Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I left the house this morning to take preschooler to school. Typically, I am home during the day but today I was out all day and he knew this. He said he was tired from working from home and taking care of the twins all day and he assumed I was back. Even if I had not been out all day, I am never home at that time because I am always at school at that time doing pick up. I am still probably too emotional to talk to him rationally at this point so I proposed discussing it tomorrow.

Sadly, I do not have a time machine to go back and divorce him after the bathtub incident. At the time, everyone said I was overreacting, everyone makes mistakes.

Your story isn’t making sense. You said they were left alone for half an hour? How do you know this if you’re claiming to have been out all day? Things don’t add up.

Because I asked him how long were they alone and he told me when he left. I have no idea whether he is telling the truth. But he has admitted to leaving a half hour before I got back.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where did he go?

He didn't notice your car was gone when he left?

If you had your door CLOSED wouldn't someone need to be watching two year old twins? - this is the part that's confusing to me. If I left the house with two year old twins roaming around, i would (1) put them in their cribs or bumbos or whatever and (2) find the other adult to say "he larlo and barlo are in the bumbos" - be back in 15...

something about this story is very off.

It’s pretty straightforward: OP screwed up by leaving her twins to go pick up Her other children. She didn’t let anyone know she left and is now trying to blame her husband for the outcome of her poor parenting decisions.

No you can't let 2 year old twins wander around and just leave the house because you "think" someone is in a room with the door closed. You have to watch 2 year olds ALLLLL the time.

So where were the twins when OP left? Seems she didn’t check in with her husband either. She left the home first and just assumed her husband should know where she is at. That’s irresponsible. She takes 0 responsibility and for that reason I would probably trust the husband with the children more than her.

You're comparing apples to oranges. OP was not watching any kids at the time she left the house to get a kid from school. She did not check in with DH who was watching kids to say "I'm leaving the house."

DH was watching the kids, then stood up and left them alone and went somewhere all by himself without handing the kids off to another adult. He walked out of a room with two toddlers in it, didn't say "come take over", and left the premises.

One wasn't supervising any kids, and didn't check in with another adult to confirm typical comings and goings. Maybe that would be a problem in your marriage, maybe it wouldn't. But it's not child endangerment. The other didn't check in with another adult to make sure there was someone watching the kids, and in fact actively walked away from two toddlers and left them alone and unsupervised. Checking in in that situation is not about making sure your spouse knows where you are, it's about making sure they know they're on duty. You might think she should have shouted "I'm heading out" to him, but it's a bad faith argument to treat those two scenarios as equivalent.

OP again. He sent a text saying he was leaving, which I did not immediately get because I was doing pick up. We had heavy rain today, bad traffic, and preschooler had a difficult afternoon so I did not see his text until I was already back home wondering why toddlers were roaming around alone. By then he was long gone.

Wow, this seems like common sense but maybe not to some people. You have to do a handoff. In person, face-to-face, verbally confirm which parent is in charge of the kids before leaving.

Also, I strongly suggest you put your purse, wallet, phone, or shoes in the backseat when you or he drives with the kids. Intelligent, yet absent-minded people have forgotten kids in the hot car when any part of the routine changes. Always scared the snot out of me.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. this is not the first time. When eldest was six months old he left the then infant alone in the baby bathtub because I had just been in the bathroom and he thought I was paying attention to what he was doing. I wasn't. I walked in to find baby fully submerged. Grabbed her and spent the next 24 hours watching her every move to make sure she was okay. She was fine but I almost left him then.

Wait, this happened before and you didn’t communicate to your partner that you were leaving the house to pick up another child when there were other children in the house? Just as much your fault as his. Your reaction is absolutely uncalled for and you both need therapy to address communication.

+1 not his fault, this is on you op. Never ever leave a home with children in it without talking to another adult first.

You pps are totally off base. The DH is the one who left the house without talking to an adult and the one who left the bathroom. If he had talked to an adult he would have noticed that his assumptions are incorrect. This board never ceases to amaze me.

The way I read it, OP did the exact same thing - left the house without telling her DH that she was leaving. She assumed he knew or would notice.

Then he also left the house without telling anyone. What if it turns out that DH actually left first? Then whose fault would it be? The fact is that they BOTH left without telling each other. The order doesn't really matter. They both need to start communicating more.

OP, learn the principle of "positive transfer of control". Whenever either one of you is walking away, be vocal about it. Should you "have to", if you leave the same time every day? Doesn't matter - do it anyway. Then - also important - tell him when you're back. So that he didn't get into the habit of assuming you must have returned by now. Until you check back in, he's in charge.

Because she does this AT THE SAME TIME EVERY DAY and she knew DH was WITH the twins. I don't get how people think this is anywhere near her fault. He screwed up big time and they are lucky the kids are ok. I'd flip too.

I do agree that that they need a very explicit assumption of responsibility upon even leaving the room, and probably intervention of a neutral coach or counselor to set up systems to make sure this doesn't happen again apart from the question of whether she is "overreacting." But I think she's not.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I left the house this morning to take preschooler to school. Typically, I am home during the day but today I was out all day and he knew this. He said he was tired from working from home and taking care of the twins all day and he assumed I was back. Even if I had not been out all day, I am never home at that time because I am always at school at that time doing pick up. I am still probably too emotional to talk to him rationally at this point so I proposed discussing it tomorrow.

Sadly, I do not have a time machine to go back and divorce him after the bathtub incident. At the time, everyone said I was overreacting, everyone makes mistakes.

In your gut, what do you think is really going on? Is he a flake? Is he self-absorbed and struggles to think of others? Does he have ADHD?
What’s his response—remorse? defensive? Share how he reacted.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I left the house this morning to take preschooler to school. Typically, I am home during the day but today I was out all day and he knew this. He said he was tired from working from home and taking care of the twins all day and he assumed I was back. Even if I had not been out all day, I am never home at that time because I am always at school at that time doing pick up. I am still probably too emotional to talk to him rationally at this point so I proposed discussing it tomorrow.

Sadly, I do not have a time machine to go back and divorce him after the bathtub incident. At the time, everyone said I was overreacting, everyone makes mistakes.

Your story isn’t making sense. You said they were left alone for half an hour? How do you know this if you’re claiming to have been out all day? Things don’t add up.

my X husband was like this and we divorced when the kids were really young. thankfully he only had them a couple days a week. one day he decided to go in the grocery store and he left them in the car (at night). well, someone called the police and he was SHOOK. I'll tell you this it's been years and nothing like that ever happened again.

OP here. I left the house this morning to take preschooler to school. Typically, I am home during the day but today I was out all day and he knew this. He said he was tired from working from home and taking care of the twins all day and he assumed I was back. Even if I had not been out all day, I am never home at that time because I am always at school at that time doing pick up. I am still probably too emotional to talk to him rationally at this point so I proposed discussing it tomorrow.

Sadly, I do not have a time machine to go back and divorce him after the bathtub incident. At the time, everyone said I was overreacting, everyone makes mistakes.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. this is not the first time. When eldest was six months old he left the then infant alone in the baby bathtub because I had just been in the bathroom and he thought I was paying attention to what he was doing. I wasn't. I walked in to find baby fully submerged. Grabbed her and spent the next 24 hours watching her every move to make sure she was okay. She was fine but I almost left him then.

Wait, this happened before and you didn’t communicate to your partner that you were leaving the house to pick up another child when there were other children in the house? Just as much your fault as his. Your reaction is absolutely uncalled for and you both need therapy to address communication.

+1 not his fault, this is on you op. Never ever leave a home with children in it without talking to another adult first.

You pps are totally off base. The DH is the one who left the house without talking to an adult and the one who left the bathroom. If he had talked to an adult he would have noticed that his assumptions are incorrect. This board never ceases to amaze me.

The way I read it, OP did the exact same thing - left the house without telling her DH that she was leaving. She assumed he knew or would notice.

Then he also left the house without telling anyone. What if it turns out that DH actually left first? Then whose fault would it be? The fact is that they BOTH left without telling each other. The order doesn't really matter. They both need to start communicating more.

OP, learn the principle of "positive transfer of control". Whenever either one of you is walking away, be vocal about it. Should you "have to", if you leave the same time every day? Doesn't matter - do it anyway. Then - also important - tell him when you're back. So that he didn't get into the habit of assuming you must have returned by now. Until you check back in, he's in charge.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where did he go?

He didn't notice your car was gone when he left?

If you had your door CLOSED wouldn't someone need to be watching two year old twins? - this is the part that's confusing to me. If I left the house with two year old twins roaming around, i would (1) put them in their cribs or bumbos or whatever and (2) find the other adult to say "he larlo and barlo are in the bumbos" - be back in 15...

something about this story is very off.

It’s pretty straightforward: OP screwed up by leaving her twins to go pick up Her other children. She didn’t let anyone know she left and is now trying to blame her husband for the outcome of her poor parenting decisions.

No you can't let 2 year old twins wander around and just leave the house because you "think" someone is in a room with the door closed. You have to watch 2 year olds ALLLLL the time.

So where were the twins when OP left? Seems she didn’t check in with her husband either. She left the home first and just assumed her husband should know where she is at. That’s irresponsible. She takes 0 responsibility and for that reason I would probably trust the husband with the children more than her.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where did he go?

He didn't notice your car was gone when he left?

If you had your door CLOSED wouldn't someone need to be watching two year old twins? - this is the part that's confusing to me. If I left the house with two year old twins roaming around, i would (1) put them in their cribs or bumbos or whatever and (2) find the other adult to say "he larlo and barlo are in the bumbos" - be back in 15...

something about this story is very off.

It’s pretty straightforward: OP screwed up by leaving her twins to go pick up Her other children. She didn’t let anyone know she left and is now trying to blame her husband for the outcome of her poor parenting decisions.

No you can't let 2 year old twins wander around and just leave the house because you "think" someone is in a room with the door closed. You have to watch 2 year olds ALLLLL the time.

Anonymous wrote:Where did he go?

He didn't notice your car was gone when he left?

If you had your door CLOSED wouldn't someone need to be watching two year old twins? - this is the part that's confusing to me. If I left the house with two year old twins roaming around, i would (1) put them in their cribs or bumbos or whatever and (2) find the other adult to say "he larlo and barlo are in the bumbos" - be back in 15...

something about this story is very off.

I never had a bumbo but aren’t they like chairs, not 2 year old traps?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. this is not the first time. When eldest was six months old he left the then infant alone in the baby bathtub because I had just been in the bathroom and he thought I was paying attention to what he was doing. I wasn't. I walked in to find baby fully submerged. Grabbed her and spent the next 24 hours watching her every move to make sure she was okay. She was fine but I almost left him then.

WHY ON EARTH WOUKD YOU HAVE ANOTHER KID WITH THIS PERSON?!?

This is the correct question.

Anonymous wrote:Where did he go?

He didn't notice your car was gone when he left?

If you had your door CLOSED wouldn't someone need to be watching two year old twins? - this is the part that's confusing to me. If I left the house with two year old twins roaming around, i would (1) put them in their cribs or bumbos or whatever and (2) find the other adult to say "he larlo and barlo are in the bumbos" - be back in 15...

something about this story is very off.

It’s pretty straightforward: OP screwed up by leaving her twins to go pick up Her other children. She didn’t let anyone know she left and is now trying to blame her husband for the outcome of her poor parenting decisions.