Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lots of people in my parents area are like this. They have a stay at home spouse or she also makes $50k (or less). They live in cheap housing, maybe a double wide, use public school and Maine’s state health care. They supplement with income from plowing drive ways or summer tourist related jobs or hunting their own meat. They don’t worry about dental care.

Love the idea that anyone making less than six figures has to live in a trailer, hunt, and doesn't visit the dentist. This thread is so out of touch it's amazing.

Seriously. The vast majority of us, even in DC, do not make 6 figures. Maybe we live in an apartment/condo/townhouse and can't afford private schools, overseas vacations, or much in the way of college/retirement savings, but we get by just fine. And we have great teeth. Not everyone is a shallow social striver. Some of us just marry the people we love.

That’s why I find this thread fascinating. It’s as if a few posters here haven’t had the opportunity to see real life. You don’t need massive salaries to live comfortably. Just live within your means. A family with two 5-figure earners can save for retirement, for children’s college educations, for vacations, etc. Perhaps the vacation is to the beach and not Bora Bora, but that’s okay. Perhaps the college is an in-state school, but that’s also okay.

A lot of dual working families have multiple problems making that work. And they are struggling. It also completely matters if the person is 25 or 55. None of this is being discussed.

I’m sure some do. Many don’t. It’s about living within your means. When we searched for a home, we looked for neighborhoods we could comfortably afford. We make sound financial choices and don’t waste money on frivolous things we don’t need. We aren’t struggling. We have two high school-aged students. We’ve saved enough (without help) that they should be able to attend a state school with no loans. We save for retirement. Sure, we won’t be retiring to Banff, but we won’t suffer. If you live within your means and avoid the “keeping up with the Joneses” mentality, it can be done.

This is the “don’t eat avocado toast” of financial advice. Two people in the DC metro area making five figures each will certainly struggle with things like what to do when a family member needs expensive medical care, or a child needs supplemental education, or if they prioritize 6-12 months at home for a newborn, early retirement or any other very normal expense which does not in any way constitute “frivolous”.

People need to marry people who share their values. Someone who wants to work to 75, send their kids to care at 6 weeks, live in a far out suburb and vacation for one week a year at the beach needs a different partner than someone who values a year with a newborn, retirement at 60, a short commute and longer vacations. Before you deem the second lair “frivolous” remember they’re for the most part rights in European countries, even for poor people.

No, we won’t “certainly” struggle. We will never make more than $200K combined and we are very comfortable. Medical emergency? We can cover it. Kids in parochial school? Affordable and budgeted. Kid needs therapy not covered by insurance? We pay it weekly. It is absolutely doable and we do NOT struggle. I’m not sure why that’s hard for some posters to understand. The DC region does not require an extremely high salary to get by. How do you think two teacher households, for example, live? We do it just like you. I’m not sure why some posters need to feel that 5-figure salaries are horrible. I suspect many of us who have them selected our jobs because we found value in the work, not in the paycheck. We made our choices and we live happily. Get off DCUM and take a drive around the region. We’re all over the place.

I feel like your sort of arguing for my point. You married someone whose values align with yours and your values don’t require a six-figure income. If you’re satisfied with the amount of time you have to spend with your children, your retirement, your commute, then there’s no reason you shouldn’t be an ideal candidate for marrying a man who makes five figures (other than that you’re married but you get my point). Teach your daughters that they should never be SAHM’s and they will also be good candidates to marry men who make five figures.

Someone who wants to take a longer maternity leave, someone who wants to retire earlier, someone who doesn’t want to spend hours commuting, will value different things and shouldn’t marry a partner who doesn’t want the same things. That does not make them frivolous, it means they have different values. I, for example, could never send my children to parochial school following the decades of child abuse and coverup perpetrated by the Catholic Church but I don’t think you’re “frivolous” for doing so.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m not sure if this has been stated here, but there is difference among five figure earners- ambition. If you have a 50 year old teacher who has a career and loves what they do- I still remember some of my amazing teachers so well- that’s a bit different than someone like an ex I dated as a teenager who made a series of unfortunate decisions in college, didn’t end up graduating, and I’m not sure if he ever got his life together professionally. He may be cobbling from job to job, favor to favor, and that’s unattractive- in fact it was unattractive as a teenager and that’s one of the reasons we broke up. Apart from his lack of career, there are other red flags about him but he seems to be in a serious relationship now, in our thirties, with someone who is more together professionally but objectively much less attractive. Maybe she sees the best in him, or maybe he’s a better looking guy than she’d ever date otherwise.

I would have never, ever, ever entertained dating a teacher or anyone who ever aspired To be a teacher in my youth. First off, all male teachers are always kind of pervy.
I would have rather married a nice plumber who never went to college than a male teacher.

I feel sorry for you. You wrote off a tremendous number of intelligent, hard-working, service-oriented people.
Signed: a female teacher who is in awe of her colleagues. They’re great people, including the male teachers. Fortunately, they had no problem finding people who were able to see their worth.

Anonymous wrote:I’m not sure if this has been stated here, but there is difference among five figure earners- ambition. If you have a 50 year old teacher who has a career and loves what they do- I still remember some of my amazing teachers so well- that’s a bit different than someone like an ex I dated as a teenager who made a series of unfortunate decisions in college, didn’t end up graduating, and I’m not sure if he ever got his life together professionally. He may be cobbling from job to job, favor to favor, and that’s unattractive- in fact it was unattractive as a teenager and that’s one of the reasons we broke up. Apart from his lack of career, there are other red flags about him but he seems to be in a serious relationship now, in our thirties, with someone who is more together professionally but objectively much less attractive. Maybe she sees the best in him, or maybe he’s a better looking guy than she’d ever date otherwise.

Good point. I would add that high earners aren’t always ambitious. I’ve known plenty of people who fell into high salaries but don’t have the work ethic or drive of people with lower salaries. I’ve known high school teachers who dedicate entire weekends to their work, taking pride in the grading and planning they do. Ambition is simply a strong desire to do *something* well. That *something* may not be earning money.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lots of people in my parents area are like this. They have a stay at home spouse or she also makes $50k (or less). They live in cheap housing, maybe a double wide, use public school and Maine’s state health care. They supplement with income from plowing drive ways or summer tourist related jobs or hunting their own meat. They don’t worry about dental care.

Love the idea that anyone making less than six figures has to live in a trailer, hunt, and doesn't visit the dentist. This thread is so out of touch it's amazing.

Seriously. The vast majority of us, even in DC, do not make 6 figures. Maybe we live in an apartment/condo/townhouse and can't afford private schools, overseas vacations, or much in the way of college/retirement savings, but we get by just fine. And we have great teeth. Not everyone is a shallow social striver. Some of us just marry the people we love.

That’s why I find this thread fascinating. It’s as if a few posters here haven’t had the opportunity to see real life. You don’t need massive salaries to live comfortably. Just live within your means. A family with two 5-figure earners can save for retirement, for children’s college educations, for vacations, etc. Perhaps the vacation is to the beach and not Bora Bora, but that’s okay. Perhaps the college is an in-state school, but that’s also okay.

A lot of dual working families have multiple problems making that work. And they are struggling. It also completely matters if the person is 25 or 55. None of this is being discussed.

That's because this thread seems to be dominated by people who can't actually imagine what it would be like to live on those salaries, so they just post ridiculous out of touch things. Some of us struggle with some things, like yes sure i wish I had a short commute, but people are posting things like "I need to be able to provide for my children" that need a reality check.

Anonymous wrote:I’m not sure if this has been stated here, but there is difference among five figure earners- ambition. If you have a 50 year old teacher who has a career and loves what they do- I still remember some of my amazing teachers so well- that’s a bit different than someone like an ex I dated as a teenager who made a series of unfortunate decisions in college, didn’t end up graduating, and I’m not sure if he ever got his life together professionally. He may be cobbling from job to job, favor to favor, and that’s unattractive- in fact it was unattractive as a teenager and that’s one of the reasons we broke up. Apart from his lack of career, there are other red flags about him but he seems to be in a serious relationship now, in our thirties, with someone who is more together professionally but objectively much less attractive. Maybe she sees the best in him, or maybe he’s a better looking guy than she’d ever date otherwise.

I would have never, ever, ever entertained dating a teacher or anyone who ever aspired To be a teacher in my youth. First off, all male teachers are always kind of pervy.
I would have rather married a nice plumber who never went to college than a male teacher.

I’m not sure if this has been stated here, but there is difference among five figure earners- ambition. If you have a 50 year old teacher who has a career and loves what they do- I still remember some of my amazing teachers so well- that’s a bit different than someone like an ex I dated as a teenager who made a series of unfortunate decisions in college, didn’t end up graduating, and I’m not sure if he ever got his life together professionally. He may be cobbling from job to job, favor to favor, and that’s unattractive- in fact it was unattractive as a teenager and that’s one of the reasons we broke up. Apart from his lack of career, there are other red flags about him but he seems to be in a serious relationship now, in our thirties, with someone who is more together professionally but objectively much less attractive. Maybe she sees the best in him, or maybe he’s a better looking guy than she’d ever date otherwise.