Anonymous wrote:I had a great family life and lots of support as a girl. I had very high standards and so I waited until I was with the right and worthy person.

Look if you have a low sex drive that's ok, too. You don't have to sugarcoat not being interested.

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Anonymous wrote:More sex partners before marriage associated with higher divorce rates.

Please post the peer-reviewed research on this. TIA!

Indeed. And how about happiness within marriage? I'd much rather my child be divorced then miserably married.

It kind of makes sense to me. Sex is like glue for a relationship, and when you are too casual about it, you could end up “glued” to the wrong person. Don’t tell me you have never seen this, particularly with young men.

This makes no sense logically. Those who have had more partners are less likely to make having sex with one partner the be-all and end-all and cling to them just because they had sex.

They are also more likely to actually like sex, unlike a lot of spouses I see in the relationships forum who are just fine without it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:More sex partners before marriage associated with higher divorce rates.

Please post the peer-reviewed research on this. TIA!

Indeed. And how about happiness within marriage? I'd much rather my child be divorced then miserably married.

It kind of makes sense to me. Sex is like glue for a relationship, and when you are too casual about it, you could end up “glued” to the wrong person. Don’t tell me you have never seen this, particularly with young men.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:More sex partners before marriage associated with higher divorce rates.

Please post the peer-reviewed research on this. TIA!

Indeed. And how about happiness within marriage? I'd much rather my child be divorced then miserably married.

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Anonymous wrote:So disgusting how you all are romanticizing this. Are you going to think it’s ok when your 15 year old says they are sexually active? This lack of morals is astounding

You are the reason I left religion. Consensual sex is not immoral.

Teens have been having sex since the beginning of time.

The reason you left religion is not bc of me. You wanted to live without morals. Own it

Np here.

Sexism is immoral, yet the monotheistic religions argue that it’s good. It may be time for you to re-examine your need to hold onto to outdated “morality.” I’ll stick with beliefs that are actually moral.

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Anonymous wrote:Those who had sex as HS teens and also had multiple partners, did that help you in being better spouse when you got married?

In other words, did it prevent marital strife and divorce - since you were adept in adult relationships?

I think that having sex with a couple of different partners before marriage improved my sex life in marriage. I did some stupid things when I was first having sex. With my first boyfriends, I faked orgasms sometimes because I wanted it to be over. At some point, I recognized that I did that when there wasn’t enough foreplay, and intercourse was a little bit painful. I decided that I was depriving myself of actual good sex and decided to tell my boyfriend at the time so we could have a better sex life. Needless to say, he was devastated, and that was the beginning of the end of our relationship. I promised myself that I would never fake anything again and went into marriage open and honest about what I wanted. My marriage is far from perfect, but we do have a good sex life

Sometimes men on here and IRL say that their wives aren’t interested in sex, but they climax quickly from PIV every time. I wonder if these wives got caught in the trap I did with my boyfriend. They fake it a few times to please their partner, then they can never tell the truth without hurting their marriage.

I'm the opposite. I waited and have so, so, so many regrets.

I grew up in a religious household where premarital sex was very much frowned upon.

I didn't have my first kiss until 16 and the most I did in college was some dry humping and lots of touching. No oral either.

I feel like I had way more boyfriends than my peers because of my abstinence. It was hard to make a good connection with a guy because as soon as he found out about how I was waiting until marriage, his interest dropped to near 0%. There were some who stayed with me but those were the ones who used me as a type of challenge (to take my v-card).

I finally met the right guy when I was 23, got engaged at 24 and married just before 25. We were both virgins and just ready to do it by that point. The engagement and wedding all felt very rushed because we both wanted to get it over with so we could have sex.

It was awful. It lasted minutes and left me crying afterwards in the bathroom. Not because of how special and significant it was like I'd been told, but because it was a total let down. I was texting with my best friend on my wedding night about how upset I was. Who does that?! She told me it would get better but holy crap, it took forEVer to get better. We would go at it 5, 6, 7 times a day after that night and each time I was left upset and on the verge of tears. It always lasted minutes and he had even less experience than I did (went to a religious university and didn't really date much or do more than kiss). I then found out he was very anti-oral (giving) and just okay with receiving.

We had a year of terrible sex and another year of just okay sex before he agreed to see a sex therapist with me. He (his request - it had to be a man) finally got him to understand that women needed more than a few quick pumps to be satisfied and my husband allowed us to bring a toy into the bedroom. I had my very first orgasm just after turning 28 and after 3 years of marriage. We persisted on for 2 more years with lots of therapy and counseling before we separated.

Divorced at 30 with just one mediocre sexual partner is not awesome, let me tell you. My therapist was amazing, though, and really helped me unlearn so many of the religious teachings that had been drilled into me.

I'm still a religious person but do not believe that sex before marriage is bad. You do need to test drive that car before you buy it. I always laughed at that when I heard it before my experience but I do now believe it 100%.

I had a LOT of sex after my divorce, gained a lot of confidence in that area, and have now been happily married for 3 years. We are not raising our kids to believe that sex before marriage = bad.

No regrets. Long term boyfriend, we were in love, it was a positive and nurturing relationship.

Anonymous wrote:More sex partners before marriage associated with higher divorce rates.

Please post the peer-reviewed research on this. TIA!

Anonymous wrote:I had a great family life and lots of support as a girl. I had very high standards and so I waited until I was with the right and worthy person.

Way to be so busy being smug as to forget to even answer the question. Was the “right and worthy person” in high school or after?

I had a great family life and lots of support as a girl. I had very high standards and so I waited until I was with the right and worthy person.

Anonymous wrote:OP, the average age of sex for the first time is 17 in the U.S. It's not "so young." It's what most people do (and have done since the dawn of history.)

The more interesting question is for those who delayed, how and why and do they have regrets.

+1 I started having sex at 17. No regrets.

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So disgusting how you all are romanticizing this. Are you going to think it’s ok when your 15 year old says they are sexually active? This lack of morals is astounding

Agree +1000000000

The posters on here pretending that 15 is old enough!!!!

So what is old enough?

Stop equating sex with morals. If two people are consenting to have sex there is nothing immoral about it. Grow up.

I will give you that 15-year-olds probably don't know how to enjoy it, but I certainly will not vilify them if they have sex.

+1

Anonymous wrote:I regret it because I didn't know enough about my body to really enjoy it but I thought it was what I was supposed to do. My parents didn't talk to me about sex being pleasurable I just wasn't supposed to do it because pregnancy. Wait for marriage.

No, antiquated advice.

No one needs to "wait for marriage", every woman has her own journey. Waiting for marriage if the people are incompatible than what??

Talk to your children about sex, birth control, emotions, etc.. So important.

Anonymous wrote:Those who had sex as HS teens and also had multiple partners, did that help you in being better spouse when you got married?

In other words, did it prevent marital strife and divorce - since you were adept in adult relationships?

Huh. That's a strange question. I don't think being sexually active in high school has much bearing on being adept in adult relationships.

I had sex in high school but didn't get married until my mid 30s. I think my high school experiences had zero effect on my ability to be a good spouse. I had two serious, long term relationships in my 20s and 30s - one that lasted three years, the other five years. I'd say having been in those relationships - and the experience of what went wrong in them - helped me appreciate my husband and be a good spouse to him. But my high school relationships had nothing to do with that.