Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You don't bring a sibling who has not been invited. Full stop.

It is actually important for siblings who were not invited to learn how to deal with not being invited. Also, it teaches siblings to deal with the fact that their brother or sister have their own friends. It is a way of teaching boundaries. I have watched moms argue that both their kids should go to a party when only one was invited because they want to "always keep things equal forever" between their kids. That is delusional thinking.

Ok. This is crazy. Most people I know work (some) weekends and both parents aren’t home in the middle of the day to babysit a three year old and an infant while the four year old goes to a party.
I assume that most people asking are asking because they don’t have other childcare. If people are asking because they feel that you need to accommodate their own weird neuroses, that’s a different story.

Then try harder, because millions of other parents find childcare just fine.

The idea that I am supposed to spend $80 for a babysitter and a gift so my kid can attend a 3 year old party is one that is very specific to upper class bubbles.

During the preschool years, it is fine, a little rude, but fine to ask to bring siblings.

It is during the elementary years where you can drop off that it is rude.

I went to a party recently where one family brought 4 kids AND grandparents to a pay per head birthday party. I’m sure the 4 kids would have enjoyed the activity. I think this party would have cost $30 per person so this guest cost the host $150 extra.

It’s not fine to ask to bring along someone who isn’t invited, preschool or not.

How does one even know who is invited these days? In the world of evites, I've never seen one where *only* one of my kids is specified as the invitee. I wouldn't even know how to do that with evite. Paper invitations are discouraged by my kids' school.

That all being said, I've found that basically all DCUM rules don't apply in my working-class majority-minority inner city neighborhood in Chicago. All birthday parties are gift parties, half of the invitations include a gift registry, and whole families typically attend. Oh, and people typically have no issues inviting some portion of the class that isn't 100% or all boys or all girls or whatever.

The person whose name is on invitation is the only person invited. Here is an example;

Johnny Johnson is invited to attend Michael Anderson's 4th birthday party.

If siblings are invited, then invitation would read:. "All Johnson children invited to Michael Anderson's 4th birthday party."

Do you understand the difference?

Here's another invitation etiquette:. Only the people's name written on both outside and inside are invited to wedding and reception
Example:. Outside envelope:. Mr. and Mrs. John Joseph Anderson, if family is invited inside envelope will say Mr. and Mrs
Johnson and family. Any one over age 16 should be sent a separate invitation. If no card is enclosed about reception then you are not invited to reception and no wedding present is expected.

The upshot is ONLY THOSE NAMED ARE INVITED!!!!!!!!?

Ok, thanks for screaming, it really made the point.

I have *never* received an invitation to a child's birthday party in an envelope. Every one my son has ever been invited to has been an email invitation and those all go to the parent's email. The name of the "invited" child has never been specified.
They always give you the option to specify the number of attendees in the RSVP. When my kid is older and the parties shrink in size and become drop off parties, I expect that will change. But right now, invitations take the form of the parent being invited via email to celebrate "Larlo's Sixth Birthday party at Skyzone."

But, maybe that's just because my local community is too poor to afford to send out paper invitations in envelopes? Or, too ignorant to invite people one by one? /s

Rich people baffle me sometimes.

Our school will not send out evites nor will they release parents email addresses. If you want to invite someone you don’t have contact info for you send paper invitations to the whole class. I imagine this gets easier in a few years when you have had more time to get in touch with people other ways.

And the invitation has the child’s non the outside. I don’t even know who has siblings aside from a few kids

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You don't bring a sibling who has not been invited. Full stop.

It is actually important for siblings who were not invited to learn how to deal with not being invited. Also, it teaches siblings to deal with the fact that their brother or sister have their own friends. It is a way of teaching boundaries. I have watched moms argue that both their kids should go to a party when only one was invited because they want to "always keep things equal forever" between their kids. That is delusional thinking.

Ok. This is crazy. Most people I know work (some) weekends and both parents aren’t home in the middle of the day to babysit a three year old and an infant while the four year old goes to a party.
I assume that most people asking are asking because they don’t have other childcare. If people are asking because they feel that you need to accommodate their own weird neuroses, that’s a different story.

Then try harder, because millions of other parents find childcare just fine.

The idea that I am supposed to spend $80 for a babysitter and a gift so my kid can attend a 3 year old party is one that is very specific to upper class bubbles.

During the preschool years, it is fine, a little rude, but fine to ask to bring siblings.

It is during the elementary years where you can drop off that it is rude.

I went to a party recently where one family brought 4 kids AND grandparents to a pay per head birthday party. I’m sure the 4 kids would have enjoyed the activity. I think this party would have cost $30 per person so this guest cost the host $150 extra.

It’s not fine to ask to bring along someone who isn’t invited, preschool or not.

How does one even know who is invited these days? In the world of evites, I've never seen one where *only* one of my kids is specified as the invitee. I wouldn't even know how to do that with evite. Paper invitations are discouraged by my kids' school.

That all being said, I've found that basically all DCUM rules don't apply in my working-class majority-minority inner city neighborhood in Chicago. All birthday parties are gift parties, half of the invitations include a gift registry, and whole families typically attend. Oh, and people typically have no issues inviting some portion of the class that isn't 100% or all boys or all girls or whatever.

The person whose name is on invitation is the only person invited. Here is an example;

Johnny Johnson is invited to attend Michael Anderson's 4th birthday party.

If siblings are invited, then invitation would read:. "All Johnson children invited to Michael Anderson's 4th birthday party."

Do you understand the difference?

Here's another invitation etiquette:. Only the people's name written on both outside and inside are invited to wedding and reception
Example:. Outside envelope:. Mr. and Mrs. John Joseph Anderson, if family is invited inside envelope will say Mr. and Mrs
Johnson and family. Any one over age 16 should be sent a separate invitation. If no card is enclosed about reception then you are not invited to reception and no wedding present is expected.

The upshot is ONLY THOSE NAMED ARE INVITED!!!!!!!!?

Ok, thanks for screaming, it really made the point.

I have *never* received an invitation to a child's birthday party in an envelope. Every one my son has ever been invited to has been an email invitation and those all go to the parent's email. The name of the "invited" child has never been specified.
They always give you the option to specify the number of attendees in the RSVP. When my kid is older and the parties shrink in size and become drop off parties, I expect that will change. But right now, invitations take the form of the parent being invited via email to celebrate "Larlo's Sixth Birthday party at Skyzone."

But, maybe that's just because my local community is too poor to afford to send out paper invitations in envelopes? Or, too ignorant to invite people one by one? /s

Rich people baffle me sometimes.

Our school will not send out evites nor will they release parents email addresses. If you want to invite someone you don’t have contact info for you send paper invitations to the whole class. I imagine this gets easier in a few years when you have had more time to get in touch with people other ways.

Anonymous wrote:Every time this topic comes up here, the vote is unanimous: don’t even think about bringing a sibling to a birthday party. Asking the host is also rude. Well, my daughter was invited to a birthday party today and I followed the DCUMs advice and left DS home with DH. I was quite surprised to see EVERY sibling at the party. Just thought I’d share. Please don’t always rely on the advice you are given here.

OP, I’ve been posting on the last few pages of this thread, and I agree with you.

A story: 8 years ago, I was pregnant. I had only lived in DC for a few years and hadn’t yet made any very close female friends and those I had formed friendships with had moved (DC life!). I asked on here, earnestly, if it would be weird to ask a woman I was forming a friendship with and really liked to host a baby shower/party. Like, I’d pay for it, but maybe she could send out the invites and be ‘hostess.’

People called me a selfish troll, couldn’t believe I was suggesting that, etc etc. Made mean comments about how it was so obvious why i didn’t have friends.

Well, TL,DR, I didn’t ask her (not directly). We got a drink and I made a passive comment about how I wasn’t going to have a shower because I didn’t know anyone who would host it (I cringe now!). She enthusiastically volunteered and said she’d love to and wished I had asked her earlier.

Now, she’s my best friend, I’ve been in her wedding, was the first adult to see her baby, was with her when she had cancer, we’ve traveled together, the works.

So, sometimes you have to (a) know your community, and (b) know yourself and your peers. And also recognize that there are some on DCUM who are narrow minded and nasty and project their insecurities onto others.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wait what? Asking the host is rude?

My 6 year old was recently invited to a birthday party and I asked the hostess if my 3 year old daughter could come and she said of course, that she was happy I asked, and that she wanted all the other parents to know they should bring siblings but didn't know how to say that and that she wasn't sure which other kids had siblings.

Yes, yes it is.

OF course it's rude. Why would a bunch of 6 yr olds want kids 3 and under around? Answer: they don't.

+2 Obviously.

My 6 year old loves and enjoys his younger sister. As do his friends.

And, regardless: so, the goal here is to have a party that includes only people the 6 year old specifically wants? But then also include the entire class, or all the boys, of course, right?

It’s honestly just all so confusing. So much antiquated rule following and tightrope walking. With tripwires.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wait what? Asking the host is rude?

My 6 year old was recently invited to a birthday party and I asked the hostess if my 3 year old daughter could come and she said of course, that she was happy I asked, and that she wanted all the other parents to know they should bring siblings but didn't know how to say that and that she wasn't sure which other kids had siblings.

Yes it’s rude. You are putting the host on the spot, and making it awkward if siblings aren’t generally invited, other families get sitters or make other childcare arrangements, and then show up and see that your child is a sibling. As with any party, the person who is invited is on the evite or card.

Again, I have not seen first grade evites that specify an attendee.

And, again, in my social circle, kids birthday parties still have adults in attendance. And siblings. And uncles without kids. And whomever the heck else the host invites. So, yes, sibling attendance is typical and therefore I assume it is not rude to verify that this is still the case.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wait what? Asking the host is rude?

My 6 year old was recently invited to a birthday party and I asked the hostess if my 3 year old daughter could come and she said of course, that she was happy I asked, and that she wanted all the other parents to know they should bring siblings but didn't know how to say that and that she wasn't sure which other kids had siblings.

Yes, yes it is.

OF course it's rude. Why would a bunch of 6 yr olds want kids 3 and under around? Answer: they don't.

Aren’t most parties drop off by 6 years old?

I’m not saying that every parent is comfortable dropping off their 6 year old, but you really can’t handle one unaccompanied first grader? Does every child really need a parent with them?

Not where I live (I wish!). 6 year old parties expect parent(s).

One adult for each 6 year old in attendance seems entirely unnecessary. What in the world kind of party requires a 1:1 adult to kit ratio for age 6+?

They’re not ‘required.’

Parents stand around eating and chatting with each other, kids bounce/play like little maniacs.

I’m genuinely curious how parties in the DC area are now. My DC friends describe them as being like the kind I’m familiar with from my own childhood and where I live now, but from this chain it seems like either parents are expected to helicopter over their kid or leave them, and that families don’t usually attend? It’s honestly just foreign to me.

And, again… back to the invitation thing. Are kids really getting invitations handed to them directly? That also seems odd.

But, although I don’t think it’s rude to ask in many circumstances, IF a kid is given a paper invitation with her name only on it, yes, I would expect that it is a drop off party where the kid alone attends. That’s just not how these things seem to happen in the first/second grade where I live.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wait what? Asking the host is rude?

My 6 year old was recently invited to a birthday party and I asked the hostess if my 3 year old daughter could come and she said of course, that she was happy I asked, and that she wanted all the other parents to know they should bring siblings but didn't know how to say that and that she wasn't sure which other kids had siblings.

Yes, yes it is.

OF course it's rude. Why would a bunch of 6 yr olds want kids 3 and under around? Answer: they don't.

+2 Obviously.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We always rsvp no to any party that doesn’t include siblings. DH works on weekends and I’m not hiring a babysitter for a birthday party.

You should RSVP no in this case. The host family shouldn't have to pay for another kid because you are too cheap to pay for a babysitter.

This. Your inability to take care of your own kid is not my problem, and he doesn't need to be at a party he's not invited to. Keep it up and it will impact your other kid too.

That’s funny! Actually I find that is you are hosting a party, you have have the ability to handle all the kids invited either yourself, hired out, or from the “party host” of whatever venue you booked- or a combination of all three. It is rude and inconsiderate to plan a party, then require a parent to come
and stay the whole time, then be so super worked up about if a sibling comes and “your numbers”

These parties are stupid. Sorry.

DP

If you can’t find alternative arrangements for your other child, then just decline the invite. It’s totally fine! But the family is not obligated to invite all your kids, and it’s rude to ask to bring a sibling.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We always rsvp no to any party that doesn’t include siblings. DH works on weekends and I’m not hiring a babysitter for a birthday party.

You should RSVP no in this case. The host family shouldn't have to pay for another kid because you are too cheap to pay for a babysitter.

This. Your inability to take care of your own kid is not my problem, and he doesn't need to be at a party he's not invited to. Keep it up and it will impact your other kid too.

That’s funny! Actually I find that is you are hosting a party, you have have the ability to handle all the kids invited either yourself, hired out, or from the “party host” of whatever venue you booked- or a combination of all three. It is rude and inconsiderate to plan a party, then require a parent to come
and stay the whole time, then be so super worked up about if a sibling comes and “your numbers”

These parties are stupid. Sorry.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wait what? Asking the host is rude?

My 6 year old was recently invited to a birthday party and I asked the hostess if my 3 year old daughter could come and she said of course, that she was happy I asked, and that she wanted all the other parents to know they should bring siblings but didn't know how to say that and that she wasn't sure which other kids had siblings.

Yes, yes it is.

OF course it's rude. Why would a bunch of 6 yr olds want kids 3 and under around? Answer: they don't.

Aren’t most parties drop off by 6 years old?

I’m not saying that every parent is comfortable dropping off their 6 year old, but you really can’t handle one unaccompanied first grader? Does every child really need a parent with them?

Not where I live (I wish!). 6 year old parties expect parent(s).

One adult for each 6 year old in attendance seems entirely unnecessary. What in the world kind of party requires a 1:1 adult to kit ratio for age 6+?

Anonymous wrote:Wait what? Asking the host is rude?

My 6 year old was recently invited to a birthday party and I asked the hostess if my 3 year old daughter could come and she said of course, that she was happy I asked, and that she wanted all the other parents to know they should bring siblings but didn't know how to say that and that she wasn't sure which other kids had siblings.

Yes it’s rude. You are putting the host on the spot, and making it awkward if siblings aren’t generally invited, other families get sitters or make other childcare arrangements, and then show up and see that your child is a sibling. As with any party, the person who is invited is on the evite or card.

I’d be embarrassed to be the person denying siblings or other parents attendance. Sure you can specify one child but people might still ask and it would be incredibly rude to say no you’re not welcome. What a letdown that would be for the original invitee to know they can’t go because their parents aren’t welcome. How ridiculously rude. If you can’t afford the party under the assumption that kids might have siblings and 2 parents then you shouldn’t be throwing a party. Or maybe just throw a dollar tree party and stop trying to impress people that don’t care by having parties at expensive venues when you clearly can’t really afford it.

Anonymous wrote:Wait what? Asking the host is rude?

My 6 year old was recently invited to a birthday party and I asked the hostess if my 3 year old daughter could come and she said of course, that she was happy I asked, and that she wanted all the other parents to know they should bring siblings but didn't know how to say that and that she wasn't sure which other kids had siblings.

She was just being nice.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wait what? Asking the host is rude?

My 6 year old was recently invited to a birthday party and I asked the hostess if my 3 year old daughter could come and she said of course, that she was happy I asked, and that she wanted all the other parents to know they should bring siblings but didn't know how to say that and that she wasn't sure which other kids had siblings.

Yes, yes it is.

OF course it's rude. Why would a bunch of 6 yr olds want kids 3 and under around? Answer: they don't.

Aren’t most parties drop off by 6 years old?

I’m not saying that every parent is comfortable dropping off their 6 year old, but you really can’t handle one unaccompanied first grader? Does every child really need a parent with them?

Not where I live (I wish!). 6 year old parties expect parent(s).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wait what? Asking the host is rude?

My 6 year old was recently invited to a birthday party and I asked the hostess if my 3 year old daughter could come and she said of course, that she was happy I asked, and that she wanted all the other parents to know they should bring siblings but didn't know how to say that and that she wasn't sure which other kids had siblings.

Yes, yes it is.

OF course it's rude. Why would a bunch of 6 yr olds want kids 3 and under around? Answer: they don't.

Oompa loompa doompety doo
I’ve got another puzzle for you
Oompa loompa doompety dee
If you are wise you’ll listen to me

Who do you blame when your kid is a brat
Pampered and spoiled like a siamese cat
Blaming the kids is a lie and a shame
You know exactly who’s to blame…