Anonymous wrote:Just having a kid impacted my career in a way that makes me the one best positioned to step back from work in this situation. I got mommy-tracked when I was pregnant ("we have to take this off your hands since you won't be here for closing"), struggled to catch up when I came back from maternity leave, and wound up transferring to a more flexible position with minimal travel before my kid turned one because I was so miserable and stressed (and dealing with PPD) that I had to scale back somewhere.

So yes, my career is the easiest to hit pause on now, because it already took a huge hit in both trajectory and pay several years ago. This isn't me "stepping back". This is an economic system that just ignores pregnancy, childbirth, and parenthood as valuable acts, and the people who perform the get screwed. The end.

Stop blaming women for not conquering institutionalized sexism all by themselves with individual choices that are often dictated by forces beyond our control.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just having a kid impacted my career in a way that makes me the one best positioned to step back from work in this situation. I got mommy-tracked when I was pregnant ("we have to take this off your hands since you won't be here for closing"), struggled to catch up when I came back from maternity leave, and wound up transferring to a more flexible position with minimal travel before my kid turned one because I was so miserable and stressed (and dealing with PPD) that I had to scale back somewhere.

So yes, my career is the easiest to hit pause on now, because it already took a huge hit in both trajectory and pay several years ago. This isn't me "stepping back". This is an economic system that just ignores pregnancy, childbirth, and parenthood as valuable acts, and the people who perform the get screwed. The end.

Stop blaming women for not conquering institutionalized sexism all by themselves with individual choices that are often dictated by forces beyond our control.

Why were you miserable and stressed? I am a lawyer and my husband and I have flip flopped between who makes more. After our twins were born and I went back to work after maternity leave, HE stepped up to ensure that I had an easier time returning from work. I basically had to focus on myself and spend time with my kids and he handled the other issues like childcare, groceries, cooking, etc.

You say that our current economic system ignores parenthood and the people who perform that task get screwed, but what you really mean is WOMEN. Yes, men can't be pregnant, and they can't give birth, but beyond that, take some ownership of your own choices and those of your husband. My husband doesn't have an easy job or one that doesn't require travel, but he MADE it happen after we had kids, because it shouldn't be all on me.

I know it's easier to yell at someone who sounds like they're criticizing your life choices, so ok. But maybe spend some time really reflecting about what exactly happened in your situation and how your husband could have been the one to make changes in his career to help our so that you weren't so miserable or stressed. Also, I'm not saying there aren't issues in our society, because there are, but I just find it a little cringe-inducing when people refuse to acknowledge any responsibility whatsoever for their own actions.

Smug. Privileged.

Yes, I am privileged. But given that PP was saying she was missing out on closings and had a job that required travel, I doubt she was working retail or some other lower-level job before she had kids, so she is also likely very privileged. If the privileged women and their husbands don't try to do something about the current situation, who do you think will? They are exactly the people who are positioned to make some sort of meaningful change, not some GS-7 who doesn't have any leverage. And smug? You can call me that if you want, but not if you're going to use it as an excuse to not doing anything. I think women AND MEN should push harder for better changes that make workplaces more friendly to women who have children. Those women need to not be treated as second-class citizens, and the dads should be granted similar flexibility to contribute as parents. If you want to just call me names and dismiss that, then fine, but I'll still keep fighting for better circumstances for working moms. You're welcome.

Hey working moms: On top of everything else you're dealing with, I regret to inform you that it's your own fault. Maybe you made poor "choices" (such as the selection of your mate?). And as usual, it's on you: to "reflect," "take ownership" and "acknowledge" your own responsibility for this sorry state of affairs.

PP, when you say that you are "fighting for better circumstances for working moms," I'd love to know what that means to you. I really hope that it entails more than just telling UMC women on message boards how they should think about their situations. Congratulations to you and your DH for making everything work, with your many resources and flexibilities. When I say "smug, privileged," it's also because I doubt that you see beyond the problems of UMC women at all.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just having a kid impacted my career in a way that makes me the one best positioned to step back from work in this situation. I got mommy-tracked when I was pregnant ("we have to take this off your hands since you won't be here for closing"), struggled to catch up when I came back from maternity leave, and wound up transferring to a more flexible position with minimal travel before my kid turned one because I was so miserable and stressed (and dealing with PPD) that I had to scale back somewhere.

So yes, my career is the easiest to hit pause on now, because it already took a huge hit in both trajectory and pay several years ago. This isn't me "stepping back". This is an economic system that just ignores pregnancy, childbirth, and parenthood as valuable acts, and the people who perform the get screwed. The end.

Stop blaming women for not conquering institutionalized sexism all by themselves with individual choices that are often dictated by forces beyond our control.

Why were you miserable and stressed? I am a lawyer and my husband and I have flip flopped between who makes more. After our twins were born and I went back to work after maternity leave, HE stepped up to ensure that I had an easier time returning from work. I basically had to focus on myself and spend time with my kids and he handled the other issues like childcare, groceries, cooking, etc.

You say that our current economic system ignores parenthood and the people who perform that task get screwed, but what you really mean is WOMEN. Yes, men can't be pregnant, and they can't give birth, but beyond that, take some ownership of your own choices and those of your husband. My husband doesn't have an easy job or one that doesn't require travel, but he MADE it happen after we had kids, because it shouldn't be all on me.

I know it's easier to yell at someone who sounds like they're criticizing your life choices, so ok. But maybe spend some time really reflecting about what exactly happened in your situation and how your husband could have been the one to make changes in his career to help our so that you weren't so miserable or stressed. Also, I'm not saying there aren't issues in our society, because there are, but I just find it a little cringe-inducing when people refuse to acknowledge any responsibility whatsoever for their own actions.

Smug. Privileged.

Yes, I am privileged. But given that PP was saying she was missing out on closings and had a job that required travel, I doubt she was working retail or some other lower-level job before she had kids, so she is also likely very privileged. If the privileged women and their husbands don't try to do something about the current situation, who do you think will? They are exactly the people who are positioned to make some sort of meaningful change, not some GS-7 who doesn't have any leverage. And smug? You can call me that if you want, but not if you're going to use it as an excuse to not doing anything. I think women AND MEN should push harder for better changes that make workplaces more friendly to women who have children. Those women need to not be treated as second-class citizens, and the dads should be granted similar flexibility to contribute as parents. If you want to just call me names and dismiss that, then fine, but I'll still keep fighting for better circumstances for working moms. You're welcome.

Hey working moms: On top of everything else you're dealing with, I regret to inform you that it's your own fault. Maybe you made poor "choices" (such as the selection of your mate?). And as usual, it's on you: to "reflect," "take ownership" and "acknowledge" your own responsibility for this sorry state of affairs.

PP, when you say that you are "fighting for better circumstances for working moms," I'd love to know what that means to you. I really hope that it entails more than just telling UMC women on message boards how they should think about their situations. Congratulations to you and your DH for making everything work, with your many resources and flexibilities. When I say "smug, privileged," it's also because I doubt that you see beyond the problems of UMC women at all.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

You can help me by being willing to hire me if I have 10 years’ more experience than the 30 yo you hired instead, and by not saying my 6 month resume gap meant I “lacked recent experience” and “wasn’t current”. You could help by not judging me so harshly when that became a 3-year gap, and not seeing it as a betrayal of working women everywhere. Plenty of us SAHMs never planned to be a SAHM, but one job loss and a million biased men and women on hiring committees have decided that we’re some kind of lesser species to be avoided and/or shamed.

+1000 Thank you!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just having a kid impacted my career in a way that makes me the one best positioned to step back from work in this situation. I got mommy-tracked when I was pregnant ("we have to take this off your hands since you won't be here for closing"), struggled to catch up when I came back from maternity leave, and wound up transferring to a more flexible position with minimal travel before my kid turned one because I was so miserable and stressed (and dealing with PPD) that I had to scale back somewhere.

So yes, my career is the easiest to hit pause on now, because it already took a huge hit in both trajectory and pay several years ago. This isn't me "stepping back". This is an economic system that just ignores pregnancy, childbirth, and parenthood as valuable acts, and the people who perform the get screwed. The end.

Stop blaming women for not conquering institutionalized sexism all by themselves with individual choices that are often dictated by forces beyond our control.

Why were you miserable and stressed? I am a lawyer and my husband and I have flip flopped between who makes more. After our twins were born and I went back to work after maternity leave, HE stepped up to ensure that I had an easier time returning from work. I basically had to focus on myself and spend time with my kids and he handled the other issues like childcare, groceries, cooking, etc.

You say that our current economic system ignores parenthood and the people who perform that task get screwed, but what you really mean is WOMEN. Yes, men can't be pregnant, and they can't give birth, but beyond that, take some ownership of your own choices and those of your husband. My husband doesn't have an easy job or one that doesn't require travel, but he MADE it happen after we had kids, because it shouldn't be all on me.

I know it's easier to yell at someone who sounds like they're criticizing your life choices, so ok. But maybe spend some time really reflecting about what exactly happened in your situation and how your husband could have been the one to make changes in his career to help our so that you weren't so miserable or stressed. Also, I'm not saying there aren't issues in our society, because there are, but I just find it a little cringe-inducing when people refuse to acknowledge any responsibility whatsoever for their own actions.

Smug. Privileged.

Yes, I am privileged. But given that PP was saying she was missing out on closings and had a job that required travel, I doubt she was working retail or some other lower-level job before she had kids, so she is also likely very privileged. If the privileged women and their husbands don't try to do something about the current situation, who do you think will? They are exactly the people who are positioned to make some sort of meaningful change, not some GS-7 who doesn't have any leverage. And smug? You can call me that if you want, but not if you're going to use it as an excuse to not doing anything. I think women AND MEN should push harder for better changes that make workplaces more friendly to women who have children. Those women need to not be treated as second-class citizens, and the dads should be granted similar flexibility to contribute as parents. If you want to just call me names and dismiss that, then fine, but I'll still keep fighting for better circumstances for working moms. You're welcome.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wish we would normalize re-entry after gaps for parents and budgeting for single income households. There’s never been enough acknowledgement of the work done in the home. I think ideally there would be parental switching- I.e.: 7 years mom primary/7 years dad primary, thereby less pressure on a single breadwinner/industry. But We need to acknowledge that one parent working half or no hours is much saner. the current dual income 12 hour a day hustle is crap for all involved (But especially moms.)

It would be nice to have shorter work days, but you fail to factor in that some parents ( moms) do want to work actually enjoy their careers and aren't just doing it for a paycheck.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:I gave notice and will be quitting this month. My children need me. It sucks to be part of that statistic, but my boss (who has small children) heaped piles upon piles of work on me and didn’t understand why I wasn’t happy about working 60+ hours per week during a pandemic and DL. If I had a more flexible and understanding job, I’d try to work through this. But here we are.

Women need to stop doing stuff like this if we ever want to achieve equality.

Women need to stop quitting terrible jobs?

Women need to stop quitting their job to provide unpaid labor for men.

We need to change the system so this doesn't need to happen. The problem is the system. Let's not blame a woman for making s decision that makes sense for her - it creates a vicious cycle and focuses the blame in the wrong place.

I disagree. I think one of the main issues is that women willingly provide so much unpaid labor. I always was under the impression that women are victimized by men. The older I get, the more I see how women contribute to the problem.

An entire wsj section today about how women are hurt professionally by covid. Really?? Where are their husbands? Why are women assuming this responsibility?

I agree that women let men get off Scott free often but blaming the women for that doesn’t help.

I am 10 years younger than DH. While he makes more than I do, my earning potential is greater. It is easier for us as he has a very flexible job, so our solution is that I work hard while he tread water. But we have that luxury and a big cushion.

Women who could be stars in 5 years are getting wiped out by covid and our regressive president. Vote to express your thoughts about how the future should be. I am taking my moonshot- I want to see on my deathbed that my career saved lives.other moms should have that privilege (and responsibility). Yes men can have it too but that will happen any ways. Moms out there, don’t give up. How can we help you?

You can help me by being willing to hire me if I have 10 years’ more experience than the 30 yo you hired instead, and by not saying my 6 month resume gap meant I “lacked recent experience” and “wasn’t current”. You could help by not judging me so harshly when that became a 3-year gap, and not seeing it as a betrayal of working women everywhere. Plenty of us SAHMs never planned to be a SAHM, but one job loss and a million biased men and women on hiring committees have decided that we’re some kind of lesser species to be avoided and/or shamed.

Anonymous wrote:I wish we would normalize re-entry after gaps for parents and budgeting for single income households. There’s never been enough acknowledgement of the work done in the home. I think ideally there would be parental switching- I.e.: 7 years mom primary/7 years dad primary, thereby less pressure on a single breadwinner/industry. But We need to acknowledge that one parent working half or no hours is much saner. the current dual income 12 hour a day hustle is crap for all involved (But especially moms.)

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is going to hurt our daughters.

This could hurt your children, male or female. Children tend to value or mimic the values in their household growing up. If mom is always the one having to stop her job to deal with kids, then that will be your daughters burden and your sons expectation.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I gave notice and will be quitting this month. My children need me. It sucks to be part of that statistic, but my boss (who has small children) heaped piles upon piles of work on me and didn’t understand why I wasn’t happy about working 60+ hours per week during a pandemic and DL. If I had a more flexible and understanding job, I’d try to work through this. But here we are.

Women need to stop doing stuff like this if we ever want to achieve equality.

Yeah, how dare you put the needs of your family above equality for women.

Anonymous wrote:This is going to hurt our daughters.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just having a kid impacted my career in a way that makes me the one best positioned to step back from work in this situation. I got mommy-tracked when I was pregnant ("we have to take this off your hands since you won't be here for closing"), struggled to catch up when I came back from maternity leave, and wound up transferring to a more flexible position with minimal travel before my kid turned one because I was so miserable and stressed (and dealing with PPD) that I had to scale back somewhere.

So yes, my career is the easiest to hit pause on now, because it already took a huge hit in both trajectory and pay several years ago. This isn't me "stepping back". This is an economic system that just ignores pregnancy, childbirth, and parenthood as valuable acts, and the people who perform the get screwed. The end.

Stop blaming women for not conquering institutionalized sexism all by themselves with individual choices that are often dictated by forces beyond our control.

Why were you miserable and stressed? I am a lawyer and my husband and I have flip flopped between who makes more. After our twins were born and I went back to work after maternity leave, HE stepped up to ensure that I had an easier time returning from work. I basically had to focus on myself and spend time with my kids and he handled the other issues like childcare, groceries, cooking, etc.

You say that our current economic system ignores parenthood and the people who perform that task get screwed, but what you really mean is WOMEN. Yes, men can't be pregnant, and they can't give birth, but beyond that, take some ownership of your own choices and those of your husband. My husband doesn't have an easy job or one that doesn't require travel, but he MADE it happen after we had kids, because it shouldn't be all on me.

I know it's easier to yell at someone who sounds like they're criticizing your life choices, so ok. But maybe spend some time really reflecting about what exactly happened in your situation and how your husband could have been the one to make changes in his career to help our so that you weren't so miserable or stressed. Also, I'm not saying there aren't issues in our society, because there are, but I just find it a little cringe-inducing when people refuse to acknowledge any responsibility whatsoever for their own actions.

Smug. Privileged.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a SAHM, these articles about women quitting all seem pretty obvious to me. Yes, a few of you managed to marry a fully “woke” equal partner who will do 50% or more of the “mental load” in addition to housework and child rearing, but I learned pretty quickly I did not marry such a man.

And I’ll be damned if I’m going to carry the whole mental load, run the house, care for the kids AND work a full time job. I’m not a martyr.

So don’t do the mental load and housework. Just say no.

Prioritize yourself and your career. You deserve it the same as a privileged man does. Again no one is forcing you to do housework. You basically allowed your husband to force you to quit working and when your kids are older you’ll deeply regret it.

Please. You have no crystal ball.