Anonymous
Post 12/30/2019 02:29     Subject: Niece staying with me for 2 months - payment? Rent? Nothing?
Yikes. These comments are ridiculous. OP is just asking what's typical people. She's not some scrooge or horrible person like some of you nutjobs are claiming.

OP, like a few of the posters mentioned, I wouldn't ask for any money but your niece needs to take care of her own expenses as far as specific foods she wants, transportation, personal toiletries, etc. Now if this was a 1 week visit, I wouldn't say that of course but 2 months adds up. And niece's parents should absolutely insist on giving you something. Even if you refuse, they should give niece money or gift cards to help you with groceries, a couple nice meals out, something.
Anonymous
Post 12/30/2019 02:04     Subject: Re:Niece staying with me for 2 months - payment? Rent? Nothing?
Anonymous wrote:OP I speak as a parent of 2 kids with Asperger’s. There is a lot of individual variation in life skills. I think you need to have a conversation with the parents to understand what kind of support your niece may need during this internship. It would help to clarify expectations for everyone. If she has a counselor she works with at school, does she need to find someone locally to fill that role or will you be the one assisting her in thinking through social expectations/ situations.

I would ask about the groceries in the same vein/ joking with my sibling about my own shopping habits/ budget and asking if how niece handles those things at school. I would also ask about other preferences like shampoo/ towels etc. I like to be a good host, but it also serves to remind the parents of the needs/ complexities of their child.

Since these challenges run in families I have seen wildly varying expectations on all sides, so open conversations are definitely the way to go. I often send gift cards to people who are hosting my kids to cover incidentals. Nobody agrees to take money in advance, but my DD needs strawberries with her breakfast in the morning and I would rather defray those weird costs than have someone feel resentful. I also send my kids with enough spending money to buy dinner and instructions to clean up after home- cooked meals in any way possible.

But my Aspie who is very particular about dishwasher losing is instructed to help clear the table and load/ unload the car, entertain young children. Because nobody needs feedback from a guest about dishwasher losing.

Good luck! This can be a great experience for you and your niece!


What's dishwasher losing?
Did you mean loading?
Do you use swype?
Anonymous
Post 12/30/2019 02:01     Subject: Niece staying with me for 2 months - payment? Rent? Nothing?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Cannot believe you are even asking. The answer is no you do not charge her! Yes, lay down the house rules.

My niece lived with us all summer (10 weeks), at no charge. This is just what family does.



It’s what YOUR family does. Niece should find her own housing with her peers and learn that she is not owed anything and that it is not okay to leech off others...ever!


Exactly. I'm not going to teach my kid that it's okay to leech off others and take advantage of their hospitality. Ever.


Now you're sock puppeting... you're being a LEECH in this thread.
You sound crazy, like you have real issues... seek help immediately.
Anonymous
Post 12/30/2019 01:58     Subject: Niece staying with me for 2 months - payment? Rent? Nothing?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Cannot believe you are even asking. The answer is no you do not charge her! Yes, lay down the house rules.

My niece lived with us all summer (10 weeks), at no charge. This is just what family does.



It’s what YOUR family does. Niece should find her own housing with her peers and learn that she is not owed anything and that it is not okay to leech off others...ever!


How many more times are you going to post about "leeching"??

You sound like a miserable spinster who sits alone and counts her pennies.
Anonymous
Post 12/29/2019 22:03     Subject: Niece staying with me for 2 months - payment? Rent? Nothing?
This entire thread is crazy to me. Having a visitor, who you can expect to mostly take care of herself (YOU set the ground rules for your home), will not be costing OP much of anything. She is a college student, not an ES kid, and won't need babysitting - just a key, bed, and shower.

I would set the rules up front (long before she arrives), buy your own food/meals, be responsible for your own transportation, lock the house when you leave, no smoking, shower limit to 10 or 15 minutes (just say you have a small water heater or an expensive water bill, whatever), no whatever else is important to you, and tell her you are looking forward to getting to know her better.

No charging anyone anything. Family helps each other out!
Anonymous
Post 12/29/2019 21:35     Subject: Niece staying with me for 2 months - payment? Rent? Nothing?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I would either tell her she’s on her own for groceries and cleaning, (and follow through to make sure the cleaning happens) or I would charge a nominal amount like $400 to cover groceries and extra housekeeping visits.


Uh... $400 is NOT a nominal amount, are you crazy??

She's staying for 2 months, not being put on the lease.


DP. $400 is not a lot for DC. Maybe in Wisconsin or something, but it doesn't sound like you live around here and have an understanding of what many families spend.


If it was $400 for the 2 months that would be an amazing deal but even at $400 per month it's a good deal because the alternative is the niece has to find temporary housing in the DC area and even if she manages to find a room in a house share for such a limited amount of time it will cost more than $800 for just one month.

I actually think the OP should not go through with this because she has so much anxiety surrounding the situation and that will continue once niece is living there.


I actually think the Op's questions are perfectly reasonable. She should be asking those questions because the parents are failing to bring up the financial aspects of this arrangement which is ridiculous of them.



Its not a ridiculous arrangement especially if she has the space. Its a prgettycommonthing to do.


How do you know a thing about Op's budget and who are you to decide what she can and can not afford? That's the thing that is so pushy about some of you posters. Just because you are fine supporting another young adult in your home for 2 months does not mean that someone else wouldn't appreciate an offer to share in some of the expenses. I would never ask for a favor like this without offering to contribute to the costs associated with it.
Anonymous
Post 12/29/2019 21:28     Subject: Re:Niece staying with me for 2 months - payment? Rent? Nothing?
OP, do you have some underlying mental health issues that you have not mentioned?
Anonymous
Post 12/29/2019 21:26     Subject: Niece staying with me for 2 months - payment? Rent? Nothing?
Anonymous wrote:As the aunt I would ask for nothing.

As the parent, I would offer rent.

As the aunt, I would decline the money.

As the parent, I would give my daughter money for her own food. I would also get a grocery store gift card for aunt along with another nice thank you. And have daughter treat aunt to a nice meal out.


+ 1

Very nice.

In my immigrant family, this is how it would play out, though it is not very different in spirit to what you have written.
- Neither the aunt nor the parent would ask or offer anything. To do so would be insulting in our culture.
- The parents would send some nice expensive personal gifts to the aunt with the niece (perfume, skincare from la mer, designer handbag, sunglasses etc), and in subsequent months, they would find ways to repay back in some ways - restaurant meal, flowers, gift cards, a maid service, food gifts, gift certs for manicures, massages, tickets for movies or a show etc. Amazon prime or even doordash meals every few days etc.
- The niece would be a helpful guest and be respectful and neat. She would keep the aunt appraised of her whereabouts. She would pick up groceries in a way that it would not be insulting to the aunt - "I was just passing by the grocery store, and thought I would make my signature dish for you. I picked up some other stuff too, since I was already there. I hope you do not mind ."
- The aunt would be a caring and responsible hostess making sure that the niece is safe, secure and basics were provided.
- If niece borrowed a vehicle from aunt, she would get it serviced and professionally detailed. She would make sure that the gas is full.
Anonymous
Post 12/29/2019 21:10     Subject: Niece staying with me for 2 months - payment? Rent? Nothing?
Ugh OP. PLEASE don’t do that. It’s only 2 months.
Anonymous
Post 12/29/2019 21:10     Subject: Niece staying with me for 2 months - payment? Rent? Nothing?
Anonymous wrote:And while I get that her asperger's is not her fault, it can cause her to be a bit flakey. Leave electrics on, take long showers, be forgetful about a lot of things. And as another pp mentioned, yes, breaking things is probably inevitable. She will not have a car, and while public transportation will be used a lot of the time, I imagine I will be driving her around a lot. Some of it is nature, much of it is nurture, and my personal experience of a 19/20 year old is very, very different than her reality. I was on my own and taking care of my parents at that age.

OP I think you buried the lede on this thread. The ASD is going to be the issue. Sure, Asperger's is not her fault - but if you take her in, don't enable or make excuses for her. How much do you know about ASD? You can find out a lot in the Special Needs forum.

Anonymous
Post 12/29/2019 21:04     Subject: Niece staying with me for 2 months - payment? Rent? Nothing?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I would either tell her she’s on her own for groceries and cleaning, (and follow through to make sure the cleaning happens) or I would charge a nominal amount like $400 to cover groceries and extra housekeeping visits.


Uh... $400 is NOT a nominal amount, are you crazy??

She's staying for 2 months, not being put on the lease.


DP. $400 is not a lot for DC. Maybe in Wisconsin or something, but it doesn't sound like you live around here and have an understanding of what many families spend.


If it was $400 for the 2 months that would be an amazing deal but even at $400 per month it's a good deal because the alternative is the niece has to find temporary housing in the DC area and even if she manages to find a room in a house share for such a limited amount of time it will cost more than $800 for just one month.

I actually think the OP should not go through with this because she has so much anxiety surrounding the situation and that will continue once niece is living there.


I actually think the Op's questions are perfectly reasonable. She should be asking those questions because the parents are failing to bring up the financial aspects of this arrangement which is ridiculous of them.



Its not a ridiculous arrangement especially if she has the space. Its a prgettycommonthing to do.
Anonymous
Post 12/29/2019 21:02     Subject: Niece staying with me for 2 months - payment? Rent? Nothing?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I would either tell her she’s on her own for groceries and cleaning, (and follow through to make sure the cleaning happens) or I would charge a nominal amount like $400 to cover groceries and extra housekeeping visits.


Uh... $400 is NOT a nominal amount, are you crazy??

She's staying for 2 months, not being put on the lease.


DP. $400 is not a lot for DC. Maybe in Wisconsin or something, but it doesn't sound like you live around here and have an understanding of what many families spend.


If it was $400 for the 2 months that would be an amazing deal but even at $400 per month it's a good deal because the alternative is the niece has to find temporary housing in the DC area and even if she manages to find a room in a house share for such a limited amount of time it will cost more than $800 for just one month.

I actually think the OP should not go through with this because she has so much anxiety surrounding the situation and that will continue once niece is living there.


I actually think the Op's questions are perfectly reasonable. She should be asking those questions because the parents are failing to bring up the financial aspects of this arrangement which is ridiculous of them.

Anonymous
Post 12/29/2019 20:53     Subject: Niece staying with me for 2 months - payment? Rent? Nothing?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I would either tell her she’s on her own for groceries and cleaning, (and follow through to make sure the cleaning happens) or I would charge a nominal amount like $400 to cover groceries and extra housekeeping visits.


Uh... $400 is NOT a nominal amount, are you crazy??

She's staying for 2 months, not being put on the lease.


DP. $400 is not a lot for DC. Maybe in Wisconsin or something, but it doesn't sound like you live around here and have an understanding of what many families spend.


If it was $400 for the 2 months that would be an amazing deal but even at $400 per month it's a good deal because the alternative is the niece has to find temporary housing in the DC area and even if she manages to find a room in a house share for such a limited amount of time it will cost more than $800 for just one month.

I actually think the OP should not go through with this because she has so much anxiety surrounding the situation and that will continue once niece is living there.


None of this is relevant. OP needs to talk to her sibling and say she needs financial help for the extra utilities and food. She also needs to ask how additional needs will be paid - metro/bus, social things, etc. She has no additional costs in rent/mortgage so that's a non-issue. OP isn't used to someone living with her and that is probably the bigger issue.
Anonymous
Post 12/29/2019 20:43     Subject: Niece staying with me for 2 months - payment? Rent? Nothing?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Her parents are rude as f?ck for not offering anything. Do they realize your grocery bill among other things will go up?


I'm sorry that you didn't grow up in a kind, loving, supportive family. Your attitude is NOT normal.


No. The parents are rude AF. They really are.


I think the only rude person here is the one who is using profanity in describing the situation.

It's two months guys, not two years. It's perfectly reasonable to set ground rules with niece, including the expectation that she's going to have to pay for any food beyond what OP is regularly buying for herself, take shorter showers than she normally does, clean up after herself, cook a meal once a week, occasionally pick up toilet paper/paper towels when you run out, for example.
Anonymous
Post 12/29/2019 20:41     Subject: Niece staying with me for 2 months - payment? Rent? Nothing?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I would either tell her she’s on her own for groceries and cleaning, (and follow through to make sure the cleaning happens) or I would charge a nominal amount like $400 to cover groceries and extra housekeeping visits.


Uh... $400 is NOT a nominal amount, are you crazy??

She's staying for 2 months, not being put on the lease.


DP. $400 is not a lot for DC. Maybe in Wisconsin or something, but it doesn't sound like you live around here and have an understanding of what many families spend.


If it was $400 for the 2 months that would be an amazing deal but even at $400 per month it's a good deal because the alternative is the niece has to find temporary housing in the DC area and even if she manages to find a room in a house share for such a limited amount of time it will cost more than $800 for just one month.

I actually think the OP should not go through with this because she has so much anxiety surrounding the situation and that will continue once niece is living there.