Anonymous wrote:Op, ignore the stepmoms or stepkids here telling you that you were a “bad” child. Seriously, there are good and kind and loving stepparents that truly care about their stepkids, but I believe those are the exception rather than the rule.

You should attend therapy if possible. You have new rules now. You can go directly to your dad, but chances are he has to go through your stepmom. My dad had a massive stroke and as he lay unconscious and dying, my youngest sister, who has the personality of a mild church mouse, was attacked and harassed at his bedside by his second wife and her daughter for daring to show up to try to say goodbye. My brother and I knew the deal and didn’t even try. Despite removing my from the process and forgoing any drama or contact, second wife called my phone incessantly after my father’s death, itching for a fight, I guess. She never got it.

It’s terrible. Therapy.

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Anonymous wrote:The issue is often that women take care of organizing things like this. Thus she will organize trips with her kids, but probably doesn’t feel it’s her place to organize a trip with his kids.

A really kind and thoughtful stepmother would encourage and help plan vacations with his children and their families, too.

Thanks for creating more emotional labor for women. The husband can do it if he wants to. It’s his children.

Exactly. It’s not her responsibility to manage and better his relationships with his children.

I hope you don’t believe that for stepmothers of minor children, because that’s a real Cinderella scenario. “Oh, it’s not my job to do anything for his kids! I have my own kids to look out for. His kids come second.”

Wait, so a stepmom is obliged to do her stepkids’ laundry, cook them meals, and supervise their homework? Good luck managing that. People love to impose responsibilities on stepmothers but if a stepmom ever tries to discipline the stepkids, it becomes “not your business”. You can’t have it both ways.

I mean, yes obviously. If the kids are there in the house what’s she going to do — cook dinner for her own kids and not her stepkids? The fact you even types that makes me really, really hope you aren’t a stepmother.

I think there’s a lot of pressure on women who marry into families to be accommodating and giving. When it’s not the case, the pitchforks come out. Men don’t get quite the same treatment. OP is very disingenuous. She complains about not vacationing with her dad and says his wife scares her. Why would anyone want to vacation with someone they dislike?

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Anonymous wrote:After reading OP’s follow ups I wonder why she wants to go on vacation with her dad at all. Sounds like she doesn’t like dad much more than stepmom.

It’s not about the vacation, it’s about wanting her father to care enough to cultivate a relationship with her and consider her along the same level as his step kids.

Anonymous wrote:After reading OP’s follow ups I wonder why she wants to go on vacation with her dad at all. Sounds like she doesn’t like dad much more than stepmom.

Anonymous wrote:Everyone here will tell you-- it's men. They get remarried and dump their bio kids in favor of the new wife's family or the kids they have together. Don't worry about the money, the 2nd wife (and her kids) will get any money inheritance.
I wouldn't tolerate it-- would just keep my distance.

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Anonymous wrote:The issue is often that women take care of organizing things like this. Thus she will organize trips with her kids, but probably doesn’t feel it’s her place to organize a trip with his kids.

A really kind and thoughtful stepmother would encourage and help plan vacations with his children and their families, too.

Thanks for creating more emotional labor for women. The husband can do it if he wants to. It’s his children.

Exactly. It’s not her responsibility to manage and better his relationships with his children.

I hope you don’t believe that for stepmothers of minor children, because that’s a real Cinderella scenario. “Oh, it’s not my job to do anything for his kids! I have my own kids to look out for. His kids come second.”

Wait, so a stepmom is obliged to do her stepkids’ laundry, cook them meals, and supervise their homework? Good luck managing that. People love to impose responsibilities on stepmothers but if a stepmom ever tries to discipline the stepkids, it becomes “not your business”. You can’t have it both ways.

I mean, yes obviously. If the kids are there in the house what’s she going to do — cook dinner for her own kids and not her stepkids? The fact you even types that makes me really, really hope you aren’t a stepmother.

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Anonymous wrote:Wife is doing the planning for this stuff so she sets the guest list. Have you even said “wow dad when is the vacation for our side??” Don’t sit and stew.

This. Good lord, op. Grow up and grow a backbone.

NP. Dad said he had two priorities: his job and his wife, which included her kids. He made all kinds of excuses as to why my younger sib and I couldn’t go. In the end it came down to the fact that those were family events. I was 12.

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The issue is often that women take care of organizing things like this. Thus she will organize trips with her kids, but probably doesn’t feel it’s her place to organize a trip with his kids.

A really kind and thoughtful stepmother would encourage and help plan vacations with his children and their families, too.

Thanks for creating more emotional labor for women. The husband can do it if he wants to. It’s his children.

Exactly. It’s not her responsibility to manage and better his relationships with his children.

I hope you don’t believe that for stepmothers of minor children, because that’s a real Cinderella scenario. “Oh, it’s not my job to do anything for his kids! I have my own kids to look out for. His kids come second.”

Wait, so a stepmom is obliged to do her stepkids’ laundry, cook them meals, and supervise their homework? Good luck managing that. People love to impose responsibilities on stepmothers but if a stepmom ever tries to discipline the stepkids, it becomes “not your business”. You can’t have it both ways.

I mean, yes obviously. If the kids are there in the house what’s she going to do — cook dinner for her own kids and not her stepkids? The fact you even types that makes me really, really hope you aren’t a stepmother.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The issue is often that women take care of organizing things like this. Thus she will organize trips with her kids, but probably doesn’t feel it’s her place to organize a trip with his kids.

A really kind and thoughtful stepmother would encourage and help plan vacations with his children and their families, too.

Thanks for creating more emotional labor for women. The husband can do it if he wants to. It’s his children.

Exactly. It’s not her responsibility to manage and better his relationships with his children.

I hope you don’t believe that for stepmothers of minor children, because that’s a real Cinderella scenario. “Oh, it’s not my job to do anything for his kids! I have my own kids to look out for. His kids come second.”

Wait, so a stepmom is obliged to do her stepkids’ laundry, cook them meals, and supervise their homework? Good luck managing that. People love to impose responsibilities on stepmothers but if a stepmom ever tries to discipline the stepkids, it becomes “not your business”. You can’t have it both ways.