their grandchild's interests, and the reason grandparent does that is because grandparent thinks it makes it look like they love their grandchild so so so so much by giving lots of stuff, then that is literally selfish on the part of the grandparent. Not malicious or anything, but by definition selfish. Only the grandparent -- not the child -- is happy in that situation. It's frustrating for us parents.

“..then grandparent ignores that suggestion and instead buys lots of little toys/clothes they select..”

This is the way gifting happens! If you want your children to have some thing that they want specifically then buy it for them yourself.

Huh, no it's not! Most people make intentional effort to gift people items that they know align with the recipient's interests or that they think/know they want. Like, my mom loves to bake, so I buy her bakers' tools, etc. This seems to go out the window when it's grandparents buying gifts for their grandkids.

(And of course I myself end up buying my kids the items they want.)

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I totally get this. My kids are just awash with hundreds of wonderful toys. But it's too much!! What they'd love would be more weekend activities, like passes to Great Country farms, soccer, the science museum, their favorite restaurant (dd has one that she begs us nonstop to go to). And another crazy thing is all the duplicates we get. I try to grab the toy before they rip it open so that I can donate it or regift it when it's in unused condition. The only thing I need less than toys is duplicates of the same toy we already own.

I just try to let it all go. I get that family doesn't want to take my kids places or do activities and toys are just an easy filler. Each set of parents spends about $500 each on my kids, so there's just mountains of toys.

wow, that is an insane amount.

Are you serious? $1000 total of grandparent spending on just toys for your kids?! What are they buying? Each kid gets a nintendo switch and a fancy new bike? I just don't understand how you can spend that much on toys.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Its because you can have a pile of presents for not much money. Toys are cheap.

Where are the stores selling cheap toys? Even if they don't cost a fortune, gifts are given from the heart and you don't get to dictate who gives what

Toys are cheap compared to experience gifts like taking the kids to a water park or amusement park for the day. Toys are cheap compared to buying a membership to the children's museum or zoo. Toys are cheap compared to giving to college funds (unless you're just giving $25 at a time to a college fund, the toy is usually going to be cheaper). Cheap toys can be bought at second hand stores, clearance aisles at Target/Walmart/even grocery stores. You can spend a fraction of what you would on the types of things OP wants her parents to buy for her kids and get a huge pile of cheap toys.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No one ever has to buy your child a gift. Repeat that to yourself. When you tell them what to buy and what not to buy it is incredibly rude. Say thank you and then deal with the stuff. I think all you young parents who are mad at grandmas for buying stuff are entitled and come off as really rude. No one owes your child gifts. They especially don’t owe your child a specific gift that you have approved in advance. Wth. Say thank you and then deal with the stuff. And then grow up!

Great, we are in agreement! And once a gift is given the recipient is allowed to do as they please. So if the gift is a duplicate of things in the toy closet or not in line with the kids’ interests or otherwise doesn’t fit in our small house, it will go to Goodwill. I get that many Boomers live in exurban McMansions and think everyone should have a 3 car garage and endless closets to store all this stuff. But my family prioritized a smaller home near amenities because we did not choose to waste our free time with owning/storing lots of material stuff. So if you want to continue the gift giving charade, that is all well and good, but you can’t complain parents like me are entitled when we immediately donate the gifts our kids never even asked for in the first place. The entitled ones are the grandparents who think it’s their god given right to spoil the grandkids as they wish.

I'm the PP who said this (I didn't say the other snarky stuff). I think it's great you prioritize other stuff and wouldn't think you are awful for re-gifting/donating just as soon as the grandparents walk out the door. If they COMPLAIN that you donate the stuff, that's another story... what you do with the stuff once it ends up in your house is your own business.

What I was reacting to is the idea that you can dictate what/if people give your children gifts. You can't, and shouldn't. And you are in charge of whether your kids are spoiled, not your parents. You can teach them not to EXPECT gifts - each one is a lovely surprise, followed up by a handwritten thank you note, and then given away to a needy child if you so choose. If your kids are picking up on your angry attitude toward your parents then you are communicating that:

people owe them gifts and they can dictate what people give them (or should be able to) and they can get mad if they don't get the right stuff/the right amount of stuff.

THIS is what's going to make them insufferable and spoiled, btw, not the grandparents giving them stuff.

I am not a grandparent, btw, and I have small children. And I still think the original rant seems entitled and ungrateful.

Ok, but if we the parent offer the grandparent a gift suggestion (in the right price range, of course!), and truthfully tell that grandparent that their grandchild would LOVE the suggested gift, has been talking about it non-stop for months, etc., and then grandparent ignores that suggestion and instead buys lots of little toys/clothes they select with very little thought about their grandchild's interests, and the reason grandparent does that is because grandparent thinks it makes it look like they love their grandchild so so so so much by giving lots of stuff, then that is literally selfish on the part of the grandparent. Not malicious or anything, but by definition selfish. Only the grandparent -- not the child -- is happy in that situation. It's frustrating for us parents.

“..then grandparent ignores that suggestion and instead buys lots of little toys/clothes they select..”

This is the way gifting happens! If you want your children to have some thing that they want specifically then buy it for them yourself.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No one ever has to buy your child a gift. Repeat that to yourself. When you tell them what to buy and what not to buy it is incredibly rude. Say thank you and then deal with the stuff. I think all you young parents who are mad at grandmas for buying stuff are entitled and come off as really rude. No one owes your child gifts. They especially don’t owe your child a specific gift that you have approved in advance. Wth. Say thank you and then deal with the stuff. And then grow up!

Great, we are in agreement! And once a gift is given the recipient is allowed to do as they please. So if the gift is a duplicate of things in the toy closet or not in line with the kids’ interests or otherwise doesn’t fit in our small house, it will go to Goodwill. I get that many Boomers live in exurban McMansions and think everyone should have a 3 car garage and endless closets to store all this stuff. But my family prioritized a smaller home near amenities because we did not choose to waste our free time with owning/storing lots of material stuff. So if you want to continue the gift giving charade, that is all well and good, but you can’t complain parents like me are entitled when we immediately donate the gifts our kids never even asked for in the first place. The entitled ones are the grandparents who think it’s their god given right to spoil the grandkids as they wish.

I'm the PP who said this (I didn't say the other snarky stuff). I think it's great you prioritize other stuff and wouldn't think you are awful for re-gifting/donating just as soon as the grandparents walk out the door. If they COMPLAIN that you donate the stuff, that's another story... what you do with the stuff once it ends up in your house is your own business.

What I was reacting to is the idea that you can dictate what/if people give your children gifts. You can't, and shouldn't. And you are in charge of whether your kids are spoiled, not your parents. You can teach them not to EXPECT gifts - each one is a lovely surprise, followed up by a handwritten thank you note, and then given away to a needy child if you so choose. If your kids are picking up on your angry attitude toward your parents then you are communicating that:

people owe them gifts and they can dictate what people give them (or should be able to) and they can get mad if they don't get the right stuff/the right amount of stuff.

THIS is what's going to make them insufferable and spoiled, btw, not the grandparents giving them stuff.

I am not a grandparent, btw, and I have small children. And I still think the original rant seems entitled and ungrateful.

Ok, but if we the parent offer the grandparent a gift suggestion (in the right price range, of course!), and truthfully tell that grandparent that their grandchild would LOVE the suggested gift, has been talking about it non-stop for months, etc., and then grandparent ignores that suggestion and instead buys lots of little toys/clothes they select with very little thought about their grandchild's interests, and the reason grandparent does that is because grandparent thinks it makes it look like they love their grandchild so so so so much by giving lots of stuff, then that is literally selfish on the part of the grandparent. Not malicious or anything, but by definition selfish. Only the grandparent -- not the child -- is happy in that situation. It's frustrating for us parents.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No one ever has to buy your child a gift. Repeat that to yourself. When you tell them what to buy and what not to buy it is incredibly rude. Say thank you and then deal with the stuff. I think all you young parents who are mad at grandmas for buying stuff are entitled and come off as really rude. No one owes your child gifts. They especially don’t owe your child a specific gift that you have approved in advance. Wth. Say thank you and then deal with the stuff. And then grow up!

Great, we are in agreement! And once a gift is given the recipient is allowed to do as they please. So if the gift is a duplicate of things in the toy closet or not in line with the kids’ interests or otherwise doesn’t fit in our small house, it will go to Goodwill. I get that many Boomers live in exurban McMansions and think everyone should have a 3 car garage and endless closets to store all this stuff. But my family prioritized a smaller home near amenities because we did not choose to waste our free time with owning/storing lots of material stuff. So if you want to continue the gift giving charade, that is all well and good, but you can’t complain parents like me are entitled when we immediately donate the gifts our kids never even asked for in the first place. The entitled ones are the grandparents who think it’s their god given right to spoil the grandkids as they wish.

I'm the PP who said this (I didn't say the other snarky stuff). I think it's great you prioritize other stuff and wouldn't think you are awful for re-gifting/donating just as soon as the grandparents walk out the door. If they COMPLAIN that you donate the stuff, that's another story... what you do with the stuff once it ends up in your house is your own business.

What I was reacting to is the idea that you can dictate what/if people give your children gifts. You can't, and shouldn't. And you are in charge of whether your kids are spoiled, not your parents. You can teach them not to EXPECT gifts - each one is a lovely surprise, followed up by a handwritten thank you note, and then given away to a needy child if you so choose. If your kids are picking up on your angry attitude toward your parents then you are communicating that:

people owe them gifts and they can dictate what people give them (or should be able to) and they can get mad if they don't get the right stuff/the right amount of stuff.

THIS is what's going to make them insufferable and spoiled, btw, not the grandparents giving them stuff.

I am not a grandparent, btw, and I have small children. And I still think the original rant seems entitled and ungrateful.

I’m in the thick of this, op, it’s frustrating with bday/Xmas all together for us. I’ve asked my parents to give ds a Netflix subscription (add a member to their account- hopefully will be less than $5 a month starting in July) and ‘buy’ him some classes at a local stem center (Minecraft, etc). They also contribute to his school fundraising so I want to make it clear to him that is a ‘gift’. Trying to think of some other experience ideas. We’ll see…

Oh my gosh I can just imagine how many families wish they were “drowning in toys”