Anonymous wrote:Staying with my ex-husband after the first time he cheated (that I found out about).

I thought I was too old to "start over" but I actually had so much time ahead of me. Instead I wasted another decade on a serial cheater.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Marrying someone who wasn't right for me.

This. And now 25y later with youngish kids, a mortgage, a not terribly lucrative career....it seems like I'm in it forever.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not one mistake, but a long series of only ever doing “enough” to get by. By all accounts I’m decently successful - own a house, make six figures, college degree, relative financial stability. In reality I do just enough to coast in every aspect of life.

Most people who meet me think I am very smart - and I am, but I never ever put it to use. I spend a lot of time thinking and scheming about how to do the bare minimum (because, lazy) and still look like the brilliant one in any situation. I have a government job in which I work maybe 2 hours a day and run circles around my coworkers.

Bottom line: if I actually tried, who knows where I would be.

Wow, I can relate. I breezed through HS and college with a near perfect GPA and spent most of my time watching TV. I never felt like I really applied myself and often wonder how far I could have gone had I put in more effort. I have major focus problems (undiagnosed ADD?) and feel like a fraud even though I'm highly accomplished and respected in my field.

Oh man, same. I think this is common for "smart" kids/people, and I think a lot about how to avoid it in my own kids. I have diagnosed ADHD and my kids don't, but even so I worry.

Wow, this all rings true for me, too.

Anonymous wrote:1. Losing my virginity to a guy I didn’t really like because at 22 it felt like it was time. It was a very unsatisfactory experience.
2. After a party, I gave my husband a BJ while we were driving home. We had three little children at home so WTF was I thinking?

I’m pretty cautious and conservative so risk taking is not in my DNA so big mistakes have been avoidable except for the above.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not just apologizing years ago for being unkind to a friend. It became such a huge thing and even though in the end I "won" (she kind of dropped out of my circle and even now people will say stuff to me like "she was so needy"), but I could have saved a lot of people, including myself, years of grief if I'd just admitted what I'd done and said I was sorry. Now it's way too late to go back and fix it, but it would have been pretty easy to make amends way back then.

Also, just generally being resistant to criticism. I have a really visceral reaction to being told I've done something wrong and I wish I could handle it more gracefully.

She didn’t drop out, you pushed her out. So she lost her community as well.

Anonymous wrote:1. Losing my virginity to a guy I didn’t really like because at 22 it felt like it was time. It was a very unsatisfactory experience.
2. After a party, I gave my husband a BJ while we were driving home. We had three little children at home so WTF was I thinking?

I’m pretty cautious and conservative so risk taking is not in my DNA so big mistakes have been avoidable except for the above.

Anonymous wrote:Not just apologizing years ago for being unkind to a friend. It became such a huge thing and even though in the end I "won" (she kind of dropped out of my circle and even now people will say stuff to me like "she was so needy"), but I could have saved a lot of people, including myself, years of grief if I'd just admitted what I'd done and said I was sorry. Now it's way too late to go back and fix it, but it would have been pretty easy to make amends way back then.

Also, just generally being resistant to criticism. I have a really visceral reaction to being told I've done something wrong and I wish I could handle it more gracefully.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not one mistake, but a long series of only ever doing “enough” to get by. By all accounts I’m decently successful - own a house, make six figures, college degree, relative financial stability. In reality I do just enough to coast in every aspect of life.

Most people who meet me think I am very smart - and I am, but I never ever put it to use. I spend a lot of time thinking and scheming about how to do the bare minimum (because, lazy) and still look like the brilliant one in any situation. I have a government job in which I work maybe 2 hours a day and run circles around my coworkers.

Bottom line: if I actually tried, who knows where I would be.

Wow, I can relate. I breezed through HS and college with a near perfect GPA and spent most of my time watching TV. I never felt like I really applied myself and often wonder how far I could have gone had I put in more effort. I have major focus problems (undiagnosed ADD?) and feel like a fraud even though I'm highly accomplished and respected in my field.

Oh man, same. I think this is common for "smart" kids/people, and I think a lot about how to avoid it in my own kids. I have diagnosed ADHD and my kids don't, but even so I worry.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Leaving my marriage without doing anything / making any arrangements or agreements about the house we owned. Years later my credit score is great (I worked so hard, it was in the 500s when I left my ex) but although I desperately want to try to buy my own new home now, I doubt I will ever qualify for a new mortgage since my name is still on the old loan/house, though he pays. It's heartbreaking and I feel like I will pay for this mistake for the rest of my life.

He can refi and get the mortgage in his name.

Also, it will still count against your debt to income ratio, but if you can show proof that you don't pay the mortgage the lender will consider this. At least my ex's lender did.

Thank you! I will look into this.

Hi I experienced this too. Depending on where you live if you prove residency isn’t primary at the place where mortgage is (eg rent statement, new Id address, utility bills) they are required to remove it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Leaving my marriage without doing anything / making any arrangements or agreements about the house we owned. Years later my credit score is great (I worked so hard, it was in the 500s when I left my ex) but although I desperately want to try to buy my own new home now, I doubt I will ever qualify for a new mortgage since my name is still on the old loan/house, though he pays. It's heartbreaking and I feel like I will pay for this mistake for the rest of my life.

He can refi and get the mortgage in his name.

Also, it will still count against your debt to income ratio, but if you can show proof that you don't pay the mortgage the lender will consider this. At least my ex's lender did.

Thank you! I will look into this.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Leaving my marriage without doing anything / making any arrangements or agreements about the house we owned. Years later my credit score is great (I worked so hard, it was in the 500s when I left my ex) but although I desperately want to try to buy my own new home now, I doubt I will ever qualify for a new mortgage since my name is still on the old loan/house, though he pays. It's heartbreaking and I feel like I will pay for this mistake for the rest of my life.

He can refi and get the mortgage in his name.

Also, it will still count against your debt to income ratio, but if you can show proof that you don't pay the mortgage the lender will consider this. At least my ex's lender did.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Leaving my marriage without doing anything / making any arrangements or agreements about the house we owned. Years later my credit score is great (I worked so hard, it was in the 500s when I left my ex) but although I desperately want to try to buy my own new home now, I doubt I will ever qualify for a new mortgage since my name is still on the old loan/house, though he pays. It's heartbreaking and I feel like I will pay for this mistake for the rest of my life.

He can refi and get the mortgage in his name.