You have $7000 left over, which is more than most people's monthly gross income (including mine). You will be fine.

We bought a 1M place on a ~$250K/year salary and haven't had any issues. We gross ~$20K/mo and net ~$13K/mo after taxes, health, max retirement and HSA (employer effectively matches 1:1 for both).

4K PITI leaves 8.5K/mo. More than enough for us. Now we came into this with a 500K retirement and 500K non-retirement assets, but we haven't touched either and still manage to invest 2-3K/mo on top of retirement. Free PK3 and no need to pay for transport really help us out (work metro pass + walk + my old grad school beater that we sometime lose).

I don't think the OP knows either her household's income, or after tax takeaway. My husband and I make about 25K more than the OP, and we net a little over $11K after taxes, insurance, and retirement. I would've never considered a $800K+ home on our income. Our mortgage is $2K a month less than yours on our recent home purchase (with 20% down).

Either way, everyone has their comfort levels, but I would be uncomfortable with that mortgage. Basically, you will be house poor. I figuring you have another 3K in monthly expenses (food, gas, phones, car/life insurance, streaming subscriptions, cleaning service, internet, maybe a gym membership etc.) Unexpected expenses will come up that will add to your monthly expenses (eventual new car, added utility costs, before/after care, summer camps, or extracirculars for kids, college savings, seasonal clothing) that you don't factor in, and unless they are coming from another source, will further erode your discretionary pot of money. There is little left over for a vacation, home repairs, etc. I'd suck it up for a couple years, pay down some of the mortgage, hope the home appreciates and doesn't need any big repairs, then sell and get something more affordable so you don't have to stretch yourself so thin financially.

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Anonymous wrote:We weren’t comfortable with more than a $200k house on a HHI of $100,000/yr so that would be a big no from us. But we are resisting the two income trap and live in the Midwest.

Same, we make ~$200K a year and live in the Midwest and have a remaining mortgage of $180K-ish. We continually look at new houses, but we absolutely do not want to be house poor or work forever.

So, basically, you have no idea what it's like to live in a HCOL area or how much houses cost in the DMV, but you'd like to weigh in to share your entirely irrelevant opinion why? $200K is a studio/one-bedroom condo that's a mile walk from the metro, likely with stupid high condo fees. There are no $200K houses here. But, hey, living in the Midwest is a big no from us.

Seriously, I wish the Midwestern folks would refrain from giving advice on the RE boards like it's actually feasible here. A 200K house is not an option in the DMV unless you want to have a 4 hour round trip commute. Do a search and see what 200K gets you and where.

And this isn't a case of wanting a "new" house. An 800K house around here is not a brand new, decked out McMansion. And a move to the Midwest is not an option for all of us.

OP - don't panic. You will be fine. Do you have savings? You will be able to pay your bills but will likely not be able to save much for a few years until your income goes up.

We bought an 800K house on an HHI of about 220K, with 20% down. We had no debt but did have daycare costs for two young children. We were able to make it work just fine but not able to save as much as we wanted initially, so not maxing out our 401Ks and not contributing much to the kids' 529s. This resolved in a few years with incomes going up. However, I must note we did have a cash cushion that would have gotten us through about 6 months of living expenses if both of us were to become unemployed at the same time. Still, I'm sure DCUM would have told us we were crazy.

You can buy lower cost houses, you choose not to. We spent under $400K. We could afford to upgrade but choose not to. No way I'd risk just 6 months of living expenses.

You cannot buy a SFH in DC area for 400K period.

What?? Sure you can. Kensington (zoned for Einstein). One of those very small capes.

$7k a month sounds like a lot but what about after school care ? That’s $500 a kid. What about a family vacation? A modest family trip involving an airplane is at least $5k (that’s $500 a month). What about summer camp ($200-500 a week if day camp). What about renovations a few years away. If you are going to pay cash you’ll need to save thousands of dollars over years (500-1000 a month). What about when your car dies. Furniture and clothes and equipment for stuff. It adds up for a family living that DMV life. We make $310 and our mortgage is $350 on a fifteen year. If your kids are older you’ll have a mortgage into your 60s or 70s!!

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:We weren’t comfortable with more than a $200k house on a HHI of $100,000/yr so that would be a big no from us. But we are resisting the two income trap and live in the Midwest.

Same, we make ~$200K a year and live in the Midwest and have a remaining mortgage of $180K-ish. We continually look at new houses, but we absolutely do not want to be house poor or work forever.

So, basically, you have no idea what it's like to live in a HCOL area or how much houses cost in the DMV, but you'd like to weigh in to share your entirely irrelevant opinion why? $200K is a studio/one-bedroom condo that's a mile walk from the metro, likely with stupid high condo fees. There are no $200K houses here. But, hey, living in the Midwest is a big no from us.

Seriously, I wish the Midwestern folks would refrain from giving advice on the RE boards like it's actually feasible here. A 200K house is not an option in the DMV unless you want to have a 4 hour round trip commute. Do a search and see what 200K gets you and where.

And this isn't a case of wanting a "new" house. An 800K house around here is not a brand new, decked out McMansion. And a move to the Midwest is not an option for all of us.

OP - don't panic. You will be fine. Do you have savings? You will be able to pay your bills but will likely not be able to save much for a few years until your income goes up.

We bought an 800K house on an HHI of about 220K, with 20% down. We had no debt but did have daycare costs for two young children. We were able to make it work just fine but not able to save as much as we wanted initially, so not maxing out our 401Ks and not contributing much to the kids' 529s. This resolved in a few years with incomes going up. However, I must note we did have a cash cushion that would have gotten us through about 6 months of living expenses if both of us were to become unemployed at the same time. Still, I'm sure DCUM would have told us we were crazy.

You can buy lower cost houses, you choose not to. We spent under $400K. We could afford to upgrade but choose not to. No way I'd risk just 6 months of living expenses.

Where do you live, Ashburn? Frederick? A $400K house in the boonies is not worth it if you have to spend 3-4 hours a day commuting to DC. Or did you buy in 2006 and simultaneously brag about your home appreciation while tut-tutting people paying that price for a house? A tear-down lot costs more where we live, and I'm an hour out, not in Arlington/McLean/MoCo.

I'm looking at redfin and the cheapest SFH in Ashburn is over 700K lol.

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Anonymous wrote:So a person making over 150k can't even afford an old house in the dmv with good schools? What about the singles making 50 to 80k? What can they afford? A shack or tent in the woods here?

They have roommates or live in affordable housing. https://housing.arlingtonva.us/income-rent-limits/

I lived in a group house in Columbia Heights, when I was single making $50-80k.

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Anonymous wrote:We weren’t comfortable with more than a $200k house on a HHI of $100,000/yr so that would be a big no from us. But we are resisting the two income trap and live in the Midwest.

Same, we make ~$200K a year and live in the Midwest and have a remaining mortgage of $180K-ish. We continually look at new houses, but we absolutely do not want to be house poor or work forever.

So, basically, you have no idea what it's like to live in a HCOL area or how much houses cost in the DMV, but you'd like to weigh in to share your entirely irrelevant opinion why? $200K is a studio/one-bedroom condo that's a mile walk from the metro, likely with stupid high condo fees. There are no $200K houses here. But, hey, living in the Midwest is a big no from us.

I don't know what this lady is smoking but Midwest is no longer super cheap. You can't find a house in a good school district for 200K.

4bed/3bath under 2500 SF in Upper Arlington, suburb of Columbus is $450K
https://www.redfin.com/OH/Columbus/1968-Fishinger-Rd-43221/home/75607379

4bed/4bath, 4000 SF in Leawood, suburb of Kansas City is $440K
https://www.redfin.com/KS/Leawood/13030-El-Monte-St-66209/home/83191666

5beds/2bath, under 3000 SF in Lincolnshire, 35 miles from Chicago is $425K with over 1K MONTHLY in property taxes
https://www.redfin.com/IL/Buffalo-Grove/681-Silver-Rock-Ln-60089/home/17636140

3bed/2bath, under 2000 SF in Chanhassen, a suburb of St Paul is $419K
https://www.redfin.com/MN/Chanhassen/171-Fox-Hollow-Dr-55317/home/51012622

Unless you win the lottery big time so you don't have to work and love to be in the woods and hunt your food, there's nothing in Midwest at 200K.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We weren’t comfortable with more than a $200k house on a HHI of $100,000/yr so that would be a big no from us. But we are resisting the two income trap and live in the Midwest.

Same, we make ~$200K a year and live in the Midwest and have a remaining mortgage of $180K-ish. We continually look at new houses, but we absolutely do not want to be house poor or work forever.

So, basically, you have no idea what it's like to live in a HCOL area or how much houses cost in the DMV, but you'd like to weigh in to share your entirely irrelevant opinion why? $200K is a studio/one-bedroom condo that's a mile walk from the metro, likely with stupid high condo fees. There are no $200K houses here. But, hey, living in the Midwest is a big no from us.

Seriously, I wish the Midwestern folks would refrain from giving advice on the RE boards like it's actually feasible here. A 200K house is not an option in the DMV unless you want to have a 4 hour round trip commute. Do a search and see what 200K gets you and where.

And this isn't a case of wanting a "new" house. An 800K house around here is not a brand new, decked out McMansion. And a move to the Midwest is not an option for all of us.

OP - don't panic. You will be fine. Do you have savings? You will be able to pay your bills but will likely not be able to save much for a few years until your income goes up.

We bought an 800K house on an HHI of about 220K, with 20% down. We had no debt but did have daycare costs for two young children. We were able to make it work just fine but not able to save as much as we wanted initially, so not maxing out our 401Ks and not contributing much to the kids' 529s. This resolved in a few years with incomes going up. However, I must note we did have a cash cushion that would have gotten us through about 6 months of living expenses if both of us were to become unemployed at the same time. Still, I'm sure DCUM would have told us we were crazy.

You can buy lower cost houses, you choose not to. We spent under $400K. We could afford to upgrade but choose not to. No way I'd risk just 6 months of living expenses.

Where do you live, Ashburn? Frederick? A $400K house in the boonies is not worth it if you have to spend 3-4 hours a day commuting to DC. Or did you buy in 2006 and simultaneously brag about your home appreciation while tut-tutting people paying that price for a house? A tear-down lot costs more where we live, and I'm an hour out, not in Arlington/McLean/MoCo.

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Anonymous wrote:Is your income after a 401k contribution, and if so how much?

And how much emergency fund do you have?

And are any of your kids in paid child care or private school?

OP again - yes, income is after 401k contributions (we each contribute 5%, and get a 5% match), and DW is a fed who will qualify for a pension.
We are done with paid child care, kids are in public school, and will attend in-state public college.

do they know this?

They can tell their children that they will pay for the equivalent of in-state public college. Kids can then make the decision if they would like to pay for / take loans out for any remaining tuition as a result of making a different choice. I have a similar agreement with my children.

I bet you haven’t had to cross that bridge yet. It’s not that easy. It’s not that simple.

I don't understand this comment. I have two children who are in college right now, and one who is a junior in hs in the college search process. We told them all when they started looking at colleges - we will contribute $35k per year toward your college education (which is a little more than what our state flagship costs)...if you want to go to a college that costs more than that, scholarships and/or loans. Then they selected colleges to apply to based on that criteria. One ended up at UMD, and one is at a midwestern private college (loyola in Chicago) on a merit scholarship that brought the cost down to $37k per year. It was very simple -- what am I missing?

We have a different philosophy. Student loans are a huge drag and one of the main reasons this generation cannot buy a house, so we saved enough to launch our kids debt free. It's my responsibility as a parent to pay for education. All my Asian mom friends also pay for the children's med or dental school, too.

Not everyone can afford to save and not everyone values saving. However, they shouldn't allow these high student loans and if you choose to take them, stop complaining as you made that choice.

Reading comprehension fail. Our children will NOT have student loans, therefore will NOT complain, because we put aside enough $ for them to attend the school of their choice and not be constrained by the lack of savings and planning. Some parents decide to buy less house so they can save more for college.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We weren’t comfortable with more than a $200k house on a HHI of $100,000/yr so that would be a big no from us. But we are resisting the two income trap and live in the Midwest.

Same, we make ~$200K a year and live in the Midwest and have a remaining mortgage of $180K-ish. We continually look at new houses, but we absolutely do not want to be house poor or work forever.

So, basically, you have no idea what it's like to live in a HCOL area or how much houses cost in the DMV, but you'd like to weigh in to share your entirely irrelevant opinion why? $200K is a studio/one-bedroom condo that's a mile walk from the metro, likely with stupid high condo fees. There are no $200K houses here. But, hey, living in the Midwest is a big no from us.

Seriously, I wish the Midwestern folks would refrain from giving advice on the RE boards like it's actually feasible here. A 200K house is not an option in the DMV unless you want to have a 4 hour round trip commute. Do a search and see what 200K gets you and where.

And this isn't a case of wanting a "new" house. An 800K house around here is not a brand new, decked out McMansion. And a move to the Midwest is not an option for all of us.

OP - don't panic. You will be fine. Do you have savings? You will be able to pay your bills but will likely not be able to save much for a few years until your income goes up.

We bought an 800K house on an HHI of about 220K, with 20% down. We had no debt but did have daycare costs for two young children. We were able to make it work just fine but not able to save as much as we wanted initially, so not maxing out our 401Ks and not contributing much to the kids' 529s. This resolved in a few years with incomes going up. However, I must note we did have a cash cushion that would have gotten us through about 6 months of living expenses if both of us were to become unemployed at the same time. Still, I'm sure DCUM would have told us we were crazy.

You can buy lower cost houses, you choose not to. We spent under $400K. We could afford to upgrade but choose not to. No way I'd risk just 6 months of living expenses.

You cannot buy a SFH in DC area for 400K period.

That would absolutely terrify me. Like, not even an option.

Many on this board might say I am too conservative, though. On a home worth $1.15M I owe $396,000 on a 15 year mortgage at 2.25. I'm 45 and a single mom on an income of $380,000 ~ But its sales so can always vary. Again, I'm conservative with debt and was once house poor with small kids (because ex was a moron) and I hated it.

Anonymous wrote:So a person making over 150k can't even afford an old house in the dmv with good schools? What about the singles making 50 to 80k? What can they afford? A shack or tent in the woods here?

They have roommates or live in affordable housing. https://housing.arlingtonva.us/income-rent-limits/

Anonymous wrote:Wow, that seems like a stretch to me. We make $320K per year, and our house was $670K. It is older, not laid out well, and had gross old bathromms (which we renovated over time). We purchased in 2012, I am sure that the market is much more difficult now. Still, and $800K house on that salary seems like it would be difficult.

Some of you must be horrible at budgeting.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We weren’t comfortable with more than a $200k house on a HHI of $100,000/yr so that would be a big no from us. But we are resisting the two income trap and live in the Midwest.

Same, we make ~$200K a year and live in the Midwest and have a remaining mortgage of $180K-ish. We continually look at new houses, but we absolutely do not want to be house poor or work forever.

So, basically, you have no idea what it's like to live in a HCOL area or how much houses cost in the DMV, but you'd like to weigh in to share your entirely irrelevant opinion why? $200K is a studio/one-bedroom condo that's a mile walk from the metro, likely with stupid high condo fees. There are no $200K houses here. But, hey, living in the Midwest is a big no from us.

Seriously, I wish the Midwestern folks would refrain from giving advice on the RE boards like it's actually feasible here. A 200K house is not an option in the DMV unless you want to have a 4 hour round trip commute. Do a search and see what 200K gets you and where.

And this isn't a case of wanting a "new" house. An 800K house around here is not a brand new, decked out McMansion. And a move to the Midwest is not an option for all of us.

OP - don't panic. You will be fine. Do you have savings? You will be able to pay your bills but will likely not be able to save much for a few years until your income goes up.

We bought an 800K house on an HHI of about 220K, with 20% down. We had no debt but did have daycare costs for two young children. We were able to make it work just fine but not able to save as much as we wanted initially, so not maxing out our 401Ks and not contributing much to the kids' 529s. This resolved in a few years with incomes going up. However, I must note we did have a cash cushion that would have gotten us through about 6 months of living expenses if both of us were to become unemployed at the same time. Still, I'm sure DCUM would have told us we were crazy.

You can buy lower cost houses, you choose not to. We spent under $400K. We could afford to upgrade but choose not to. No way I'd risk just 6 months of living expenses.