Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, first off I’m so sorry.

Here is my suggestion..

Let DD know you miraculously found her swimsuit and that it must have slipped behind some furniture when you were folding clothes.

Do not mention it to DS at all.
Don’t make eye contact when you announce that you found it, don’t let on at all that this is a thing. Just happy news that you found it. That’s all. The end.

DS will know that this isn’t the whole story but he won’t acknowledge it or confess because the truth is beyond embarrassing. And honestly you don’t want to know and don’t need to know the entire story.

The good news (if there is any in this) is that it likely does NOT have anything to do sexually with your DD.
The two possible explanations are that he grabbed the closets garment in a hamper or off a drying rack to use as a “helper” to
Pleasure himself and it just happened to be that expensive thing and he didn’t want to confess to that.
And second possibility is that he is trying on the swimsuit for himself and is feeding a body dysmorphic fantasy utilizing this piece of clothing.

Either way—he isn’t likely to want to share that with you and it’s nothing to “confront” so just celebrate that you found the lost item and move on.

If he wants to confess at some point, he will. But I wouldn’t make this a hill to die on. It’s too volatile and unnecessarily embarrassing for everyone.

And when it happens again then what? And what about the part about him masturbating into his sisters clothing. This isn’t ok.

Where was this part in the OPs post?

It wasn't. Everyone here made that part up and it just never stopped. No one can actually read today, or yesterday, or the day before!

NP. I thought OP’s post was strange because the significant detail was lube and not that the swimsuit had semen on it. Honestly it made me think one of our usual fiction writers had visited this thread.

Anonymous wrote:People are assuming some kind of sexual connection with the suit and that might not be the case. It could be that he took the suit purely out of spite of jealousy of his sister. And then used it to wrap the lube because he didn't want to use his own stuff. Might be totally separate issues. Sibling relationships can be very complex and there might be jealousy and resentment there. Just throwing it out there that it might not be as creepy as it seems. I would still suggest you explore their relationship.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, first off I’m so sorry.

Here is my suggestion..

Let DD know you miraculously found her swimsuit and that it must have slipped behind some furniture when you were folding clothes.

Do not mention it to DS at all.
Don’t make eye contact when you announce that you found it, don’t let on at all that this is a thing. Just happy news that you found it. That’s all. The end.

DS will know that this isn’t the whole story but he won’t acknowledge it or confess because the truth is beyond embarrassing. And honestly you don’t want to know and don’t need to know the entire story.

The good news (if there is any in this) is that it likely does NOT have anything to do sexually with your DD.
The two possible explanations are that he grabbed the closets garment in a hamper or off a drying rack to use as a “helper” to
Pleasure himself and it just happened to be that expensive thing and he didn’t want to confess to that.
And second possibility is that he is trying on the swimsuit for himself and is feeding a body dysmorphic fantasy utilizing this piece of clothing.

Either way—he isn’t likely to want to share that with you and it’s nothing to “confront” so just celebrate that you found the lost item and move on.

If he wants to confess at some point, he will. But I wouldn’t make this a hill to die on. It’s too volatile and unnecessarily embarrassing for everyone.

And when it happens again then what? And what about the part about him masturbating into his sisters clothing. This isn’t ok.

Where was this part in the OPs post?

It wasn't. Everyone here made that part up and it just never stopped. No one can actually read today, or yesterday, or the day before!

Anonymous wrote:OP here: it is getting thrown out and DD is getting a new suit in a different color. There will be no question that it is Not The Same Suit. Fortunately the original is sold out in her size. I’ll make up whatever lie I have to to explain to DD that it’s unwearable, I don’t care.

And yes devices are locked down but not locked down enough based on my late night sleuthing. I’m trying not to bring shame into this but I’ll confess anonymously so I can get it off my chest and parent better in the morning: I’m ashamed of my kid.

Anonymous wrote:OP I'm so sorry. This is a warning sign that he is at risk for sexually abusing your daughter. Ignoring this will just enable him to escalate his behavior. Any existing mental health provider he sees for his ASD needs to be contacted, and if he doesn't have any I would immediately contact a child psychiatrist and ask them to advise you. I would also immediately lock down any electronic devices he may be using and check the search history. It is very likely that he's watching porn.

And for God's sake, THROW OUT THE SWIMSUIT. I'm hoping it's just depraved male trolls suggesting that your child should wear something someone used for sexual gratification, and not actual parents of daughters.

Anonymous wrote:I disagree that this makes the suit unsanitary or unwearable. Just wash it. Twice if you want to.
And let your DD wear it.
Do not tell her where you found it. Lie if you need to. DS is definitely not going to contradict whatever story you come up with and he is certainly not going to tell her so she doesn’t need to know.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Grownups know that bodily fluids wash out of clothes, sheets, etc. It's rare to be a parent who has escaped having baby pee or poop on them.

I would tell DS not to steal his sister's things, wash the suit, and give it back.

+1

Anonymous wrote:Bottom line: None of us know what is really going on.

I don't think you can jump to the conclusion he is fantasizing about his sister. I also don't think you can jump to the conclusion he isn't. Nobody knows. I think the issue is too important to guess. That's why I agree with the OP's decision to get a new suit....just in case.

We don't know if he just quickly grabbed something close at hand or intentionally took something that belongs to his sister. The details matter here--was the suit drying in the bathroom so he really might just have grabbed it in a hurry OR was it folded in a closed dresser drawer or hanging in his sister's closet? And I wouldn't take his answer at face value.

We don't know if this is the first time something like this has happened. Maybe it is; maybe it isn't. Have any of D's friends lost items he might have had access to? It may just be the first time he got caught.We don't know.

I think OP needs to talk to a therapist before confronting her son. She needs professional advice.

If possible, he should stay with his dad until OP gets professional advice.

Anonymous wrote:So many possibilities here that aren’t sign of a problem or illness:

he was somewhere where he needed to hide the lube and grabbed the nearest thing he could find. He either isn’t aware it’s a valuable piece of clothing and that sister has been missing it, or is aware and does not know how to make it suddenly reappear again. Maybe, he doesn’t even really care.

He may have used it to wipe off after regular masturbation and can’t figure out how to get it washed undetected and so he just decoded to keep it hidden.

Another possibility is that he’s using it while masturbating because it’s soft and slippery. Masturbation at this age is totally normal as is messing around with different things (pillows, creams, clothing, textures, etc).

None of this makes him a threat, a danger, or even a bad kid. Maybe thoughtless towards his sister, selfish, but certainly no pervert. Bad judgement on the garment he grabbed in a hurry? Thoughtless towards his sister? Sure, but he’s got very age appropriate drives on his mind (and body).

Don’t humiliate him over this and don’t make sister hate him over it either. Get a new swimsuit, let him keep that one or just throw it away. Do not discuss with her OR him. Jesus the humiliation might make things even worse.

God, some you all are just hysterical. The sister fantasy thing is so overblown. Even freaking out about porn. I don’t love the availability of it and some of it is crazy. Porn addiction is also a problem but a teenage boy wanting to masturbate and watching occasional porn is not reason to lose one’s mind.