If you are menopausal and having hot flashes, then you know what’s comfortable for you is NOT going to be comfortable for others who are not having hot flashes. I went through menopause recently, so believe me I understand the discomfort of hot flashes. But you splash yourself with cold water, wear summer pjs, maybe put a cold damp cloth on your forehead. You don’t help yourself to the thermostat.

You were rude and should have just cracked your window open. A guest should not touch a host’s thermostat.

Did it occur to you that by lowering the thermostat you might be making them cold, since they are used to a certain temperature? Or did you only think about yourself?

Anonymous wrote:I need to know more about OP.

I need to know more about why she was sleeping in the same room as the hosts.

I need to know more about OP.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Very rude to touch a thermostat in someone else’s house.

I honestly has no idea that I was being rude. I’m menopausal. Hot flashes. We were sleeping in the same room and they were asleep. I don’t think this would have bothered me. But I hear everyone’s feedback.

This is the part that concerns us. If you're old enough to be in menopause, you're most definitely old enough to know that you can't do this. I think most of us assumed that you were in your 20s and clueless.

This! I definitely assumed that OP was some clueless 20-something. If OP is in her 40s or 50s then she definitely knew better.

You touched the thermostat in someone else's house? Beyond rude. And then you argued with them about it when they called you on it? Wow, wow, wow. Now I've heard everything.

My hot-flashing SIL did this when we were visiting with an infant (her house, we were visiting). Woke up to weak cries from the baby's room only to find he was so cold his lips were turning blue. It was terrifying.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Window.

this

No! Maybe it's because I'm a New Englander but you don't open windows when the heat is on. Just like you don't bake when the AC is on. It's like leaving the fridge open. Is this frugal NE speak? Like it's wasting your utilities? I'd rather have someone turn down the thermostat a bit. But most thermostats go to "hold" and then back to the scheduled routine, so at 6AM it would set to my morning time and I wouldn't have even noticed.

I’m sorry but... you don’t bake when the AC is on? I’ve literally never heard that. Do you not bake at all from May to October? Or you mean you turn your AC off?

Anonymous wrote:If I invited guests over, my main concern would be their comfort. I don’t find adjusting the thermostat unusual, especially if they were adjusting the heat lower. I’m surprised that most people would be upset by this or make a big deal out of it. Would you rather have heat flying out the window, cranky guests, or having someone wake you up in the middle of the night?

I would rather not have a guest stay with me at all if it involved a middle-aged woman sharing a room with my husband and I. My guess is she invited herself to stay/put them in a position where they felt obligated to put her up and their patience was already worn thin .

Anonymous wrote:If I invited guests over, my main concern would be their comfort. I don’t find adjusting the thermostat unusual, especially if they were adjusting the heat lower. I’m surprised that most people would be upset by this or make a big deal out of it. Would you rather have heat flying out the window, cranky guests, or having someone wake you up in the middle of the night?

Sounds like they brought it up to OP and she pushed back hence the frustration of saying ok fine, you’d don’t understand why we didn’t like it, ask someone else. It’s actually more decent of them to communicate this directly instead of simmering without her knowing.

How would OP feel if they were at her house and guests raised the temperature 3 degrees while she was asleep?

I dislike when people touch my thermostat. OP was wrong, but in their defense, 71 is too warm to sleep. Science says 64 is the best temperature for sleep. And I have a heavy blanket so this means that I like it even lower. And I grew up with a mom who was too cheap to allow heat in the upstairs in our midwestern house, where my bedroom was, so this means that in the winter it's normal for me to have the thermostat at 58. As you can imagine, I have a lot of experience with guests adjusting my thermostat. In general, I assess the circumstance and if their behavior was more or less reasonable, I let it go. I would not make an issue of a 3 degree difference.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree OP was already an imposition, then made matters worse by prioritizing her own comfort over her already-inconvenienced hosts.

This, of course.

Also agree. If they weren't already pissed off, they wouldn't have gotten so mad about the thermostat.

If I invited guests over, my main concern would be their comfort. I don’t find adjusting the thermostat unusual, especially if they were adjusting the heat lower. I’m surprised that most people would be upset by this or make a big deal out of it. Would you rather have heat flying out the window, cranky guests, or having someone wake you up in the middle of the night?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, please come back and explain why you were sleeping in the same room as your hosts. That is the oddest part of this entire scenario!

Yes - please!!!

Agreed. I have had to plough through 4 pages to get a better handle on the situation. So weird to me, a menopausal woman sharing a bedroom with a cranky, high maintenance couple during COVID.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Window.

this

No! Maybe it's because I'm a New Englander but you don't open windows when the heat is on. Just like you don't bake when the AC is on. It's like leaving the fridge open. Is this frugal NE speak? Like it's wasting your utilities? I'd rather have someone turn down the thermostat a bit. But most thermostats go to "hold" and then back to the scheduled routine, so at 6AM it would set to my morning time and I wouldn't have even noticed.

There was an interesting article in the Atlantic (I think), about how many radiator heat systems, especially in apartment buildings, were designed to run very hot so that people would open the windows to circulate fresh air to avoid disease. This was started in the 1918 flu pandemic. It was deemed healthier than hermetically sealing up buildings and keeping the germs concentrated inside. Can’t imagine why that might be relevant right now, especially with different households apparently sleeping in the same room.

Back to OP. - your hosts wigged out because you are a imposition. No one wants to share a bedroom, so when you changed the thermostat in their room, it was the last straw. If you have to stay, go sleep on the couch or if you’re in a tiny studio, go home or to a hotel.