Anonymous
10/21/2024 14:30
Subject: Are you offended when someone says they “didnt want someone else to raise my kids”?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I'm not going to reach 90 pages of comments to chime in here, but the comment is hurtful because it has a certain grain of truth in it.
We were lucky enough to have a nanny and WFH the first year of DC's life and then I stayed home until DC started daycare at 2. At that time, she was ready and chomping at bit for more social interaction.
Now, at 3, she absolutely loses her mind and bounces off the wall on days when she doesn't have the stimulation of school. But at the same time, she can (and HAS) verbalized to us that she misses us because she doesn't get to see us very much during the week. And this is with 2 WFH parents.
It sucks, and feels like you can't win, but we plug forward anyway.
If you would have read 90 pages nobody thinks there is a “grain of truth” except some extremely insecure SAHMs.
Why would the statement be offensive if there was zero truth to it? Do you get offended if someone says the earth is flat?
Nobody was offended really. They just said it pointed to a very insecure and quite ignorant SAHM and most agreed they don’t know any SAHM IRL who are that insecure and ignorant.
If someone said the world is flat I wouldn’t be offended I’d think that person is stupid.
If a person said the statement in the subject line I also would not be offended, but I would think the person was stupid or insecure or both.
Anonymous
10/21/2024 14:26
Subject: Are you offended when someone says they “didnt want someone else to raise my kids”?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I'm not going to reach 90 pages of comments to chime in here, but the comment is hurtful because it has a certain grain of truth in it.
We were lucky enough to have a nanny and WFH the first year of DC's life and then I stayed home until DC started daycare at 2. At that time, she was ready and chomping at bit for more social interaction.
Now, at 3, she absolutely loses her mind and bounces off the wall on days when she doesn't have the stimulation of school. But at the same time, she can (and HAS) verbalized to us that she misses us because she doesn't get to see us very much during the week. And this is with 2 WFH parents.
It sucks, and feels like you can't win, but we plug forward anyway.
If you would have read 90 pages nobody thinks there is a “grain of truth” except some extremely insecure SAHMs.
Why would the statement be offensive if there was zero truth to it? Do you get offended if someone says the earth is flat?
Anonymous
10/21/2024 14:25
Subject: Are you offended when someone says they “didnt want someone else to raise my kids”?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I’m getting a laugh out of this “firsts” hissy fit.
My daughter took her first steps in my office where she was playing on the floor when I was working late on something. She then refused to do it again for weeks and weeks, home or childcare. Getting to see the firsts are a roll of the dice.
And again something I don’t see male parents told they should quit their jobs to witness…
Who told you to quit your job?
The “not missing out on milestones is priceless” poster comes to mind.
I imagine she’d put a price on it real quick if her husband told her he was quitting his job to not miss out on firsts.
She quit her job because she didn’t want to miss out on milestones. She didn’t tell you to quit your job.
Something can be priceless to one person and not matter as much to another person.
I wonder if these same moms don’t care when their kid looks sad when their parents aren’t there for thanksgiving lunch at school or holiday parties or pastries with parents. All these things won’t matter when your kid is 10 but tell that to the 5-6 year old sobbing in kindergarten.
I work and I go to all these things. There are always some kids crying because “mom isn’t there” but my kid isn’t one. But if you need to tell yourself the only options are “kid is crying because mom didn’t show up” and quitting your job to make yourself feel better about not having a job….well…..
I already posted before that I was responding to a mom who said firsts didn’t matter. It mattered to me. I missed a lot of firsts and it still bothers me. I’m a SAHM now but used to be a working mom. I always try to comfort the sad kid and sit with kids whose parents couldn’t make it.
Well you won’t be comforting my kid, and I have my own money.
Anonymous
10/21/2024 14:22
Subject: Are you offended when someone says they “didnt want someone else to raise my kids”?
Anonymous wrote:I'm not going to reach 90 pages of comments to chime in here, but the comment is hurtful because it has a certain grain of truth in it.
We were lucky enough to have a nanny and WFH the first year of DC's life and then I stayed home until DC started daycare at 2. At that time, she was ready and chomping at bit for more social interaction.
Now, at 3, she absolutely loses her mind and bounces off the wall on days when she doesn't have the stimulation of school. But at the same time, she can (and HAS) verbalized to us that she misses us because she doesn't get to see us very much during the week. And this is with 2 WFH parents.
It sucks, and feels like you can't win, but we plug forward anyway.
If you would have read 90 pages nobody thinks there is a “grain of truth” except some extremely insecure SAHMs.
Anonymous
10/21/2024 14:20
Subject: Are you offended when someone says they “didnt want someone else to raise my kids”?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I’m getting a laugh out of this “firsts” hissy fit.
My daughter took her first steps in my office where she was playing on the floor when I was working late on something. She then refused to do it again for weeks and weeks, home or childcare. Getting to see the firsts are a roll of the dice.
And again something I don’t see male parents told they should quit their jobs to witness…
Who told you to quit your job?
The “not missing out on milestones is priceless” poster comes to mind.
I imagine she’d put a price on it real quick if her husband told her he was quitting his job to not miss out on firsts.
She quit her job because she didn’t want to miss out on milestones. She didn’t tell you to quit your job.
Something can be priceless to one person and not matter as much to another person.
I wonder if these same moms don’t care when their kid looks sad when their parents aren’t there for thanksgiving lunch at school or holiday parties or pastries with parents. All these things won’t matter when your kid is 10 but tell that to the 5-6 year old sobbing in kindergarten.
I work and I go to all these things. There are always some kids crying because “mom isn’t there” but my kid isn’t one. But if you need to tell yourself the only options are “kid is crying because mom didn’t show up” and quitting your job to make yourself feel better about not having a job….well…..
I already posted before that I was responding to a mom who said firsts didn’t matter. It mattered to me. I missed a lot of firsts and it still bothers me. I’m a SAHM now but used to be a working mom. I always try to comfort the sad kid and sit with kids whose parents couldn’t make it.
But those kids are not kids of working moms. They might be a SAHM with toddlers at home… more likely. Working moms can get off if it matters. SAHM can’t because “other people world be crashing their children”.
You still miss 1st as a SAHM.
Anonymous
10/21/2024 14:05
Subject: Are you offended when someone says they “didnt want someone else to raise my kids”?
I'm not going to reach 90 pages of comments to chime in here, but the comment is hurtful because it has a certain grain of truth in it.
We were lucky enough to have a nanny and WFH the first year of DC's life and then I stayed home until DC started daycare at 2. At that time, she was ready and chomping at bit for more social interaction.
Now, at 3, she absolutely loses her mind and bounces off the wall on days when she doesn't have the stimulation of school. But at the same time, she can (and HAS) verbalized to us that she misses us because she doesn't get to see us very much during the week. And this is with 2 WFH parents.
It sucks, and feels like you can't win, but we plug forward anyway.
We were lucky enough to have a nanny and WFH the first year of DC's life and then I stayed home until DC started daycare at 2. At that time, she was ready and chomping at bit for more social interaction.
Now, at 3, she absolutely loses her mind and bounces off the wall on days when she doesn't have the stimulation of school. But at the same time, she can (and HAS) verbalized to us that she misses us because she doesn't get to see us very much during the week. And this is with 2 WFH parents.
It sucks, and feels like you can't win, but we plug forward anyway.
Anonymous
10/21/2024 13:39
Subject: Are you offended when someone says they “didnt want someone else to raise my kids”?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I’m getting a laugh out of this “firsts” hissy fit.
My daughter took her first steps in my office where she was playing on the floor when I was working late on something. She then refused to do it again for weeks and weeks, home or childcare. Getting to see the firsts are a roll of the dice.
And again something I don’t see male parents told they should quit their jobs to witness…
Who told you to quit your job?
The “not missing out on milestones is priceless” poster comes to mind.
I imagine she’d put a price on it real quick if her husband told her he was quitting his job to not miss out on firsts.
She quit her job because she didn’t want to miss out on milestones. She didn’t tell you to quit your job.
Something can be priceless to one person and not matter as much to another person.
But it’s not “priceless” to her.
The price is her husbands salary.
If he wants those “priceless” memories they’ll be taking place in a homeless shelter.
The price is another person’s labor sufficient to cover you and all other dependents. Let’s not pretend it’s free.
Priceless doesn’t mean free. It means the cost of not going to work was worth it to stay home for those years. For others they either can’t or won’t give up their paycheck to stay home. We’re allowed to make different choices for our own families. It apparently offends you to hear about them. If my husband really wanted to stay home perhaps I would have stayed working but he didn’t so that is a totally irrelevant point. Just say you have no respect for and despise women who do things differently than you. It’s neither here nor there for me because I’d do it all again the same way.
I’m not offended by her choices I’m offended by the facile inaccuracy of her “priceless” comment.
It has a price. I would say in this area it’s about $120,000 HHI at its cheapest.
Or are you truly saying if she is a single mother she should raise her children in a homeless shelter because milestones are priceless?
Not feed her children because she needs to see their first steps?
If she chooses the latter do you think CPS will be swayed by the idea that hearing her kids first words is worth their malnutrition?
Say “it was worth it to me to stay home because my husband was willing to support our family on his income” and you’re talking about a choice.
You are being too literal. Unless you are on the spectrum, there is no excuse for not understanding the colloquial use of the word “priceless”.
+1. A lot of respondents are taking this discussion very personally. That's why the PP is grasping at straws.
Anonymous
10/21/2024 13:37
Subject: Are you offended when someone says they “didnt want someone else to raise my kids”?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I’m getting a laugh out of this “firsts” hissy fit.
My daughter took her first steps in my office where she was playing on the floor when I was working late on something. She then refused to do it again for weeks and weeks, home or childcare. Getting to see the firsts are a roll of the dice.
And again something I don’t see male parents told they should quit their jobs to witness…
Who told you to quit your job?
The “not missing out on milestones is priceless” poster comes to mind.
I imagine she’d put a price on it real quick if her husband told her he was quitting his job to not miss out on firsts.
She quit her job because she didn’t want to miss out on milestones. She didn’t tell you to quit your job.
Something can be priceless to one person and not matter as much to another person.
I wonder if these same moms don’t care when their kid looks sad when their parents aren’t there for thanksgiving lunch at school or holiday parties or pastries with parents. All these things won’t matter when your kid is 10 but tell that to the 5-6 year old sobbing in kindergarten.
I work and I go to all these things. There are always some kids crying because “mom isn’t there” but my kid isn’t one. But if you need to tell yourself the only options are “kid is crying because mom didn’t show up” and quitting your job to make yourself feel better about not having a job….well…..
I already posted before that I was responding to a mom who said firsts didn’t matter. It mattered to me. I missed a lot of firsts and it still bothers me. I’m a SAHM now but used to be a working mom. I always try to comfort the sad kid and sit with kids whose parents couldn’t make it.
Anonymous
10/21/2024 13:35
Subject: Are you offended when someone says they “didnt want someone else to raise my kids”?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I’m getting a laugh out of this “firsts” hissy fit.
My daughter took her first steps in my office where she was playing on the floor when I was working late on something. She then refused to do it again for weeks and weeks, home or childcare. Getting to see the firsts are a roll of the dice.
And again something I don’t see male parents told they should quit their jobs to witness…
Who told you to quit your job?
The “not missing out on milestones is priceless” poster comes to mind.
I imagine she’d put a price on it real quick if her husband told her he was quitting his job to not miss out on firsts.
She quit her job because she didn’t want to miss out on milestones. She didn’t tell you to quit your job.
Something can be priceless to one person and not matter as much to another person.
But it’s not “priceless” to her.
The price is her husbands salary.
If he wants those “priceless” memories they’ll be taking place in a homeless shelter.
The price is another person’s labor sufficient to cover you and all other dependents. Let’s not pretend it’s free.
Priceless doesn’t mean free. It means the cost of not going to work was worth it to stay home for those years. For others they either can’t or won’t give up their paycheck to stay home. We’re allowed to make different choices for our own families. It apparently offends you to hear about them. If my husband really wanted to stay home perhaps I would have stayed working but he didn’t so that is a totally irrelevant point. Just say you have no respect for and despise women who do things differently than you. It’s neither here nor there for me because I’d do it all again the same way.
I’m not offended by her choices I’m offended by the facile inaccuracy of her “priceless” comment.
It has a price. I would say in this area it’s about $120,000 HHI at its cheapest.
Or are you truly saying if she is a single mother she should raise her children in a homeless shelter because milestones are priceless?
Not feed her children because she needs to see their first steps?
If she chooses the latter do you think CPS will be swayed by the idea that hearing her kids first words is worth their malnutrition?
Say “it was worth it to me to stay home because my husband was willing to support our family on his income” and you’re talking about a choice.
You are being too literal. Unless you are on the spectrum, there is no excuse for not understanding the colloquial use of the word “priceless”.
Anonymous
10/21/2024 13:28
Subject: Are you offended when someone says they “didnt want someone else to raise my kids”?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I’m getting a laugh out of this “firsts” hissy fit.
My daughter took her first steps in my office where she was playing on the floor when I was working late on something. She then refused to do it again for weeks and weeks, home or childcare. Getting to see the firsts are a roll of the dice.
And again something I don’t see male parents told they should quit their jobs to witness…
Who told you to quit your job?
The “not missing out on milestones is priceless” poster comes to mind.
I imagine she’d put a price on it real quick if her husband told her he was quitting his job to not miss out on firsts.
She quit her job because she didn’t want to miss out on milestones. She didn’t tell you to quit your job.
Something can be priceless to one person and not matter as much to another person.
But it’s not “priceless” to her.
The price is her husbands salary.
If he wants those “priceless” memories they’ll be taking place in a homeless shelter.
The price is another person’s labor sufficient to cover you and all other dependents. Let’s not pretend it’s free.
Priceless doesn’t mean free. It means the cost of not going to work was worth it to stay home for those years. For others they either can’t or won’t give up their paycheck to stay home. We’re allowed to make different choices for our own families. It apparently offends you to hear about them. If my husband really wanted to stay home perhaps I would have stayed working but he didn’t so that is a totally irrelevant point. Just say you have no respect for and despise women who do things differently than you. It’s neither here nor there for me because I’d do it all again the same way.
I’m not offended by her choices I’m offended by the facile inaccuracy of her “priceless” comment.
It has a price. I would say in this area it’s about $120,000 HHI at its cheapest.
Or are you truly saying if she is a single mother she should raise her children in a homeless shelter because milestones are priceless?
Not feed her children because she needs to see their first steps?
If she chooses the latter do you think CPS will be swayed by the idea that hearing her kids first words is worth their malnutrition?
Say “it was worth it to me to stay home because my husband was willing to support our family on his income” and you’re talking about a choice.
Have you ever met a SAHM in real life? Because it sounds like you haven’t.
Anonymous
10/21/2024 13:26
Subject: Are you offended when someone says they “didnt want someone else to raise my kids”?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I’m getting a laugh out of this “firsts” hissy fit.
My daughter took her first steps in my office where she was playing on the floor when I was working late on something. She then refused to do it again for weeks and weeks, home or childcare. Getting to see the firsts are a roll of the dice.
And again something I don’t see male parents told they should quit their jobs to witness…
Who told you to quit your job?
The “not missing out on milestones is priceless” poster comes to mind.
I imagine she’d put a price on it real quick if her husband told her he was quitting his job to not miss out on firsts.
She quit her job because she didn’t want to miss out on milestones. She didn’t tell you to quit your job.
Something can be priceless to one person and not matter as much to another person.
But it’s not “priceless” to her.
The price is her husbands salary.
If he wants those “priceless” memories they’ll be taking place in a homeless shelter.
The price is another person’s labor sufficient to cover you and all other dependents. Let’s not pretend it’s free.
Priceless doesn’t mean free. It means the cost of not going to work was worth it to stay home for those years. For others they either can’t or won’t give up their paycheck to stay home. We’re allowed to make different choices for our own families. It apparently offends you to hear about them. If my husband really wanted to stay home perhaps I would have stayed working but he didn’t so that is a totally irrelevant point. Just say you have no respect for and despise women who do things differently than you. It’s neither here nor there for me because I’d do it all again the same way.
I’m not offended by her choices I’m offended by the facile inaccuracy of her “priceless” comment.
It has a price. I would say in this area it’s about $120,000 HHI at its cheapest.
Or are you truly saying if she is a single mother she should raise her children in a homeless shelter because milestones are priceless?
Not feed her children because she needs to see their first steps?
If she chooses the latter do you think CPS will be swayed by the idea that hearing her kids first words is worth their malnutrition?
Say “it was worth it to me to stay home because my husband was willing to support our family on his income” and you’re talking about a choice.
Anonymous
10/21/2024 13:19
Subject: Are you offended when someone says they “didnt want someone else to raise my kids”?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I’m getting a laugh out of this “firsts” hissy fit.
My daughter took her first steps in my office where she was playing on the floor when I was working late on something. She then refused to do it again for weeks and weeks, home or childcare. Getting to see the firsts are a roll of the dice.
And again something I don’t see male parents told they should quit their jobs to witness…
Who told you to quit your job?
The “not missing out on milestones is priceless” poster comes to mind.
I imagine she’d put a price on it real quick if her husband told her he was quitting his job to not miss out on firsts.
She quit her job because she didn’t want to miss out on milestones. She didn’t tell you to quit your job.
Something can be priceless to one person and not matter as much to another person.
But it’s not “priceless” to her.
The price is her husbands salary.
If he wants those “priceless” memories they’ll be taking place in a homeless shelter.
The price is another person’s labor sufficient to cover you and all other dependents. Let’s not pretend it’s free.
Priceless doesn’t mean free. It means the cost of not going to work was worth it to stay home for those years. For others they either can’t or won’t give up their paycheck to stay home. We’re allowed to make different choices for our own families. It apparently offends you to hear about them. If my husband really wanted to stay home perhaps I would have stayed working but he didn’t so that is a totally irrelevant point. Just say you have no respect for and despise women who do things differently than you. It’s neither here nor there for me because I’d do it all again the same way.
Anonymous
10/21/2024 13:17
Subject: Are you offended when someone says they “didnt want someone else to raise my kids”?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I’m getting a laugh out of this “firsts” hissy fit.
My daughter took her first steps in my office where she was playing on the floor when I was working late on something. She then refused to do it again for weeks and weeks, home or childcare. Getting to see the firsts are a roll of the dice.
And again something I don’t see male parents told they should quit their jobs to witness…
Who told you to quit your job?
The “not missing out on milestones is priceless” poster comes to mind.
I imagine she’d put a price on it real quick if her husband told her he was quitting his job to not miss out on firsts.
She quit her job because she didn’t want to miss out on milestones. She didn’t tell you to quit your job.
Something can be priceless to one person and not matter as much to another person.
I wonder if these same moms don’t care when their kid looks sad when their parents aren’t there for thanksgiving lunch at school or holiday parties or pastries with parents. All these things won’t matter when your kid is 10 but tell that to the 5-6 year old sobbing in kindergarten.
I work and I go to all these things. There are always some kids crying because “mom isn’t there” but my kid isn’t one. But if you need to tell yourself the only options are “kid is crying because mom didn’t show up” and quitting your job to make yourself feel better about not having a job….well…..
Anonymous
10/21/2024 13:15
Subject: Are you offended when someone says they “didnt want someone else to raise my kids”?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I’m getting a laugh out of this “firsts” hissy fit.
My daughter took her first steps in my office where she was playing on the floor when I was working late on something. She then refused to do it again for weeks and weeks, home or childcare. Getting to see the firsts are a roll of the dice.
And again something I don’t see male parents told they should quit their jobs to witness…
Who told you to quit your job?
The “not missing out on milestones is priceless” poster comes to mind.
I imagine she’d put a price on it real quick if her husband told her he was quitting his job to not miss out on firsts.
She quit her job because she didn’t want to miss out on milestones. She didn’t tell you to quit your job.
Something can be priceless to one person and not matter as much to another person.
I wonder if these same moms don’t care when their kid looks sad when their parents aren’t there for thanksgiving lunch at school or holiday parties or pastries with parents. All these things won’t matter when your kid is 10 but tell that to the 5-6 year old sobbing in kindergarten.
I have personally missed nothing I wanted to go to. Since I my first was 1 I chose remote or hybrid roles and flexed my work around things that were important to me to attend. This is true of the vast majority of moms I know. work is not prison. I know the idea that what you just said is true makes you happy but it's not. The only mom I know who missed everything (and btw her kid gives zero fs and actually seems annoyed when she does show up) is the head of oncology at a major cancer center so i for one am ok with her skipping out on the kids singing twinkle twinkle for the 5th time intersposed with wet coughing.
This.
I go to all of my kids events and so does my husband and our teams at work are good with it.
I hope when SAHM “all the sad kids” advocate arrives for cancer treatment for her or her family member she lets the head of oncology know that she hasn’t raised her own children…
Anonymous
10/21/2024 13:15
Subject: Are you offended when someone says they “didnt want someone else to raise my kids”?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I’m getting a laugh out of this “firsts” hissy fit.
My daughter took her first steps in my office where she was playing on the floor when I was working late on something. She then refused to do it again for weeks and weeks, home or childcare. Getting to see the firsts are a roll of the dice.
And again something I don’t see male parents told they should quit their jobs to witness…
Who told you to quit your job?
The “not missing out on milestones is priceless” poster comes to mind.
I imagine she’d put a price on it real quick if her husband told her he was quitting his job to not miss out on firsts.
She quit her job because she didn’t want to miss out on milestones. She didn’t tell you to quit your job.
Something can be priceless to one person and not matter as much to another person.
I wonder if these same moms don’t care when their kid looks sad when their parents aren’t there for thanksgiving lunch at school or holiday parties or pastries with parents. All these things won’t matter when your kid is 10 but tell that to the 5-6 year old sobbing in kindergarten.
Even when I had an in-person job, I was able to attend events for both of my kids. I planned for these types of things like I would a doctor's or dentist's appointment. You are just using annual leave instead of sick time. And if I really couldn't attend, I would let my kids know in advance and their dad would go. If for some reason neither of us could go, I would try to have them buddy up with a friend's mom for an event. If none of that panned out, I would do a treat like ice cream or some Hot Wheels to let them know they were special to me. Sheesh, even SAHMs can't be at everything all the time.