Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks. I see. I guess it's more that I don't want to have new/more kids in my orbit. So if the woman doesn't have kids and is happy to become a stepmom to mine without having her own kids, that could work for me and maybe not be as hard to find?

Why would they want to date somebody who has kids?

This. My DH has this delusion that if we broke up, he'd find some good looking young-ish woman (under 35) to be with him. He's 48 and I'm 39. I have told him no young-ish woman wants middle aged dad bod with a toddler and an ex-wife. That's like the LAST thing any single quality woman worth her salt would want. On top of that he's impotent (seriously) so he'd have to find that unicorn woman in her early 30s that neither wants kids and wants to take care of his young child. Smh so delusional

This made me chuckle. I think all men think this way. I (sort of) worry OP ditched his ex with this illusion fueling his decision.

100% The whole OP reeks of this - "Okay right after I got divorced I wasn't finding the women that I know are out there for me - younger, hot, not interested in kids, fine with my kids, down for whatever I feel like doing. I must have just been looking in the wrong venues; where are they?"

Anonymous wrote:OP again. Since it seems to matter so much: I'm generally considered handsome. 6 ft, athletic build, fit (no dad bod), full head of hair, good skin I take care of, nice eyes, well dressed. I make $500k. None of that goes to my ex (she actually makes more than me). Ivy undergrad and professional degrees.

How many hours do you work in a week? How much time are you with your children during the week?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks. I see. I guess it's more that I don't want to have new/more kids in my orbit. So if the woman doesn't have kids and is happy to become a stepmom to mine without having her own kids, that could work for me and maybe not be as hard to find?

Why would they want to date somebody who has kids?

This. My DH has this delusion that if we broke up, he'd find some good looking young-ish woman (under 35) to be with him. He's 48 and I'm 39. I have told him no young-ish woman wants middle aged dad bod with a toddler and an ex-wife. That's like the LAST thing any single quality woman worth her salt would want. On top of that he's impotent (seriously) so he'd have to find that unicorn woman in her early 30s that neither wants kids and wants to take care of his young child. Smh so delusional

This made me chuckle. I think all men think this way. I (sort of) worry OP ditched his ex with this illusion fueling his decision.

Anonymous wrote:OP again. Since it seems to matter so much: I'm generally considered handsome. 6 ft, athletic build, fit (no dad bod), full head of hair, good skin I take care of, nice eyes, well dressed. I make $500k. None of that goes to my ex (she actually makes more than me). Ivy undergrad and professional degrees.

Nope, don't buy it. If even half of these were true, you wouldn't be posting here in this situation.

But I do hope you find someone who is best for your kids, please put them first 100% of your time w/them.

OP again. Since it seems to matter so much: I'm generally considered handsome. 6 ft, athletic build, fit (no dad bod), full head of hair, good skin I take care of, nice eyes, well dressed. I make $500k. None of that goes to my ex (she actually makes more than me). Ivy undergrad and professional degrees.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just get a FWB. Plenty of women open to that.

+1. You seem to not want to limit your dating pool to 45+ year old women. No big deal. FWB now, then you can start looking for a serious relationship in 5+ years and won't have to date women who are older than you.

Yes, because young women are lining up to have a NSA sex relationship with a middle aged man with a dad bad and a bunch of kids. They will be salivaing at the thought

How did men become THIS delusional about their market value?

I'm in my 40s with kids and have found it very easy to date and sleep with women in their 20s in DC. No dad bod and am a black man who only dates black women if that matters. The relationships tend to last 3-6 months and then we seem to phase into being friends who keep in touch by text from time to time. Has happened a half dozen times since my divorce four years ago.

OP said, "I said that limiting myself to 45+ was hard to swallow because of how narrow the pool of potential matches becomes, which is definitely not the same as dating my own age is hard to swallow."

Which is funny, because what he's missing is that the pool of potential matches is narrow already. No one 35-40 who wants kids will be interested (because OP says no more kids), and no one 35-40 who doesn't want kids will be interested (because they won't want to deal with kids, or the limitations on OP's schedule and freedom that kids bring). So OP, you can pretend that your dating pool isn't already restricted, but it's not going to help you.

Anonymous wrote:I have a friend who was educated at Harvard and has a high flying career who neither has kids nor wants them.

She is 50 though.

This is what your options are.

But you said your friend doesn’t want kids.... doesn’t that rule out OP?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just get a FWB. Plenty of women open to that.

I fail to see the benefit here. Honestly, as a woman, I'd go after $ or young d*$#. I see another niche with a casual partner who is into the same activities i.e. traveling, but, again, this requires $ and free time, which apparently OP doesn't have.

I've had FWBs well into their 40s and I'm 36. The men I've picked are attractive and very, very attentive and skilled in bed.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just get a FWB. Plenty of women open to that.

+1. You seem to not want to limit your dating pool to 45+ year old women. No big deal. FWB now, then you can start looking for a serious relationship in 5+ years and won't have to date women who are older than you.

Yes, because young women are lining up to have a NSA sex relationship with a middle aged man with a dad bad and a bunch of kids. They will be salivaing at the thought

How did men become THIS delusional about their market value?

From reading the MRA posts on DCUM.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where does he say he wants to date a 30 year old? This thread is crazy. So far you have misread him to give him an extra second ex - wife, and now he only wants to date a 30 year old. It's crazy! You're arguing about things he never even wrote.

Anyway OP I think in all of this you have your answer... You've gotten responses that there are women out there who match what you're looking for. Try to wade through the low reading comprehension and find those.

The poor reading comprehension is shocking.

OP said he doesn't want to date 40+, so this means teens, 20s, and 30s.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just get a FWB. Plenty of women open to that.

I fail to see the benefit here. Honestly, as a woman, I'd go after $ or young d*$#. I see another niche with a casual partner who is into the same activities i.e. traveling, but, again, this requires $ and free time, which apparently OP doesn't have.

Maybe OP has $, and that's why he feels entitled to this unicorn?

Anonymous wrote:You are definitely looking for a unicorn. A woman who doesn’t want kids... does not want kids. The fact that you won’t want her to parent them is somewhere between “not helpful to your cause” and “actually worse since she won’t have the authority of a stepmom in your mind.”

Does such a woman exist? Possibly. But it’s just definitely rare. And possibly going to require other compromises on your list of preferences in a partner.

This.

There is not a woman alive who does not want kids, but is willing to lovingly raise the kids of a 45 year old man.

Better to hire a nanny/house manager and then bang 20 year old supermodels on the side.

Anonymous wrote:Just get a FWB. Plenty of women open to that.

I fail to see the benefit here. Honestly, as a woman, I'd go after $ or young d*$#. I see another niche with a casual partner who is into the same activities i.e. traveling, but, again, this requires $ and free time, which apparently OP doesn't have.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First, two baby mamas make you not so attractive, so you'd better have a big bank account to up your value.

Next, no, you're not looking for a unicorn. There are many women who will have no interest in your kids. The problem is, she'll want you to also have no interest in your kids.

Wait! OP has 2 i=different women as mothers to his children and is 45 and doesn't want to date anyone over 30? This is a mess.

No, I do not. Someone made that up. I have one ex, who is the mother of both my kids. I also never said I didn't want to date anyone over 30. I even said I was not trying to find a 25 year old. The people who are making stuff up are the mess.

You said the idea of dating women your own age was hard to swallow. A woman in her thirties does not want to date a man who has kids in elementary school but doesn’t want any more kids. You need to target women around your age. There are plenty of them.

Again, no, I didn't say that. I said that limiting myself to 45+ was hard to swallow because of how narrow the pool of potential matches becomes, which is definitely not the same as dating my own age is hard to swallow. I don't have a fixed age range in mind. Maybe 35-50? Someone who's fit at whatever age (as am I). She doesn't have to be rich, but I'm also not interested in being a sugar daddy.

Anyway, there have been a lot of helpful posts. Thanks for those.

The problem with 35-40 is you’re still solidly in the childbearing range. It’s going to be easier to screen for your preference 40+.

Nope. Childfree by choice women do not want kids regardless of stage of life. Try again.

Including OP's kids, which is where his strategy falls apart.