Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Seriously, you can get on a plane and be there for any signficant events your family wants you there for and you won't haunt them when they don't want you...

OMG! I had to read this twice to make sure that this is actually an adult child talking about their parents. OP, can you have any lower standards as this! I am a grandparent and feel so sad for your family. You will most likely feel a need to call names and attack me but seriously, you need help.

The boomer generation believes they’re wanted everywhere, all the time, and expects everyone to rearrange their schedules for them. Guess what - we don’t!

Grandparents are great and there’s a time and place, but too often the boomer generation of grandparents tries to take over - family vacations, holidays, etc and make it about them. Let your kids grow and breathe for gods sake!

The fact that some - not all - grandparents try and demand their adult children move nearer or finance their own move because THEY want it, is just so mind boggling. It’s the level of entitlement that so many boomer grandparents show that we all object to.

True. We visited every year for holidays and spent our money and limited vacation time to do so. Meanwhile, ILs did not visit often. Eventually, I said we needed to spend some of the limited vacation time seeing different places. I even suggested meeting up with ILs in a different location but they were not into it. They wanted us at their house...

MIL wanted to see grandkids more but did not prioritize trips to visit. They did other things. Fine. Their choice. Then, out of the blue, she wanted to take the oldest grandkid on a trip. Oldest kid did not feel comfortable with this. Maybe if ILs had visited more often, then oldest would have felt more comfortable.

It's like any relationship. You'll get out of it what you put in.

MIL and FIL's youngest child lives an hour away, and they would barely visit. They did not increase visits to anyone after retiring and, instead chose to travel for their hobby and pleasure. Again, that is fine, but don't complain about wanting a closer relationship. You made your choices.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Seriously, you can get on a plane and be there for any signficant events your family wants you there for and you won't haunt them when they don't want you...

OMG! I had to read this twice to make sure that this is actually an adult child talking about their parents. OP, can you have any lower standards as this! I am a grandparent and feel so sad for your family. You will most likely feel a need to call names and attack me but seriously, you need help.

The boomer generation believes they’re wanted everywhere, all the time, and expects everyone to rearrange their schedules for them. Guess what - we don’t!

Grandparents are great and there’s a time and place, but too often the boomer generation of grandparents tries to take over - family vacations, holidays, etc and make it about them. Let your kids grow and breathe for gods sake!

The fact that some - not all - grandparents try and demand their adult children move nearer or finance their own move because THEY want it, is just so mind boggling. It’s the level of entitlement that so many boomer grandparents show that we all object to.

Anonymous wrote:Seriously, you can get on a plane and be there for any signficant events your family wants you there for and you won't haunt them when they don't want you...

OMG! I had to read this twice to make sure that this is actually an adult child talking about their parents. OP, can you have any lower standards as this! I am a grandparent and feel so sad for your family. You will most likely feel a need to call names and attack me but seriously, you need help.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a grandparent, I adore my grandchildren. However, I have my own life, friends, vacations and house to manage. Believe it or not OP, your offspring aren’t the center of the universe. Get help.

Absolutely, but the reverse is true as well. Elders need to plan plan plan for their end of life care- both financially and logistically, because their kids have their own own life, kids, friends, vacations and house to manage. Too often there is a disconnect there.

And so?

It's not the same. My mother lives 30 minutes from me and she's been a big part of my child's life and mine. When I was growing up, my grandmothers lived a plane ride away, and I saw them once a couple of years at best. I barely knew them. It's not like you can hop on a plane whenever you feel like it. And unless you're wealthy, probably not more than a couple times a year at best.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Seriously, you can get on a plane and be there for any signficant events your family wants you there for and you won't haunt them when they don't want you...

1. Flying is a PITA these days, long lines, expensive parking (or expensive ubering), etc

2. Flying is expensive

3. As we get older, we tolerate less inconvenience - Flying is one huge inconvenience

You sound like my ILs. They have all the time in the world and plenty of money, but travel is such a pain to them that they rarely visit. They got their grandkid fix from his siter and her kids that lived nearby and have been content to see ours the 1x year we visit. Flying with young kids is a PITA too and annual leave is limited so we can't manage more than that, although they complain more now because the other grandkids are off to college and their grandparent bucket is no longer full.

Anonymous wrote:Seriously, you can get on a plane and be there for any signficant events your family wants you there for and you won't haunt them when they don't want you...

1. Flying is a PITA these days, long lines, expensive parking (or expensive ubering), etc

2. Flying is expensive

3. As we get older, we tolerate less inconvenience - Flying is one huge inconvenience

Anonymous wrote:Grandparents have
Jobs
Responsibilities
Pets
Houses

What do you think we are doing all day, sitting around looking for flight deals?

And your kids have
Jobs
Responsibilities
Pets
Houses

What do you think we are doing all day, sitting around looking for nursing homes?

Grandparents have
Jobs
Responsibilities
Pets
Houses

What do you think we are doing all day, sitting around looking for flight deals?

So many of you are so awful and self centered that it's breathtaking. I hope this is just DCUM and not across the board. If it isn't, we really are doomed.

DH and I have lived nearby both sets of grandparents our entire marriage. My parents are gone but I’ve learned that as parents age, they expect YOU to come visit. Yes, partly due to aging and frailties, hesitation to drive at night and losing independence.

The only time I see my ILs (80/79) it’s on their
time, at their house. All grandchildren follow suit - if you want to see them, you go to their house.

It wasn’t always this way with both sets of grandparents. When they were a decade younger, they’d drive over, drop by, help with DC, attend DC events, etc.

Anonymous wrote:As a grandparent, I adore my grandchildren. However, I have my own life, friends, vacations and house to manage. Believe it or not OP, your offspring aren’t the center of the universe. Get help.

+1

Anonymous wrote:As a grandparent, I adore my grandchildren. However, I have my own life, friends, vacations and house to manage. Believe it or not OP, your offspring aren’t the center of the universe. Get help.

Absolutely, but the reverse is true as well. Elders need to plan plan plan for their end of life care- both financially and logistically, because their kids have their own own life, kids, friends, vacations and house to manage. Too often there is a disconnect there.

As a grandparent, I adore my grandchildren. However, I have my own life, friends, vacations and house to manage. Believe it or not OP, your offspring aren’t the center of the universe. Get help.