Anonymous
Post 06/14/2022 19:08     Subject: What's the worst thing your mom ever said/did to you?
“Didn’t you have the most wonderful childhood?” Or, “didn’t I give you the best childhood?”

- backstory is that my dad was an abusive drunk who was angry with me my entire life. A horrible, sick man who my mom lauded as a “great provider.” They stayed married because “vows” and their religion didn’t allow for divorce so never was considered.
Anonymous
Post 06/14/2022 19:05     Subject: Re:What's the worst thing your mom ever said/did to you?
Anonymous wrote:I've already posted upthread, but the more I think about it, the worst thing my mother did was the secrecy and the mind games. She never missed an opportunity to tear me down and no one was the wiser. When I was young, she would often pull me aside into another room during holidays or family gatherings to beat me or tell me horrible stories or lies - basically anything to make sure I was miserable. I remember one Christmas her telling me that my aunt was going on and on about how ugly I was and making fun of me to others in attendance or the time she told me she "overheard" my grandparents saying how disappointed they were with me and wished for a different grandchild. Looking back now I know these stories were fabricated, but at the time they just destroyed me. My mother is a miserable person and if she can't be happy, then nobody can.

Just minutes before my baby shower she threw a major tantrum - crying, screaming, the works - because she was worried no one understood that this was *her* special day. Of course she pulled it together as guests arrived and went on like nothing happened, but it definitely hurt my ability to enjoy what should have been my special day. When DH and I got engaged my parents decided to host a small backyard bbq for family to celebrate. Again, with guests beginning to arrive she pulled me aside and hissed in my ear "Don't expect a dime from me for this wedding, in fact, don't expect anything!" She then went on to play happy host all afternoon just gushing about how excited she was for us and how she couldn't wait to start getting plans underway.... gag.

She also loves to lie and gaslight and then call or text me saying that she can't sleep, has a horrible headache, etc. because she's worried that I will betray her confidence. Nope B, you're just worried that you're going to get caught.

I endured this behavior for 39 years before I found the strength to separate myself from her, and as a result, the majority of my extended family. No one except for me and my father (who she also abuses) knows what she's really like behind closed doors.


The mask will slip as she ages. I know this from personal
experience.
Anonymous
Post 06/14/2022 18:59     Subject: What's the worst thing your mom ever said/did to you?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:So the weird underwear thing - was your mom mad that it was a #2 stain or was it a discharge stain?

She was probably triggered to sexually shame you for vaginal discharge i.e. lubrication.

My mom used to shame me if I ever masturbated.


My mother told me you had to see a priest if you masturbated. Also, I couldn’t wear tampons because it would make me a slut.


Omg, this is what my mom said. She stopped taking me to the doctor (ped) when I got my period at 11. She told me I started my period after she had been obsessively checking my underwear for months.

My first time at the OB-GYN was age 24. I was terrified of my university’s student health office sending statements through our insurance. 1990s. I know things are much improved now.
Anonymous
Post 06/14/2022 16:09     Subject: Re:What's the worst thing your mom ever said/did to you?
Anonymous wrote:She told me she was going to divorce my dad, but not to tell him or my siblings because she was going to move us out while he was at work. I was fifteen.I always felt bad for keeping the secret, but don’t know if it would have helped anything to tell anyone. She painted him as a monster, and I believed it for years. In reality, my dad was blindsided. He came home to an empty house and bank account.

After divorcing, she started dating someone else. She told his daughters that they were like daughters to her while my sister and I were sitting right there. She would fawn all over him and ignore us. We barely had food in the house, so when she made a plate of dessert bars for him, my sister and I ate all of them. She was livid.

There are, of course, many more incidents, but those are the two that came to mind.


My mother actually did do this. He had no idea where we went. Had to follow the school bus home to see where we went

He was not abusive or anything. Gave her everything he had. She crushed him and destroyed his relationship with us.

She has a lot to answer for
Anonymous
Post 06/14/2022 16:00     Subject: Re:What's the worst thing your mom ever said/did to you?
Anonymous wrote:Even though the good times outweigh the bad, I’ve heard some zingers. “You’re a wh*re” was quite unexpected when I was 25 at a family wedding and shared a hotel room with my boyfriend of 1 year…


Did I write this? Same thing happened to me.
Anonymous
Post 06/14/2022 15:51     Subject: Re:What's the worst thing your mom ever said/did to you?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Prom I paid for my own dress, my own hair and makeup and she was with her 2nd husband and his kids because that was her priority. I went home to change into my dress and she looked at me, sighed, and said "you look like a whore". It wasnt even a lot of makeup. I had a conservative mermaid strapless dress and felt beautiful until she opened her mouth.

theres more but thats the one that sticks out.



She was/is jealous of you and your stunning beauty, and your ability to wear that beautiful dress - which you only made more beautiful when you wore it!

I bet you have never let a jealous woman bother you since, or take up any of your mind space.

You slay - and I bet you are stunning!


Not to mention, I bet she could never in a million years wear that dress! That is what she hated most. Too bad for her.


Not quite. My mom is tall and skinny like 5'9'' 150lbs and all legs. I take after my fathers side which is short and busty. I was crossfit-type before crossfit existed.

She just never knew what to do with a daughter that wasnt like her. Still to this day insists I dont have big breasts/doesnt understand why I need expensive bras (currently a 36F/G) or that I cant be happy if I am overweight.

I still struggle with being visible and playing up any of my assets. I have a body type that looks like a square if I dont wear anything fitted but if I wear fitted clothing it becomes very obvious that I have a lot of shape- and it makes me highly uncomfortable. I dont wear makeup anymore because I never learned how to do it correctly and I definitely see ghoulish versus amplification but I can admit some of that is likely internalized.
Anonymous
Post 06/14/2022 14:36     Subject: What's the worst thing your mom ever said/did to you?
Anonymous wrote:When I shot up to over 5’10” she said “your sisters are petite. Men like that.”

I will hear that til the day I die.


Something along these lines. Although, she kept trying to make sure I watched what I ate and didn't "stay chunky". She wouldn't pay for gymnastics as I got older because there was "no chance of being good" due to my body-type (which is athletic, with a butt, but it wasn't fashionable or appreciated in the 80s and 90s); it didn't matter that I loved it.

She was a good mom but focusing on my weight and body type is still something I spend way too much time doing and thinking about. I think she was pressured by her own mother and then, sadly, my dad, to keep her own weight in check but it sucked being a child (young adult, now old adult) feeling ugly all the time.
Anonymous
Post 06/14/2022 14:33     Subject: What's the worst thing your mom ever said/did to you?
When I was 25 I had a mental health breakdown (for lack of a better term). My anxiety had reached the point where I couldn't leave the house without having panic attacks. I took a leave of absence from my job and entered an intensive out-patient therapy program for a month where I had individual therapy, individual therapy and appointments with a psychiatrist to get the correct meds. My mom mocked me and said she didn't "understand why sitting around and talking to a bunch of strangers helps anything" and that "in this family, we go to work. We don't cry our way out of working."

I also have vivid memories of her yelling at me for making a mess when I got sick in the middle of the night.



Anonymous
Post 06/14/2022 14:02     Subject: What's the worst thing your mom ever said/did to you?
Anonymous wrote:I call my kid annoying. I’ll be sure to stop. My mother was utterly nasty and I try every day to be kind to my kids, but I’m not perfect. This thread makes me worry they’ll hate me no matter what.


Same here. I try to say "please stop that [behavior], it's annoying" rather than making it personal but i'm sure i've said it.

Anonymous
Post 06/14/2022 13:47     Subject: Re:What's the worst thing your mom ever said/did to you?
I've already posted upthread, but the more I think about it, the worst thing my mother did was the secrecy and the mind games. She never missed an opportunity to tear me down and no one was the wiser. When I was young, she would often pull me aside into another room during holidays or family gatherings to beat me or tell me horrible stories or lies - basically anything to make sure I was miserable. I remember one Christmas her telling me that my aunt was going on and on about how ugly I was and making fun of me to others in attendance or the time she told me she "overheard" my grandparents saying how disappointed they were with me and wished for a different grandchild. Looking back now I know these stories were fabricated, but at the time they just destroyed me. My mother is a miserable person and if she can't be happy, then nobody can.

Just minutes before my baby shower she threw a major tantrum - crying, screaming, the works - because she was worried no one understood that this was *her* special day. Of course she pulled it together as guests arrived and went on like nothing happened, but it definitely hurt my ability to enjoy what should have been my special day. When DH and I got engaged my parents decided to host a small backyard bbq for family to celebrate. Again, with guests beginning to arrive she pulled me aside and hissed in my ear "Don't expect a dime from me for this wedding, in fact, don't expect anything!" She then went on to play happy host all afternoon just gushing about how excited she was for us and how she couldn't wait to start getting plans underway.... gag.

She also loves to lie and gaslight and then call or text me saying that she can't sleep, has a horrible headache, etc. because she's worried that I will betray her confidence. Nope B, you're just worried that you're going to get caught.

I endured this behavior for 39 years before I found the strength to separate myself from her, and as a result, the majority of my extended family. No one except for me and my father (who she also abuses) knows what she's really like behind closed doors.
Anonymous
Post 06/14/2022 13:33     Subject: What's the worst thing your mom ever said/did to you?
Anonymous wrote:So the weird underwear thing - was your mom mad that it was a #2 stain or was it a discharge stain?

She was probably triggered to sexually shame you for vaginal discharge i.e. lubrication.

My mom used to shame me if I ever masturbated.


I remember hating one of my friend's parents when I was in 6th grade. Her dad was a weird control freak . She would be punished by both her parents if she got a drop of menstrual blood on her clothing or underwear. I heard both her parents screaming at her. Her dad led this. He thought we somehow had control over our menstruation. There was so much shame about all of this.
Anonymous
Post 06/14/2022 13:23     Subject: Re:What's the worst thing your mom ever said/did to you?
Anonymous wrote:When I was about 23, on a family cruise my mom took my room key while I was sleeping and gambled at the casino with it (because she had already exhausted the per-day ATM withdrawal amount on her own card at the casino. She won $50k playing as me, so I had to pay the taxes on it. It even kicked me into a higher income tax bracket at an age where I had zero disposable income. I went into debt over it and it took a while to pay off. If you’re wondering if she offered to give me some of the $50k to cover the taxes, the answer is no. And yes, she filled out forms with my name on them when she won without me present. This gambling behavior only got worse after my dad died a few years later, but she no longer has access to my stuff.


My mom did similar stuff to me. I was getting ss checks that I never knew about. My mom would forge my signature and keep it all. She put investments in my name when I was 18 to avoid taxes which affected my taxes. She took out so many loans to pay for my college and I paid off everyone of them myself even though they didn't go to me at all. I paid for my college and she made money in tbills back in the day. I came home for Christmas my freshman year of college and her house flooded with all of my clothes and many of my belongings. I never got a cent when the insurance paid out. She never did this to my brothers.
Anonymous
Post 06/14/2022 12:47     Subject: What's the worst thing your mom ever said/did to you?
I've already posted, but here's a recent one. My daughter, her granddaughter, had to be hospitalized in bad shape. I didn't sleep for days because I was by her side. Once she was released and more and more test results were coming in I was dizzy trying to process we were likely dealing with lifelong issues. I remembered to email a "have a beautiful mother's day" at some point before the day. She knew the situation by the way. A few days after Mother's Day got a hostile text about how I forgot mother's day and how inconsiderate I was. Keep in mind it's not like she acknowledged mother's day for me, nor did I expect it. We still are trying to figure out the extend of our daughter's illness and how debilitating this will be and mommy dearest continues to stew because it's all about "me, me,me!"
Anonymous
Post 06/14/2022 11:55     Subject: What's the worst thing your mom ever said/did to you?
She snapped at me a couple of times but I deserved it. I was horrible to her, particularly as a teen.
Anonymous
Post 06/14/2022 11:45     Subject: Re:What's the worst thing your mom ever said/did to you?
My mother passed a couple of months ago. I feel so guilty for not mourning her. She was very abusive (physically and verbally) and an alcoholic, although she finally did get sober about 8 years ago. She also did not protect me from my abusive step-father.