What’s the big deal?

Honestly the bigger red flag is that you’re upset over One woman that you just met — screams “I don’t have many options and I’m worried about my ability to have my pick so I’m fixated on this one girl standing me up”. Dude come on

Anonymous wrote:We were supposed to be going out tonight at 8 and she confirmed early this morning. She just sent me this text:

“ Hey want be honest with you. My ex keeps contacting me and asked to work on things this morning and honestly it’s screwing with my head. It wouldn’t feel right going out. So sorry but I wanted to be honest.”

I’m pretty angry. Why would she waste my time?

Ummmm…..wasting your time would have been she went out with you and the next day told you about the ex.

Get a grip, you sound immature!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Guys, ops original post was unclear. He later clarified they’d been dating for a month. After months of dating, if you wanna break something off with someone, you should call, not taxed. And if you slept together, you should do it in person.

I’d be curious to know how many dates they went on within that month. If it was just a couple, I’d probably rather get a text than have an awkward phone convo about it but that’s me. I do see how he’d be disappointed.

I think they were only a few dates in. I’d rather get a text too - they’re still strangers.

Anonymous wrote:Guys, ops original post was unclear. He later clarified they’d been dating for a month. After months of dating, if you wanna break something off with someone, you should call, not taxed. And if you slept together, you should do it in person.

I’d be curious to know how many dates they went on within that month. If it was just a couple, I’d probably rather get a text than have an awkward phone convo about it but that’s me. I do see how he’d be disappointed.

Guys, ops original post was unclear. He later clarified they’d been dating for a month. After months of dating, if you wanna break something off with someone, you should call, not taxed. And if you slept together, you should do it in person.

So…what was the date you were planning on going on?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Be happy you dodged a bullet! She’s still messed up and do you want that?

This. The only reason posters are giving OP a hard time is because they assume he is a guy. If a woman had posted the same thing about a guy confirming a date and then canceling just a few hours before the date because he still had feelings for his ex they would be empathetic and not praising the date for being honest.

Actually, you are wrong. DCUM would have profusely praised the guy who cancelled on a female OP. Why? Because 90% of the times, the guy would have ghosted the female OP after sleeping with her on the date, so that he could try again with his ex. He would not have the decency and self-control to cancel the date.

Angry? You are crazy and she dodged a bullet. Take a break from dating and get some therapy. Online dating in literally the scourge of humanity having any expectations is setting yourself up for issues.

When you’re around somebody who will get angry because you made an honest mistake, it’s scary. That’s why people are saying OP sounds scary.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think OP is a typical man and the only feeling he’s allowed himself to have (due to socialization) is rage. So he actually feels hurt or disappointed, but he has transformed this into anger because that’s an acceptable emotion for a man. I think he should get therapy, not because he’s a bad person, but because being able to identify and feel a range of emotions is healthy.

Thank you - I’m hurt and disappointed, not angry. When I feel this way I just label it as anger or being pissed off. I’m upset and confused at the situation not her per se, though if she knew she was still emotionally wrapped up in someone else it would’ve been nice to know before today.

I think both of you have issues.

As for angry rejected man, you stated you had ONE date a month ago and this was to be the second one? Too much emotion/anger for such a scenario...close relationship with multiple dates and intimate relations for 6 months and you get an oh by the way there is an ex I still haven't resolved my feelings for...come back then and the anger/rejection level you exhibit now will be understandable.

Anonymous wrote:She is quite literally not wasting your time by being honest and canceling your date. Your frame of thinking for this is entirely wrong.

Plus 1

Dating can be frustrating and disappointing. It’s annoying when someone cancels and it can be disappointing when someone isn’t into you. If you want to date you have to accept the reality that these things will happen and be able to move on.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think OP is a typical man and the only feeling he’s allowed himself to have (due to socialization) is rage. So he actually feels hurt or disappointed, but he has transformed this into anger because that’s an acceptable emotion for a man. I think he should get therapy, not because he’s a bad person, but because being able to identify and feel a range of emotions is healthy.

Thank you - I’m hurt and disappointed, not angry. When I feel this way I just label it as anger or being pissed off. I’m upset and confused at the situation not her per se, though if she knew she was still emotionally wrapped up in someone else it would’ve been nice to know before today.

OP, what's better or easier about calling it "anger" or "pissed off," if it's not really anger, but really "hurt and disappointed?" Why label it as something it is not?

Growing up, and even now, sitting around with my friends and my dad we don’t sit there and say “well I’m disappointed I didn’t get the job”. Instead, we shrug and say “eh yea I’m kind of pissed I didn’t get the job”. Just doesn’t sound as weak I guess? Just conditioned that way I think. Most of the men I know, myself included obviously, have a limited vocabulary when it comes to labeling emotions.

Your thread would have been more interesting if you had just been honest about wanting to discuss the ways men are socialized to express their emotions and how that impacts their relationships instead of creating a fake story about a cancelled date.

……I didn’t create a fake story.

Of course not. You just failed to respond to the majority of the thread and responded to a singular post that just magically pointed out your issue and you and the poster just magically happen to have an identical style of writing that is remarkably different from you're OP. Good topic. You just should have been honest about it.

Hey—I wrote the post about OP mislabeling his emotions, and I am a woman. (And also not OP, obviously).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think OP is a typical man and the only feeling he’s allowed himself to have (due to socialization) is rage. So he actually feels hurt or disappointed, but he has transformed this into anger because that’s an acceptable emotion for a man. I think he should get therapy, not because he’s a bad person, but because being able to identify and feel a range of emotions is healthy.

I think you need therapy.

You do understand that this isn’t the indictment you think it is, right?

I don't think it's an indictment. I think you need therapy because it's actually beneficial for people like you who have an extreme hatred of one gender.

Uh, well, OP actually quoted my post and said I was right, so me: 1, you: 0.

OP - it was rude of this woman to text you five hours before the date. It the OP would have been a woman, this board would have been on fire with issues like “OP likely hired a babysitter and is now out the money” or “This is the OP’s weekend where the kids are with their dad and now she cannot make other plans for the evening.”

The woman you were going to go out with may have just got a call from her Ex and decided to call of the date. Or she could have known for days and just let you know. Either way, she is bad news and you are better off finding someone stable.