Anonymous
09/07/2020 13:30
Subject: Brat or typical tween behavior?
OP, I think you sound like a Good Person. I also agree you didn't have a handle on tweens and there are assorted issues at play here. One thing I think you may need to acknowledge about yourself is that you seem to be... I don't want to say "controlling," because that's not quite it. But you seem to believe you have a lot more control over the world than you do, and you may need to work on accepting that.
Of course you can set yourself and your nieces up for success. Of course you can try and plan ahead to help your own kids be Better People, selfless, kind, non-materialistic. I firmly believe we have influence as parents or as concerned adults! But I also firmly believe that we have only so much influence. We can't expect there to be magic bullets that guarantee any particular outcome. And that's important to understand as well.
Of course you can set yourself and your nieces up for success. Of course you can try and plan ahead to help your own kids be Better People, selfless, kind, non-materialistic. I firmly believe we have influence as parents or as concerned adults! But I also firmly believe that we have only so much influence. We can't expect there to be magic bullets that guarantee any particular outcome. And that's important to understand as well.
Anonymous
09/07/2020 13:12
Subject: Brat or typical tween behavior?
Some of the complaining is normal kid behavior, and some of it is also quarantine behavior - I know my own 11 year old is sometimes punchy out of nowhere these days in a way we didn't see when she was going to school out of the house and participating in favorite activities.
As for the walking piece, OP - I have one kid who loves to walk and can hike for miles, and then there's the 11 year old, who will hike only at Girl Scout camp. She can swim for hours, but walking is usually not her favorite.
You asked in one of your posts here how you can help your own kids develop better attitudes/sense about money and grateful behavior. Talk about how much things cost and give your kids a chance to have a budget.
When my daughter was younger and crazy about American Girl dolls she got gift cards to that store as a gift for many holidays - and boy if she didn't learn how to budget out that money down to the penny to be sure she was really getting exactly what she wanted. I also remember taking her to to the grocery store in that phase and the look on her face when she saw the total - and then she said to me, "that's as much as an American Girl doll!" Realizing a week's worth of groceries and a doll she wanted were the same price made more sense to her than me saying, "that's expensive and I don't think you need another one."
As for the walking piece, OP - I have one kid who loves to walk and can hike for miles, and then there's the 11 year old, who will hike only at Girl Scout camp. She can swim for hours, but walking is usually not her favorite.
You asked in one of your posts here how you can help your own kids develop better attitudes/sense about money and grateful behavior. Talk about how much things cost and give your kids a chance to have a budget.
When my daughter was younger and crazy about American Girl dolls she got gift cards to that store as a gift for many holidays - and boy if she didn't learn how to budget out that money down to the penny to be sure she was really getting exactly what she wanted. I also remember taking her to to the grocery store in that phase and the look on her face when she saw the total - and then she said to me, "that's as much as an American Girl doll!" Realizing a week's worth of groceries and a doll she wanted were the same price made more sense to her than me saying, "that's expensive and I don't think you need another one."
Anonymous
09/07/2020 12:56
Subject: Brat or typical tween behavior?
Anonymous wrote:I can’t believe people are trying to excuse this behavior. I have teen girls and at that age, if they weren’t offering to clear off the table after dinner, making their beds, saying thank-you and asking how they could help out around the house/ with the small cousins, I would be LIVID with my girls.
OP, are they still there or is the weekend over? I definitely think you need to have a kind, direct conversation with them about expectations.
Your expectation of your kids is cultural and does not make OP’s nieces evil brats simply because they were raised with different expectations.
Anonymous
09/07/2020 12:38
Subject: Brat or typical tween behavior?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I can’t believe people are trying to excuse this behavior. I have teen girls and at that age, if they weren’t offering to clear off the table after dinner, making their beds, saying thank-you and asking how they could help out around the house/ with the small cousins, I would be LIVID with my girls.
OP, are they still there or is the weekend over? I definitely think you need to have a kind, direct conversation with them about expectations. [/quote
]
Have you been around kids whose parents are separated and divorcing? Were your kids dealing with that as tweens? During a pandemic? Did you speak to your kids about what college is? How many other conversations have you had with your kids over the years that these kids have not gotten to have?
Anonymous
09/07/2020 12:37
Subject: Brat or typical tween behavior?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I can’t believe people are trying to excuse this behavior. I have teen girls and at that age, if they weren’t offering to clear off the table after dinner, making their beds, saying thank-you and asking how they could help out around the house/ with the small cousins, I would be LIVID with my girls.
OP, are they still there or is the weekend over? I definitely think you need to have a kind, direct conversation with them about expectations.
Op here. They leave tomorrow so just going to ride out the day and hope they come away from the weekend with good memories.
Sounds like they will.
Anonymous
09/07/2020 12:37
Subject: Brat or typical tween behavior?
Anonymous wrote:I can’t believe people are trying to excuse this behavior. I have teen girls and at that age, if they weren’t offering to clear off the table after dinner, making their beds, saying thank-you and asking how they could help out around the house/ with the small cousins, I would be LIVID with my girls.
OP, are they still there or is the weekend over? I definitely think you need to have a kind, direct conversation with them about expectations. [/quote
]
Have you been around kids whose parents are separated and divorcing? Were your kids dealing with that as tweens? Did you speak to your kids about what college is? How many other conversations have you had with your kids over the years that these kids have not gotten to have?
Anonymous
09/07/2020 12:36
Subject: Brat or typical tween behavior?
Anonymous wrote:I can’t believe people are trying to excuse this behavior. I have teen girls and at that age, if they weren’t offering to clear off the table after dinner, making their beds, saying thank-you and asking how they could help out around the house/ with the small cousins, I would be LIVID with my girls.
OP, are they still there or is the weekend over? I definitely think you need to have a kind, direct conversation with them about expectations.
Op here. They leave tomorrow so just going to ride out the day and hope they come away from the weekend with good memories.
Anonymous
09/07/2020 12:29
Subject: Brat or typical tween behavior?
I can’t believe people are trying to excuse this behavior. I have teen girls and at that age, if they weren’t offering to clear off the table after dinner, making their beds, saying thank-you and asking how they could help out around the house/ with the small cousins, I would be LIVID with my girls.
OP, are they still there or is the weekend over? I definitely think you need to have a kind, direct conversation with them about expectations.
OP, are they still there or is the weekend over? I definitely think you need to have a kind, direct conversation with them about expectations.
Anonymous
09/07/2020 12:28
Subject: Brat or typical tween behavior?
Op hard age. Having parents who are divorced or separated and treat them as a unit sucks.
Your kids have the benefit of thinking college is a given. Don't mistake how big of an impact you being college educated and you having an intact marriage is.
The complaining is so normal, the fighting is normal, the quibbling is so normal and your kids weren't along which would have given them behavior cues as you disciplined your own kids.
Sounds like their parents are a hot mess so they aren't doing sports outside of PE class and most US infrastructure is not set up for walking.
We took our kids to Spain and the walking was hard for my kids in the summer. I guess you could start doing family hikes but to be honest it takes a lot of effort with building kid endurance for it.
Your kids have the benefit of thinking college is a given. Don't mistake how big of an impact you being college educated and you having an intact marriage is.
The complaining is so normal, the fighting is normal, the quibbling is so normal and your kids weren't along which would have given them behavior cues as you disciplined your own kids.
Sounds like their parents are a hot mess so they aren't doing sports outside of PE class and most US infrastructure is not set up for walking.
We took our kids to Spain and the walking was hard for my kids in the summer. I guess you could start doing family hikes but to be honest it takes a lot of effort with building kid endurance for it.
Anonymous
09/07/2020 12:05
Subject: Brat or typical tween behavior?
Sounds like OP may have a savior complex and is really put out that she wasn’t thanked to death and dawned over for taking in her poor yokel nieces for the weekend.
Anonymous
09/07/2020 12:05
Subject: Brat or typical tween behavior?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I feel like op is a self-satisfied #boymom who just wants to dump on tween girls’ behavior.
You’re unhinged and likely have daughters that act the same way.
Nope, I have kids who know to be grateful and don’t complain especially around others, but I also understand tweens. Op sounds extremely judgmental.
Anonymous
09/07/2020 11:49
Subject: Brat or typical tween behavior?
Anonymous wrote:I feel like op is a self-satisfied #boymom who just wants to dump on tween girls’ behavior.
You’re unhinged and likely have daughters that act the same way.
Anonymous
09/07/2020 11:43
Subject: Brat or typical tween behavior?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:The more I read, the more I am coming down on the side of “typical tween behavior” meets “wrong-sized and inexperienced expectations.”
Op here. It is disappointing. I want to like them more and it makes me sad that they are so hard to enjoy. But I recognize this is my problem, not theirs.
When I was 9-12, my family was very active, we went to museums, we went for bike rides, we went swimming, etc....so now kids just kinda like, sit at home on iPads while eating?
My nieces came from another state entirely and there are things to do in my state that are way different from their home state. I thought it would be cool to expose them to different things, which I guess I did.
Well, you're obese by your own admission so how did that work out for you?
I think you're pushing your own classist garbage on these kids and they may be feeding off of that.
Also, don't worry, your sons will be complete terrors by the time they are tweens. It's guaranteed.
Anonymous
09/07/2020 11:43
Subject: Brat or typical tween behavior?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I feel like op is a self-satisfied #boymom who just wants to dump on tween girls’ behavior.
She is dumping on poor behavior. Lots of tween girls do not behave as described.
Right - but plenty do, and many will act especially contrary if they feel like they are being criticized.
Anonymous
09/07/2020 11:40
Subject: Re:Brat or typical tween behavior?
Oh and yes it means I feel comfortable with you.