16 yr old DD has had friend groups over our place multiple times with the full consent of us and everyone of the group friends’ parents.

Anonymous wrote:I think I need to quit this thread. I think I am being called repugnant for ... having different rules than this other family and not making this girl follow her own family’s rules instead. Which would be a bummer for the kid whose health and well-being I AM responsible for- my own! Or is it just repugnant that I ... have different rules? In which case, shrug. Why am I even on here.

Not only are you repugnant but you lack reading comprehension. Read again slowly. No one said you should change your rules. They said a decent person would let the other parents know that you don't have the same rules since you KNOW they have a different expectation and the possible bad outcomes for someone else could be significant. That's all. Stop being such a drama queen.

DD hangs out with one group around a bonfire at night every 2 weeks or so, and another group of girls whose mothers I know wouldn't allow them to be inside. She has slept over 1 friend's house who we trust once and they are like family. I only have one, and she's a rule-abiding kind of kid. She did go shopping once at Target with a couple of kids and once thrift shopping but that was this summer and they wore masks the whole time.

Maybe I should say something to the girl directly ... I am deliberately not taking offense (trying!) at the people telling me I suck. Since my entreaty to my kid to say something didn’t work, maybe next time the girl is in my house I should say- hey, your parents know you’re in here, right? And try to get her to come clean. It’s not that I’m going to change my rules, or contact her parents, I just do hate being party to her lying to them. Imagining if it were my kid..

I posted above that I would be upset if another parent knew my kid was engaging in risky behavior that our family had tried to prohibit, and did not say something. I think this is a good compromise. Even though I am healthy, I have a medical condition that could lead to a poor outcome with covid. My kids know this and are really protective of me in their own behaviors. However, they are teens and if they did choose to make decisions that could endanger my health, I hope another adult who was aware my kid was acting against our wishes would say something. This isn't the same as allowing R movies at your house when another family does not, or letting kids stay up all night when it would not be allowed at their own house. For some families, the potential stakes really are much higher with covid. And as much as we want to spout that 18 year olds are legally adults, most of them are still in high school and living at home with parents, and are not really "adulting" yet. We need to recognize that, too.

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I have two kids and each has a group of friends that they hang out with outdoors and indoors. No masks. Other than the couple of weeks of shutdown last spring, they have been allowed to see friends the whole time. No issues and no regrets.

Thank you for being such a great human.

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Anonymous wrote:Last thing- I swear. (Sucking and repugnant PP here) I would not have the same response if my 7th or 9th grader had a friend whose parents have different rules. In those cases I feel more responsible for the health and well-being of the kid, and more aware that they are under the authority of their parents. The 18 year old- not so much. So I do think my position has to do with the ages of the kids.

Ding ding ding. This x 1000. I have an 18 year old and an 11 year old. I would do the exact same thing. I would check in with the other parent just in general for the 11 year old. My kid has a lot of friends that I've never even talked to their parents.

My 18 year old has lots of friends that I've not ever talked to the parents, not the 11 year old.

Anonymous wrote:Last thing- I swear. (Sucking and repugnant PP here) I would not have the same response if my 7th or 9th grader had a friend whose parents have different rules. In those cases I feel more responsible for the health and well-being of the kid, and more aware that they are under the authority of their parents. The 18 year old- not so much. So I do think my position has to do with the ages of the kids.

Ding ding ding. This x 1000. I have an 18 year old and an 11 year old. I would do the exact same thing. I would check in with the other parent just in general for the 11 year old. My kid has a lot of friends that I've never even talked to their parents.

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Anonymous wrote:All these parents who say outside only...how do you know your teen is actually doing that?

Because my teen posts pics.

They post what they want you to see. When the rest of us see how they are behaving outside or inside, its very different.

Nope. I look thru the phone.

And you think they don't know that?? Seen their friends' phones??

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Anonymous wrote:My DD has a friend whose parents truly believe that when she comes here they are outside only. In the rain. Snow. Cold. They are not. The girls are 17/18. We are fine with having her inside because she and her family are super Covid safe.

Just saying you may think your amazing child is following your rules and they might not be. She goes and sits outside on our porch right before they pick her up. If the mother asked me I’d tell her the truth but I’m not goin out if my way to tell her.

Wow. You suck.

And this is why we don’t let our kids socialize with their friends right now. You can’t trust others to follow the rules.

Why do I suck? Seriously- I thought about telling her mom but they are 17 and 18 years old. I did tell my DD that she ought to tell her friend to be more true truthful with her mom. But... hasn’t it always been my house, my rules? That’s how it goes, right? I think it’s on this girl to tell her parents that she is choosing to come indoors at our place. Or maybe your “you suck” is because I let her? In that case, I get it, I guess. But we are also very careful and hopefully not exposing this girl to anything. I don’t know. I feel like people are making decisions based on risk assessments and the threat (or very real presence) of mental health issues. At this point it is what it is.

NP here. You are a truly awful person. You know that these parents have decided that YOU are too much of a covid risk, but you just don't care. What it is is that you are selfish and inconsiderate.

So you expect me to change my risk assessments and choices for my family because another family might have different ones? I am careful. Just not hyper vigilant when it comes to my kid having this one friend inside. I am not calling the mom of an 18 year old to tattle on her. And I’m not changing my house rules because yours are different.

So, when that kid catches covid, brings it home to their family, parents die, are you willing to step up and be a parent to that child? You have no rules so there are none to change.

Ok drama queen. We're talking about 18 year olds here. You know, legal adults. But go on with your scare tactics.

Last thing- I swear. (Sucking and repugnant PP here) I would not have the same response if my 7th or 9th grader had a friend whose parents have different rules. In those cases I feel more responsible for the health and well-being of the kid, and more aware that they are under the authority of their parents. The 18 year old- not so much. So I do think my position has to do with the ages of the kids.

My 17 year old daughter has a boyfriend. They used to spend time together in masks outdoors only but once it got cold they asked us to think about letting them hang out together without the distance requirement. So we discussed with the other parents and decided that since we are all otherwise isolating ourselves, we were willing to let the kids drop the masks and hang out together in each other's homes. I guess that makes us a pod, although we don't socialize with each other's families other than through our daughter/their son? (We recognize that we're each effectively exposing ourselves to each other's whole household risk nonetheless). Honestly, it just makes the teens' lives so much better to allow this, that we're willing to live with the additional risk. We did agree that we'd all communicate about new risk factors that arise and occasionally halt contact when a potential second party exposure has occurred.

I'd be interested to hear if people think we're crazy for doing this.

Anonymous wrote:Parents, you have no idea what your teens are doing. 🤣

This, totally.

But they always think they do. There’s the rub.

I think I need to quit this thread. I think I am being called repugnant for ... having different rules than this other family and not making this girl follow her own family’s rules instead. Which would be a bummer for the kid whose health and well-being I AM responsible for- my own! Or is it just repugnant that I ... have different rules? In which case, shrug. Why am I even on here.

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Anonymous wrote:All these parents who say outside only...how do you know your teen is actually doing that?

Because my teen posts pics.

In our case because it is always in our back yard, and we are here (so the other parents know they are outside with masks too because I tell them).

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Anonymous wrote:My DD has a friend whose parents truly believe that when she comes here they are outside only. In the rain. Snow. Cold. They are not. The girls are 17/18. We are fine with having her inside because she and her family are super Covid safe.

Just saying you may think your amazing child is following your rules and they might not be. She goes and sits outside on our porch right before they pick her up. If the mother asked me I’d tell her the truth but I’m not goin out if my way to tell her.

Wow. You suck.

And this is why we don’t let our kids socialize with their friends right now. You can’t trust others to follow the rules.

Why do I suck? Seriously- I thought about telling her mom but they are 17 and 18 years old. I did tell my DD that she ought to tell her friend to be more true truthful with her mom. But... hasn’t it always been my house, my rules? That’s how it goes, right? I think it’s on this girl to tell her parents that she is choosing to come indoors at our place. Or maybe your “you suck” is because I let her? In that case, I get it, I guess. But we are also very careful and hopefully not exposing this girl to anything. I don’t know. I feel like people are making decisions based on risk assessments and the threat (or very real presence) of mental health issues. At this point it is what it is.

NP here. You are a truly awful person. You know that these parents have decided that YOU are too much of a covid risk, but you just don't care. What it is is that you are selfish and inconsiderate.

So you expect me to change my risk assessments and choices for my family because another family might have different ones? I am careful. Just not hyper vigilant when it comes to my kid having this one friend inside. I am not calling the mom of an 18 year old to tattle on her. And I’m not changing my house rules because yours are different.

So, when that kid catches covid, brings it home to their family, parents die, are you willing to step up and be a parent to that child? You have no rules so there are none to change.

Stop hyperventilating. The chances of that happening are essentially zero.

And learn to keep your nose out of other families' business. If the kids visiting my house are violating some of their families' rules, that's for them to sort out internally. If the parents in question want to know whether we require masking or whatever, they can ask us. But, I'm not going to waste my time trying to keep up with other families' rules.

No one is suggesting you poll the families of all the kids at your house, but the woman in question knows that the expectation is that they will be outside. She is saying that she has no moral obligation to another human because "basically an adult". It is repugnant behavior.

Repugnant- geez, really? I was trying to make a thoughtful parenting decision. I spoke to my kid. I am considering speaking to her friend directly. What else ought I to do- bar her at the door? That’s just weird, if my rule says she can come in! Repugnant is strong.