My daughter received a similar email last summer. She had her heart set on the bed by the window but didn't want to start the year off with a fight so she agreed. I helped her focus on figuring out ways to make her space cozy and relaxing. We quickly realized that the bed near the door was a much better space and the only perk of the bed near the window was the window. My dd loves plants and had wanted the sunlight. We instead bought her a few plant lights. After the first 3 weeks this "pushy" roommate got herself in trouble and the school moved my dd to an empty room. DD decided to pick the bed near the door because it really was cozier. I hope the OP's dd can focus on the positives and figure out a solution.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Enjoying both the diversity of thought and the recurring themes. For clarity; mom is only an observer. In this situation I myself would have replied “really looking forward to rooming together, no worries about the desk/bed -consider the window ones yours!” and I am widely recognized as a pushover by my circle. DD is not like me and shared the email saying this further raises her concerns about the assignment roommate after she went through her Instagram account and found no photos with same age friends (DD feels what she saw on future roommates Insta suggests an obsessive personality and a life void of friendships). DD imagined herself doing what sounds rude to me (ignoring request and deciding which bed/desk to occupy when she gets to the room). DD said if future roommate asked she would just claim to have no knowledge of email request. To (pushover and very accommodating) me DD’s plan sounds awful and I am genuinely curious what others would elect to do in this situation.

Really sorry, OP, but your daughter sounds like a b_tch. I agree, she's being rude. She's also making wild assumptions based on a curated social media feed. I don't put pictures of other people in my instagram feed because I respect their privacy, perhaps roommate is similar. Your kid sounds like she might be the obsessive one here.

Worth adding most teens rarely post on Instagram anyway, it’s all Snapchat and tiktok anyway.

What would I do? I'd trust that I raised a kid who is smart, kind, reasonable and logical enough to think through social problems on his own by the time he is old enough to serve in the military and vote.

The pushy roommate should not get to dictate the arrangement just because she presumably was allowed on campus first semester when OP’s DD was not.

Anonymous wrote:I am dumbfounded at many of these responses. I think the roommate’s email was fine - both the request (as others pointed out, the roommate’s stuff would be in this spot but for the covid driven mid year move out requirement) and the tone (not rude at all! why is everyone micromanaging the pleasanrries this girl should have used in her email?).

To be honest OP, your daughter’s immediate offense at the request, her judgment of the roommate’s friendlessness due to her instagram pics, and her plan to pretend not to have received the email are the reactions/responses that seem offensive and rude. And I am no pushover, but I also don’t pick fights and choose my battles.

Also, to the teacher who noted that email etiquette is lacking in teens, I agree - my own kids’ emails seem very cold to me. Whwn I point this out, they say my texts are too wordy. Thinking this is a generational difference!

All of this. PPs are ready to tar and feather the roommate because she didn't open her request with two paragraphs of "I can't wait to meet you! How's the weather where you live?" but are ignoring that OP's kid seems, well, terrible.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do colleges insist on this outdated idea of roommates anyway? My eighth grader, who is an only child, insists that she would rather commute to George Mason when she is in college than share a room.

Are there schools where single rooms the norm, or at least a possibility for a freshman?

I hope your child is planning for a career field that will afford her the opportunity to live alone for the rest of her life.

She would have no problem sharing an apartment with someone. It's sharing a *room* that's the sticking point.

P.S. I was a schoolteacher, then a federal worker, and never shared an apartment with anyone, until my future partner moved in with me when I was 35.

Np, first, who cares what an 8th grader says about college, it’s five years away? Second, if I had an only child who wasn’t willing to have a room mate, I’d be working on “learning to share,” definitely a red flag.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would say “sure no problem.” I would be a little annoyed but giving up the bed I want is not as bad as starting off in the wrong foot with somebody I have to live with. And it’s not a crazy request.

Agree totally. Not a big deal in the scheme of things. Not worth getting off to a bad start over this Minor !!

Agree that's how OP's daughter should handle. But also want to point out that this is the specific reason why the email from the roommate is rude -- she is initiating her relationship with a person she will share a room with by making a request, without making any effort to make the new roommate feel welcome or even recognize that this might feel like an imposition.

If I were OP's daughter, I'd say "sure no problem" but I would also be annoyed about it. And if I showed up and the bed/desk the roommate had requested was obviously in a much more advantageous position (like maybe the other bed is right next to the door or in the desk is awkwardly positioned), I'd be even more irritated. All before I'd met this girl in person! The roommate should have thought a little harder about this. Maybe emailed "Hey, can we do a quick phone call to discuss arrival logistics? Looking forward to meeting you" or something.

OP's daughter shouldn't dig in, but that doesn't make the roommate's behavior okay.

Somebody pardon me because I don’t know. Is there a new reset every semester? If so then the window bed is up for grabs. Either way I think the bed is up for grabs since she moved out. Flip a coin for it.

My freshman qnd soph dorm rooms did not permit both beds to be by the window - my frosh roommate arrived earlier than I did due to sports and she claimed the bed by the window (and I didn’t even think to ask to switch over winter break!) and soph yr my roommate and I flipped for first bed choice (I again got the bed not by the window). I do not think I cared at all either time!

Anonymous wrote:I am still trying to figure out why both beds would not be against the window or next to the window. Every dorm room I have ever seen would provide that set up. The alternative takes up too much space and blocks sunlight.

In our daughter’s freshman dorm, the shape of the room prevented both beds being near the window. She and her roommate figured out whatever worked best for them, we didn’t ask how they decided. But in this case, the original roommate lived there last semester so the furniture is likely set up however she and the prior roommate left it. Not the way it is in August for move in.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do colleges insist on this outdated idea of roommates anyway? My eighth grader, who is an only child, insists that she would rather commute to George Mason when she is in college than share a room.

Are there schools where single rooms the norm, or at least a possibility for a freshman?

I hope your child is planning for a career field that will afford her the opportunity to live alone for the rest of her life.

Right? One of the life lessons learned in college is how to live well with others. In my first job after college, we had to share hotel rooms with colleagues when we traveled! My college roommate (we lived together 3 of the 4 years) is still one of my closest friends.

I am still trying to figure out why both beds would not be against the window or next to the window. Every dorm room I have ever seen would provide that set up. The alternative takes up too much space and blocks sunlight.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do colleges insist on this outdated idea of roommates anyway? My eighth grader, who is an only child, insists that she would rather commute to George Mason when she is in college than share a room.

Are there schools where single rooms the norm, or at least a possibility for a freshman?

I hope your child is planning for a career field that will afford her the opportunity to live alone for the rest of her life.

Your child will have a tough life. Everyone should to deal with roommates.

Anonymous wrote:I would say “sure no problem.” I would be a little annoyed but giving up the bed I want is not as bad as starting off in the wrong foot with somebody I have to live with. And it’s not a crazy request.

Agree totally. Not a big deal in the scheme of things. Not worth getting off to a bad start over this Minor !!

Anonymous wrote:The roommate handled this wrong. She should’ve just asked when the person was arriving and made sure she arrived the day before and got set up.

They may have specific move in dates to space things out with COVID. That’s how it works at my kids’ school