Anonymous wrote:We are agnostic so I would prefer my child be with someone the same. I do not want her changing who she is to fit into someone else’s religion. I don’t want her convinced there is a giant man in the sky, you go somewhere when you die or you should worship deities. Culturally I don’t care as long as they are not religious which sometimes is a part of culture.

I think you meant to use the word “atheist.”

We are agnostic so I would prefer my child be with someone the same. I do not want her changing who she is to fit into someone else’s religion. I don’t want her convinced there is a giant man in the sky, you go somewhere when you die or you should worship deities. Culturally I don’t care as long as they are not religious which sometimes is a part of culture.

Anonymous wrote:So clearly everyone rings their own cultural bias into this question.

Wanting to marry someone who shares a common interest with you- like religion or culture or food or language- is not racist. What a weird use of that word. Do you also call a woman sexist if she wants to marry a man only? Same logic.

Similar question recently in the college board- interesting honest discussion there.

I’m surprised people are surprised by this. “Allow” is probably too strong a word for a lot of families but of course lots of people would like religion or culture or language to be an important part of their kids’ lives and for them to preserve this element by partnering with someone that also shares this background.

Americans with no deep ties to religion or a culture outside of the US don’t value things like practicing a religion or speaking a language the whole family so it’s not relatable.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People who come to the US wanting 100% acceptance yet they do not reciprocate and want an exception to be bigoted. I saw this first hand with the Muslim refugees that we took in from Syria and Afghanistan in the resettlement programs.

In the US, your adult children are free to marry anyone. If you don’t like it, you can go back to your country.

The vast majority of people in the US are immigrants. Everyone brought their own belief systems when they came. People who are native to the US make up quite a small minority.

How long do you think you have to be here? The Native people weren’t Americans because there was no such thing. My father’s side has been here since the 1850’s. My mother’s side a couple of decades later. There’s no culture except American in our family.

Wait- is this a serious post? I certainly wouldn’t want my kid to marry someone who thinks this way let alone admits to thinking this way. This would be a major parenting fail.

Posts like this make (some) white people just look bad and sound so naive.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So clearly everyone rings their own cultural bias into this question.

Wanting to marry someone who shares a common interest with you- like religion or culture or food or language- is not racist. What a weird use of that word. Do you also call a woman sexist if she wants to marry a man only? Same logic.

Similar question recently in the college board- interesting honest discussion there.

I don’t think you quite get it. The family demands have little to do either with “interest”—it’s literally about not wanting your kid to marry someone whose skin is darker, whose mom is not Jewish, etc etc. These bigoted parents prefer a particular ethnicity over a shared intellectual interest or common cultural passion.

Actually I do get it. I was pointing out the misuse of the word racist.
Family demands are real but only as real as that spouse allows. Maybe premarital counseling is a good idea- even for same race couples. I guarantee family demands are not fun no matter the race, even if one understands it.

Anonymous wrote:Drove a carpool recently and one of the teens remarked on who his parents would allow him to marry. Others agreed. At least one set of the parents is second Gen, born and raised here. It was a little surprising to me how strict some parents in the DMV are in 2025.

Anyone else encounter this?

Nope. Most people I know are in some sort of “across the lines” marriage or family.

If you send your kids to stand in rain, they are more likely to get wet. If you raise your kids in a country as a minority, they are more likely to find their partners among majority. If you are too afraid, raise them in countries where you are in majority.

Anonymous wrote:So clearly everyone rings their own cultural bias into this question.

Wanting to marry someone who shares a common interest with you- like religion or culture or food or language- is not racist. What a weird use of that word. Do you also call a woman sexist if she wants to marry a man only? Same logic.

Similar question recently in the college board- interesting honest discussion there.

I don’t think you quite get it. The family demands have little to do either with “interest”—it’s literally about not wanting your kid to marry someone whose skin is darker, whose mom is not Jewish, etc etc. These bigoted parents prefer a particular ethnicity over a shared intellectual interest or common cultural passion.

Anonymous wrote:So clearly everyone rings their own cultural bias into this question.

Wanting to marry someone who shares a common interest with you- like religion or culture or food or language- is not racist. What a weird use of that word. Do you also call a woman sexist if she wants to marry a man only? Same logic.

Similar question recently in the college board- interesting honest discussion there.

Good analogy but majority of unhappy marriages and divorces happen among partners of same backgrounds.

Allow? It's not up to me. They're adults who will decide who they'll marry.

New immigrants are often scared of all the stories about infidelity, drugs, debt, abuse, crime, drinking problems, crazy families, bankruptcies, divorce etc among locals. It leads to their reluctance to gamble on something so risky.

So clearly everyone rings their own cultural bias into this question.

Wanting to marry someone who shares a common interest with you- like religion or culture or food or language- is not racist. What a weird use of that word. Do you also call a woman sexist if she wants to marry a man only? Same logic.

Similar question recently in the college board- interesting honest discussion there.

People have fear different, no matter its race, religion, culture, socioeconomic class, nationality, ethnicity, caste, denomination, political affiliation etc. Most do want their kids to find least hurdles in married life hence they prefer if kids stay in the bubble. However, most actually are accepting of choices of their adult kids, partly because they develop more trust for kid's sensibilities as adults and partly because they don't want to push kids away.

"allow" is an ugly word.

Immigrant, Muslim and South Asian but no my grown adults kids don't need me to allow or ban whom they want to marry. They are old enough to decide how they want to live their lives.