Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m not understanding your question. It sounds like it’s already over - what would you be ending? I just can’t follow exactly what you are asking, including the part about the past…it’s unclear.

I know it sounds like that but we have been emotionally bonded for years in spite of that, he has been very clear about the ways he’s kept it alive and how I have kept him company etc, which weirdly I have been aware of even though we were not physically in touch. I can’t explain it but he has been holding his end of the rope all this time, and so have I. It is unusual for an affair. We were extremely emotionally close and connected even though no longer physical (not for lack of interest on his part, I could not keep going emotionally).

He has been keeping you entangled with him for his own benefit. Not yours.

Leave this man and his family alone.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Seems a lot of responders didn’t read the OP’s posts.

This was an unhealthy obsession, not a relationship. I’m not convinced OP ever had a relationship with this man outside her head, and she’s admitted that has been true for at least several YEARS. It also sounds like she’s probably stalking him, hopefully just online.

The OP needs help. I sincerely hope she’s getting it.

OP here, and I am mystified/fascinated that people are intent on hypothesizing that this was a totally fictional. I understand that this brings up a lot for people reading it. But it is pot-calling-the-kettle-black delusional to defend your fears of infidelity by insisting that the AP and DH’s relationship literally did not exist.

OP, it is fictional. You do not have a relationship with this man.

OP here, and I am mystified/fascinated that people are intent on hypothesizing that this was a totally fictional. I understand that this brings up a lot for people reading it. But it is pot-calling-the-kettle-black delusional to defend your fears of infidelity by insisting that the AP and DH’s relationship literally did not exist.

I think people believe that OP has a very different view of this relationship than her AP, and has blown it up in her head because she really does sound delusional and like she lives in her own head. Every post describing her “relationship” glorifies what she believes her and her AP shared in an extremely unbelievable way - it’s like AP knew what he needed to say to keep the sec going, and she is holding onto those nuggets and replaying them in her head years later because she has not had a healthy, mutual relationship so that she can tell the difference. OP does sound unstable in this regard, and very likely had dysfunctional family relationships and/or was abused (sexually or otherwise). AP has made it clear she has no role in his life and she needs to accept that, move on and get herself help. She’s continuing to live in her head years after AP was done and it’s so damaging.

Usually, acute illnesses cause a person to evaluate what really matters.

That can cut either way, with some folks deciding "I have only so much time on this earth and I should spend it with someone who brings me joy" and others deciding "I need to stop messing around outside my marriage and focus on my family."

I think OP hoped this dude would fall into the first camp, but he didn't. He had a clarifying experience and chose his wife and children.

Time for OP to move on, hopefully with the knowledge that she is drawn to unavailable or otherwise inappropriate partners, and to get some help.

Anonymous wrote:As a man who has cheated, it's absolutely fascinating to watch women speculate about a man's motivations and feelings.

Probably taking notes on how to beguile and string out his next paramour.

Anonymous wrote:Seems a lot of responders didn’t read the OP’s posts.

This was an unhealthy obsession, not a relationship. I’m not convinced OP ever had a relationship with this man outside her head, and she’s admitted that has been true for at least several YEARS. It also sounds like she’s probably stalking him, hopefully just online.

The OP needs help. I sincerely hope she’s getting it.

OP here, and I am mystified/fascinated that people are intent on hypothesizing that this was a totally fictional. I understand that this brings up a lot for people reading it. But it is pot-calling-the-kettle-black delusional to defend your fears of infidelity by insisting that the AP and DH’s relationship literally did not exist.

I'm guessing your boyfriend (who is married to someone else) is much older then you. And your affair was in the past. Your "emotional connection" just sounds like you've been texting back and forth, and he was just stringing you along. Please move on.

Anonymous wrote:Seems a lot of responders didn’t read the OP’s posts.

This was an unhealthy obsession, not a relationship. I’m not convinced OP ever had a relationship with this man outside her head, and she’s admitted that has been true for at least several YEARS. It also sounds like she’s probably stalking him, hopefully just online.

The OP needs help. I sincerely hope she’s getting it.

+1000

Seems a lot of responders didn’t read the OP’s posts.

This was an unhealthy obsession, not a relationship. I’m not convinced OP ever had a relationship with this man outside her head, and she’s admitted that has been true for at least several YEARS. It also sounds like she’s probably stalking him, hopefully just online.

The OP needs help. I sincerely hope she’s getting it.

Anonymous wrote:As a man who has cheated, it's absolutely fascinating to watch women speculate about a man's motivations and feelings.

You sound like a sociopath.

As a man who has cheated, it's absolutely fascinating to watch women speculate about a man's motivations and feelings.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry you experienced such a complicated painful event. You’re human therefore flawed as is each one of us. I don’t know what you should do but I think you learned a deeply painful lesson about what you need versus what he will offer. I think you should allow the lesson in and don’t deny what you know now. Then do what you feel is right. Again, I’m sorry for this pain and I know you can get through this. Best to you.

Are you for real?

What she should do is get therapy and move on?

The man is married with a wife and kids. It was an affair. He ended it and told her please no longer contact me. On top of that he almost died. Any human with any ounce of empathy or compassion would do the right thing which is to accept this since even she said she knew this affair was not meant to end in her getting this man/him leaving his wife and kids.

If she truly loves this man as she claims, the most loving thing she can do at this point is respect his wishes and leave him in the past.

She posts incessantly about this and is really in need of professional therapy and a good amount of self reflection.

She should try to do better in life going forward and not get involved with married men.

These things are not mutually exclusive I’m not sure why you are acting like they are.

OP, I do not judge you.

However I must advise you that you must stop believing that you meant anything important to this person.
Yes, he has told you that you mean a lot to him - but his actions speak much differently.
The fact that throughout this health crisis, you were forced to stay away…..should be a personal wake-up call what part you play in this man’s life.
Nothing.

When worse comes to worse > his family is obviously his top priority.
You are just a novelty that he can enjoy when he wants to, but it is obvious that his family takes full precedence over you.

This obviously hurts, getting the short end of the proverbial stick.
You need to force yourself to emotionally detach from this toxic individual & restore your integrity and self-respect.
You may need counseling to assist you w/this and if so, that is okay.
Just make it a daily priority.

It will be tempting to talk to this guy.
Resist the urge and evict him from your headspace.

Good luck.

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry you experienced such a complicated painful event. You’re human therefore flawed as is each one of us. I don’t know what you should do but I think you learned a deeply painful lesson about what you need versus what he will offer. I think you should allow the lesson in and don’t deny what you know now. Then do what you feel is right. Again, I’m sorry for this pain and I know you can get through this. Best to you.

Thank you, kind person.