I came from nothing, parents didn't finish high school, went to college on loans and financial aid, was on food stamps in grad school, had no help with down payments, etc. I became a lawyer and made real money, while hating every minute of the job. I quit in my early fifties and haven't worked since.

We had our kids young. We raised them in a top public school district and paid their way to good colleges. We also threw them very nice weddings, treated them to first-class vacations, and when the time came assisted them greatly with home purchases. But we're not "rich" by any real definition. We have a net worth in the neighborhood of $7.5 million, and what I've found is that when you have that kind of money there's so much flexibility involved that people with less just don't have access to.

Here's the latest example. Our youngest has been looking to rent a house in a close in suburb of DC where the spouse just got a new job. We wanted them to have a nice place, but hated the idea of them throwing thousands of dollars in rent to somebody else. So we went out and bought the perfect place for them ourselves, making an all cash offer, and financed the purchase through a line of credit tied to the value of our brokerage account. It's a win-win situation: they get the perfect house, we finance it without having to sell any of our holdings, and they pay rent to us instead of a stranger. All the money stays within the family.

Our kids recognize that they are fortunate. I'd ask the OP this: what else are we supposed to do with our money, and why on earth should our kids turn down the help when help like this from us is easy?

Anonymous wrote:I grew up with some wealth, have inherited a bunch more, and are going to hand a lot to my kids and eventual grandkids. We try not to be flashy and I don't advertise that my family paid for my private school, Ivy League education, first home, and kids' private school, but I'm sure it's obvious given my occupation in the non-profit world. I'm sure we're all resentful of the people above us, which isn't very useful. I don't have any great story about how hard I or my ancestors have worked, some of us are just very lucky.

Why is this necessary to point out? The Ivy League is a sports league of private colleges that don't cost any more than scores of other private colleges.

I grew up with some wealth, have inherited a bunch more, and are going to hand a lot to my kids and eventual grandkids. We try not to be flashy and I don't advertise that my family paid for my private school, Ivy League education, first home, and kids' private school, but I'm sure it's obvious given my occupation in the non-profit world. I'm sure we're all resentful of the people above us, which isn't very useful. I don't have any great story about how hard I or my ancestors have worked, some of us are just very lucky.

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am resentful of all the rich people who get down payments and college savings handed to them. Meanwhile here we are working like little bees getting nowhere.

Isn't that life? Why begrudge someone's good decisions? From now on you make good financial choices so that your children can be one of those rich people. I grew up dirt poor, no food no clothes. We couldn't even afford a home phone. I take pride in being the first one in my family to make a good decision and potentially having the ability to have college savings and a home down payment for my kids. My good decision was not getting pregnant in highschool or shortly after and not marrying in my early 20s.

Good for you. But luck really plays a huge a part in upward mobility.

I think to say something is luck is dismissive. I'm not an immigrant and was born in the projects. I've seen my siblings and my friends fail because they chose not to work hard. Luck has nothing to do with my success. If anything most people argue I'm a very unlucky person. I'm just positive and believe in working hard and moving forward. I'm guessing your statement about luck comes because you are privileged and haven't experienced poverty, tragedy and triumph through your own efforts.

What about all the people who work hard and still fail because of reasons beyond their control? Are they just more unlucky than you?

What time frame are we talking about? 5-10 years, 20-30 years of bad luck streak? persistent and grittiness is what separate the wheat from the chaffs

Well in America, one illness or accident can destroy both your life and your financial life. Even a sick child can shatter everything a middle class person has worked for. My own child racked up $300k in medical bills thanks to a rare disease. Imagine if my insurance covered just 50% and my spouse left me during that time. That’s not a completely absurd set of circumstances- it happens all the time. Boom- all my work towards an upper middle class life- gone.

The difference between a functional middle class person and someone completely struggling is just one catastrophe.

I've experienced the catastrophe of a sick child and high expenses. In the end I rose from the projects because I worked hard, made good choices and keep moving forward despite setbacks. I mentioned thatIve been unlucky, even my siblings who arent as well off as I am acknowledge my lack of luck. My siblings would argue that they work hard and don't get ahead. Examining it they work hard now but also made a lot of poor choices early on that take them double and triple the time to correct. I don't think the op should begrudge anyone their success whether it's earned or not.

It annoys me when people say billionaires shouldn't exist. People like Oprah who grew up poor and abused in Mississippi don't deserve what they have? Jeff Bezos and Bill Gates are un-deserving?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am resentful of all the rich people who get down payments and college savings handed to them. Meanwhile here we are working like little bees getting nowhere.

Isn't that life? Why begrudge someone's good decisions? From now on you make good financial choices so that your children can be one of those rich people. I grew up dirt poor, no food no clothes. We couldn't even afford a home phone. I take pride in being the first one in my family to make a good decision and potentially having the ability to have college savings and a home down payment for my kids. My good decision was not getting pregnant in highschool or shortly after and not marrying in my early 20s.

Good for you. But luck really plays a huge a part in upward mobility.

I think to say something is luck is dismissive. I'm not an immigrant and was born in the projects. I've seen my siblings and my friends fail because they chose not to work hard. Luck has nothing to do with my success. If anything most people argue I'm a very unlucky person. I'm just positive and believe in working hard and moving forward. I'm guessing your statement about luck comes because you are privileged and haven't experienced poverty, tragedy and triumph through your own efforts.

What about all the people who work hard and still fail because of reasons beyond their control? Are they just more unlucky than you?

What time frame are we talking about? 5-10 years, 20-30 years of bad luck streak? persistent and grittiness is what separate the wheat from the chaffs

Well in America, one illness or accident can destroy both your life and your financial life. Even a sick child can shatter everything a middle class person has worked for. My own child racked up $300k in medical bills thanks to a rare disease. Imagine if my insurance covered just 50% and my spouse left me during that time. That’s not a completely absurd set of circumstances- it happens all the time. Boom- all my work towards an upper middle class life- gone.

The difference between a functional middle class person and someone completely struggling is just one catastrophe.

Anonymous wrote:

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Rich people love to tell the less wealthy to be grateful that at least they're not totally destitute. It's a great deflection from their leading role in perpetuating inequality.

No trust fund here. I am the first one to go to college in my family and my husband used money left to him when his dad died to go to college. We made our money. So sick of people like you.

No, you did not make your money. You gained an inheritance. You see the difference? THAT is exactly what this whole thread is on about. The privileged folks who can't seem to recognize their own privilege. Inheritance that pays for college is privilege.

You are right! My bad, PP, He was so privileged to watch his dad die of cancer when he was a sophomore in high school! Thanks for setting me straight.

LOL. You got owned. Seriously, just take the L and move on. No one in this thread is talking about the hardship of a parent with cancer. We are talking about money. And your DH received an inheritance that put him way ahead of 99% of people financially. Just STFU.

STFU? Wow. Nice way to talk. I think the BIG loser here is you. Resentful of what other people are because you are a lazy American.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Rich people love to tell the less wealthy to be grateful that at least they're not totally destitute. It's a great deflection from their leading role in perpetuating inequality.

Only poor people have told me to be grateful. The wealthy just stay quiet.

+The wealthy avoid gloating to peasants.

Jealous of all the rich people who are not in America.

Top 10 Richest Countries in the World

Qatar: $138.9K.
Macao: $113.4K.
Luxembourg: $112K.
Singapore: $105.7K.
Ireland: $87K.
Brunei Darussalam: $85K.
Norway: $79.6K.
UAE: $70.4K.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Rich people love to tell the less wealthy to be grateful that at least they're not totally destitute. It's a great deflection from their leading role in perpetuating inequality.

No trust fund here. I am the first one to go to college in my family and my husband used money left to him when his dad died to go to college. We made our money. So sick of people like you.

No, you did not make your money. You gained an inheritance. You see the difference? THAT is exactly what this whole thread is on about. The privileged folks who can't seem to recognize their own privilege. Inheritance that pays for college is privilege.

You are right! My bad, PP, He was so privileged to watch his dad die of cancer when he was a sophomore in high school! Thanks for setting me straight.

LOL. You got owned. Seriously, just take the L and move on. No one in this thread is talking about the hardship of a parent with cancer. We are talking about money. And your DH received an inheritance that put him way ahead of 99% of people financially. Just STFU.

STFU? Wow. Nice way to talk. I think the BIG loser here is you. Resentful of what other people are because you are a lazy American.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am resentful of all the rich people who get down payments and college savings handed to them. Meanwhile here we are working like little bees getting nowhere.

Isn't that life? Why begrudge someone's good decisions? From now on you make good financial choices so that your children can be one of those rich people. I grew up dirt poor, no food no clothes. We couldn't even afford a home phone. I take pride in being the first one in my family to make a good decision and potentially having the ability to have college savings and a home down payment for my kids. My good decision was not getting pregnant in highschool or shortly after and not marrying in my early 20s.

Good for you. But luck really plays a huge a part in upward mobility.

I think to say something is luck is dismissive. I'm not an immigrant and was born in the projects. I've seen my siblings and my friends fail because they chose not to work hard. Luck has nothing to do with my success. If anything most people argue I'm a very unlucky person. I'm just positive and believe in working hard and moving forward. I'm guessing your statement about luck comes because you are privileged and haven't experienced poverty, tragedy and triumph through your own efforts.

What about all the people who work hard and still fail because of reasons beyond their control? Are they just more unlucky than you?

What time frame are we talking about? 5-10 years, 20-30 years of bad luck streak? persistent and grittiness is what separate the wheat from the chaffs

Yep, it took me about 40 years from wearing donated used underwear to writing a check for the whole amount for a tesla.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am resentful of all the rich people who get down payments and college savings handed to them. Meanwhile here we are working like little bees getting nowhere.

Isn't that life? Why begrudge someone's good decisions? From now on you make good financial choices so that your children can be one of those rich people. I grew up dirt poor, no food no clothes. We couldn't even afford a home phone. I take pride in being the first one in my family to make a good decision and potentially having the ability to have college savings and a home down payment for my kids. My good decision was not getting pregnant in highschool or shortly after and not marrying in my early 20s.

Good for you. But luck really plays a huge a part in upward mobility.

I think to say something is luck is dismissive. I'm not an immigrant and was born in the projects. I've seen my siblings and my friends fail because they chose not to work hard. Luck has nothing to do with my success. If anything most people argue I'm a very unlucky person. I'm just positive and believe in working hard and moving forward. I'm guessing your statement about luck comes because you are privileged and haven't experienced poverty, tragedy and triumph through your own efforts.

What about all the people who work hard and still fail because of reasons beyond their control? Are they just more unlucky than you?

What time frame are we talking about? 5-10 years, 20-30 years of bad luck streak? persistent and grittiness is what separate the wheat from the chaffs

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am resentful of all the rich people who get down payments and college savings handed to them. Meanwhile here we are working like little bees getting nowhere.

Isn't that life? Why begrudge someone's good decisions? From now on you make good financial choices so that your children can be one of those rich people. I grew up dirt poor, no food no clothes. We couldn't even afford a home phone. I take pride in being the first one in my family to make a good decision and potentially having the ability to have college savings and a home down payment for my kids. My good decision was not getting pregnant in highschool or shortly after and not marrying in my early 20s.

Good for you. But luck really plays a huge a part in upward mobility.

I think to say something is luck is dismissive. I'm not an immigrant and was born in the projects. I've seen my siblings and my friends fail because they chose not to work hard. Luck has nothing to do with my success. If anything most people argue I'm a very unlucky person. I'm just positive and believe in working hard and moving forward. I'm guessing your statement about luck comes because you are privileged and haven't experienced poverty, tragedy and triumph through your own efforts.

What about all the people who work hard and still fail because of reasons beyond their control? Are they just more unlucky than you?

Anonymous wrote:I am resentful of all the rich people who get down payments and college savings handed to them. Meanwhile here we are working like little bees getting nowhere.

I just resent my stupid parents and in-laws.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am resentful of all the rich people who get down payments and college savings handed to them. Meanwhile here we are working like little bees getting nowhere.

Isn't that life? Why begrudge someone's good decisions? From now on you make good financial choices so that your children can be one of those rich people. I grew up dirt poor, no food no clothes. We couldn't even afford a home phone. I take pride in being the first one in my family to make a good decision and potentially having the ability to have college savings and a home down payment for my kids. My good decision was not getting pregnant in highschool or shortly after and not marrying in my early 20s.

Good for you. But luck really plays a huge a part in upward mobility.

I think to say something is luck is dismissive. I'm not an immigrant and was born in the projects. I've seen my siblings and my friends fail because they chose not to work hard. Luck has nothing to do with my success. If anything most people argue I'm a very unlucky person. I'm just positive and believe in working hard and moving forward. I'm guessing your statement about luck comes because you are privileged and haven't experienced poverty, tragedy and triumph through your own efforts.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DC is a wealthy area in one of the wealthiest countries in the world. There will Always be people with more money than you, especially if you choose to live in an area that attracts wealthy people.

I’m middle class and grew up lower middle class and I just do not relate to OP at all. If you want to be wealthy, then go into a profession that generates high income or start a business (if you can tolerate risk). Not everyone will make I t, but not everyone gets to be wealthy just because they want to be. A few weeks ago there was a thread started by an Eastern European immigrant who lost everything to move here with the goal to become wealthy and is now successful. Surely OP had more advantages than her, no?

Also I don’t understand how people like OP are just now in adulthood realizing that life isn’t fair. I guess it is a helpful lesson learned much earlier in life by those of us who grew up relatively poor. At one point in college I remember feeling a bit jealous of all of the kids cruising around in Mercedes and BMW 7 series while I struggled to afford my busted Honda civic. I realized that It is not their fault that they have these things-if my parents were in the position to gift me a nice car, I wouldn’t say no. Resentment and entitlement are really toxic.

I don’t disagree with OP that life is much easier for those that come from wealth. but there are so many people in this country who come from modest backgrounds to wealth and success. I don’t think it is healthy to feel entitled to wealth just because there are others who have more.

I grew up lower middle class with many experiences of poverty thrown in (utilities turned off, didn't always have money for groceries so ate a lot of starch). I grew up knowing life was unfair and that everyone had more than my family. But I somehow believed I could boot strap my way out of it by working hard in school and working side jobs when I was old enough and throughout college. I was never jealous of the kids with BMWs because I knew I could earn that too, eventually. [b]What I didn't realize until I was well into adulthood was that people who started out several rungs higher up on the ladder would keep going,, thus staying higher up on the ladder. I wasn't going to "catch up" because I had more rungs to climb. [i] I'm in my 40s and from time to time still discover ways of thinking that I have which are just so different from people who grew up with a lot more. One example, I never learned how to ask for help, I believe I was supposed to just work harder, and harder, and harder. Hard work is definitely important, but in retrospect the kids in law school who did the best were the ones who spent a lot of times in professors offices, not the ones poring over the cases and their notes in the library (where I was).

Phew. This response was everything. and the bolded is soo true and this is exactly the situation that Black Americans are in.

Michelle Obama's autobiography, Becoming, may provide some hope and inspiration. Her family saved with great discipline and made wise choices so that they would be able to invest in their kids' futures. Fantastic book.