Anonymous
01/30/2020 15:03
Subject: DS Suffers Socially Because His Mom Doesn't Make friends With Other Moms
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Are people here actually going to pretend there aren't mom clicques? I'm laughing out loud. The coffee cup clutching, Ugg boot wearing, down parka donning moms that hang out in front of the school at pick up and drop off every single day chatting?
Yeeeaah, they don't exist. lol.
That is such an accurate depiction. Though I'd add, unemployed and stretch pants. Theyre like grown up teenagers. Cringe.
Tennis, working out, volunteering at the school, etc. Yeah, all of this exists! Your kids can make friends without you being part of the mom clique, but, at the same time, friendships are also formed, at times, due to the mom cliques.
My kids ride the bus so I don’t congregate in front of the school.
I do drink coffee, wear athleisure and wear uggs. This is just typical SAHM attire. I never thought anyone would judge my bumming clothing. My parka is pretty damn ugly if I do say so myself. It keeps me warm.
I have 3 kids with active social lives. I’m in no mom cliques at school. I am active in the PTA and a room parent. I chit chat with people we know when I see th but I’m not friends with anyone from my kids’ elementary school.
Then you're "in," basicallyThis WOH mom doesn't have time for that. And my kids ride the bus, so no congregating at carpool.
I am a WOH and also active in PTA and a Room Parent. They aren't mutually exclusive.
My commute is 45 minutes.
I’m the pp SAHM with 3 kids. I used to be a working mom of 2 kids with a 30min-1 hour commute. I was active in the PTA then. I went to all the evening pta evenings. I volunteered to be the volunteer coordinator. All I had to do was send our signup geniuses and I would do it in 10 min from work. I volunteered to be the cashier at book fair on the pizza night. You can be active if you want to.
OK, you win.
I’m not trying to win. A parent, mom or dad, can be active in the child’s life whether that person is working or not. I don’t do anything but drive my kid to sports and cub scouts. I know for cub scouts, all the leaders are working parents. This is an organization that needs a lot of volunteers to keep it going. I actually find the pta to be easy. You just choose something that works for your schedule.
Anyways, I’m still not friends with anyone at my kids’ school despite my being active in the pta and a room parent. My kids do have a lot of friends, most of which have parents who don’t even come to pta meetings so i have nothing to do with the fact that my kids have friends. Maybe they think we are a nice family since we are involved in the community but that is the extend of it.
Anonymous
01/30/2020 11:39
Subject: DS Suffers Socially Because His Mom Doesn't Make friends With Other Moms
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I am an introvert mother of several children. My innate nature has hampered them, if at all, only by example. The oldest in particular might (as a child) have been a little more self conscious than children who had a mother who socialized frequently. And yet, over the years, my children have also observed me put in the time and effort to overcome my natural tendencies as I meet and talk to many people, make close friends, host great parties, and lead a fulfilling life. And it turns out that all my children had no trouble forming their own close friendships, socializing frequently, and indeed being well liked and popular as they grew into teenagers and young adults. But they did so on their own terms, and naturally, without their mother's influence.
Pretty much the same here. I do think these “mom groups” can be socially helpful for kids in the early years (prior to 4th- 5th grade a) particularly if a kid has social issues or similar (a kid who is not well liked may still be included because the moms are friends)
However these groups usually disband by 4th/5th grade as the kids start choosing their own friends (and may start protesting hanging out with kids they do not like)- and also become very busy with activities on the weekends leaving less time for these get togethers.
My point is yes- these groups grease the wheels at young ages but it usually does not “stick”- and may even ultimately hamper a kid’s social skills if he doesn’t learn to make friends on his own.
I have never made much effort with moms from school beyond basic politeness/pleasantries and my kids (3) are doing well and have friends. (Freshman, 7th, 5th grades)
Yes. Attempts to engineer kids' social lives based on who the parents want the kids to befriend no longer works at a certain point.
Anonymous
01/30/2020 11:36
Subject: DS Suffers Socially Because His Mom Doesn't Make friends With Other Moms
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Are people here actually going to pretend there aren't mom clicques? I'm laughing out loud. The coffee cup clutching, Ugg boot wearing, down parka donning moms that hang out in front of the school at pick up and drop off every single day chatting?
Yeeeaah, they don't exist. lol.
That is such an accurate depiction. Though I'd add, unemployed and stretch pants. Theyre like grown up teenagers. Cringe.
Tennis, working out, volunteering at the school, etc. Yeah, all of this exists! Your kids can make friends without you being part of the mom clique, but, at the same time, friendships are also formed, at times, due to the mom cliques.
My kids ride the bus so I don’t congregate in front of the school.
I do drink coffee, wear athleisure and wear uggs. This is just typical SAHM attire. I never thought anyone would judge my bumming clothing. My parka is pretty damn ugly if I do say so myself. It keeps me warm.
I have 3 kids with active social lives. I’m in no mom cliques at school. I am active in the PTA and a room parent. I chit chat with people we know when I see th but I’m not friends with anyone from my kids’ elementary school.
Then you're "in," basically
I am a WOH and also active in PTA and a Room Parent. They aren't mutually exclusive.
My commute is 45 minutes.
I’m the pp SAHM with 3 kids. I used to be a working mom of 2 kids with a 30min-1 hour commute. I was active in the PTA then. I went to all the evening pta evenings. I volunteered to be the volunteer coordinator. All I had to do was send our signup geniuses and I would do it in 10 min from work. I volunteered to be the cashier at book fair on the pizza night. You can be active if you want to.
OK, you win.
Anonymous
01/30/2020 10:48
Subject: DS Suffers Socially Because His Mom Doesn't Make friends With Other Moms
Anonymous wrote:Are people here actually going to pretend there aren't mom clicques? I'm laughing out loud. The coffee cup clutching, Ugg boot wearing, down parka donning moms that hang out in front of the school at pick up and drop off every single day chatting?
Yeeeaah, they don't exist. lol.
dp Why do I sense that you feel these moms are inferior to you because their lives are different or have made different choices There is no need to tear down other women.
Anonymous
01/30/2020 10:29
Subject: DS Suffers Socially Because His Mom Doesn't Make friends With Other Moms
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I am an introvert mother of several children. My innate nature has hampered them, if at all, only by example. The oldest in particular might (as a child) have been a little more self conscious than children who had a mother who socialized frequently. And yet, over the years, my children have also observed me put in the time and effort to overcome my natural tendencies as I meet and talk to many people, make close friends, host great parties, and lead a fulfilling life. And it turns out that all my children had no trouble forming their own close friendships, socializing frequently, and indeed being well liked and popular as they grew into teenagers and young adults. But they did so on their own terms, and naturally, without their mother's influence.
Pretty much the same here. I do think these “mom groups” can be socially helpful for kids in the early years (prior to 4th- 5th grade a) particularly if a kid has social issues or similar (a kid who is not well liked may still be included because the moms are friends)
However these groups usually disband by 4th/5th grade as the kids start choosing their own friends (and may start protesting hanging out with kids they do not like)- and also become very busy with activities on the weekends leaving less time for these get togethers.
My point is yes- these groups grease the wheels at young ages but it usually does not “stick”- and may even ultimately hamper a kid’s social skills if he doesn’t learn to make friends on his own.
I have never made much effort with moms from school beyond basic politeness/pleasantries and my kids (3) are doing well and have friends. (Freshman, 7th, 5th grades)
If you are referring to mom's groups geared towards non school aged children, I think those are more for the moms. My elementary kids have plenty of friends from school. I'm not friends with any of the parents although I am friendly acquaintances. I take my 3yo on outings with my mom's group. Some of my closest friends are from when I joined a mom's group when my now elementary kids were babies and toddlers. These are MY friends. The kids attend different schools. They play when we have family gatherings but my kids mostly play with their friends from school.
Anonymous
01/30/2020 09:18
Subject: DS Suffers Socially Because His Mom Doesn't Make friends With Other Moms
Anonymous wrote:I am an introvert mother of several children. My innate nature has hampered them, if at all, only by example. The oldest in particular might (as a child) have been a little more self conscious than children who had a mother who socialized frequently. And yet, over the years, my children have also observed me put in the time and effort to overcome my natural tendencies as I meet and talk to many people, make close friends, host great parties, and lead a fulfilling life. And it turns out that all my children had no trouble forming their own close friendships, socializing frequently, and indeed being well liked and popular as they grew into teenagers and young adults. But they did so on their own terms, and naturally, without their mother's influence.
Pretty much the same here. I do think these “mom groups” can be socially helpful for kids in the early years (prior to 4th- 5th grade a) particularly if a kid has social issues or similar (a kid who is not well liked may still be included because the moms are friends)
However these groups usually disband by 4th/5th grade as the kids start choosing their own friends (and may start protesting hanging out with kids they do not like)- and also become very busy with activities on the weekends leaving less time for these get togethers.
My point is yes- these groups grease the wheels at young ages but it usually does not “stick”- and may even ultimately hamper a kid’s social skills if he doesn’t learn to make friends on his own.
I have never made much effort with moms from school beyond basic politeness/pleasantries and my kids (3) are doing well and have friends. (Freshman, 7th, 5th grades)
Anonymous
01/30/2020 08:58
Subject: DS Suffers Socially Because His Mom Doesn't Make friends With Other Moms
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Are people here actually going to pretend there aren't mom clicques? I'm laughing out loud. The coffee cup clutching, Ugg boot wearing, down parka donning moms that hang out in front of the school at pick up and drop off every single day chatting?
Yeeeaah, they don't exist. lol.
That is such an accurate depiction. Though I'd add, unemployed and stretch pants. Theyre like grown up teenagers. Cringe.
Tennis, working out, volunteering at the school, etc. Yeah, all of this exists! Your kids can make friends without you being part of the mom clique, but, at the same time, friendships are also formed, at times, due to the mom cliques.
My kids ride the bus so I don’t congregate in front of the school.
I do drink coffee, wear athleisure and wear uggs. This is just typical SAHM attire. I never thought anyone would judge my bumming clothing. My parka is pretty damn ugly if I do say so myself. It keeps me warm.
I have 3 kids with active social lives. I’m in no mom cliques at school. I am active in the PTA and a room parent. I chit chat with people we know when I see th but I’m not friends with anyone from my kids’ elementary school.
Then you're "in," basically
I am a WOH and also active in PTA and a Room Parent. They aren't mutually exclusive.
My commute is 45 minutes.
I’m the pp SAHM with 3 kids. I used to be a working mom of 2 kids with a 30min-1 hour commute. I was active in the PTA then. I went to all the evening pta evenings. I volunteered to be the volunteer coordinator. All I had to do was send our signup geniuses and I would do it in 10 min from work. I volunteered to be the cashier at book fair on the pizza night. You can be active if you want to.
Anonymous
01/30/2020 07:42
Subject: DS Suffers Socially Because His Mom Doesn't Make friends With Other Moms
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Are people here actually going to pretend there aren't mom clicques? I'm laughing out loud. The coffee cup clutching, Ugg boot wearing, down parka donning moms that hang out in front of the school at pick up and drop off every single day chatting?
Yeeeaah, they don't exist. lol.
That is such an accurate depiction. Though I'd add, unemployed and stretch pants. Theyre like grown up teenagers. Cringe.
Tennis, working out, volunteering at the school, etc. Yeah, all of this exists! Your kids can make friends without you being part of the mom clique, but, at the same time, friendships are also formed, at times, due to the mom cliques.
My kids ride the bus so I don’t congregate in front of the school.
I do drink coffee, wear athleisure and wear uggs. This is just typical SAHM attire. I never thought anyone would judge my bumming clothing. My parka is pretty damn ugly if I do say so myself. It keeps me warm.
I have 3 kids with active social lives. I’m in no mom cliques at school. I am active in the PTA and a room parent. I chit chat with people we know when I see th but I’m not friends with anyone from my kids’ elementary school.
Then you're "in," basically
I am a WOH and also active in PTA and a Room Parent. They aren't mutually exclusive.
My commute is 45 minutes.
Anonymous
01/30/2020 07:39
Subject: DS Suffers Socially Because His Mom Doesn't Make friends With Other Moms
I am an introvert mother of several children. My innate nature has hampered them, if at all, only by example. The oldest in particular might (as a child) have been a little more self conscious than children who had a mother who socialized frequently. And yet, over the years, my children have also observed me put in the time and effort to overcome my natural tendencies as I meet and talk to many people, make close friends, host great parties, and lead a fulfilling life. And it turns out that all my children had no trouble forming their own close friendships, socializing frequently, and indeed being well liked and popular as they grew into teenagers and young adults. But they did so on their own terms, and naturally, without their mother's influence.
Anonymous
01/30/2020 07:03
Subject: DS Suffers Socially Because His Mom Doesn't Make friends With Other Moms
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Are people here actually going to pretend there aren't mom clicques? I'm laughing out loud. The coffee cup clutching, Ugg boot wearing, down parka donning moms that hang out in front of the school at pick up and drop off every single day chatting?
Yeeeaah, they don't exist. lol.
That is such an accurate depiction. Though I'd add, unemployed and stretch pants. Theyre like grown up teenagers. Cringe.
Tennis, working out, volunteering at the school, etc. Yeah, all of this exists! Your kids can make friends without you being part of the mom clique, but, at the same time, friendships are also formed, at times, due to the mom cliques.
My kids ride the bus so I don’t congregate in front of the school.
I do drink coffee, wear athleisure and wear uggs. This is just typical SAHM attire. I never thought anyone would judge my bumming clothing. My parka is pretty damn ugly if I do say so myself. It keeps me warm.
I have 3 kids with active social lives. I’m in no mom cliques at school. I am active in the PTA and a room parent. I chit chat with people we know when I see th but I’m not friends with anyone from my kids’ elementary school.
Then you're "in," basically
I am a WOH mom who makes time for things at my kids' school. I am very involved in our parent association, and always take on roles that are flexible on timing (I can send emails at night and from anywhere) and I regularly go to whatever events I can make it to. I know other kids' parents for the most part and I respect all of the parents I have gotten to know, without feeling any need to judge whether they are wearing UGGs, yoga clothes, business suits or otherwise. And I travel about a week a month for work and regulalry work 10 hour days (though flexible times other than core business hours so I have more flexibility than many others). I have the time because I make the time. That, and that we made it a priority to live very close to our kids' school (easy walking distance), and it's easier logistically because our kids are very close in age so essentially share a school community, and they attend the same school. I have a situation that many don't (the financial ability to live close to school and to live in DC so a very short commute to and from work, and kids who are both very happy at their school). That said, I'm also have a lot of professional commitments, and other family commitments, and I would never say I don't have the time to get to know my kids' school community.
That’s great that you can do it all but I know that it wasn’t possible for me to do it all. You sound kind of preachy in that everyone should do what you are doing. Your situation isn’t the same as anyone else’s views/situation and so why be judgmental? Maybe you’re not trying to be so and I have misread your intent?
Anonymous
01/30/2020 06:20
Subject: DS Suffers Socially Because His Mom Doesn't Make friends With Other Moms
I wear leggings and Ugg’s every day to work (in health care).
Anonymous
01/29/2020 21:14
Subject: DS Suffers Socially Because His Mom Doesn't Make friends With Other Moms
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Are people here actually going to pretend there aren't mom clicques? I'm laughing out loud. The coffee cup clutching, Ugg boot wearing, down parka donning moms that hang out in front of the school at pick up and drop off every single day chatting?
Yeeeaah, they don't exist. lol.
That is such an accurate depiction. Though I'd add, unemployed and stretch pants. Theyre like grown up teenagers. Cringe.
Tennis, working out, volunteering at the school, etc. Yeah, all of this exists! Your kids can make friends without you being part of the mom clique, but, at the same time, friendships are also formed, at times, due to the mom cliques.
My kids ride the bus so I don’t congregate in front of the school.
I do drink coffee, wear athleisure and wear uggs. This is just typical SAHM attire. I never thought anyone would judge my bumming clothing. My parka is pretty damn ugly if I do say so myself. It keeps me warm.
I have 3 kids with active social lives. I’m in no mom cliques at school. I am active in the PTA and a room parent. I chit chat with people we know when I see th but I’m not friends with anyone from my kids’ elementary school.
Then you're "in," basically
I am a WOH mom who makes time for things at my kids' school. I am very involved in our parent association, and always take on roles that are flexible on timing (I can send emails at night and from anywhere) and I regularly go to whatever events I can make it to. I know other kids' parents for the most part and I respect all of the parents I have gotten to know, without feeling any need to judge whether they are wearing UGGs, yoga clothes, business suits or otherwise. And I travel about a week a month for work and regulalry work 10 hour days (though flexible times other than core business hours so I have more flexibility than many others). I have the time because I make the time. That, and that we made it a priority to live very close to our kids' school (easy walking distance), and it's easier logistically because our kids are very close in age so essentially share a school community, and they attend the same school. I have a situation that many don't (the financial ability to live close to school and to live in DC so a very short commute to and from work, and kids who are both very happy at their school). That said, I'm also have a lot of professional commitments, and other family commitments, and I would never say I don't have the time to get to know my kids' school community.
Anonymous
01/29/2020 20:56
Subject: DS Suffers Socially Because His Mom Doesn't Make friends With Other Moms
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Are people here actually going to pretend there aren't mom clicques? I'm laughing out loud. The coffee cup clutching, Ugg boot wearing, down parka donning moms that hang out in front of the school at pick up and drop off every single day chatting?
Yeeeaah, they don't exist. lol.
That is such an accurate depiction. Though I'd add, unemployed and stretch pants. Theyre like grown up teenagers. Cringe.
Tennis, working out, volunteering at the school, etc. Yeah, all of this exists! Your kids can make friends without you being part of the mom clique, but, at the same time, friendships are also formed, at times, due to the mom cliques.
My kids ride the bus so I don’t congregate in front of the school.
I do drink coffee, wear athleisure and wear uggs. This is just typical SAHM attire. I never thought anyone would judge my bumming clothing. My parka is pretty damn ugly if I do say so myself. It keeps me warm.
I have 3 kids with active social lives. I’m in no mom cliques at school. I am active in the PTA and a room parent. I chit chat with people we know when I see th but I’m not friends with anyone from my kids’ elementary school.
Then you're "in," basically
I am a WOH and also active in PTA and a Room Parent. They aren't mutually exclusive.
This. Every single member of our PTA board this year is a parent who WOHP FT (mix of moms and dads too btw). When I was on the board I was a SAHM but it has generally been a mix. Classroom volunteers tend to skew a bit towards SAHMs due to scheduling, sports coaches skew toward WOHPs simply because they are usually men and not many men SAH.
Maybe OP should join the PTA board- they love having dads participate.
If you want to be involved, being a dad or working full time does not mean you cannot.
On the other hand, some work schedules make this difficult and that is fine- but you can’t expect your ex to rearrange her life to do this stuff. If you want to take part- do it.
Anonymous
01/29/2020 19:29
Subject: DS Suffers Socially Because His Mom Doesn't Make friends With Other Moms
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Are people here actually going to pretend there aren't mom clicques? I'm laughing out loud. The coffee cup clutching, Ugg boot wearing, down parka donning moms that hang out in front of the school at pick up and drop off every single day chatting?
Yeeeaah, they don't exist. lol.
That is such an accurate depiction. Though I'd add, unemployed and stretch pants. Theyre like grown up teenagers. Cringe.
Tennis, working out, volunteering at the school, etc. Yeah, all of this exists! Your kids can make friends without you being part of the mom clique, but, at the same time, friendships are also formed, at times, due to the mom cliques.
My kids ride the bus so I don’t congregate in front of the school.
I do drink coffee, wear athleisure and wear uggs. This is just typical SAHM attire. I never thought anyone would judge my bumming clothing. My parka is pretty damn ugly if I do say so myself. It keeps me warm.
I have 3 kids with active social lives. I’m in no mom cliques at school. I am active in the PTA and a room parent. I chit chat with people we know when I see th but I’m not friends with anyone from my kids’ elementary school.
Then you're "in," basically
I am a WOH and also active in PTA and a Room Parent. They aren't mutually exclusive.
Anonymous
01/29/2020 19:20
Subject: DS Suffers Socially Because His Mom Doesn't Make friends With Other Moms
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Are people here actually going to pretend there aren't mom clicques? I'm laughing out loud. The coffee cup clutching, Ugg boot wearing, down parka donning moms that hang out in front of the school at pick up and drop off every single day chatting?
Yeeeaah, they don't exist. lol.
That is such an accurate depiction. Though I'd add, unemployed and stretch pants. Theyre like grown up teenagers. Cringe.
Tennis, working out, volunteering at the school, etc. Yeah, all of this exists! Your kids can make friends without you being part of the mom clique, but, at the same time, friendships are also formed, at times, due to the mom cliques.
My kids ride the bus so I don’t congregate in front of the school.
I do drink coffee, wear athleisure and wear uggs. This is just typical SAHM attire. I never thought anyone would judge my bumming clothing. My parka is pretty damn ugly if I do say so myself. It keeps me warm.
I have 3 kids with active social lives. I’m in no mom cliques at school. I am active in the PTA and a room parent. I chit chat with people we know when I see th but I’m not friends with anyone from my kids’ elementary school.
Then you're "in," basically
This WOH mom doesn't have time for that. And my kids ride the bus, so no congregating at carpool.