Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The term working mom is archaic and needs to go. No one calls fathers w/ jobs working dads. My husband is a stay at home parent so one of us needs to work. I had better earning potential when we had children and he wanted to step back. It has worked well for us but is very hard for some strangers to handle - particularly at school events when the other mom's constantly mention that they see my husband all the time but don't see me as often - shocker how often are their husbands there?

Totally agree 'working mom' is misogynistic.

DH and I both WFH part time. We are a partnership and totally interchangeable. We also had a nanny until the youngest was 6 so we could both attend school events and activities for the older ones. Kids are in private and we are both shocked at the low paternal participation. Moms on the other hand are a bit too cliquey for me to fully engage, although I do participate. People often ask if we work because we are both involved.

OP - I work because I didn't get a PhD to clean vomit and snot. I got it because I love my field. DH is the same. It's possible to want and get all that life has to offer - great spouse, fulfilling career, wonderful kids, good health, etc. I'm raising my kids to do the same.

You sound insufferable. As for your PhD, I suspect that heart surgeon's contribution to society is more useful.

You oooze jealous for these two women. There is therapy out there for people like you!

My parents paid a lot of money for a secondary education for me to not work. But, I love my job. And, we save/invest my entire salary for our future/retirement. I have a great, high-paying job with a ton of flexibility. I work for a company that understands that employees have families.

My husband puts my kids on the bus. I get my kids off the bus. They went to 1/2 day day care and preschool. I knew I needed a job outside my home for my own purposes, and to be a better parent.

I work for myself and for my family. We are all well-rounded. My children see me and my husband using our education. We also attend every baseball game and dance recital. I drive kids to practices and lessons. It is not chaotic. It’s busy and happy. If it wasn’t, we would rethink our strategy.

Money, money and, uh, money. It's about the most useful thing to have in our society.
In a previous generation, my spouse's job alone (or mine alone) would be enough to afford a comfortable life for our family. Housing and medical expenses are budget killers for us.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, I ask myself this question weekly.

Why not:
I don't need to work for the $$.
It's a CONSTANT stressor in my life.
I don't even make that much $$
The work itself isn't really that interesting.

Why:
It was hard to find a good job at a good company, even if they underpay me.
It provides some security if my husband dies or leaves me (50% of college tuition for dependents, amazing retirement, lots of support)

I was a SAHM for many years and honestly feel like my kids, though now teens, would really benefit from having a full-time, on-demand parent again. My house would too! Even with a weekly cleaner, it's always a mess.

And before the harpies jump on my wonderful spouse, he does his share and more AND has a very demanding executive job.

When does it just not make any sense for me to work?

All feminist ideals aside, it's just not practical for me to be ignoring all the stuff that really matters to me - my kids, my spouse, my health - for a mediocre paycheck I don't even need.

You posted on the wrong thread.

Are your kids unable to pickup after themselves?

Why? I'm a working mom. I have done both working mom and non-working mom. Both kind of suck, but I can't figure out which sucks less.

Best answer!
Women can never win! Especially if we keep judging eachother.

Anonymous wrote:Because it is really important for me to earn a good living. Me, independently of my spouse. And I am proud of what I’ve achieved.

I know what it’s like to have nothing. I will never forget what it felt like and I won’t take any risks.

+1
I want to be forced depend on no one ever!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The term working mom is archaic and needs to go. No one calls fathers w/ jobs working dads. My husband is a stay at home parent so one of us needs to work. I had better earning potential when we had children and he wanted to step back. It has worked well for us but is very hard for some strangers to handle - particularly at school events when the other mom's constantly mention that they see my husband all the time but don't see me as often - shocker how often are their husbands there?

Totally agree 'working mom' is misogynistic.

DH and I both WFH part time. We are a partnership and totally interchangeable. We also had a nanny until the youngest was 6 so we could both attend school events and activities for the older ones. Kids are in private and we are both shocked at the low paternal participation. Moms on the other hand are a bit too cliquey for me to fully engage, although I do participate. People often ask if we work because we are both involved.

OP - I work because I didn't get a PhD to clean vomit and snot. I got it because I love my field. DH is the same. It's possible to want and get all that life has to offer - great spouse, fulfilling career, wonderful kids, good health, etc. I'm raising my kids to do the same.

You sound insufferable. As for your PhD, I suspect that heart surgeon's contribution to society is more useful.

Really? She sounds wealthy, successful and happy to me.

Doesn't mean the heart surgeon's profession isn't more useful to society.

I'm the one you are talking about. Heart surgeon contributes a great deal. So do DH and I. You have our products in your home and our business is a household name. My PhD really provided the foundation to enter the business i am in as did DH's PhD. Yes, I'm probably friends with heart surgeon too. I am attracted to friends with purposeful motivation to contribute to society AND raise healthy happy kids who do the same. I also value a person's decision to focus on one or the other. We are not all the same, nor do we have to be. That is one of the things I love about America.

NP. And all this, well, how USeFUL is your job to society only gets asked of women!! Only! It's a ridiculous conversation. No one is telling men who work in finance or commercial law or whatever to quit because those are not noble pursuits that save lives! If you work for pay, you are paying taxes, which benefit society. The small law firm I used to work at -- handling boring business disputes -- employed secretaries and janitors and mailroom personnel -- if our firm was not successful, those jobs would not exist. Etc.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m extremely good at my job. I’m extremely successful in my career. I am a very good mother, but an exceptional one when I come home energized from a professional success. My daughter has dramatically more opportunities (not only financial) because of my work, and is beloved in my workplace.

And you're modest!

Is your goal to tear people down? She should be proud of her accomplishments.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The term working mom is archaic and needs to go. No one calls fathers w/ jobs working dads. My husband is a stay at home parent so one of us needs to work. I had better earning potential when we had children and he wanted to step back. It has worked well for us but is very hard for some strangers to handle - particularly at school events when the other mom's constantly mention that they see my husband all the time but don't see me as often - shocker how often are their husbands there?

Totally agree 'working mom' is misogynistic.

DH and I both WFH part time. We are a partnership and totally interchangeable. We also had a nanny until the youngest was 6 so we could both attend school events and activities for the older ones. Kids are in private and we are both shocked at the low paternal participation. Moms on the other hand are a bit too cliquey for me to fully engage, although I do participate. People often ask if we work because we are both involved.

OP - I work because I didn't get a PhD to clean vomit and snot. I got it because I love my field. DH is the same. It's possible to want and get all that life has to offer - great spouse, fulfilling career, wonderful kids, good health, etc. I'm raising my kids to do the same.

You sound insufferable. As for your PhD, I suspect that heart surgeon's contribution to society is more useful.

Really? She sounds wealthy, successful and happy to me.

Doesn't mean the heart surgeon's profession isn't more useful to society.

I'm the one you are talking about. Heart surgeon contributes a great deal. So do DH and I. You have our products in your home and our business is a household name. My PhD really provided the foundation to enter the business i am in as did DH's PhD. Yes, I'm probably friends with heart surgeon too. I am attracted to friends with purposeful motivation to contribute to society AND raise healthy happy kids who do the same. I also value a person's decision to focus on one or the other. We are not all the same, nor do we have to be. That is one of the things I love about America.

Nope, sorry. My kid's heart is more important than whatever product you're selling on behalf of corporate America. Regardless of how ubiquitous it is.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The term working mom is archaic and needs to go. No one calls fathers w/ jobs working dads. My husband is a stay at home parent so one of us needs to work. I had better earning potential when we had children and he wanted to step back. It has worked well for us but is very hard for some strangers to handle - particularly at school events when the other mom's constantly mention that they see my husband all the time but don't see me as often - shocker how often are their husbands there?

Totally agree 'working mom' is misogynistic.

DH and I both WFH part time. We are a partnership and totally interchangeable. We also had a nanny until the youngest was 6 so we could both attend school events and activities for the older ones. Kids are in private and we are both shocked at the low paternal participation. Moms on the other hand are a bit too cliquey for me to fully engage, although I do participate. People often ask if we work because we are both involved.

OP - I work because I didn't get a PhD to clean vomit and snot. I got it because I love my field. DH is the same. It's possible to want and get all that life has to offer - great spouse, fulfilling career, wonderful kids, good health, etc. I'm raising my kids to do the same.

You sound insufferable. As for your PhD, I suspect that heart surgeon's contribution to society is more useful.

Really? She sounds wealthy, successful and happy to me.

Doesn't mean the heart surgeon's profession isn't more useful to society.

I'm the one you are talking about. Heart surgeon contributes a great deal. So do DH and I. You have our products in your home and our business is a household name. My PhD really provided the foundation to enter the business i am in as did DH's PhD. Yes, I'm probably friends with heart surgeon too. I am attracted to friends with purposeful motivation to contribute to society AND raise healthy happy kids who do the same. I also value a person's decision to focus on one or the other. We are not all the same, nor do we have to be. That is one of the things I love about America.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The term working mom is archaic and needs to go. No one calls fathers w/ jobs working dads. My husband is a stay at home parent so one of us needs to work. I had better earning potential when we had children and he wanted to step back. It has worked well for us but is very hard for some strangers to handle - particularly at school events when the other mom's constantly mention that they see my husband all the time but don't see me as often - shocker how often are their husbands there?

Totally agree 'working mom' is misogynistic.

DH and I both WFH part time. We are a partnership and totally interchangeable. We also had a nanny until the youngest was 6 so we could both attend school events and activities for the older ones. Kids are in private and we are both shocked at the low paternal participation. Moms on the other hand are a bit too cliquey for me to fully engage, although I do participate. People often ask if we work because we are both involved.

OP - I work because I didn't get a PhD to clean vomit and snot. I got it because I love my field. DH is the same. It's possible to want and get all that life has to offer - great spouse, fulfilling career, wonderful kids, good health, etc. I'm raising my kids to do the same.

You sound insufferable. As for your PhD, I suspect that heart surgeon's contribution to society is more useful.

You oooze jealous for these two women. There is therapy out there for people like you!

Anonymous wrote:I worked hard as a student in high school, college, and law school to get good grades and land in a career I enjoy very much. I am not a workaholic by any means, I am a government attorney with a wonderful work life balance. I take pride in my work and I would not want to be a stay at home parent. That would feel like giving up everything I've worked so hard for and enjoy, and I would miss using my brain in the specific way that my job requires. That being said, I have been able to spend a TON of time with my young kids the last two plus years due to the pandemic. I've primarily worked from home with a nanny (sometimes full time, sometimes part time) and it's the closest I've ever come to "having it all." I'm really content with this set up and I'll be really sad when my youngest starts school and isn't in the same house as me all day.

I'm also a government attorney who worked hard to land here. I dislike the "having it all" saying, but the "balance" I have is also fantastic! My job is interesting and cerebral, enjoyable, low stress, and soooo ridiculously flexible. (WFH, picking kids up at bus stop, taking them to pm activities...basically just get your work done, and we don't really care when you do it...) I'd be crazy to give up my set up! Financially, we could certainly have everything we need and plenty of what we also want with just DH's salary, but my salary does afford a nicer lifestyle (and great health insurance too!).

I work to support my family financially.

I worked hard as a student in high school, college, and law school to get good grades and land in a career I enjoy very much. I am not a workaholic by any means, I am a government attorney with a wonderful work life balance. I take pride in my work and I would not want to be a stay at home parent. That would feel like giving up everything I've worked so hard for and enjoy, and I would miss using my brain in the specific way that my job requires. That being said, I have been able to spend a TON of time with my young kids the last two plus years due to the pandemic. I've primarily worked from home with a nanny (sometimes full time, sometimes part time) and it's the closest I've ever come to "having it all." I'm really content with this set up and I'll be really sad when my youngest starts school and isn't in the same house as me all day.

I grew up in a blue-collar community with many large Catholic families. When I was quite young, the father of one of my classmates died unexpectedly, leaving behind a wife and six kids. I remember the adults talking about how the wife did not drive and didn't know anything about the family finances. That made a huge impression on me and planted the seed that grew in my psyche that I would never be wholly dependent on my spouse/partner for support.

In practice, I have a supportive spouse who earns a good living through a business that offers minimal and expensive healthcare benefits. Well, he did earn a good salary before the pandemic. Now, his earnings have been cut drastically. I work at a lower-paying government job that offers amazing health insurance that my husband's business cannot afford to offer. I could not have known when I first went back to work after having kids that one of our kids would have a rare health condition that required frequent care from specialists. I'm also good at my job.

I'm going to echo what others have said about how you never know what life will throw at you. I'm cautious by nature, so putting all eggs in one basket was not appealing. As life has played out, the health insurance, stability, and flexibility that my job offers have benefitted our family immensely.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m extremely good at my job. I’m extremely successful in my career. I am a very good mother, but an exceptional one when I come home energized from a professional success. My daughter has dramatically more opportunities (not only financial) because of my work, and is beloved in my workplace.

And you're modest!