Anonymous wrote:I don't think you will have any trouble dating. I had a number of male and friends divorce the past few years (all in early 40s, successful, attractive). Both the men and women have had lots of exciting dating adventures and stories of pretty amazing sex. The problems all seem to arise when things get serious and kids become introduced. It is really really difficult to make a serious relationship work with multiple kids involved. Both parties really have to be on the same page of being okay with the fact that the kids needs come first.

My friend recently ended things with a guy she really liked bc she realized that dealing with another man's kids on top of hers was too much to handle. I only say this bc my own marriage has been very rocky the past 18 months and the only thing keeping me here is the realization that I'm not sure dating as a divorced mom of 2 would really bring me much more joy in my personal life than my current situation. But this really depends on the state of your marriage and how terrible it is. Abuse, chronic infidelity, addiction, etc. seems like it is worth leaving.

Do you only see unhappily married' and 'divorced and dating' as options? Do men have to be a part of your life no matter how little joy they bring you?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Well, you can find statistics that show that divorced men remarry younger women, and I can find you stats that will show you that those marriages will crash and burn. Understand, boy?

Careful. I am a DP; however, I am a AA man and I would not accept being called "boy."

Think before you type.

I was responding to an adult man who refers to adult women as girls, so I'm sure he has no problem with being called a boy.

I figured that, but of course someone has to play that card instead of trying to make a real point. So tiresome on here...

Anonymous wrote:My wife and I can’t see eye to eye on anything. It looks like we’re headed for divorce. I am in good shape and have a good career. I’m ready to jump into dating when it’s over. How are people rebounding? What are the best sites? We’ve been cold to each other for so long, that id rather just learn tips than be scolded for moving on so quickly. Thank you.

Now I know why you're divorcing. With 2 kids you both should try counseling to keep the family together. I'm in a second marriage and most of my friends are. It's a mess with steps, exes, ex inlaws, and a whole slew of problems you're not looking at. If you do divorce both should stay single and put your kids interests first, it will be a big change and sad for them. I've seen idiots that date right away and start bringing those people around their kids. Which is the last thing they want.

I don't think you will have any trouble dating. I had a number of male and friends divorce the past few years (all in early 40s, successful, attractive). Both the men and women have had lots of exciting dating adventures and stories of pretty amazing sex. The problems all seem to arise when things get serious and kids become introduced. It is really really difficult to make a serious relationship work with multiple kids involved. Both parties really have to be on the same page of being okay with the fact that the kids needs come first.

My friend recently ended things with a guy she really liked bc she realized that dealing with another man's kids on top of hers was too much to handle. I only say this bc my own marriage has been very rocky the past 18 months and the only thing keeping me here is the realization that I'm not sure dating as a divorced mom of 2 would really bring me much more joy in my personal life than my current situation. But this really depends on the state of your marriage and how terrible it is. Abuse, chronic infidelity, addiction, etc. seems like it is worth leaving.

OP - stay married. As you can see in this thread there is a lot of Tom foolery running amuck.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nine pages and nobody has called OP out on the biggest red flag: HE IS STILL MARRIED.

OP, go to therapy and if it still doesn't work, get divorced. Then go to therapy for yourself. If it still doesn't work, well, I hope we never cross paths.

This thread, like many on DCUM, has deviated from the topic and become a bickering match where insecure middle aged people project their self doubt on each other. Hence the pissing match between the angry divorced dad, and the undesirable and perpetually single desperate prozac using cat lady.

Also the few women in their 40ies who emphatically do not want to remarry, but sure, lump them in with the mythical perpetually single desperate prozac cat ladies who may not even exist.

Anonymous wrote:Nine pages and nobody has called OP out on the biggest red flag: HE IS STILL MARRIED.

OP, go to therapy and if it still doesn't work, get divorced. Then go to therapy for yourself. If it still doesn't work, well, I hope we never cross paths.

This thread, like many on DCUM, has deviated from the topic and become a bickering match where insecure middle aged people project their self doubt on each other. Hence the pissing match between the angry divorced dad, and the undesirable and perpetually single desperate prozac using cat lady.

Nine pages and nobody has called OP out on the biggest red flag: HE IS STILL MARRIED.

OP, go to therapy and if it still doesn't work, get divorced. Then go to therapy for yourself. If it still doesn't work, well, I hope we never cross paths.

Anonymous wrote:

You’re arguing with different people. I’m the one who pointed out you can’t spell “choices” but not the poster above. You’re upset at me because I think my daughter deserves better than to be the second wife of a divorced father who is looking for a “twenty something”. Try to keep up

Yes, you are the one with issues typing “——-.”

Why does your daughter deserve better? Your belief that you better than others comes through so clearly.

She deserves better than you.

Why? She deserves to be her husbands highest priority. A man with children should make his children his highest priority, so she would step into the marriage in third place.

She deserves financial security or at the very least an equal partner, not someone who owes thousands in child support every month who would essentially be living off of her.

She deserves to be loved by someone capable of loving for the long term. She deserves good odds of success in her marriage vs the terrible odds in second and third marriages.

But let’s agree to disagree. That’s just what I think my daughter deserves. You tell your daughter to run after the men in their 40s with kids if you really think that’s what is suitable for her.

Anonymous wrote:

Editor and chief of Pathetic Magazine checking in

You will be on the cover of every issue.

Says the angry divorced dad / single prozac popping cat woman (I can't keep track of you idiots) getting heated and bickering with strangers on an anonymous internet forum

You’re arguing with different people. I’m the one who pointed out you can’t spell “choices” but not the poster above. You’re upset at me because I think my daughter deserves better than to be the second wife of a divorced father who is looking for a “twenty something”. Try to keep up

Yes, you are the one with issues typing “——-.”

Why does your daughter deserve better? Your belief that you better than others comes through so clearly.

She deserves better than you.

Editor and chief of Pathetic Magazine checking in

You will be on the cover of every issue.

Anonymous wrote:I know a bunch of educated professional women who married divorced men 10 years older. Some were guys with no kids, marring late 20s women in their 40s. Some were guys with teens who lived mostly with their moms. In most of those cases, guys had a second family with the new wife and older teen (soon 20-something) visited for holidays or summers or whatever. In one case, the new wife didn’t want kids and was willing to play step mom a few times a year. I think in all the cases, it was guys the women met professionally and they just really liked them, thought they were smart, etc.
I am constantly surprised by how many little kids in our UMC neighborhood will casually mention their MUCH older sibling that lives in another city that they see for Christmas or whatever, or is gtraduaring college, etc.

I think there are also younger women willing to date a good looking older guy just for fun, knowing an older guy will take her out nicer places than most guys in their 20s and might be more mature in other ways. That’s a niche market though.

A good looking older guy sure. A divorced father paying child support and potentially spousal support on a “good career” salary is not going to be taking them anywhere a good looking never married 30 year old can’t.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

If you are really fine with this, then I am going to guess that either:

a) you are African American

- or -

b) Your attractive 23 year old daughter in graduate school isn't actually dating a middle-aged, divorced, father of two.

Your post does not make sense.

What doesn't make sense? If you think that you are okay with this, then I am guessing that it is mostly a hypothetical.

The only exception would be if you are AA. Because for whatever reason, based on my experience in medical school, AA parents seem to be okay with their daughters dating the trashiest guys just as long as they are also black.

Cute racism. Imagine saying “in my experience, blacks people commit more crime”. Same concept — you’re a stereotyping idiot.

Anonymous wrote:

If you are really fine with this, then I am going to guess that either:

a) you are African American

- or -

b) Your attractive 23 year old daughter in graduate school isn't actually dating a middle-aged, divorced, father of two.

Your post does not make sense.

What doesn't make sense? If you think that you are okay with this, then I am guessing that it is mostly a hypothetical.

The only exception would be if you are AA. Because for whatever reason, based on my experience in medical school, AA parents seem to be okay with their daughters dating the trashiest guys just as long as they are also black.