Anonymous wrote:I think everyone is also missing that the teenager is invited to the actual wedding. I get that she is special needs and OP thinks she will be deeply hurt by not being invited to the wedding but SHE IS INVITED TO THE WEDDING ITSELF, which is the most important part. If she can't come to the reception due to her age, then she should be able to understand that.

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand all this "hate" against OP.

It's extremely messed up to disinvite the niece from the reception. It's rude and hurtful to not let your teen niece attend. I agree with OP that the sister probably doesn't want them there at all and is only upset about the parents declining. The easy fix is for your sister to invite her niece. It's not for OP to find a babysitter, go alone to the reception, consider sending her child and DH back to their hotel after the ceremony (???)
I would personally consider not going to the ceremony at all and think OP is being very gracious in going. I also agree with OP's parents. The sister is being a petty, spiteful drama queen for whatever reason and supporting such behavior is ridiculous.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think everyone is also missing that the teenager is invited to the actual wedding. I get that she is special needs and OP thinks she will be deeply hurt by not being invited to the wedding but SHE IS INVITED TO THE WEDDING ITSELF, which is the most important part. If she can't come to the reception due to her age, then she should be able to understand that.

Nah, still effed up.

Anonymous wrote:OP - I am with you.
Inviting/disinviting your daughter was a shitty move.

Anonymous wrote:I think everyone is also missing that the teenager is invited to the actual wedding. I get that she is special needs and OP thinks she will be deeply hurt by not being invited to the wedding but SHE IS INVITED TO THE WEDDING ITSELF, which is the most important part. If she can't come to the reception due to her age, then she should be able to understand that.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your sister didn’t want you there like you wrote, OP, then she wouldn’t be upset that you aren’t going.

OP here. My mom told me that my sister was upset. She said that they told my sister how upset they were that my daughter wasn't invited and how they weren't going and how my sister is upset about everyone not going.

Another pp pointed out that unless I hear it directly from my sister I shouldn't assume she's mad about me and in thinking about it, I believe now that my sister is mad about my parents not attending and not about me.

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand all this "hate" against OP.

It's extremely messed up to disinvite the niece from the reception. It's rude and hurtful to not let your teen niece attend. I agree with OP that the sister probably doesn't want them there at all and is only upset about the parents declining. The easy fix is for your sister to invite her niece. It's not for OP to find a babysitter, go alone to the reception, consider sending her child and DH back to their hotel after the ceremony (???)
I would personally consider not going to the ceremony at all and think OP is being very gracious in going. I also agree with OP's parents. The sister is being a petty, spiteful drama queen for whatever reason and supporting such behavior is ridiculous.

Anonymous wrote:I’ve read all the way through and I still think you should go. DH and daughter should have a fun movie and pizza picnic at the hotel while you go to the grownup party. Your sister is very hurt. She obviously wants you there. There is NO reasonable reason not to go. It’s rare to find DCUM unanimous in this but it is clear that you should go. Your sister will be MUCH more hurt and pretty much forever, vs your daughter who can have fun with her dad at a hotel and will have enjoyed the ceremony earlier. Your daughter has enough cognitive awareness to understand that some things are for kids and some just grownups. You can simply say your sister thought at first that she could come to the after party but then found out the rules said she couldn’t.

Your parents are absolutely off the chain and them not attending is unforgivable. If you think it is because of your daughter you had better be VERY clear with them that you don’t want them to do that.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a special educator and a special needs parent I am just going I add that parents that tiptoe around their special needs children’s emotions and deny them experiences like learning how the world works (you are seriously going to keep the existence of wedding receptions a secret) and the opportunity to experience disappointment are harming their children. I see it often and every family I know who would make this choice has a child whose transition to adulthood goes badly.

If you can’t go for the sake of your sister, then go for the sake of your child.

How is this tiptoeing, though? OP let her daughter know she's not not invited to the reception (sidenote: since when does an open bar mean kids can't come? the bartender wouldn't serve them, so what difference would it make?). Experience of disappointment achieved! If OP were insisting that her sister HAS to invite her daughter because the most important thing is her daughter's feelings, that would be inappropriate. .

I don't see why OP is so wrong for not wanted to attend without her husband. If she wanted to go without him because she thought it would still be fun, I'd get that. If she thinks the standard reception activities won't be fun without him, why should she go? It's not prime hangout time with her sister, who'll be otherwise occupied. She's not responsible for her parents' decisions.

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand all this "hate" against OP.

It's extremely messed up to disinvite the niece from the reception. It's rude and hurtful to not let your teen niece attend. I agree with OP that the sister probably doesn't want them there at all and is only upset about the parents declining. The easy fix is for your sister to invite her niece. It's not for OP to find a babysitter, go alone to the reception, consider sending her child and DH back to their hotel after the ceremony (???)
I would personally consider not going to the ceremony at all and think OP is being very gracious in going. I also agree with OP's parents. The sister is being a petty, spiteful drama queen for whatever reason and supporting such behavior is ridiculous.