Anonymous wrote:Oh dear. I must have really bad manners. Of course I thanked the mom but I never sent flowers or a gift basket. But OP your friend is very weird not even acknowledging this. Unless something awful happened (like seriously illness in family emergency) she should have said something. You didn’t send $ which is weird. Are you BOTH weird?

My older teenager has gone with friends twice this summer to the beach. I did give him money (enough to buy dinner one night for the family and some extra) and his offer was declined. I thanked the family before they left on the first trip but literally haven’t had any contact with them since. The kids set it up (my sons invite).

And on the flip side I took another teenager with us to the beach. His mom thanked me before we left and let us borrow some beach stuff but I haven’t heard from her upon my return and honestly have no expectation to.

Are we rude? Does it matter that the kids are older? Or is my social group just more laid back and less formal?

Anonymous wrote:OP, your friend is poorly bred. It is what it is.

Poorly reared, not poorly bred. Etiquette isn’t in the bones, it has to be taught.

Anonymous wrote:Don't do it for the glory. Do it out of the goodness of your heart. Let it go and be free.

#missingtheOPspoint

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=9Jw0Fu8nhOc

Maya Angelou and Oprah on greeting your children

That's Toni Morrison not Maya Angelou.

Lol!

Anonymous wrote:There is dysfunction in the family that has now become visible to you.

The mother is lacking in social graces as well as basic decency. You can only imagine what kind of mother she is when no one is looking. Don't expect anything from her.

Agree. As I get older I notice these little “tells” about people. Her mind is so filled with other dysfunctional stuff she isn’t able to remember to thank you. Maybe your generosity sparked some weird jealousy or whatever. But in any case there’s a tell here. In each case I’ve seen this I’ve learned later what was going on. Spouse cheating. Financial distress. Etc.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Give her some time. Sounds like she was busy yesterday.

+1 Give it time. Don't let this blow up a friendship.

Also do things because you want to, not for a thank you. A thank you would be nice, but you shouldn't be in a mindset where an immediate thank you is viewed as a slight.

This.

+1
I can only read one page of this post. OP: Grace, Gratitude, Dignity, Repeat.

Oh dear. I must have really bad manners. Of course I thanked the mom but I never sent flowers or a gift basket. But OP your friend is very weird not even acknowledging this. Unless something awful happened (like seriously illness in family emergency) she should have said something. You didn’t send $ which is weird. Are you BOTH weird?

Being busy isn’t an excuse. She was very rude.

Anonymous wrote:https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=9Jw0Fu8nhOc

Maya Angelou and Oprah on greeting your children

That's Toni Morrison not Maya Angelou.

Your friend lacks manners. I would say thank you. OP, you also lack manners. If you can't do some thing without expecting a reward don't do it. I grew up poor and there was a family who would take my sister and I everywhere. My parents never had money and we got to do things that we otherwise wouldn't have done. Movies, arcades, restaurants. Several kids in the neighborhood warned me about playing with this family. I was 11 or 12. Anyway, the oldest daughter and I had a falling out when I was 12. It was kids stuff. Her mother came and in front of everyone and let me have i. She reminded me of all the money they spent on me and my sister and all the places we got to go. It was really embarrassing. The mom was immature and really trying to be miss popular through her kids. Her mother may be similar to you OP. I never accepted and offer from them after. When I invite my kids friends I pay 100%. I don't do it for a thank you, I do it because my kid enjoys being around their friends.

OP, your friendship isn't as strong or as genuine as you think it is. I'd let the mom reach out to you. Bet you won't hear a thing. Too bad but no good deed goes unpunished.

Anonymous wrote:JFC. You took your child's friend on a trip, that kept your child occupied. You're upset that you didn't get a thank you? Get over yourself. We take friends children on various trips with us, and if one tried to offer special thanks or give me a gift, I would laugh and tell them to keep it.

Classy

JFC. You took your child's friend on a trip, that kept your child occupied. You're upset that you didn't get a thank you? Get over yourself. We take friends children on various trips with us, and if one tried to offer special thanks or give me a gift, I would laugh and tell them to keep it.

OP you mentioned that your friend frequently travels internationally and is well off. It was very kind and thoughtful for you to take her son with you on vacation. I wonder if maybe if they are used to elaborate, exotic destinations and so took this very nice trip for granted? If so, it says much more about them than you and I would be miffed also. Someone else brought up that maybe her son did not have that great a time. You mentioned you have two sons who get along great together. Maybe the friend ended up feeling like the odd man out. Three kids can be tricky together. Just a thought and of course they should still thank you but might explain the lack of effusive thank you’d.

Pp here. My DH would also be insisting on a nice gift and proy would have been the one to get it. And we would greet our child and make sure he's thanked the hostess as well.b
basic manners.