Anonymous
Post 07/23/2020 09:45     Subject: How do you tell a child they life they knew is over?
The child is fine. Relax. And whatever you do don’t tell your child “life as you know it is over.” It isn’t. There are changes but her biggest problem right mom is her mom’s mental health.
Anonymous
Post 07/23/2020 09:44     Subject: How do you tell a child they life they knew is over?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Why would you do this? A six year old has limited understanding of time. Sounds like you are expecting her to make some mature acceptance which is unfair. This is not forever; we will distance and wear masks as long as the infection continues to be community acquired. They are working on vaccines which will help. Sounds like you want to upset her, to put adult problems on her shoulders. No reason to increase any anxiety she has; you’re her mom, it’s your job to make her life better not worse.


Not OP. I didn't get this from their post at all. It sounds like they care about their child's mental health.

DP. I agree with the above pp. It is like OP can't handle this and is using her 6 year old for emotional support. Get a golden retriever!


I haven't SAID anything to her! I've been lying and saying it'll end someday!
Anonymous
Post 07/23/2020 09:44     Subject: How do you tell a child they life they knew is over?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Seems weird that the person having this issue is a military spouse. In our military family we talked a lot about how we didn't know exactly when daddy would be home because he was busy helping people but we would all have fun when he did. It's about teaching delayed gratification. We never counted Dow til daddy got home or made calendars because his orders were frequently changed, tours were extended, etc. It's also about you and your kids learning how to live with uncertainty, how to realize you don't control everything and that's okay. Think about what you can control, i.e. we can still have taco tuesday and learn how to swim, etc.


Deployments end eventually.


So will this pandemic.

Daughter of a vet. Wife of a vet.
Anonymous
Post 07/23/2020 09:44     Subject: How do you tell a child they life they knew is over?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:DD (6) thinks things will go back to normal soon. She obviously can't grasp the full impact of the situation yet, and thinks that one day she'll be able to see her grandparents, not a wear a mask, travel, hug friends, attend school. I've been very non-committal about the future because I don't want to negatively affect her mental health, but at some point she'll need to understand that things are different now and won't ever go back. I'm actually wondering if I'm doing her a disservice by putting it off, but I'm dreading it.

Anyway, how and when do you plan on having this conversation?


I would not tell her directly unless she asks directly. I think her thinking/expectations will evolve slowly over time.


What do I say if she asks? Is there anything that can soften the blow? She's a happy kid, but I'm pretty sure that's because she still has hope.

What? So, she hasn't asked, and you are all sad and depressed in case she asks? She is a happy kid, you say, she still has hope? If I ever saw a parent using her child for her own emotional crap, it is this!


Well, she sees that we can't travel and see family and friends anymore. And DH promises her next summer, which I think is irresponsible. I haven't said anything beyond "we'll just have to wait and see."
Anonymous
Post 07/23/2020 09:43     Subject: How do you tell a child they life they knew is over?
Anonymous wrote:DD (6) thinks things will go back to normal soon. She obviously can't grasp the full impact of the situation yet, and thinks that one day she'll be able to see her grandparents, not a wear a mask, travel, hug friends, attend school. I've been very non-committal about the future because I don't want to negatively affect her mental health, but at some point she'll need to understand that things are different now and won't ever go back. I'm actually wondering if I'm doing her a disservice by putting it off, but I'm dreading it.

Anyway, how and when do you plan on having this conversation?


One day, she will be able to do those things again. Just not soon. You can help her by relating it to things that she can’t do yet, but will do some day. It might be getting a driver’s license or voting.
Anonymous
Post 07/23/2020 09:42     Subject: How do you tell a child they life they knew is over?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Why would you do this? A six year old has limited understanding of time. Sounds like you are expecting her to make some mature acceptance which is unfair. This is not forever; we will distance and wear masks as long as the infection continues to be community acquired. They are working on vaccines which will help. Sounds like you want to upset her, to put adult problems on her shoulders. No reason to increase any anxiety she has; you’re her mom, it’s your job to make her life better not worse.


Not OP. I didn't get this from their post at all. It sounds like they care about their child's mental health.

DP. I agree with the above pp. It is like OP can't handle this and is using her 6 year old for emotional support. Get a golden retriever!
Anonymous
Post 07/23/2020 09:41     Subject: How do you tell a child they life they knew is over?
Anonymous wrote:Seems weird that the person having this issue is a military spouse. In our military family we talked a lot about how we didn't know exactly when daddy would be home because he was busy helping people but we would all have fun when he did. It's about teaching delayed gratification. We never counted Dow til daddy got home or made calendars because his orders were frequently changed, tours were extended, etc. It's also about you and your kids learning how to live with uncertainty, how to realize you don't control everything and that's okay. Think about what you can control, i.e. we can still have taco tuesday and learn how to swim, etc.


Deployments end eventually.
Anonymous
Post 07/23/2020 09:41     Subject: How do you tell a child they life they knew is over?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Huh? Haven't you been discussing it all along. Sounds like its a parenting issue.


She's 6. Explaining that her life is over is kinda tough, O Super Parent.

I wake up to see this kind of BS of dcum! Her life is not not over, you insane twat! You would tell something like this when it is absolutely not true?!
Anonymous
Post 07/23/2020 09:40     Subject: How do you tell a child they life they knew is over?
Anonymous wrote:Our girls spent the first 5 years of their lives with us on assignments abroad in the developing world. They understood about washing food and not eating street food, hand washing, hand sanitizer, etc. Didn't see their grandparents much. Hid in the safe room during the riots. They're fine.

Foreign service families talk about raising resilient kids who are adaptable and flexible. It is seen as an opportunity to develop kids with these stre7. Your kids aren't fragile. They're not made of glass.


This is a snapshot of your life in the developing world: secured compounds, surrounded by your own kind, international schools, first-rate access. Maids, nannies and drivers bc labor is so cheap over there.

You should know the rest of the world is laughing at you for using this life as a training ground for raising "resilient kids". The real training ground for your resilience is when you return stateside and have to digest reality that you aren't special anymore.
Anonymous
Post 07/23/2020 09:40     Subject: How do you tell a child they life they knew is over?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:So... mine is 6 too. We talk about it a lot, but in a certain way. Factual but light...we set the tone, they adopt it. "yeah this might be one really weird school year! but one out of life isnt that bad right? at least we get to hang out!" "Its so awesome we have zoom to talk to grandpa during the germ problem, imagine if we didnt!" and I tell them we do not know if a vaccine will come for years, but, the scientists are working and will probably find some good treatments and things will ease up in a year. We have sprinkled these comments throughout the last few months adn it has helped. At first they thought it would be better by summer, but now they know its taking longer and we all just float on.


Problem is, DH is telling her we can go see people next summer without masks. This is super irresponsible since we all know the restrictions won't ever be lifted, but I'm the one who'll get to comfort a crying child when she finds out he lied, so what does he care?

He really is not being a problem. Nor is he super irresponsible. Everything indicates that we will have a vaccine by next summer. And even if we don't your dd will not hold a grudge for a year nor remember it all. You sound like you have insane anxiety. Please seek help.
Anonymous
Post 07/23/2020 09:38     Subject: How do you tell a child they life they knew is over?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Why would you do this? A six year old has limited understanding of time. Sounds like you are expecting her to make some mature acceptance which is unfair. This is not forever; we will distance and wear masks as long as the infection continues to be community acquired. They are working on vaccines which will help. Sounds like you want to upset her, to put adult problems on her shoulders. No reason to increase any anxiety she has; you’re her mom, it’s your job to make her life better not worse.


Excuse me? I said I haven't brought this up for exactly the reasons you stated - but at some point, she'll need to know the life she knew is gone and isn't coming back.

DP. She doesn't and she is clearly doing fine. Unless you have been going on and on and on and on that she will be able to not wear a mask, hug people, lick her fingers non stop. Honestly, why would anyone use her child for so much emotional drama is beyond me.
"We wear masks now to the grocery store, that is not a big deal! We will order some cute ones that you like." The effing end.
Anonymous
Post 07/23/2020 09:37     Subject: How do you tell a child they life they knew is over?
Anonymous wrote:DD (6) thinks things will go back to normal soon. She obviously can't grasp the full impact of the situation yet, and thinks that one day she'll be able to see her grandparents, not a wear a mask, travel, hug friends, attend school. I've been very non-committal about the future because I don't want to negatively affect her mental health, but at some point she'll need to understand that things are different now and won't ever go back. I'm actually wondering if I'm doing her a disservice by putting it off, but I'm dreading it.

Anyway, how and when do you plan on having this conversation?


You win the hand-wringing award of the week. O the horror!

Your child probably has a more comfortable life than 97% of the planet.
Anonymous
Post 07/23/2020 09:37     Subject: How do you tell a child they life they knew is over?
There's been a lot of studies on stress in kids and the vast majority are from how their parents and caregivers respond. For instance how their parents respond to a job loss can have long term effects in kids. Back in March when this all started we got rid of cable and haven't watched any news since. I think reading the news is better anyways. It's stressful to watch the news and see people struggling or sick or hear fear in other's voices. We're happy and cheerful to the kids, but we tell them that other people are sick and we don't want to be. Simple things, but we make sure they don't get worried about it. They have nothing to worry about.
Anonymous
Post 07/23/2020 09:35     Subject: How do you tell a child they life they knew is over?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:DD (6) thinks things will go back to normal soon. She obviously can't grasp the full impact of the situation yet, and thinks that one day she'll be able to see her grandparents, not a wear a mask, travel, hug friends, attend school. I've been very non-committal about the future because I don't want to negatively affect her mental health, but at some point she'll need to understand that things are different now and won't ever go back. I'm actually wondering if I'm doing her a disservice by putting it off, but I'm dreading it.

Anyway, how and when do you plan on having this conversation?


I would not tell her directly unless she asks directly. I think her thinking/expectations will evolve slowly over time.


What do I say if she asks? Is there anything that can soften the blow? She's a happy kid, but I'm pretty sure that's because she still has hope.

What? So, she hasn't asked, and you are all sad and depressed in case she asks? She is a happy kid, you say, she still has hope? If I ever saw a parent using her child for her own emotional crap, it is this!
Anonymous
Post 07/23/2020 09:34     Subject: How do you tell a child they life they knew is over?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP, you are paranoid. There is very little enforcement of quarantine and outdoor masking restrictions. Honestly sounds like you are less worried about the virus and more worried about government encroachment on lives during a public health crisis. Move to Georgia if you don’t like it—no worries about masks there and lots of stuff open.


You're right. I didn't want to say this because it's not really relevant, [snip]


It's extremely relevant because it goes to the trauma you are dealing with yourself. Of course it's hard. Hang in there; the PEP resources are really good.