Anonymous
Post 06/20/2020 11:15     Subject: Re:Giving your married child a down payment, then divorce
Anonymous wrote:Honest question - for all of you who gave your daughter or son substantial money for a house payment and were able to protect it. What if it is your kid who behaves badly in the marriage and causes a divorce. Unexpectedly becomes alcoholic or has an affair and wants to leave for new partner. Do you still want the affected spouse to not get any of your money? What if there are kids and there is joint custody? I guess I’m trying to say these issues are complex and not black and white. We all would like to assume our kids won’t do bad things but sometimes they do


Yes. You get your money back and then you give a piece to the wronged spouse or grandchild to help them out.
Anonymous
Post 06/20/2020 11:15     Subject: Giving your married child a down payment, then divorce
And now we know why we have so many posts here about evil MILs.
Anonymous
Post 06/20/2020 11:14     Subject: Re:Giving your married child a down payment, then divorce
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I made the down payment on a property with my SO (not him) before we were married. I was 25. My dad insisted that I have a legal document drafted and signed stating that I would get my down payment back if we broke up and sold and property. That down payment included some assistance from my parents but not all. He signed it. It was not easy to bring up at such a young age, trust me.

Fortunately we are now married and I have not had to invoke that document. However, I also have a prenup and that document is part of it. If we ever divorce and sell the house, I get my original down payment back from all those years ago.


This is a really foreign concept to me. Given everything that happens with divorce, financial and otherwise, I don't really understand the emphasis here on down payments.

How much money are we talking about here?


$100,000
Anonymous
Post 06/20/2020 10:57     Subject: Re:Giving your married child a down payment, then divorce
Avoid the down payment altogether and only give the gift once there are children. that way, you know eventually your heirs will get the $ back,
Anonymous
Post 06/20/2020 10:48     Subject: Giving your married child a down payment, then divorce
I married into a family that is comfortable. They did not help us with a downpayment. However, my kids gave a trust I can touch and my dh has an inheritance I can't touch. I am perfectly happy with that! I am actually most grateful the kids are taken care of. If you want to really help your child out, set up trusts for grandchildren. The house they can do themselves as functional adults.
Anonymous
Post 06/20/2020 10:09     Subject: Giving your married child a down payment, then divorce
Yeah good question pp
Anonymous
Post 06/20/2020 09:14     Subject: Re:Giving your married child a down payment, then divorce
Honest question - for all of you who gave your daughter or son substantial money for a house payment and were able to protect it. What if it is your kid who behaves badly in the marriage and causes a divorce. Unexpectedly becomes alcoholic or has an affair and wants to leave for new partner. Do you still want the affected spouse to not get any of your money? What if there are kids and there is joint custody? I guess I’m trying to say these issues are complex and not black and white. We all would like to assume our kids won’t do bad things but sometimes they do
Anonymous
Post 06/20/2020 09:09     Subject: Re:Giving your married child a down payment, then divorce
Question for OP - I think something else is going on here. Do you not like SIL? Is he a free loader sort? Is your daughter the primary earner? I would be worried too if I didn’t think too highly of SIL. You still want to support your daughter though so tough situation
Anonymous
Post 06/20/2020 09:01     Subject: Re:Giving your married child a down payment, then divorce
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:PP here. We didn’t sell the house, I kept the house and live in it and pay the mortgage. When we divided our assets, I paid him back his half of the down payment ($14k).


Thanks for replying! Seems that the parents had no cause for concern then. You're still living there.


You got a good deal if the house increased in value during the time you owned it or the principal balance of the load was being paid down with marital money.
Anonymous
Post 06/20/2020 08:29     Subject: Re:Giving your married child a down payment, then divorce
Anonymous wrote:I made the down payment on a property with my SO (not him) before we were married. I was 25. My dad insisted that I have a legal document drafted and signed stating that I would get my down payment back if we broke up and sold and property. That down payment included some assistance from my parents but not all. He signed it. It was not easy to bring up at such a young age, trust me.

Fortunately we are now married and I have not had to invoke that document. However, I also have a prenup and that document is part of it. If we ever divorce and sell the house, I get my original down payment back from all those years ago.


This is a really foreign concept to me. Given everything that happens with divorce, financial and otherwise, I don't really understand the emphasis here on down payments.

How much money are we talking about here?
Anonymous
Post 06/20/2020 06:17     Subject: Re:Giving your married child a down payment, then divorce
I made the down payment on a property with my SO (not him) before we were married. I was 25. My dad insisted that I have a legal document drafted and signed stating that I would get my down payment back if we broke up and sold and property. That down payment included some assistance from my parents but not all. He signed it. It was not easy to bring up at such a young age, trust me.

Fortunately we are now married and I have not had to invoke that document. However, I also have a prenup and that document is part of it. If we ever divorce and sell the house, I get my original down payment back from all those years ago.
Anonymous
Post 06/19/2020 22:13     Subject: Giving your married child a down payment, then divorce
Anonymous wrote:OP, if your daughter is as mercenary as you are, there should be no problem getting her to demand a prenup, which would be the most robust way of achieving what you want.

I still think you sound awful.


A prenup is signed before marriage, not after.
The child is married — see title of the thread.
Anonymous
Post 06/19/2020 22:06     Subject: Giving your married child a down payment, then divorce
OP, if your daughter is as mercenary as you are, there should be no problem getting her to demand a prenup, which would be the most robust way of achieving what you want.

I still think you sound awful.
Anonymous
Post 06/19/2020 22:01     Subject: Re:Giving your married child a down payment, then divorce
In addition to the down payment, mortgage lenders like to see money set aside for unexpected expenses, several months of mortgage payments, taxes and living expenses. It surprises people how much money needs to be in an untouched account in order to convince the lender.
This is usually at the last moment, not at the pre-approval or even the approval stages. I am not sure the daughter knows about this. Is she a first time home buyer?

Would it be beneficial to the daughter to have a separate joint account with Dad to show the lenders?
Anonymous
Post 06/19/2020 21:31     Subject: Re:Giving your married child a down payment, then divorce
Anonymous wrote:PP here. We didn’t sell the house, I kept the house and live in it and pay the mortgage. When we divided our assets, I paid him back his half of the down payment ($14k).


Thanks for replying! Seems that the parents had no cause for concern then. You're still living there.