Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DD isn't "fast"
She has straight As doesn't drink
She did have a BF starting at age 14 however and began having sex with him at 15
She didn't end up pregnant or grades going down or doing drugs.
She isn't dating him anymore or anyone (covid and not going anywhere).
But they aren't all linked. We have liberal views about sex and dating.
But we don't about drugs or getting wasted or bad grades. So she stays in what we've created as her lane.

You can call it whatever you want, but a child having sex at 15 is fast. That is not healthy age-appropriate behavior based on our societal norms. The fact you’ve decided that’s the lane you’re creating in your household doesn’t change that. Any parent that hears this info about your daughter, and the fact this is an acceptable norm in your household, wouldn’t want their kid anywhere near yours.

Is this for real? A 15 year old having sex with a same age peer she's been in a long term relationship with is very much the definition of age appropriate. Sure, we as parents would like them all to wait until 18, but did any of us wait that long by choice?

Anonymous wrote:I'm talking about kids who date young, who seem super mature, experiment with drinking early and so forth.

Fast genes. Fast adults were fast kids and then they had kids and bragged about the "cool" parties they had etc. Made it seem like that is what you should do.

Single sex Catholic School that doubles down on abstinence only education and preaches that self pleasure is a sin

Peer group, values instilled (or not), kids backbone to say no (

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DD isn't "fast"
She has straight As doesn't drink
She did have a BF starting at age 14 however and began having sex with him at 15
She didn't end up pregnant or grades going down or doing drugs.
She isn't dating him anymore or anyone (covid and not going anywhere).
But they aren't all linked. We have liberal views about sex and dating.
But we don't about drugs or getting wasted or bad grades. So she stays in what we've created as her lane.

You can call it whatever you want, but a child having sex at 15 is fast. That is not healthy age-appropriate behavior based on our societal norms. The fact you’ve decided that’s the lane you’re creating in your household doesn’t change that. Any parent that hears this info about your daughter, and the fact this is an acceptable norm in your household, wouldn’t want their kid anywhere near yours.

+1

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DD isn't "fast"
She has straight As doesn't drink
She did have a BF starting at age 14 however and began having sex with him at 15
She didn't end up pregnant or grades going down or doing drugs.
She isn't dating him anymore or anyone (covid and not going anywhere).
But they aren't all linked. We have liberal views about sex and dating.
But we don't about drugs or getting wasted or bad grades. So she stays in what we've created as her lane.

You can call it whatever you want, but a child having sex at 15 is fast. That is not healthy age-appropriate behavior based on our societal norms. The fact you’ve decided that’s the lane you’re creating in your household doesn’t change that. Any parent that hears this info about your daughter, and the fact this is an acceptable norm in your household, wouldn’t want their kid anywhere near yours.

Regarding your last sentence, you definitely do not speak for me. 15 is NOT fast, by any stretch of the prudish imagination, and PP’s daughter sounds like a fine kid.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you think that being mature means dating young and drinking? Because I don't.

I mean mature in their interests, dress, etc.

OP, I think you're talking around something, and it's making your post confusing.

Do you mean mature as in dressing like an urban 20 year old? Mature as in connecting better with adults? Mature as in wearing revealing clothing?

Are you asking why some kids are interested in romantic relationships (or just hooking up) early? Are you asking why some kids drink?

Can you describe a "fast" boy?

Geez, do you not know the meaning of "fast" in this sense? It is a socially and sexually precocious child--they abandon childish pursuits and "date", drink, and potentially drug, earlier than their peers. No one calls a child who cooks dinner for their family and chit chats comfortably with Grandma's friends "fast". That's just a responsible, mature child.

NP: The “fastest” kid of my middle school was indeed a boy. Having sex with girls starting in the 7th grade, was a full year older than everyone due to a change in schools, and had checked out parents. Was the much younger sibling by at least 5 years. The girls who were similar didn’t dress slutty at all - the thing the all had in common was parents who were checked out or just generally clueless.

Anonymous wrote:My DD isn't "fast"
She has straight As doesn't drink
She did have a BF starting at age 14 however and began having sex with him at 15
She didn't end up pregnant or grades going down or doing drugs.
She isn't dating him anymore or anyone (covid and not going anywhere).
But they aren't all linked. We have liberal views about sex and dating.
But we don't about drugs or getting wasted or bad grades. So she stays in what we've created as her lane.

You can call it whatever you want, but a child having sex at 15 is fast. That is not healthy age-appropriate behavior based on our societal norms. The fact you’ve decided that’s the lane you’re creating in your household doesn’t change that. Any parent that hears this info about your daughter, and the fact this is an acceptable norm in your household, wouldn’t want their kid anywhere near yours.

I was a “fast” teen and it was a combination of things already mentioned. An older siblings who got me experimenting with smoking pot and taught me
how to inhale. Parents who were good people but super busy and didn’t provide a lot of attention or structure. My personality just craving attention from boys, being the youngest of a large pack of kids, and wanting to feel special. A personality with addictive tendencies and alcoholism in the family.

It’s hard looking back what may have changed the outcome of my bad behavior. I actually think that I would have been much better off if my sister hadn’t gotten me into drugs. I would have still been a little on the promiscuous side, but the drugs really messed up a 7-8 period of my life. I don’t think I would have tried drugs if my older sister, who I looked up to, didn’t introduce them to me as “cool.”

I feel bad, but I ended up spreading the drugs around to my peer group and was an awful influence on a lot of other teens. I really wish I could take that back.

Anonymous wrote:I would be much more worried about a kid who didn't have any interest in sex or drinking/weed while in high school. The last think I'd want is for them to go through this while away from home without a parent around to guide them through it all.

How do people claiming being "fast" is about having insufficient parent supervision reconcile that with the posters who say their parents were super strict yet they were able to sneak around and do all those forbidden things?

I have a kid with no interest in any of that stuff in high school (and I did it all, so it seems weird to me). She’s now in college and still no interest. I guess it’s who she is. I love her and it makes life easier for me, but she is definitely an outlier.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Personality. I was supervised as a teen and whatnot, so I was a good girl. However, I turned 18 and my ass belonged to the streets at that point. If it’s in you, it will come out, be it a teenager or later in life. Personality!

Well, in this case, it's better later than earlier, wouldn't you agree?

This. If kids will be bad when they turn 18, there’s nothing you can do, but you can still raise them to be decent people.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unhealthy parenting. Either too strict or too permissive. Family dysfunction. Lack of good parenting. Low self esteem and lots of anger in children.

Lack of morality. Lack of affection from birth family towards the children. Mental illness in children. Doing self destructive things.

Bad company. Access to stuff like vape, booze, blunt, porn...easily. too much or too little money at home. Busy or negligent parents. Not one consistent care giver. No accountability. Lax punishments.

Community the children belong to. If there is a risk that their infractions will be reported to parents by teachers, neighbors, relatives those kids stay in the straight and narrow.

While some fast kids do very well academically ( I know if a middle class girl who is in med school and prostitutes using Tinder) most are not doing well in school. The fast kids are actually the bad kids.

+1 to all of the above.

+2

Anonymous wrote:My DD isn't "fast"
She has straight As doesn't drink
She did have a BF starting at age 14 however and began having sex with him at 15
She didn't end up pregnant or grades going down or doing drugs.
She isn't dating him anymore or anyone (covid and not going anywhere).
But they aren't all linked. We have liberal views about sex and dating.
But we don't about drugs or getting wasted or bad grades. So she stays in what we've created as her lane.

Ah, is your daughter's name Dharma by any chance?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unhealthy parenting. Either too strict or too permissive. Family dysfunction. Lack of good parenting. Low self esteem and lots of anger in children.

Lack of morality. Lack of affection from birth family towards the children. Mental illness in children. Doing self destructive things.

Bad company. Access to stuff like vape, booze, blunt, porn...easily. too much or too little money at home. Busy or negligent parents. Not one consistent care giver. No accountability. Lax punishments.

Community the children belong to. If there is a risk that their infractions will be reported to parents by teachers, neighbors, relatives those kids stay in the straight and narrow.

While some fast kids do very well academically ( I know if a middle class girl who is in med school and prostitutes using Tinder) most are not doing well in school. The fast kids are actually the bad kids.

+1 to all of the above.

Anonymous wrote:Personality. I was supervised as a teen and whatnot, so I was a good girl. However, I turned 18 and my ass belonged to the streets at that point. If it’s in you, it will come out, be it a teenager or later in life. Personality!

Well, in this case, it's better later than earlier, wouldn't you agree?