Anonymous
Post 01/24/2020 14:34     Subject: It’s like I don’t exist other than to hand off DS
Anonymous wrote:I don't think it is strange at all at the end of the day that she wants to spend time with her grandchild. I get you want her to want you as a friend and to see you the way she sees her grandson but that is rare. She isn't going to invite just you over to have lunch. If you need more friends and that is why you are so jealous of your son and her spending time together, go make them, she isn't going to be your BFF.

She is calling you, making pleasant chit chat, showing an interest in you and asking about seeing her grandson. that sounds completely appropriate and normal and healthy. It isn't taking to want a relationship with your children and grandchildren at all.

I have no idea what your actual issue is. Maybe you are lonely and jealous, maybe you are just burnt out, maybe you are envious of her for some reason, maybe you are just incredibly sensitive, maybe you need everything to be about you...I don't know. The problem in this scenario though is you not her. Do some self reflection and try to figure out what the real issue is for you.


+1 all of this. She opened with politeness, she asked about your life, and she'd like to see her grandchild. This is a normal, healthy interaction. That you see it as her acting as a "taker" is ... coming from something other than what you've demonstrated here. Are you just super overwhelmed with your husband out of town and any comment at all feels like a criticism? It would be perfectly okay to respond that you don't know when you can make the drive in the near future but that they're welcome to drive to you, but to take to a message board about how you're at your wits end because she asked how your holidays went an expressed an interest in seeing your son is ... well it's not reasonable.
Anonymous
Post 01/24/2020 14:31     Subject: Re:It’s like I don’t exist other than to hand off DS
I'd point out to the posters suggesting inviting MIL over instead to avoid the 2-4 hours of driving that hosting someone is often as much work and disruptive to your schedule. I know that I always clean my house before my MIL comes and would not want to entertain a visit while I was under work deadlines/husband traveling. I also would not want her coming over right after I got back from my own work travel because when DH is on his own with the kids the house looks like it was ransacked even when it was perfectly clean before I left.
Anonymous
Post 01/24/2020 14:06     Subject: It’s like I don’t exist other than to hand off DS
Just wow, people. Of course having close family relationships with people other than just the parents (especially is dad is often away) is beneficial to children. How is that even a question???
Anonymous
Post 01/24/2020 13:36     Subject: It’s like I don’t exist other than to hand off DS
Anonymous wrote:I get why this is frustrating ... but I also get why she isn't just straight up texting you asking to see the kid -- from her POV that would be very rude! She's working to take an interest and open a conversation with you first.

Can you work with your husband for him to take care of logistics? "Hey Bryan, your mom texted to see if she could see Billy. Can you set something up with her?"


+1

I think it's a generational thing. To her she needs to begin with the "pleasantries" before the request. For you (and for me) I'd rather someone just cut to the chase. Neither person is going to change though, OP.
Anonymous
Post 01/24/2020 13:30     Subject: It’s like I don’t exist other than to hand off DS
Is there actual studies to back up the claim that having engaged grandparents benefits the child?

I think you are confusing it with engaged parents. Maybe MIL could help out with chores so that OP would have more time to engage with DC?
Anonymous
Post 01/24/2020 13:23     Subject: It’s like I don’t exist other than to hand off DS
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:It is not unreasonable for OP to be frustrated that her MIL doesn't seem to see that she is working/managing the house/watching children while her husband is away, and instead of MIL asking "would it be OK for me to come over and see Billy and help out," she's saying, "Can you do YET MORE and drive 4 hours to bring my grandkid to me?"

Don't you guys see the difference between a simple request to want to see the grandkid (fine) and a request to drive 4 hours to BRING the grandkid to her? Why would OP need to add yet more to her plate?


Yes, but a healthy and very normal response would be "I'm struggling doing it all alone, can you come here to see Larlo?"

Of course then OP will be back her bitching about her MIl always coming to her house.

OP fails to see that having engaged grandparents is good for her child because it's all about her.


Hi Op's MIL!
Anonymous
Post 01/24/2020 13:22     Subject: It’s like I don’t exist other than to hand off DS
I think you're probably over-reacting a little. You're stressed and over-extended.

Just tell her that. "I'm really over-extended and can't bring him by. But, you are free to come here if that works? How's Friday at 2?" If she says no and won't do it until you can drive him there, then she waits.
Anonymous
Post 01/24/2020 11:24     Subject: It’s like I don’t exist other than to hand off DS
Anonymous wrote:Ugh, my MIL is demanding to spend time with DC.

DH is traveling so he asked her to pick up DC from school and drive to activities. He has to train MIL how to use car line, give times and addresses to all the activities, etc. I’m not sure if she can handle it.

Honestly, I would rather do it myself. And it’s annoying that MIL inserts herself into our live. She will drive to the school that I picked, will drive to activities that I selected and meet people I found and made friends with. Like a parasite that doesn’t have her own life and has to live off someone else’s.

Just venting


You need serious help.
Anonymous
Post 01/24/2020 06:43     Subject: Re:It’s like I don’t exist other than to hand off DS
To put your complaint in context OP. I do not think my MIL has ever asked how I was doing. She just tells me I am a bad mom and then thanks her son for anything I did to help her.

Just reply back “ thanks for the offer, but we have a full schedule right now”
Anonymous
Post 01/24/2020 06:42     Subject: Re:It’s like I don’t exist other than to hand off DS
Tell her no.
Anonymous
Post 01/24/2020 05:54     Subject: It’s like I don’t exist other than to hand off DS
Anonymous wrote:Ugh, my MIL is demanding to spend time with DC.

DH is traveling so he asked her to pick up DC from school and drive to activities. He has to train MIL how to use car line, give times and addresses to all the activities, etc. I’m not sure if she can handle it.

Honestly, I would rather do it myself. And it’s annoying that MIL inserts herself into our live. She will drive to the school that I picked, will drive to activities that I selected and meet people I found and made friends with. Like a parasite that doesn’t have her own life and has to live off someone else’s.

Just venting


You are even more unstable than the OP. Your post actually reeks of jealousy and paranoia.
Anonymous
Post 01/24/2020 05:39     Subject: It’s like I don’t exist other than to hand off DS
Anonymous wrote:It is not unreasonable for OP to be frustrated that her MIL doesn't seem to see that she is working/managing the house/watching children while her husband is away, and instead of MIL asking "would it be OK for me to come over and see Billy and help out," she's saying, "Can you do YET MORE and drive 4 hours to bring my grandkid to me?"

Don't you guys see the difference between a simple request to want to see the grandkid (fine) and a request to drive 4 hours to BRING the grandkid to her? Why would OP need to add yet more to her plate?


Yes, but a healthy and very normal response would be "I'm struggling doing it all alone, can you come here to see Larlo?"

Of course then OP will be back her bitching about her MIl always coming to her house.

OP fails to see that having engaged grandparents is good for her child because it's all about her.
Anonymous
Post 01/24/2020 05:37     Subject: It’s like I don’t exist other than to hand off DS
I honestly fail to see the issue here. You seem dramatic. Just remember you will be a MIL one day and if this is what you are doing now, you won't have much of a relationship with your son when he marries. His wife is gonna be like "Nope, your mom is a piece of work".

I think you are stressed and irrational and possibly hysterical. I sympathize with your situation, but get a grio.
Anonymous
Post 01/22/2020 10:23     Subject: It’s like I don’t exist other than to hand off DS
Anonymous wrote:It is not unreasonable for OP to be frustrated that her MIL doesn't seem to see that she is working/managing the house/watching children while her husband is away, and instead of MIL asking "would it be OK for me to come over and see Billy and help out," she's saying, "Can you do YET MORE and drive 4 hours to bring my grandkid to me?"

Don't you guys see the difference between a simple request to want to see the grandkid (fine) and a request to drive 4 hours to BRING the grandkid to her? Why would OP need to add yet more to her plate?


Has it been confirmed that the 2 hours is one way? Did OP ask if MIL could visit instead? In my world, asking to come over without an invitation is kind of rude. Besides that, you also get DILs like this, which is why many of us feel that DILs simply can't be pleased:


Ugh, my MIL is demanding to spend time with DC.

DH is traveling so he asked her to pick up DC from school and drive to activities. He has to train MIL how to use car line, give times and addresses to all the activities, etc. I’m not sure if she can handle it.

Honestly, I would rather do it myself. And it’s annoying that MIL inserts herself into our live. She will drive to the school that I picked, will drive to activities that I selected and meet people I found and made friends with. Like a parasite that doesn’t have her own life and has to live off someone else’s.

Just venting
Anonymous
Post 01/22/2020 10:19     Subject: It’s like I don’t exist other than to hand off DS
It is not unreasonable for OP to be frustrated that her MIL doesn't seem to see that she is working/managing the house/watching children while her husband is away, and instead of MIL asking "would it be OK for me to come over and see Billy and help out," she's saying, "Can you do YET MORE and drive 4 hours to bring my grandkid to me?"

Don't you guys see the difference between a simple request to want to see the grandkid (fine) and a request to drive 4 hours to BRING the grandkid to her? Why would OP need to add yet more to her plate?