Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Women when they break up say nice things. Men when they break up burn the bridges. He did you a favor by leaving. I’m sorry but he sounds awful.

I've only had one (of six) boyfriends break up with me, and he did it kindly, in a restaurant, said he was sorry, that he would give me space and that he'd be there as a friend if I was ever up for it. Then he drove me home and we hugged goodbye.

That's what you should EXPECT, OP. Your ex is cruel and you need to move on. Don't make excuses for him, don't own HIS issues.

This is a numbers game. 6 is nothing, you're virginal. I've dated 100s of men. Yes, a statistically significant portion of them burn bridges when breaking up. Men were raised to win arguments, that's where this comes from. That and some idiotic dolt BoY MoM telling him how wonderful and special he is all the time.

Is this a thing lol. Boy Moms raising their brood of boys to think they can never do any wrong?

No, it isn't. However, it is a thing to find a woman to blame for everything. Oh, guy is an ass, must be his mother's fault. Nevermind that he is a grown up ass, it is definitely all on his mother.

Op said she liked his mother too.

Yeah someone here just has a hatred for boy moms. If OP says his mom is great and we don't know for sure he's from an all-boy family, let's not leap to judgment. He is an a$$hole for doing this to her though.

I think Boy mom just means mom of a boy not all-boys. FWIW I have seen this with moms who have kids of both genders, they still favor one kid either the boy or the girl. I have one friend who considers herself a feminist who favors her can-do-no-wrong daughter the designated star, and considers her son the also-ran dud. Girl has the bigger room, etc.
OTOH also have a friend with one boy and two girls and the boy, who is a bossy brat, gets a pass continuously with no expectations of better behavior, just being raised with male privilege. Mom herself is a very successful scientist and entrepreneur but still subtly conveys attitude that boys run the world.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He showed you who he really is. Be glad it was now and not after you married and had kids with him. Block him and do not look back. If he apologizes, do not get get back together with him. And learn to stay away from temperamental guys.

This. Please, OP, do not second guess that while this is incredibly painful, the reality is that this guy is no good. He may have had nice qualities - many abusers do - but he is an abuser at his core. Get therapy to help you process the grief, which is very real. BUT DO NOT GET BACK WITH THIS MAN. He will get worse and worse with time. I speak from experience and now in the midst of a divorce with someone very similar. Do not do it.

Op here. First of all, thank you everyone for the kind words. I am with my parents and calling/texting friends but just writing it out as has been helpful.

I do not think he meets the true definition of an abuser. I am not getting back together with him, don't worry, I just think calling him an abuser is unfair. We were happy together for many years until last week. He was moody, had a superiority complex, and could be a major douche at times, but I NEVER felt unsafe with him and I never felt disrespected to such an extent until the night he broke up with me.

Anyway, just wanted to clarify. Not white knighting for him because I am really hurt and frankly, pissed off, by the way he spoke to me.

Fine. He's not an abuser. His language was extremely abusive, though.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He showed you who he really is. Be glad it was now and not after you married and had kids with him. Block him and do not look back. If he apologizes, do not get get back together with him. And learn to stay away from temperamental guys.

This. Please, OP, do not second guess that while this is incredibly painful, the reality is that this guy is no good. He may have had nice qualities - many abusers do - but he is an abuser at his core. Get therapy to help you process the grief, which is very real. BUT DO NOT GET BACK WITH THIS MAN. He will get worse and worse with time. I speak from experience and now in the midst of a divorce with someone very similar. Do not do it.

Op here. First of all, thank you everyone for the kind words. I am with my parents and calling/texting friends but just writing it out as has been helpful.

I do not think he meets the true definition of an abuser. I am not getting back together with him, don't worry, I just think calling him an abuser is unfair. We were happy together for many years until last week. He was moody, had a superiority complex, and could be a major douche at times, but I NEVER felt unsafe with him and I never felt disrespected to such an extent until the night he broke up with me.

Anyway, just wanted to clarify. Not white knighting for him because I am really hurt and frankly, pissed off, by the way he spoke to me.

I’m the PP you’re responding to and would say that this man is not only abusive but will absolutely try and re-enter your life. The insults he said to you are by definition abusive - they’re intended to hurt and scar you. My soon to be ex husband never hurled a real insult my way until we were married (after three years of dating / engagement) and all of a sudden during what seemed like an ordinary fight he unleashed a tirade of hurtful, nasty things. Then he apologized … time went by … then it happened again … then he apologized, was super sweet, all sorts of apologetic … then it happened again. And each time it got worse and worse and it got scary. This unfolded over time. When the water gets hot slowly you don’t realize you’re boiling. In retrospect, there were red flags before our marriage (he could be moody, he was controlling, he was hot/cold and sometimes very critical). All I can say is my marriage has been hell. This man showed you who you are and you were smart enough to post and get feedback. Don’t get back with this man. Please.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He showed you who he really is. Be glad it was now and not after you married and had kids with him. Block him and do not look back. If he apologizes, do not get get back together with him. And learn to stay away from temperamental guys.

This. Please, OP, do not second guess that while this is incredibly painful, the reality is that this guy is no good. He may have had nice qualities - many abusers do - but he is an abuser at his core. Get therapy to help you process the grief, which is very real. BUT DO NOT GET BACK WITH THIS MAN. He will get worse and worse with time. I speak from experience and now in the midst of a divorce with someone very similar. Do not do it.

Op here. First of all, thank you everyone for the kind words. I am with my parents and calling/texting friends but just writing it out as has been helpful.

I do not think he meets the true definition of an abuser. I am not getting back together with him, don't worry, I just think calling him an abuser is unfair. We were happy together for many years until last week. He was moody, had a superiority complex, and could be a major douche at times, but I NEVER felt unsafe with him and I never felt disrespected to such an extent until the night he broke up with me.

Anyway, just wanted to clarify. Not white knighting for him because I am really hurt and frankly, pissed off, by the way he spoke to me.

OP, being as gentle with this as I can, but this man is absolutely abusive. Telling you - or anyone - that they are hated, lower than a roach, and the other horrific things he said are all absolutely and unequivocally emotionally abusive things to say. Sure, he may have been nice to you for a while - again, many narcissistic abusers are. But that these things came out of his mouth is a major red flag and yes, it’s abuse. Please don’t normalize it. Because whether it’s this guy or someone else down the road, please know that this is abusive behavior. Watch out for yourself and stay vigilant and protective of yourself. So sorry you’re dealing with this.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He showed you who he really is. Be glad it was now and not after you married and had kids with him. Block him and do not look back. If he apologizes, do not get get back together with him. And learn to stay away from temperamental guys.

This. Please, OP, do not second guess that while this is incredibly painful, the reality is that this guy is no good. He may have had nice qualities - many abusers do - but he is an abuser at his core. Get therapy to help you process the grief, which is very real. BUT DO NOT GET BACK WITH THIS MAN. He will get worse and worse with time. I speak from experience and now in the midst of a divorce with someone very similar. Do not do it.

Op here. First of all, thank you everyone for the kind words. I am with my parents and calling/texting friends but just writing it out as has been helpful.

I do not think he meets the true definition of an abuser. I am not getting back together with him, don't worry, I just think calling him an abuser is unfair. We were happy together for many years until last week. He was moody, had a superiority complex, and could be a major douche at times, but I NEVER felt unsafe with him and I never felt disrespected to such an extent until the night he broke up with me.

Anyway, just wanted to clarify. Not white knighting for him because I am really hurt and frankly, pissed off, by the way he spoke to me.

NP. It’s just so hard to believe that he never spoke to you this way before, after years of dating. Because it would be amazing to keep all that shit inside for so long. I would guess that he’s been treating you like this for a long time.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He showed you who he really is. Be glad it was now and not after you married and had kids with him. Block him and do not look back. If he apologizes, do not get get back together with him. And learn to stay away from temperamental guys.

This. Please, OP, do not second guess that while this is incredibly painful, the reality is that this guy is no good. He may have had nice qualities - many abusers do - but he is an abuser at his core. Get therapy to help you process the grief, which is very real. BUT DO NOT GET BACK WITH THIS MAN. He will get worse and worse with time. I speak from experience and now in the midst of a divorce with someone very similar. Do not do it.

Op here. First of all, thank you everyone for the kind words. I am with my parents and calling/texting friends but just writing it out as has been helpful.

I do not think he meets the true definition of an abuser. I am not getting back together with him, don't worry, I just think calling him an abuser is unfair. We were happy together for many years until last week. He was moody, had a superiority complex, and could be a major douche at times, but I NEVER felt unsafe with him and I never felt disrespected to such an extent until the night he broke up with me.

Anyway, just wanted to clarify. Not white knighting for him because I am really hurt and frankly, pissed off, by the way he spoke to me.

NP. Good for you for moving on. Just be clear what he said to you is abusive and whether you want to see it or not, you're making excuses for his previous behavior. I say this kindly cause I've been there before but some of your comments suggest the hurt and anger you feel right now will thaw and you'll make space for him again; trust he's going to resurface so be prepared! If I were you I'd block him and get some individual therapy for allowing anyone you'd describe as a "major douche" into your inner sanctum.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He showed you who he really is. Be glad it was now and not after you married and had kids with him. Block him and do not look back. If he apologizes, do not get get back together with him. And learn to stay away from temperamental guys.

This. Please, OP, do not second guess that while this is incredibly painful, the reality is that this guy is no good. He may have had nice qualities - many abusers do - but he is an abuser at his core. Get therapy to help you process the grief, which is very real. BUT DO NOT GET BACK WITH THIS MAN. He will get worse and worse with time. I speak from experience and now in the midst of a divorce with someone very similar. Do not do it.

Op here. First of all, thank you everyone for the kind words. I am with my parents and calling/texting friends but just writing it out as has been helpful.

I do not think he meets the true definition of an abuser. I am not getting back together with him, don't worry, I just think calling him an abuser is unfair. We were happy together for many years until last week. He was moody, had a superiority complex, and could be a major douche at times, but I NEVER felt unsafe with him and I never felt disrespected to such an extent until the night he broke up with me.

Anyway, just wanted to clarify. Not white knighting for him because I am really hurt and frankly, pissed off, by the way he spoke to me.

Well. That is a good sign.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He showed you who he really is. Be glad it was now and not after you married and had kids with him. Block him and do not look back. If he apologizes, do not get get back together with him. And learn to stay away from temperamental guys.

This. Please, OP, do not second guess that while this is incredibly painful, the reality is that this guy is no good. He may have had nice qualities - many abusers do - but he is an abuser at his core. Get therapy to help you process the grief, which is very real. BUT DO NOT GET BACK WITH THIS MAN. He will get worse and worse with time. I speak from experience and now in the midst of a divorce with someone very similar. Do not do it.

Op here. First of all, thank you everyone for the kind words. I am with my parents and calling/texting friends but just writing it out as has been helpful.

I do not think he meets the true definition of an abuser. I am not getting back together with him, don't worry, I just think calling him an abuser is unfair. We were happy together for many years until last week. He was moody, had a superiority complex, and could be a major douche at times, but I NEVER felt unsafe with him and I never felt disrespected to such an extent until the night he broke up with me.

Anyway, just wanted to clarify. Not white knighting for him because I am really hurt and frankly, pissed off, by the way he spoke to me.

Anonymous wrote:He showed you who he really is. Be glad it was now and not after you married and had kids with him. Block him and do not look back. If he apologizes, do not get get back together with him. And learn to stay away from temperamental guys.

This. Please, OP, do not second guess that while this is incredibly painful, the reality is that this guy is no good. He may have had nice qualities - many abusers do - but he is an abuser at his core. Get therapy to help you process the grief, which is very real. BUT DO NOT GET BACK WITH THIS MAN. He will get worse and worse with time. I speak from experience and now in the midst of a divorce with someone very similar. Do not do it.

How terribly hurtful! I'm sorry you experienced that. It's so confusing when someone we love turns into a monster.

Treat yourself gently. In time, you will be so grateful you got out before marriage or children

Anonymous wrote:Run away. Delete, block. This is a blessing.

+1
As sad as you feel, you have dodged a bullet

He sounds a bit psycho. It would have come out sooner or later so prob best in long run.
I am so sorry you are dealing with this - please know that time will help and try to keep yourself busy (distracted ) and get support from your friends/family.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:🤷‍♂️ Would have been better if he’d ghosted you, I guess.

Since you used the man emoji I'm gonna go out on a limb and assume you're a man, and one who probably doesn't know how to break up with someone respectfully either.

No. Ghosting is also bad.

Nope. You don't owe them anything, not your time, not an explanation, not "respect", nothing.

I think everyone is owed basic respect and courtesy but I suppose that's just me. Maybe I value kindness and you value...whatever.

this sounds like narcissistic behavior. he may want a big emotional reaction from you. try not to give it to him. it will get easier to move forward with time.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:🤷‍♂️ Would have been better if he’d ghosted you, I guess.

Since you used the man emoji I'm gonna go out on a limb and assume you're a man, and one who probably doesn't know how to break up with someone respectfully either.

No. Ghosting is also bad.

Nope. You don't owe them anything, not your time, not an explanation, not "respect", nothing.