Where you go, there are you, same people only different faces. This isn't a neighbor problem, this is a confidence problem.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honest query: If not through your kids' schools/activities and your neighborhood, where does one meet new people in middle age?

It’s really hard, church/temple/religious groups maybe, but even church seems to have established friendships and cliques. Maybe work, but same there too. I just find many of the neighborhood parents insufferable, but they are probably saying the same about me? Who knows? Who thought adult life would end up being an extension of high school!

This is just human society? Everywhere you go where there are groups of people, you will find people organizing themselves into various subgroups and cliques. Some of them will be very status-conscious with people trying to show they are higher status than others, others will be less so. Some people care very much about their status, others don't give two flying f*cks. i prefer the latter. In any event, I think you'll be disappointed trying to find a place where there are no cliques other than being a hermit and avoiding all society. Best to work on your inside feelings about it, so you can deal with it in a healthy manner.

Anonymous wrote:Honest query: If not through your kids' schools/activities and your neighborhood, where does one meet new people in middle age?

It’s really hard, church/temple/religious groups maybe, but even church seems to have established friendships and cliques. Maybe work, but same there too. I just find many of the neighborhood parents insufferable, but they are probably saying the same about me? Who knows? Who thought adult life would end up being an extension of high school!

Honest query: If not through your kids' schools/activities and your neighborhood, where does one meet new people in middle age?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel for you, OP. And I get why you’d want to move. I would not want to live next door to that or see my DD have to go through that. People saying to just get over your insecurities aren’t being realistic. It’s not that easy. And your DD might be happier not living next to someone who she reacts to like that. I say move!

I also feel more sympathy for you, OP. It’s not easy being on the outside.

No, it’s no fun to watch your children be excluded. Our little girl neighbor actually told me she is only talking to my daughter because her mom asked her to, not because she wants to!? Oh thanks, delightful! Don’t even bother, kid.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also, neighbors that are “best friends” with each other usually just drink and gossip about each other depending who’s available to hang out that evening. It’s extremely superficial and then the whole neighborhood is in your business. Yes even the ones that seem extremely close.

+1. People that try to become best friends with the neighbors are clingy and weird. And generally just trying to be noisy busy bodies -- or social climb if they get a whiff that you have higher status or $.

Agree, I am not a fan of becoming best friends neighborhood people. It seems awkward and contrived. We have a similar situation in that I feel like we are invited to our neighbor’s parties out of sympathy. I feel like my kids annoy the hell out of the parents and kids alike. They seem to avoid us whenever we are outside, if we are out back they go out front. It is what it is. We have different personalities than our neighbors and it’s unlikely we would ever be good friends anyway. The mom is a nice-ish queen bee type and there is an undercurrent of fierce competition that I can’t stand. Unfortunately, we can’t live on a farm on acres and acres so we have to make the best of the situation. I detest neighborhood life.

Anonymous wrote:Also, neighbors that are “best friends” with each other usually just drink and gossip about each other depending who’s available to hang out that evening. It’s extremely superficial and then the whole neighborhood is in your business. Yes even the ones that seem extremely close.

+1. People that try to become best friends with the neighbors are clingy and weird. And generally just trying to be noisy busy bodies -- or social climb if they get a whiff that you have higher status or $.

I think this is such a teachable moment for you. Your daughter is going to be in this situation again and again in life. And quite frankly when she goes to college or grows up she is not going to be able to move every time their is a prettier, wealthier, smarter, or whatever girl. And there is going to be. So the best thing is for her (and you honestly) to learn how to deal with the emotions surrounding the knowledge that there are just people in this world who have things we would like. And we have things that other people likely would be very envious of (I .e. Read some of the “35 and single” threads on this board lamenting that they don’t have husbands or families-you have both). But this is a time for you to teach your daughter how to handle these emotions and model it for her.

Also, neighbors that are “best friends” with each other usually just drink and gossip about each other depending who’s available to hang out that evening. It’s extremely superficial and then the whole neighborhood is in your business. Yes even the ones that seem extremely close.

OP it always helps me to remember that my neighbors are not my friends. They are my neighbors. And it’s okay! We can chit chat and wave hello etc. but just because we see each other in the driveway every afternoon doesn’t mean we need to be besties - or our kids - even if they’re the same age. Sure the proximity is convenient but that’s it. Genuine friendships are so much more than that. Your daughter will find her group. I would keep things light and friendly (neighborly) with these people and then focus on your real life friendships.

Anonymous wrote:I feel for you, OP. And I get why you’d want to move. I would not want to live next door to that or see my DD have to go through that. People saying to just get over your insecurities aren’t being realistic. It’s not that easy. And your DD might be happier not living next to someone who she reacts to like that. I say move!

I also feel more sympathy for you, OP. It’s not easy being on the outside.

Anonymous wrote:Well they aren’t the perfect family if they have a snotty daughter

I suspect the neighbor's daughter attends private school and OP's daughter is in public? So just a pseudo friendship based on proximity.

Is Tucker Carlson your neighbor?

Anonymous wrote:FWIW, I had friends who I thought were the “Golden Couple” — gorgeous, rich, beautiful kids — until the Mom went away to rehab. You never know what is going on in someone else’s life.

This is such a cope. Just like everyone who drives a better car than you is tacky and overextended on payments. Or get this... some people have... a great life, a loving family, make great money and maybe inherited a couple million when grandpa croaked. Hard to believe, I know.

Anonymous wrote:Are you just going to keep moving until you're surrounded by losers on all sides? Seems like an odd strategy.

Realtor: So tell me what kind of neighborhood you're looking for?

OP: Pitbulls. Lots and lots of pitbulls.

lol